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How do you live in a world where your dad doesn't exist anymore?


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I lost my step dad on April 6th, 2018. This Saturday will mark 1 year since he's passed. He didn't pass from a terminal illness, we didn't have time to prepare. He was here one day and gone the next. He passed from a heart attack. He was more than just a step dad to me. He was the only dad I've ever really known. He raised myself and my 3 siblings as if we were his own for the past 22 years. He played doctor when were sick, our chef when we were hungry, our cheerleader at every sporting event all through high school;  he put all of us through college and loved us unconditionally. He was my secret keeper from Mom, my Yoda when I needed advice on life, He was my hero. I've always been more of a daddy's girl than a momma's girl. I miss him so much I feel like I cant breathe sometimes. The pain of losing him hasn't lessen in the year that's its been. I still cry everyday. I don't know how to live in a world where my dad doesn't exist anymore. How do you survive when the worst thing has happened? I feel like I'm angry all the time. I'm angry at everything, at God, even a little at him. I just don't understand, why him? I still needed my dad. I will never have him walk me down the aisle or dance with him to a father/daughter dance at my wedding someday. He won't be there when I have children someday. There are so many milestones I wont get to have with my dad. I feel robbed. I feel like I'm losing faith. Its not that I don't believe in God because I do, but I don't understand why he took him, or why he would let this happen. As you can tell I'm angry and I'm not sure when this stage of grief will end for me. 

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My dear, as one who still misses her father who died (too soon and too many years ago), I understand your anger. We are allowed to be outraged when outrageous things happen to us. But staying in that angry place can really wear us down.

I wonder what you've considered and what you've done to bring your step dad's legacy and his memory along with you into your own future? I just read an insightful article over on the Soaring Spirits International Blog which made me think of you and your post. I invite you to read it and see if it speaks to you in a helpful way: How I Do Birthdays, by Sarah Treanor

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I am sorry for your loss, I know it's a tremendous one...I also lost my dad when I was in my 20s and I was pregnant with my first child.  He'd lost his first grandchildren (my sister's) and was really looking forward to being a grandpa. I don't look at it like God took him, but rather that his body just gave out (also heart).  My husband also died of a heart attack when he'd barely turned 51, I didn't expect that, I thought I'd have many years left with him.  I know you miss your dad, I was also a daddy's girl and it's hard to miss them all our adult lives.  I hope you'll read some of the section Tools for healing, there's a lot of good stuff there to help us through our grief.  I also hope you'll consider getting professional grief counseling to help you weather this.

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thank you. I'm sorry for your losses as well. I did try to seek professional help. It did not help me. I did not feel as though she understood what I was going through. I know it may take me trying a few different individuals before I connect with someone but I don't know, what's the point? They can give me all the right tools and say all the right things, but at the end of the day do they really understand what I am going through if they haven't lost their parent? 

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10 minutes ago, anzermeno said:

They can give me all the right tools and say all the right things, but at the end of the day do they really understand what I am going through if they haven't lost their parent? 

No one will really understand what you're going through until and unless they share a loss that is similar to your own. This is why it helps so much to find a support group (whether in person or online, such as what we have here in this forum). It also helps to read what other bereaved children have to say about parent loss. That's another way to find that you are not alone. See, for example, Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song ~ including the readings listed at the base. ♥️

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