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My sons and daughter and grandchildren are wonderful, and grieving too for their dad/ granddad, but when I am with them I want to be aware of their lives, My husband of 57 years died January 28, after a long illness (pulmonary fibrosis), such a strong healthy 80 year old up until that August 2016. I thought I'd go first. I have some widowed friends who I can talk with about it somewhat, but I don't see them that often. The point is, I need support, maybe just online, time and space to grieve, so I can live my life as best I can. It's complicated, I'm left with bills, and the big house I couldn't bear to live in anymore, a long slog to decide what to take to a much smaller condo, selling all of our things and giving or throwing away most of it, so heartbreaking, I couldn't go there anymore after a while. Now it's almost sold, so I'll be out from under the mortgage, hopefully. It's been a long cold winter here (near Chicago). He died only 2 months ago, but it seems so long. Miss him, miss him, miss him. Love never dies. I wasn't sleeping, worrying all the time, doc gave me something, but warned me, it won't stop from grieving. Spring coming, life springs anew, death shadows the sunniest days. This sorrow weighs me down, not all the time, I am sort of functioning again, knowing he is at peace, maybe still with me in spirit. Certainly in my mind and heart. I want to write here what I have said, but I know people don't want to hear me saying it over and over again. The sweet songs run through my head, "Its very clear, our love is here to stay...forever and a day..."  "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but we'll meet again some sunny day..." , "I remember you, you're the one who made my dreams com true, a few kisses ago..."  If you're my age, you may remember Ella Fitzgerald singing that so beautifully. Starting my evening cry. Not always, sometimes morning. Sometimes just heartache, trying to distract from it. Yet I can keep going, one foot in front of the other, life is worthwhile, I still have something to give. 

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I wanted to send you some love and validate all that you are feeling.  I would love to know your husband's first name.  For me, it helps to read and type my Stephen's name.

We are so sorry for your husband's passing.  I was just thinking.  How many of us had the conversation of one of us will go first.  I certainly never thought I'd be the one left.  But I am, and I know Stephen wants me to go forward.  And you will do the same.

A lot of business for you to take care of.  And you're making good progress.  

Grief is a process.  Just when you think you have good control of it, you find another grief moment arrives.  Your doctor was correct that you can't stop the grief.  You must let the grief come, feel it, and walk through it.  Then you come out on the other side of it.  It gets softer with time.....

I happen to believe that life is not over when someone passes (I use transition).  Their spirit is pure light and energy, and it's always with us.  The love never dies.

Yes, you can keep going, one day, or even one minute, at a time.  Your husband would want that for you.  You still have a purpose and living to do.

Hugs,

Shirley

 

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12 hours ago, Green said:

I want to write here what I have said, but I know people don't want to hear me saying it over and over again.

Please, go ahead and write.  All of us here "get it."  The grief does soften over time, as Shirley says, but it's important to let it do its work on you.

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I am sorry for your loss...I know that sounds glib, doesn't begin to express all that I feel in that sentence, no way to express it, we're all feeling it, living it...your husband hasn't been gone that long, and you're going through so many changes with moving.  The doctor is right, the pills won't stop the grieving.  No worry about that.

I'm glad you found this place, it helps, it really does, to express yourself.  We're here listening, as Kieron said, we get it.  Our journeys are unique but with enough similarities to relate.  Not a day goes by but what we miss them.

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I’m amazed you did more than the legal stuff since your loss. I could not face  the house or anything else.  it took me a year to make big decisions.  I kept our house because we 'built' it.  Downsizing didn’t make sense with our dogs.  It’s crushing either way.  To lose your best friend and then face the life you built.  So I live surrounded by him.  All I would have removed were tangibles.  He will be forever in your heart.

Your loss is new.  You will have to go thru it in your own way.  Everyone here understands everything you have and will feel.  Getting it out with others that know is priceless and we are here 24/7.

so sorry you joined this club. But it helps to know you can write anything.

 

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Welcome  and sincerest regrets....You will be overwhelmed with tides of emotions next few months.....Remember to take care of yourself and I mean nutrition , sleep, and overall wellness...Grief takes a lot out of you without you knowing it...You sound like you have some good help and I wish coming to this site will help you through this long Journey......It sure helped me....

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Welcome and glad you found this special place.  People here listen, understand. and share in your grief.  Please share as you are able as I find it really helps me to get the thoughts swirling out of my head and expressed.  We are the ones left here to stay awhile longer as we finish our mission and purpose on this side of life.  Praying you find the peace, grace, and comfort, to adjust to this phase of life.  We all have a purpose and plan.  This grief is another form of love expression for your beloved husband.  - Shalom

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