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When does grief for cat end?


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Is it normal or typical to miss and obsess about your cats 4-5 years after passing?

This has been bothering me a long time.

I posted here about that . I still feel some guilt about

my 12 year old guy who got very sick suddenly and I feel I could

have done more tests but the vet (who I would not recommend) and his associate

said it was useless and thought it was his time. Since then I regret ever

seeing them. Now every time I go shopping at the grocery market, I see the clinic across the street and that annoys me.

I even park my car so I don't look at it. I have saved all the medical reports online and paper and

his bowl and stuff from my other dear cat too who I had for 18 years. I have another cat now

with a very different personality, and of course he has no clue of his predecessors.

Went to a grief healing group once--useless. The leader said, whatever I did, it was out of love.

I suppose I could go the cemetery??

These are my only "children" I will ever have, sadly.

Thank you for helping.


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I can say, oh yes!  I am still having a hard time with my granddoggy's passing and it has been 5 1/2 years!  And my Miss Mocha has been almost 3 years.

Grief often comes with feelings of guilt...that does not mean you earned or deserve it, but that it's normal to FEEL it.  It's good to work through it and let it go...not good to hold onto guilt feelings and continually beat yourself up.  Perhaps it's there for you to learn something...once you've learned it, you can let the guilt feelings go, knowing it's done it's job.  But try not to beat yourself up continually, that's hard to live.

Did you consider that perhaps the grief support director was right that what you did you did from a loving place, thinking it was his time and there was nothing you could do?  After all, you have the vet telling you that, do you know something more medically than the vet, something you have learned since this time about what took place  Share with us, it sometimes helps to talk about.  

I'm sorry you don't have feelings of resolution, that can be hard to carry indefinitely.  I hope Marty will come on and maybe have something to help you with.  I may not be able to help you with words of advice, but I can listen and I care.  (((hugs)))



I happen to believe that their spirit lives on and that gives me hope that although things have changed, they are not gone...

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I really cannot add anything to what you've said already, Kay. I do believe that when we lose someone we love so dearly, it is only human to look for explanations and reasons. We look for anything that could have been done differently, and sometimes we look for someone to blame (including ourselves). Such reactions aren't always based on logic or reason, and feelings of anger and guilt aren't always justified. Still, they are there, they are real, and we must find ways to work through all of them if we wish to reach some semblance of peace. In the end, some sort of forgiveness is required, which frees us to move forward ~ and sometimes the hardest one to forgive is the one we see in the mirror. 

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I echo everything said so far, and would just add that it's been, respectively, 19 and 12 years since I lost my cherished furchildren, and nary a day goes by when I don't still miss them in some way....and more extensively than any other dear cats I have since loved as well. Regarding the lingering guilt, I really do need to make time soon to separately post a course I took recently on exactly that! In the meantime, if you're interested, here is the live class I attended. You can now purchase it "on demand," after the fact:


Although it was meant for animal loss alone, it was SO well structured and comprehensive, I realized it could be used for absolutely ANY kind of guilt, in any life situation. I can never recommend Teresa Wagner's classes and site content enough. 

You're also not alone in your furchildren being the only children you will have. Same thing here, and frankly, the only way I wanted it. I also found grief groups (both animal and human) to be pretty useless too, as I still didn't "fit in" to the typical situations, and I found the facilitators didn't even know as much as I already did. (I also wasn't the only one attending who had issues with some of these groups) I will also NEVER throw out anything related to my beloved furchildren, and I have a LOT in storage...including many specific toys of theirs I could never bring myself to share with later cat loves; bought & made those ones new toys instead.  

So I hear you...

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