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A&K

Hi. It’s been a couple months...

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Hi all.  I’ve not been here since February.  I’m sorry.  Things have been very hectic with Caleb and Ryan.  And I’ve been really “stuck” in this grief and pain.  Suicide of a loved one is so tough.  I’m really struggling.  I am suffering with PTSD my therapist says.  I have been trying so very hard to just be the best Momma to the boys that I can possibly be and I fear on a daily basis that I am not living up to that.  😢  And I miss my lost children so much too.  So much that I am paranoid something will happen to Caleb and Ryan too.  I would not survive should that happen.  

Im just really struggling.  I feel so alone...

Katie

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I hope it helps a bit to know that, although it feels as if you are alone, Katie, we are here and we are listening. You are a precious member of this "tribe," and you are being held in gentle thought and prayer. You are a devoted mother to all of your children: to Caleb and Ryan and to the angels you have lost, too. 

Image result for thinking of you with prayers

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Katie, it's so good to see you signed in again, you've been in my thoughts a lot lately.  I'm glad you have Caleb and Ryan, and your folks too.  I know this is a long haul, we don't get over death/loss, can only hope to learn to live with it as best as we can.  (((hugs)))

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8 hours ago, A&K said:

Hi all.  I’ve not been here since February.  I’m sorry. 

I’m really struggling.  I am suffering with PTSD my therapist says.  I have been trying so very hard to just be the best Momma to the boys that I can possibly be and I fear on a daily basis that I am not living up to that.  😢  And I miss my lost children so much too. 

Im just really struggling.  I feel so alone...

Katie

 Katie: You don't need to apologize about not being on this forum since February.  You are doing what you need to be doing by loving and caring for your children.  I can not begin to imagine what you have been going through, but you are not alone with all the love is felt for you here.  ❤️  You were missed.  We do what we have to do to manage each day, one day at a time.  Hugs, Dee.

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Thank you. 

It feels good to know we are still thought of.  

My boys are the reason I keep getting up each day and keep breathing in and out.  As long as they are breathing I won’t stop and I will keep fighting against this overwhelming grief.  

Katie ❤️

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I'm glad you have a reason to keep going, so many do not.  I'm glad you make that effort for them!  We here love you and are rooting for you, Katie girl!  :wub:  You've shown yourself to be made of the good stuff, you have a strength you may not realize or feel, but I pray it serves you well in life.  For those times we don't feel it, we just keep going anyway, one day at a time.  In those times I wake up and tell myself I can do today.  Tomorrow I'll get up and do the same thing.

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Katie I missed seeing your posts.  I worried about you and your boys.  I'm glad you posted 🙏❤️

I haven't been on very often.  I feel bad that I can not contribute financially and my grief is too much of a drain.

 

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I’m finding it so hard to get up in the morning or sleep at night or eat much.  My anxiety, depression, and grief are utterly overwhelming.  I’m in therapy and on medication.  But still I struggle.  For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve lost my way.  😢  I don’t want to let my boys down.  But I’m just not that strong.  My heart has so many missing pieces from losing my husband and our children.  Sometimes I find it a real struggle just to breathe in and out.  And I feel so alone in the way I feel.  

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23 minutes ago, A&K said:

I’m finding it so hard to get up in the morning or sleep at night or eat much.  My anxiety, depression, and grief are utterly overwhelming.  I’m in therapy and on medication. 

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve lost my way.  😢  I don’t want to let my boys down.  But I’m just not that strong.  My heart has so many missing pieces from losing my husband and our children. 

And I feel so alone in the way I feel.  

Katie:  Even though you are struggling so much it is a good sign you are still responding on the forum as well as choosing to be in therapy.  You may feel alone, but you have all of us pulling for you as you face each day.  You are strong.  Big hug, Dee.

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Katie you are much stronger than you think.  You have had so much excitement with pregnancies, but then the losses of your babies.  Watching your miracle Gracie growing and being a happy girl was great, I'm crushed that she also passed.  Then the tragic bicycle accident that took Noah away.  The joys of being married have been replaced by questions and despair.  There have been incredibly good things and memories in your last few years that have been crushed by so much loss.

All that pain is huge.  I know you are doing your best for the boys and yourself.  Just try to tell yourself that you are doing the best you can.  No one can be Mom to Caleb and Ryan like you can.  

Sending you hugs and hopes for better days.  All of us on here are definitely cheering for you ❤️

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Katie,

You have been through more than any of us and so young to have to deal with it, and yes, I do think it's harder when you're young, having life's perspective has aided me many times.  To lose so many children and your husband too, it's no wonder you're struggling.  I'm proud of you that you're doing what you can for yourself so you can be a good mom to your boys...and I'm very thankful you have them!

You are one very special gal and all of us here are rooting for you.  Come here any time, we're always here to listen and care.

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On 5/14/2019 at 9:13 PM, A&K said:

I’m finding it so hard to get up in the morning or sleep at night or eat much.  My anxiety, depression, and grief are utterly overwhelming.  I’m in therapy and on medication.  But still I struggle.  For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ve lost my way.  😢  I don’t want to let my boys down.  But I’m just not that strong.  My heart has so many missing pieces from losing my husband and our children.  Sometimes I find it a real struggle just to breathe in and out.  And I feel so alone in the way I feel.  

Katie,

 

You struggle because so much has happened to you and your family and your world is ripped apart.  You are human and none of us could withstand it on our own. Medication and therapy helps.  I and many other people here pray and intercede for you daily.  You are never alone.  I understand the difficulty in just breathing at times as I went through that when my wife died... many others experience this as well.  My Prayers are real simple.. "Lord help me!" God loves you (as his child) just like you love your children. 

I feel so alone in the way I feel too!.  It is a part of this grief.  You are not alone.

Continuing prayers for you Katie. -George   - Shalom  (The Supernatural Peace of God be with you)

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