J_08

[J_08]

I lost my cat last night in a freak accident. My husband accidentally ran him over while backing out of the drive. I cant believe hes gone. I was with him when he died, he made this awful choking noise and looked like he was gagging , he was alive around 30 seconds before he passed, laid on his side. I told him I loved him and stroked him. We buried him in the garden and I'm telling the kids when they get home from their grandmas tomorrow. I'm so numb and cant stop crying. I wrapped him in a blanket sat outside hysterical. I cant sleep or eat. I loved him so much. I'm trying to support my husband I know it was unavoidable at the time. He just didnt see him. But that doesn't stop me feeling angry. I want to curl up in a ball and not move but I have to be strong for my 2 young kids. Their going to be devastated too. I wasnt even this bad when my dad and sister died. How long does something like this take to get over? I'm hurting so much. How he must of felt. My poor baby. 

[MartyT]

My dear, I'm so sorry to learn of this tragic accident that took the life of your beloved fur baby. You ask how long it takes to get over something like this, and I'm afraid we have no answer for you ~ except to say there is no time frame for grief, and it takes as long as it takes. There are lots of feelings attached to this, including guilt and anger, and those feelings are best acknowledged, talked about and worked through, so that you and your family can come to terms with this death.

That said, I am most concerned with your statement that you have to be strong for your kids. I invite you to do a bit of reading before you decide how to tell your children what has happened. That way, you'll be better prepared to deal with their reactions, and hopefully have a better understanding of your own reactions as well. And rather than hiding your own sorrow in an effort to be "strong" for them, I hope you will be open and honest about your own sorrow, so your kids will feel free to express their own feelings about this. Think of it as a way to model for them that it's okay to be sad (and mad), and this is how we react to losing someone we love so dearly. Remember too that feelings are neither good or bad, they just are, and they will change over time. We cannot control how we feel ~ but we do have control over how we behave.

See the following articles, and note the additional resources listed at the base of each. Although the individual circumstances may differ from your own, I think the information offered is relevant:

Explaining Pet Loss to Children: Some Do's and Don'ts

Guilt In the Wake of A Kitten’s Accidental Death

Death of a Pet: Breaking The Sad News

Children and Pet Loss: A Family Deals With An Accidental Death

Helping a Child with Pet Loss

[kayc]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope you read the articles Marty posted, they can be helpful.

It's understandable you feel anger, realizing it's not at your husband but at what happened, at losing your cat prematurely, at his suffering.  I'm glad you were there for him as he died, he knew his person was there for him.  It's hard when we want so much to fix what happen but it's beyond our ability to do so.  Letting him know you're there and that you love him gave him support when he most needed it.  Sending you wishes for comfort to come your way.