Lost without my Quazar

[April-S]

Hello

 

I lost my first dog on Easter Sunday, he was my world. A beautiful black Labrador named Quazar. He was almost 13 years old. It happend suddenly and to fast. I am lost without him. My house is quiet and I'm not sure where to go from here to start healing. If that's even possible. I'm having trouble not blamming my self.  We ended up at an animal hospital as he collapsed and had laboured breathing. The first vet we saw thought he had aspiration pneumonia and gave him IV fluids, oxygen and many injections and sent us home with antibiotics. He did not get better which led us to our veterinary emergency 24h hospital.  He was diagnosed right away with a ruptured heart tumor. A hemangiosarcoma that burster filling the pericardium sac arround the heart with fluid. Being advised that this was terminal and that treatment would probably be unsuccessful, we let him cross the rainbow bridge.  Hardest decision I ever had to make. I am wondering if I made the right choice not to treat, by draining the fluid. I was told that we would only get by hours to days to weeks if lucky.  Plus he would of needed invasive surgery and chemo.I did not want him to suffer again or be in distress.

 

I have never been so lost or distraught, my heart is broken and a piece of my soul is gone. I don't know how to come to terms with the decisions I had to make. Not knowing if I made the right choice when their were treatment options. I try and not play the would of should of game. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you 

[kayc]

April,

I am so sorry you lost your Quazar.  My first dog was also a black lab, when I was five, he lived to 15.

It's common to question ourselves or feel guilty in grief, as all the what ifs hit us.  It's hard not to wonder but in my mind, you definitely did the right and best thing for him.  We don't want our babies to suffer and if they aren't going to have quality of life...we just don't want to put them through unnecessary suffering or pain and that would have been a very hard way to go.  You put his needs ahead of your own, that's what us moms do.  I have a cat that had cancer and had been misdiagnosed with a respiratory cold, they'd had me express this gangrenous stuff from his sinuses/eyes, and give him antibiotics course twice...all painful, miserable, and unnecessary, his last month was literally hell and when I found out he had cancer, I immediately had him put to sleep so he wouldn't suffer anymore, but I have felt horrible ever since that he went through that last month because the first vet didn't examine him well enough and I didn't know.  My son also waited too long to have his dog put down and I'll spare you the details of what poor Skye went through, but suffice it to say, he should have done it when his MIL and I told him it was time.  Those memories haunt us.  This article talk addresses this: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

Your dog looks so sweet, so peaceful.  Thank you for sharing a picture of him.  I know you will always love and remember him and I hope this video brings you some comfort and hope.