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Blue Captain

Getting tired being a proxy parent

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I feel a bit tired of being a substitute father.

I love my brother very dearly but there things only a father can give or do. My little brother observes more; his questions are getting more difficult to answer. He factors in on some of my decisions, like when I had to choose between going home or joining my friends on a Spring break trip--the parental question of "Should I go on a trip when I haven't seen my kid for a long time?"

I talked to someone about this. They told me to leave the raising to my father and that my brother is not my problem. There's also the warning that I might hate having kids one day because I had a kid while I am a kid. I understand that, but I cannot bring myself to do it. Even though my brother has found parent figures in his best friend's parents, having a family that cares is still different. Foisting raising my brother into other people doesn't sound right.

It is very easy to do what they said--the staff can feed him, do the laundry, clean the house, and help with homework. But raise him--no. The little voice in my head tugs at me like "Are you really going to leave your brother hanging?"

I'd love to be like any other college kid who can go anywhere on Spring break and worry about just the Internship during summer. Unforunately, that's a pipe dream. I'm getting tired but I don't want to abandon the little man.

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Blue Captain,

If you can't bring yourself to take your friends' good advice (and they're right, you know) maybe compromise and one break do something fun with your friends and the next break spend with your brother.  This is likely the only carefree time in your life, please don't miss it!  It is an important part of your development and discovery of who you are!  I didn't get my youth either, and it affected me.  Being saddled with adult responsibilities as a teenager..

I wish you could talk to your dad about this.  Grief or no grief, we don't get to shirk our parental responsibilities.  He made the choice to have kids, he needs to be there for them.  All of the staff in the world don't make up for that.

How old is your brother now?

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