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I never thought when I first met Kevin when I was 18 that at 48 years old old I would be saying three years without him, it still sometimes doesn’t feel real I see his smile hear his voice , look at our seven kids and 8 grandkids and see him in them, when he first passed away received signs all the time from him butterflies where they shouldn’t be him showing me that he was still there, three years later the signs are few and far between I think it’s because he knows I will be ok I still cry and miss him and my heart still feels empty sometimes but it doesn’t consume me anymore can say that still feel that heartache when here couples together for 40 plus years still think that should have been us it was going to be us but someone had other plans for me and Kevin I would never change anything what I feel is the price I pay for loving with my entire soul and I am blessed some people search a lifetime for that and never find it so I will get through today with sadness and love in my heart because today is just another day of missing him my new normal!! Love to everyone 💜

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Robin, my sympathies go out to you. Like you, I also saw the butterflies---and other "signs".  I don't get those visits from my Cookie nearly as often now, and I have no choice but to be okay with that. I know she is patiently waiting for me to join her in heaven. My faith tells me that we will one day be reunited for eternity, when my time to join her comes. I don't mean that to preach. We all have our beiiefs.  My wife passed away on new years day of 2016, so I'm not too far ahead of you in my time alone. I still miss her every day. 2/3 of my life was spent with her being part of it (41 years), and I gotta say that being alone pretty much sucks. But that burning empty hole in my gut has eased significantly by now. Having 41 years worth of memories does help, but oh how I miss her physical presence. I'm not saying all that to "steal your thunder", but maybe it might help you to know that pretty much everyone here in this group has been and is where you are at. You have found a good place to be for this time in your life. This place where you wish you didn't have to be at! A whole bunch of people here that will give you their shoulder to cry on when you need it. And when you go through those times when you wonder if there is something wrong with you because you haven 't gotten over it yet, you will be able to see here that nobody here has really gotten over it. Not if you really, truly and strongly love the one you are now without.

For what it's worth I welcome you to this place you really don't want to be at. And you have my condolences (sp?).

One foot in front of the other...


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Darrel thank you so much for your kinds words I was in this group for the first year of my loss and everyone truly did help me with getting through the tough times I remember when you joined I am not on here as much anymore I guess to a degree I have found my way I still feel all the emotions I felt when Kevin first left but it doesn’t consume my life anymore I am able to smile and be happy again something I never thought possible and I do it with Kevin in my heart every step of the way you were absolutely blessed to have 41  years of love with your Cookie 💜

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I have always heard that loved ones who have passed find a way to let you know they are alright, but I never knew what to believe. I was sitting on the couch in our living room a few days after Mary passed  looking at the collage we had made on our 50th wedding anniversary ,it has a large picture in the middle and several small ones of us around the edges. All of a sudden a ray of light had filtered in from the front window and was shining on Mary's face on one of the small pictures ,it was her telling me she was alright. I had my cell phone near and I got a picture of it , it didn't last but a few seconds. The thought of what that could mean really caused my emotions to go into turmoil , just didn't know what to think. As I read some of the things that other people have experienced and some of the stories my Mother told me after one of my brothers passed has made me think my original feeling was right . Just to add to the story a few months before Mary had asked me to move the picture , she didn't like it anymore, so I put another one in its place. A day or so after she passed I put it back where it was, the timing of the sun ray on her face was just perfect and it would not have been at any other time. If that isn't fate I don't know what is.  

 Our 59th wedding anniversary will be in a few days , she was a huge part of my life for over 60 years , I am now 80 years old wondering what is next. One day at a time is about all anyone can do, I will find direction. I try to find at least one thing to accomplish each day but some days are better than others, I guess that is the way it has always been and always will be .

George P  


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