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On 5/30/2019 at 5:28 PM, MartyT said:

I suspect you won't forgive yourselves until it feels as if you've punished yourselves enough ~ and only you will know how much punishment is enough. If you cannot do this alone, I urge you to get some professional help ~ and sooner rather than later.

My dear, you say that for over five months you've seen little if any changes in how you are reacting to this loss. I can only reiterate what I've said already: Look for a qualified grief counselor who understands and respects the human-animal bond, and give yourself the gift of professional help. Waiting for the passage of time alone to heal your grief is not helping you.

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I am seeing a grief counselor who treats every loss as the same. He knows grief is the same all the way around.  My husband attends, too. I'm okay there. When I get home, I'm on my own. I'm living with my husband who I see as part of this ordeal.  He wanted it. He demanded it.  He brought him there. I told him time and again in the past, if anything happens to these dogs, I don't know what I'd do. I also said if anything happens because he makes a decision without my consent, I would leave. Over and over I think maybe I should leave.  Take my other 2 dogs and go. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do right now. I don't know. I just want the pain and guilt of my loss to go away.  The problem is, I miss him so much, I can't let it go. I know this is all wrong.  I know the two of us knew better and should have never taken him there, to a new vet. It was a mistake, yes, but there should never be any mistakes when it costs a life or harm. Human or animal.  My days are a struggle. I'm reassured for my hour with my grief counselor, and the rest of the day, but the next day arrives and I feel the same again. My loss is so immense. I'm not measuring it to other people's losses. I'm measuring to my own in my lifetime. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me because of the nature and circumstances of it.  He should be here today.

Edited by Guilt_beyond_imagination

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15 hours ago, Guilt_beyond_imagination said:

I also said if anything happens because of his carelessness, I would leave.

But that's just it, I don't see where he was careless.  You had every right to expect your dog would make it through okay.  We have every right to expect that a vet who has gone to school and obtained his license, would know what he is doing.  To blame your husband is counterproductive.  If you're not getting anything out of your grief counseling after five months, I'd look for another one.  
I understand your feeling the loss is immense, it is...I am just beginning this journey all over again.  But five months is exceptionally long time to feel as we did day one.  

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Hi Marty, kayc,

Marty, kayc,  I've only had 5 or so visits with this grief counselor. My husband joins me. Working on it. I first went to someone else months ago, a few weeks after this happened. I was wearing jeans and a plain shirt. My hair is long and I didn't fuss with it. Because my hair was windblown, she said I looked like a homeless person and the next time I should wear makeup. She came up to me and said, "Woe is me."  I didn't return. I went to another woman, who, for 3 visits wanted to know where I used to work, everything else except focus on my grief and what to do. That was it for her. It wasn't until about 6 weeks later I finally found someone who listens and interacts with coping exercises, he doesn't insult me, and considers everyone's grief important for whatever reason. 

Mythickhead is a problem. I'm still feel horrible that I suggested this vet, but only for 2nd opinion for my other dog. I never intended to continue there. 

kayc, Carelessness was originally said because my husband could be haphazard with them. Although we agreed not to walk our dogs anywhere near house with big dog who nearly killed my other little one, he would still often go by there vs the opposite direction or just stay in our yard. I wasn't pleased I would often have to remind him. That's the carelessness. Other things too, he didn't consider consequences. I will change that to say "if he makes any decisions without my consent."  His insisted on bringing all of our dogs to that vet, and for the cleaning. I was opposed to both decisions. He wouldn't listen to me. I had a bad feeling about that place & I was right. They were full of lies. I should have put my foot down to stick with their vet, since pups. This is my guilt. All I had to do was follow my intuition and keep him home. Simple. I didn't. 

Yes, I need to give myself and husband a break. I miss my dog so much and I know it was not necessary, but in an hour or so, he's gone, just like that?  No explanation?  He was a scared little dog and we knew that. I can't help but feel I/we set him up for disaster. I had so many opportunities to say a simple NO, yet I missed them. No reason he should not be here.  None.

I hope this makes sense from your perspective.

 

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Yes, it makes sense but I hope you can work on forgiving him.  I am appalled at the grief counselors you first got!  Seems there should be someplace you could report them, some governing board.  I am just stunned that was your experience!  I wouldn't have paid the bill either.  Horrid!  I'm so sorry you went through that.

My dog Lucky was much like your dog, she was fearful of everything, sweet, well trained, good.  When I had her put to sleep because she was getting so much pain and not smiling the last couple of years, she fought it, I've never seen a dog do that before or since, she was so anxious.  I'm glad they're at peace now.  What you went through with your dog should never have happened.  I'm glad you've finally found a good grief counselor.

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To My Wonderful Happy Little Parker,

My light, my laughter, my angel

Today Mom had more tears than yesterday.  I thought about you all day. I’m still thinking of you.

Yesterday was a nice day, but your brothers were unusually quiet. They slept most of the day. Porter was sprawled out on one of the beds and Leroy was rolled up in another bed near the window. It seemed they were missing you. You would have been lying next to Porter or cuddled with Leroy. You loved being close to us. Sometime in between you would have come by me wherever I would be. I miss your little face watching me with the sparkle in your eyes.

Later in the day they were on the deck. Porter didn't bark quite as much as usual, but when he did, it was his usual continuous bark. I expected to hear your single bark and howl that would follow. I didn't hear it. I missed it so much, I was going to listen to a recording of you three when Leroy would join in with his Beagle howl. I wasn't sure if it would make me upset knowing you were not here and that it was just a recording. 

I took a break from the garden this year. I wanted to use my time to take portraits of the three of you with my new camera. I wanted crisp and clear shots that I could place under acrylic. I would have hung them on the big wall in the living room and would have them for a lifetime. That all changed when someone did this to you. I took out the camera and I transferred pictures to my computer.  I saw many of you and some I had just taken shortly before you were taken away.  It hurt too much to look at them. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough yet.

I’m keeping the camera handy. The other day I saw a cardinal on our deck. This was the first time I’ve seen one here. I first thought I wish I had my camera. The cardinal stayed for a minute or so and then flew to a nearby tree. A day or so later someone told me about signs, and she mentioned a cardinal. She said it is a sign of an angel. Then I remembered the cardinal that was here. I thought about it and now I want to know if that was you?  Was it you coming to see us?  Please come back. I will believe if I see a cardinal nearby again, I will know that it’s you. 

I’m missing you so much Parker. It doesn’t seem the same without you. You were always the clown and entertainer. It’s silent now. I love your brothers, but they don’t play together. You were the one to motivate us all.

Parker, if that was you the other day, please come back. Make a believer out of me. I need to know you are not gone forever.

I Love You My Sweet Baby. I can’t believe I am not holding you, walking you, tucking you in a night. All of this seems untrue.  It doesn’t seem real.  I think sometimes you really aren’t gone.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT’S IMMEASURABLE.

I Love You My Sweetie,

LOVE, MOM

xxxxoooo     

♥️♥️♥️♥️

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Hello My Little One,

Mom wants to say hello today. I am missing you Parker, as always.  I want you to remember I will never forget you.  It's a nice day and your brothers are on the deck watching the rabbits and deer. Of course your brother Porter is barking at them. I miss hearing you bark and howl.  Today is a day you would be sunbathing. I miss seeing you do that. You loved to lie in the sun and roll around on your back. It was always so cute. Then you would look up into the storm door window to peek in. I really miss that. 

I Love You Parker.  My little baby.  Your sunshine is missed at home. Your playfulness is missed by your brothers. Your love is missed by us all.

I Love You Forever.

Love, Mom

DSC_0343_Parker_June2017_small.jpg

DSC_0340_Parker_sunbathing_small.jpg

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 Hello Guilt_beyond_imagination.

I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beloved Parker and for the tremendous guilt you're feeling. Back in April I had to say goodbye to my best friend of 11 and a half years, my Fancy, due to- long story short- our vet's negligence. I've felt a decent amount of guilt myself and so I understand all too well where you're coming from. At the end of the day, though, the whole reason we take our pets to the vet is to get them treated. You can't be faulted for wanting to ensure your beloved pup's good health nor are you in any way responsible for the tragic outcome- the fault is the vet's and his alone. You didn't know how things would turn out and I guarantee you nobody takes their pet to the vet for a dental cleaning expecting those results... nor should they, but vets can be total morons and so here we are; you, kayc and myself, all telling what is essentially the same tragic story.

As difficult as this period in your life is, please be easy on yourself. What happened wasn't your fault and your Parker wouldn't want you to be so full of anguish. One thing I want to tell you is that for a month after my Fancy passed away, the despair was eating me alive and thoughts of guilt and confusion kept rolling around my mind. I couldn't put the tragic outcome behind me. After several vet visits over a period of months, he didn't once think her symptoms could be indicative of cancer? He never even thought maybe he should do some testing, if for no other reason than just to say he made an effort? But it ended up that my baby girl had cancer on her voicebox, could barely breathe and so I had to make the hardest decision of my life. She was unconscious on the exam room table when I said goodbye to her. The way things ended for us will always haunt me. I needed to get all this off my chest so ultimately I decided to write a review on my vet's Facebook page, leaving out no details. Afterwards I felt a sense of relief because in a way I was bringing justice to my Fancy while also sharing our story with others so that they might avoid finding themselves in the same situation. Maybe you could do something similar to help take a load off your mind?

Like you, I know how painful it is to have a little box containing the ashes of your loved one. I keep my Fancy's ashes at my parents' house because I can't see that little box every day, knowing that my best friend is in it. I just can't do it. It's on the bookshelf in my old bedroom among framed photos of her and momentos like a drawing of her and a collar she used to wear. It's a beautiful little memorial honoring my Fancy girl; my best friend and soulmate.

Sending you thoughts of peace and healing, Guilt_beyond_imagination.

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Fancy's mom,

I'm going through the same thing.  Went in for a dental cleaning and came away with a death sentence, cancer.  He's had it for a long time but he hadn't had blood tests for a long time and their "exam" was inadequate at best.  They simply didn't know how to deal with a dog with anxiety and every time I went in they had a different vet there, didn't help any.

It is hard no matter how it goes down.  Right now I'm letting my baby live his life out with comfort, walks, bellyrubs, trips to the park, and when the time comes to let him go, I'll know, and I'll do what is in his best interest and not my own selfish desires.  But damn it will be hard!  No matter how long we have with them, we want more.  It is what I most dreaded come to pass.

My heart goes out to you in your loss...I know the missing her is great.

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What happened to both your Parker and you is tragic and my heart just breaks for you. I've heard first-hand accounts of such atrocities in and around my own locale, and I very often sign petitions to bring bad vets to justice, so I'm quite familiar with how often these kinds of things happen. I'm sorry I haven't had the time lately to thoroughly read your whole thread yet, but from what I've read so far, I'll say you have every right to be outraged and upset. (at both that vet and those earlier counselors!!)  I do hope you will or have already reported this deficient vet. Too many get away with such atrocities and reporting him might help you harness and use your anger for positive change, on both your furbaby's and others behalf. If you're up to it, you might also try to enlist the help of the media to shine a light on that vet and clinic, or to start a petition for justice on "change.org." Because I have heard several horror stories directly from a vet tech, and personally had some upsetting and negligent experiences as well, I learned to become more proactive and never leave my furkids' alone at vet clinics, except for during any actual surgery...but I still remained present and waiting. It's a very hard lesson to have to learn 😢, but somehow, it's always for our soul's growth.

Marty had just suggested something I was about to as well. Although there are many great Animal Communicators, my personal suggestion would be Teresa Wagner, not just because she is a kindred spirit and has the tenderest (yet fiercest) heart, but because she can also offer her professional training in grief over our precious animals, so she might be able to serve you in two ways. You might also consider taking her On-Demand (previously recorded) course on Guilt, which is excellent. You can find her here:

https://www.animalsinourhearts.com/

No matter who you may use, keep an ear out for even tiny validations that they've connected with your Parker, e.g. mention of a favourite item or game of theirs, or an uncommon treat they loved, for example. Don't be discouraged if things aren't 100% bang-on though. A high % of accuracy is more than acceptable.

I also can relate to some things you've said about your spouse, and won't seek to talk you out of what you know about him. YOUR truth is important to respect and honour. And while forgiveness is a worthy action, it is really designed to help the wronged to heal within, but it can be quite a long and often daily process to get there and have it "stick." It can also be difficult or even impossible to achieve if there is no repentance demonstrated by the wrongdoer. Trusting someone who hasn't earned the trust of your heart is simply not wise. And trying to forgive when you're not ready only sets up more dissonance within yourself. So I will just say that you could at least keep it open as an option for when you're more ready and willing to tackle it. That said, there is a technique called EFT that may help you become more ready, as well as help you with your grief and guilt. You can find a sample of a recent session on grief for free, here:

https://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/releasing-grief-the-tapping-solution-app/

You can search that site for where and how to tap the various "points" on your body.

I don't personally go by a "Rainbow Bridge" per se, but I do wholeheartedly believe any bonds of love created in any place, time or dimension result in a reunion with those souls once we shed the physical body. Most humans who have returned to earth from either near death (NDE's), or even from medically documented death on this plane, report many of the same experiences when they were out of body. To explore this (including for animals) you might want to visit Bob Olson's "Afterlife TV" site:

https://www.afterlifetv.com/

Use the arrow on the "Browse Interviews by Name" in the right column and look for "MacKinnon, Danielle" for a few of her interviews on what the animals have taught her about their afterlives. She's by no means the only speaker on this, but Bob's site is at least one place to start to get a feel for "all things afterlife."

Animals DO 'speak' to us, but most people just aren't well versed in the intuitive, telepathic or other subtle ways that are natural to them...and used to be natural to us as well. It's been drummed out of us through the ages. However, I've done this quite naturally most of my life, so I can attest to its truth, as it has born out as true many times with many different animals I've communed with. So having said that, I believe that was your beloved Parker coming through for you, just in ways you may not be familiar with. But if it felt to you like it might be true, I say go with it, as you're most likely right! My furboy did similar things through his beloved sister after he transitioned, and later she came shining through other cats who were not mine, in very personal ways, on very key occasions, after she had transitioned. To me, these experiences were all clear as a bell because I already knew they can and do happen. (my first After Death Communication/ADC came from my second budgie, in my early teens, and my grandmother once rearranged silver cutlery in my Mother's dining console!) It's happened for countless other people around the world, too, skeptics or not. Some people have even had encounters with transitioned animals they hardly, or never, knew and didn't even know had crossed over, in very solidly physical ways. So never discount so-called "mystical" events! As Wayne Dyer used to say in a clever twist of the common, but backwards phrase, "you''ll see it when you believe it." Yet such "belief" is obviously also not required. 

My furkids taught me very much about the Unseen in our time together here, and then I waited on the rest of the world to finally begin to catch up and start talking about and accepting such things as real...as have all of us who have embarked on that path. So TRUST your heart in whatever you get and I'll bet you will experience even more communications from your boy. He is NOT simply "gone," as we've all been indoctrinated to believe, but merely out of (mere & limited) physical human eyesight. Oddly enough though, you might actually hear, smell, or even see a spirit version of him, if you're lucky. There's a wonderful 'introductory' book detailing many such anecdotal experiences, called "The Soul of Your Pet - Evidence for the Survival of Animals After Death," by Scott S. Smith, that you may want to try and find. It also goes beyond "pets," to wildlife, insects, etc.

And think about it -- any sign from your dear Parker is actually proof of his love for you still, despite whatever happened to him. You will not, and cannot ever lose his love, because Love is a Divine Creation, one that both of you powerfully created. 

I hope some of this helps. I was a classic "basket case" after each of my furchildren transitioned, so don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do (I don't blame you one iota for how you feel!), but do try and find some additional, professional help and other aids to work through it at your own pace. And do keep loving your remaining furries as best you can, as they are likely needing you as much as you are needing them. A team effort is always better than going it alone. 

I love your heart-centred journaling here, too. They are all such tender and authentic tributes to the vast love you have for Parker, and I hope they are as cathartic for you to write as they are inspiring for me to read. 💜

 

 

 

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Hi Missing My Fancy,

I hope it's okay, I was going to post on your page and I saw that you are from Scranton?  I'm here in Effort.  Small world.  

I'm sorry what you went through.  More vet abuse and negligence. There's a website about vet abuse. (vetabusenetworkI contacted the person who runs it and she had many questions for me and everyone I answered pointed to abuse. I know I'm not responsible for the outcome, but I regret taking him there when we already had a good vet. Some of that was my husband's choice and that did cause a riff in our marriage. We only went to this other guy for some help with our Beagle, Leroy, with stomach issues. That vet did nothing anyway. I never planned on switching my vet. My husband decided once we went there with Leroy, why not take the other two?  That was the beginning of the end.  The dental was his idea and I was against it. I just didn't feel right with that place. If you read my other posts, you'll see that they lied and broke laws. I failed to follow my intuition. I fault myself for not just keeping Parker home. I had no obligation to keep that appt.  A simple NO was all I needed to do. It's something that will stay with me forever. 

I read you were back and forth with the vet. It sounds like they jerked you around. Incompetence.  I can't understand why any vet would not be proactive, it's more money for them anyway.  I called this vet 3 weeks before the procedure because he had 2 urinary accidents, which were out of the ordinary. That vet had the nerve to say everything was clear on his lab work, yet when I later got it, there were flagged items that were never brought up. They could have been related, or maybe not, but I had every right to know the lab flagged things. I will never know if they were connected to his urinary accidents and something was brewing. I got clearance from him, he was okay for the dental, yet he mentioned checking for stones. Again, you would think having me come in with him was monetarily beneficial for him. He should have examined him and ruled out any problem, but why would he ask to examine him when he withheld the lab results?  Total neglect and lies.

I hear you about Facebook and other media sites.  His day is coming when I will make his life miserable. His staff, too. They are his puppets. I had a taste of their lies last year and I swore not to return and I can't believe I did and Parker had only been there 3 times. First it will be the state complaint pointing out the laws and codes he broke. That's if the state takes the case. I am keeping fingers crossed. I have a compelling complaint so I hope someone with a soft spot will choose to investigate.  After that I will sue him in small claims for everything I can. I am going to ask for the lab charges for my 2 dogs because my other dog didn't get the procedure because of what happened. We canceled it. There were flagged items on his report, too.  I contacted a pet attorney. She gave me advice. I can use her if her fee is reasonable. She was very helpful.  I think she is in Honesdale. Phone: 570-685-1023.  Next will be the reviews and I will take no prisoners.  I will then write him a letter and it won't be nice. I will continuously list things I think he and his staff did and ask him if that's how he killed my dog. Then I think I will send the Attorney General a complaint. I called them and they said I could send it there there. He has a business. I want to go as high as I can so he knows he messed with the wrong person and he will never harm another pet again. I found one case in the local court. I called the pet owner. Apparently this vet misdiagnosed her cat for a long time and she finally got a second opinion and it was too late. She had to put the cat down. He was charged with malpractice and negligence. I have noted this case in my complaint. I have the docket number and info. PA won't tell you if there are any state complaints. They only divulge disciplinary actions. He had none so far, but who knows, maybe he will after I get done with him. I also called a woman on Yelp who gave him a horrible review. This vet IS a total moron. He has no bedside manner with animals, either.  Did you ever consider filing a state complaint?  You have nothing to lose. 

I certainly understand how hard it is for you to have Fancy's ashes at your home.  Last year we bought a Suncast cabinet for our basement. It started out for storage and for our keys, etc. I never, ever imagined it would house my dog's ashes.  I never go in that cabinet. He is still in a box in a small gift/shopping bag from the crematory. It kills me. I recently moved his collar in there, too. It was in an envelope. I can relate to how difficult it is for you.  I am very sorry. It doesn't seem fair.   I am a broken person. That vet did this to me. 

Feel free to write anytime.  I hope we can get through this.  ~ Parker's Mom

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Not one vet ever mentioned anything about Arlie's tumor, it was about the size of a 50 cent piece and in his gummy area, so many organs intersect there, several vets have charged us for exams, doesn't seem they earned it.  But at this point my focus is Arlie, not the vets.  It's in giving him the best quality time that he has left and letting him go peacefully when that  can no longer be achieved.

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Everyone,

I was using, part-time, a vet who had an all-cat clinic, partly because my furkids were terrified of dogs and dog sounds. She seemed competent enough and actually did some minor dental work for each of my kids, which had gone very nicely. But when my boy got into a fight with another cat and his own fang punctured his lower lip and got stuck there, she seemingly didn't even notice (or remember) the BIG FAT ALERT in RED written right on the front of his medical file folder that clearly stated "NO STEROIDS!" unless it was a life or death situation. We had discussed the "why not" in great detail and on more than one occasion when I had first started going there, and she even personally knew our integrative vet, from whom this directive had originated. I had TRUSTED her to not only remember this vital piece of info on him, but to pull his chart out whenever we came in.

But in this emergency situation, where I was panicking because of my poor boy's pain and still-embedded tooth (it had already been over 1.5 hrs since the fight as I'd had to wait for a cab to get him to her clinic), she told me she could give him a "shot" which would immediately help, prior to getting his fang released, etc. I assumed it was a pain med, but, she failed to specify what it was or inform me that it was actually a CORTICOSTEROID!! I didn't find out until only a day or two later when his eye suddenly exploded in massive watering, because his corneal ulcerations (which we had successfully been treating with homeopathics through his integrative vet; the very REASON all steroid use was highly contraindicated!) had been hugely triggered and brought back in SPADES (far worse than ever before) by that blasted drug she injected!!!

I called her to tell her what had happened to him and that's when she informed me what that shot was. Mystery solved, but damage done. She DID apologize profusely and sounded quite sincerely sorry for what we were now facing because of it. But you know what? I NEVER went back there again. I didn't sue for her act of blatant malpractice, as we weren't well enough off then, and in Canada, it's not (or wasn't then) very common to sue vets (or most other people or companies, either), and she had at least admitted to her failure.

But that didn't help us, because if you mix homeopathics with steroids, the exact homeopathic remedy/ies which have been individually and carefully selected for someone, and which have been WORKING to heal them on a deep level, may then never work again. AND/OR, as in my boy's case, the illness will be magnified. So she undid all the months of homeopathic work we had already done to get to a remedy that had been STOPPING his ulcerations for a long time by then...all by one act of stupidly gross negligence. And my beloved boy then continued to have bouts of more corneal ulcerations for years afterwards, making our lives more sorrowful and difficult at times. 

This wasn't the only instance of bad vets harming my kids though, so nope, I didn't give vets second chances for them to irreversibly screw up. Not when it came to my furkids' well-being and lives. We went through about 3 such deficient vets after we had first moved here, until I finally found and stuck with 1, then 2 primary ones - our integrative vet and later, also my girl's distance homeopathic vet out of New Mexico. Only used specialists as required, and only with a glowing reference from our local integrative vet. But even so, we ended up having some trouble with our local vet as well, at the very worst of times, that being when each of my kids were dying. I can still barely talk about it as this has left emotional scars. 

When you try to give your VERY BEST to your furkids, but someone else destroys it all, it's a very hard pill to swallow. And nowadays, from what I've heard and read, it's often even harder to find truly great vets who you can rely on consistently. This is really no different than with human doctors either, but bad doctoring of either sort shouldn't be on the increase, and instead more of a rarity!

 

Kay,

I had a similar experience. When my boy had to go into the Emergency Clinic overnight, after he'd collapsed one morning with ataxia from a yet-as-unknown-cause (vet thought it may have been a small stroke, but it was cancer), they took x-rays, saw some odd, blurry results in a small area...but put it down to their OLD x-ray equipment probably messing up "again," since he seemed "fine" after his overnight stay. Oh boy, nope, totally WRONG. Within the next week we had his x-rays redone by our local vet, who then consulted with the top vet oncologist in the city before giving me the terrible news. The result: rapid metastasis, not even chemo recommended it was so far advanced already, and "probably all throughout his body by now." Long story short, we lost him 2-3 weeks later, so within a month of him falling ill.

Nothing has ever hurt and shattered me more than how he went, with not enough pain management or specific instructions on use offered up to us. Please ensure, if nothing else, that you're well prepared for Arlie's potential level of pain, so he can remain peaceful. That is part of true animal hospice care, but it takes knowledge and planning for in advance. I sincerely don't want to see either of you suffer for a lack of necessary resources at the ready. ❤️

 

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Dear Parker's Mom,

Oh my(!), you have been very busy and extremely resourceful powerhouse in your justice-seeking for your dear Parker, and I cannot applaud you enough for all that!!! 👏 👏👏  I pray to the angels that every single one of your hard efforts nets miraculous results, including that vet getting appropriately charged, and even banned from practicing anymore. You are one determined woman, that's for sure, and I'm SO impressed with all you've done so far! (please try and receive/take in this sincere compliment, even if you don't feel you "deserve" such praise because of your feelings of guilt) Parker is probably bark/howling up a storm in support of his dear mommy working so hard on his behalf, all out of her great love for him. 💖

I also had meant to say that, omg, what a darling boy Parker looked/s like! His sweet face is just precious! No small wonder you were so smitten. 😍 But of course it's all that he DID that was even more precious. I've caught up on your posts now, and your stories of your life together are all so very touching, and truly paint a wonderful picture for us all to get to know Parker and his antics, his unique personality, his great love for his family, and more. I've laughed, I've cried, I've done both at the same time, while reading them. How I wish you all could still be living life as it was before, with none of this pain to deal with.   

As I'm sure you have done yourself a kajillion times already, I just can't help but keep wondering what they did to poor Parker. Did you got ANY sort of 'explanation', or rather, excuse, from them at all??? What did they even tell you when they finally called? -- that is was the 'fault' of the anesthesia? Or was it all sloughed off with some vague "we don't really know.."?

It's all so unconscionable, my head honestly just reels every time I think of it, and of what I'd feel like if I were in your shoes. I just hope you're getting through today okay, and that it's not too long before your next counciling appt. for a wee bit of respite from all the pain.

 

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To My Sweet Peanut,

Today was a cold and rainy day. I tried very hard not to cry because I don’t know if it can make you upset. I don’t want you to feel bad for your Mom. I feel bad enough about what happened. I still try to understand Parker, why I let you go there.  You were so frightened. I knew that. Please don’t be upset with me. I think you will find it in your big heart to know your Mom would never let anyone harm you on purpose.

I’m taking very good care of your brothers. I don’t want them to be because I know they miss you.  They don’t know where you are. I know for sure they want you here, as much as I do. I’m so very sorry my little boy. I am crying now. Thinking of you makes me happy, but also sad since you are not with us.

Yesterday something happened. I don’t remember a time when Leroy had drippy eyes, but Leroy had drippy eyes for some reason.  You were the one who always had that.  You had no health issues. That was the only thing you ever had. I shared my eye drops with you. You were always such a good sport to let me give you the drops before bedtime. You were smart enough to know they made you feel better. I used the same drops for Leroy. His eyes were cleared up today.  I wondered if he had the drippy eyes because you were here, coming through him. I hope that was you.

Was that you, Parker?  Please give me a sign. I need to know if it’s true thats your spirit could be here with me. 

I miss you so, so much.  I wish I could bring you back. So many times, I don’t believe any of this is true, that you are not here. My Little Peanut, what has happened to you is so unfair. I still don’t understand. You were not meant to be gone this soon. You were so young and so full of life.

I miss taking you for walks. I miss hearing your little bark and howl. I miss you cuddling next to me and showering me with your kisses.  I miss seeing you at the top the stairs when you would be the first to put yourself to bed. I miss tucking you in at night and giving you a kiss goodnight. I miss everything.

Always remember that I Love You and I will never stop. I miss you every single day.

I Love You always My Little Peanut.

Love, Mom

P1010324 PARKER smaller.jpg

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Hi Maylissa,

Thank you.  I need be more active with this letter. It seems like I just can't get out sent out. I have to make myself a promise for my Parker. I really think they did something bad over there. He tried blaming the food I fed him!  He tried using the excuse he didn't make it from anesthesia recovery, which I don't believe. Without vitals how can he prove to the state that the procedure even got underway or how far? Without vitals and/or an anesthesia record, then it never happened. He'll have to explain that!!   He should have had me on the phone asap when any problem began. That's what a good vet does. He never sent me an explanation letter or an apology.  I didn't get any other info from him except to say he gave him the right amount of meds per kg per pound. What does that mean to me? Was it guilt?  He didn't tell me the steps of the procedure. He just said, "It happens."  It happens?  Could be my dog food?  That's it?  If he was so sure they didn't have anything to do with it, why wouldn't he suggest a necropsy?  I didn't know about that. I can see why he wouldn't mention it, if he knew they did something sinister.  My dog was still in their "morgue" when I first heard about a necropsy. It was from someone from the ASPCA hotline who mentioned it to me and said it was too late, that it had to be done pretty much the same day. Now, I don't think that is true. Of course, it's too late now.  Another thing I am mad at myself for. I was so distraught I didn't even think of double-checking on a necropsy. I see why they waited more than a week after he passed to give me my records. Maybe they figured I wouldn't have time to see their lies in the records to seek a necropsy. That is exactly what happened. I didn't read the notes until after he was cremated. Then I saw that he withheld lab results, how bare the notes were, nothing about the tracheal tube, not vitals, and what mostly piqued my curiosity and anger, the word "fractious" that he took the time to write, and yet the notes were bare -- "incomplete and inconclusive" according to my regular vet. 

Oh, how I wish I never listened to my husband!!  He pushed me into that cleaning and going to that other vet!  We had and have a great vet!  Believe me, this has caused tension for me for my husband. I told him I was opposed to it and he insisted. That's also what I am going through. I haven't forgiven him 100%.  It will take a lot of time.  I first need to get justice for my sweet little Parker and try to save other pets, if this guy is even cited for anything. I heard they get away with "murder" many, many times over. I hope this state is stricter and finds he really is a criminal. I don't think he would be shut down, unless they have a lot of complaints about him, which they do not reveal to the public.  I am keeping my fingers crossed he gets in big trouble. 

They killed my dog or let him die, and I will bet my life on it.  Read the attached story (below) about the Bulldog and its anxiety, what happened to him. You'll see it's possible for these things to happen and how they try to cover it up. They had a necropsy, which is what I am missing, but from my research, that vet I went to broke laws.  My dog was very anxious and that vet knew!!  He was well prepared from the 2 previous visits. He wrote "nervous dog" in the other notes.  He could have declined treating Parker for everyone's benefit, especially my dog who was being handled by strangers, his biggest fear.  That vet didn't know my dog well enough at all to know how to handle him, yet he did know he was anxious and scared, but continued with his plan, putting my dog in a dangerous situation.  No voluntary procedure is worth stressing a pet and putting its life in danger. The owner of the rescue where I got him told me any caring vet would have called me to come and get him before he ever wrote "fractious."  He saw my dog was in peril, fight or flight mode.  My dog should be here.  My regular vet said there's no reason for him not to be here. They should have been on the phone with me ASAP when they had a problem. As I wrote above, that's why I think it was something else, that's why he didn't call me right away. I think he called me much later. Gave him time to make up a story and not take responsibility.  There's a local court case against him for negligence and malpractice. Because of his continuous treatment for his misdiagnosis, someone's cat had to be put to sleep. He didn't take responsibility for it Did the same with them. No answers.  I hope if the state takes my case, that someone present that day, speaks up and tells the real truth.  Sometimes there's that one person who can't lie. I hope that person is there and speaks up when/if the state goes there. That vet will get his day and I hope I hear about it. I believe in karma -- "You reap what you sow."  "What goes around comes around."

https://twolittlecavaliers.com/2011/07/separation-anxiety-leads-to-dogs-death.html

~ Parker's Mom

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Hi kayc,

I read somewhere, I think on the AAHA site that if dog is anxious and fearful and the vet  and staff do not try to calm it each time, then the dog stays anxious and becomes conditioned that it's normal to that way, and becomes more and more anxious each time, if the staff doesn't use calming techniques. The article interestingly mentioned that by the third visit the dog would be extremely anxious and scared. That horrible day was my dog's third visit.  In the beginning, I had nightmares of him petrified and in fear, wondering where we were, thinking he was abandoned with strangers, being mishandled because he was fighting back, and him passing away in fear, maybe having a heart attack from all the stress.  The vet is supposed to protect our pets from any suffering. Not let them suffer in fear, which is a law this vet broke. I knew my dog was fearful, but I trusted that a responsible vet would be reluctant to perform anything voluntary before contacting the owner. It makes me wonder how many other pets that vet has allowed to die and made up some story and no one questioned it. They can be extremely frightened which could be life-threatening.  I believe he broke these 2 laws:  (1) Animal abuse—to do, order or aid another to do any act likely to cause unnecessary pain, injury, debility, disease or lameness or unnecessary fright, stress, panic or hysteria in an animal.  (2) Responsibility to clients and patients. Veterinarians shall consider first the welfare of the animal for the purpose of relieving suffering and disability while causing a minimum of pain or fright.

By the way, he did not provide me with a record of recorded vitals -- if they were ever done. That is another broken law. I was told they are done and recorded every 5 minutes, either written or electronically. 

I read this from an article the other day:

"Well, it seems, in recent years, vet-stress concerns have been, “All about that cat.” However, in a recent study released by the American Veterinary Medical Association (reported by NewSTAT), dogs too undergo considerable stress and anxiety when they go for veterinary visits.

The study looked at 36 seemingly normal, healthy client-owned dogs and measured a number of parameters when the dogs were at home and again at the veterinary facility. This study evaluated changes in vital signs when dogs traveled between the home environment and the veterinary environment. Differences were recorded between dogs in the two environments

These dogs had their respiratory rate, pulse rate, rectal temperature and systolic arterial blood pressure measured in their home environment. They were then taken to the veterinary hospital and the measurements were repeated. The changes between the two environments were significant

Dog anxiety at the veterinarian’s office
According to aaha.org, significant differences in blood pressure, rectal temperature and pulse rate were observed between measurements obtained in the two environments. “Mean blood pressure increased by 16%..., rectal temperature increased (by < 1%)…, and pulse rate increased by 11% …. The number of dogs panting in the hospital environment (63%) was significantly higher than the number of dogs panting at home (17%).” Panting is frequently considered an indication of stress."

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BTW, your dog is so cute!  Very cute face!

My dog has anxiety too and I appreciate it when vets work with him, taking the extra time to calm him and get to know him.  I think they forget that from a dog's point of view, they have no idea who they are or why they're shoving something up their butt!  And they're the first to complain if your dog growls a warning!  I've often told them if a stranger suddenly shoved something up my butt, I'd growl too!  That's their cue to turn and look stupid at you.  Honestly, do they know anything about animals?  You've gotta wonder sometimes.  I had one vet who would get down on the floor with Arlie and look at him on his level, give him a treat, a belly rub, then listen to his heart, he was totally cooperative with her!

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Thank you kayc.  He had such a crazy personality The life in this house. He was a cute little guy. I hate saying "was", it hurts so much.  I kept busy today,  but I am concerned I could be forgetting him. 

Your good vet with Arlie sounds like Dr. Chris, Our regular vet.  He is a likable person by animal and human. He has a nice and gentle way with everyone. He has had his share of losses. His horse, his best friend, passed away suddenly a few years ago and he stayed upbeat in the office.  I know he was hurting. We kind of know him personally because he worked with the rescue where I volunteered. He is always happy to see us and our dogs. I hear him through the office walls and I can hear him greeting every pet like he knows them for years. Parker was afraid many years ago because of his nature. Over time he became comfortable with Dr. Chris. Last spring he went to his clinic for a heart worm test. Parker was so calm, Doc and I were surprised. And then July came, and why did we take him to that other (evil) vet at all?   I live with this every day. 

I'll tell you the 2 times we had him at that evil vet, I could see that vet's demeanor.  He had no bedside manner.  He ran out of the office when the visit was over.  I noticed that and made a mental note. It didn't seem that important then, but now I know it made a big difference and had thought about it, and how my dogs would react to his coldness, I think that would have been the last time there, especially with the crap they pulled that day. That day the front office puppets lied twice to me about his annual shot and when I got home I swore never to return there.  Five months later I was there again. I must be out of my mind!   I think so much time lapsed that I forgot about the last time and that I didn't want to return. That may have been in my subconscious and why I had a bad feeling doing that dental cleaning. Something was not right and I could not place it. (My memory is not like it used to be.)  After this horror, I saw again how the front desk lied again, and how he lied. And it was too late. They took his life and they acted like it was nothing. Afterwards, the front desk said there are always risks. That's funny. They told my husband he would be fine the day he dropped him off and that was the day they shoved the procedure/risks release in his face and didn't let him read it, just told him to sign it without giving a copy either, nor with my final records. A question for those puppets. How about if your boss reviewed the procedure and risks with us like he's supposed to do according to PA law?  We had 2 dogs scheduled and he should have discussed it with us the day we were there for pre-op instead of taking our money and then when he was done, run out the back door of the office.  Literally, ran out the door.  After this nightmare, it came back to me how he ran so fast out of that office when he was done with that pre-op visit. He was legally bound to take the time to review this with us and he did nothing. Does it mean we wouldn't have let our dog have it done? I don't know. I was against it and if he had this discussion with us I would have been nudging my husband to convince him it wasn't a good idea. My husband tells me now if he was told about the risks he would not have done it. I think that may be true.  Makes me think if that vet doesn't review the risks with pet parents then they don't have something to think about and then decide to cancel. There has to be a reason. He did not forget. We had our other dog there for his teeth a year before that and never got a copy of the procedure/risks and he did not review it then, either.  So, I think he does this on a regular basis. They really should have vet mystery shoppers to see if they are following code. Maybe the state does that with their investigation, I don't know. It is a good idea. They do it with restaurants and stores.  

I will still never understand how I let this happen. I am riddled with guilt and regret. I've read about people who have been dead for minutes to hours and doctors have revived them. This guy couldn't save my dog?  He didn't do everything possible to keep my dog breathing and alive. If he did, it would be documented in the notes. Nothing is there. He killed my dog.

Thanks for listening.

~ Parker's Mom

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I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, you are bereft, I get that.  I would be too.  I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my dog's impending demise, just knowing it will happen.

One thing you need never worry about...you will never forget Parker.  Not any part of him.

It's been 14 years since my husband died, I haven't forgotten anything.  I think about him each and every day of my life.  Never forgotten.  Today is his birthday.

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Yes.  I had a cat also named George (before I met him) so we dubbed the cat King George to differentiate.  He passed 14 months after my husband, he was 19 years old.

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