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Believe it for yourself...our dogs don't hold ought against us...one of the reasons we love them so much.  They don't harbor grudges or resentment, they just love us as is.

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Parker is survived by his blood brother, Porter, and Leroy, his Beagle brother.  Porter was never friendly with Leroy. (My husband said it started over a squeaky toy and Porter didn't get over It.)  It was always Parker and Porter and Parker and Leroy.  Parker was a best friend to both.  Leroy and Parker hit it off when they first met.  Leroy is showing a lot of sadness. He's becoming very needy. I have no doubt he misses his brother.  He looks at me as if he is lost. He looks at me as if he's asking me where his brother is, why he is not here.  Leroy has always been shy. Parker gave him courage. Parker and Leroy would play a couple of times a day. Leroy has been trying to play with Porter and Porter won't have any part of him. Today Porter got very angry with Leroy and snapped at him because Leroy was trying to be close to Porter.  I am trying to make Leroy feel wanted as Parker always did. Parker groomed him, cuddled next to him, loved him, and all of us.  I

I am missing Parker so much more on a different level because Leroy has lost his best friend. I can play with Leroy as human to dog, but it will not compare to the playfulness and communication he shared with Parker.  I can't get another dog.  Plus, it wouldn't be fair to Parker to "replace" him. I don't know how Porter will accept another dog anyway. He and Parker were blood. He tolerates Leroy.  I think Porter misses his brother mostly at night. They would lie next to each other and in the morning they would run down the stairs side-by-side. I love both Leroy and Porter. 

This loss has affected everyone. It isn't just my loss, it is our loss. 

~ Parker's Mom

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To My Dear Sweet Parker,

Time is going by very fast.  It is hard for me each day that you are you are not here. I get through the days, but not easily. Most of the time I just go through the motions.  I miss you Parker. These days I feel lost without you. Your courage and loving spirit invigorated me. You taught me to be courageous. I am using what I learned from you to be strong for your brothers.

Your brothers miss you very much. Leroy has been withdrawn and keeping to himself. I worry he will go back to being timid and shy as he was before you gave him the strength to be brave. You were his best friend.  Today I bought him a squeaky toy to give him some happiness. You know how he always liked being teased about taking away his squeaky toy. I hope this will keep him busy for a while, although later in the day, he lost interest in his new toy. I think he was waiting for you to come and try to take it from him, but he is confused why he has not seen you. I wish I could explain it to him.

We all miss you Parker. I still do not understand why this happened. Sometimes I cannot get through the day. I know you should be here. Please do not be sad that I cry because I miss you.

I think you may have come here the other day in the form of a Cardinal.  I am trying to believe it was a sign that you were here. If that was really you, I wish you would come back. Please make a believer out of me, Parker.

I wish I could see you right now. I wish I could hug you right now. I wish none of this happened. It is difficult for me to comprehend. It never seems right. It never seems real. I am still having a tough time not having you here. Our home is not the same anymore.

There is nothing I can do to change it.  My heart is broken without you.

I Love You so much Parker. I miss you.

Love,

Mom

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Hello everyone,
I'm waiting for the Cardinal to appear again. I want to believe.

I'm having okay days and rough days. So far no good days. I had a meltdown on Friday. Cried for over an hour and on and off the rest of the day. Lately, I've noticed Leroy, my Beagle is down. (I don't cry in front of him.)  I'm sure he misses Parker, his best friend. We all miss him. I'm trying to give my 2 little guys, Leroy and Porter, more love. Now, there are pretty much no rules. They do what they want. I never had them on my bed unless they jumped on it, but they didn't stay long. Now I call Leroy and Porter to sit on my bed.  They are here on less borrowed time than I am. I want them to feel free.  

I dread when I have to go through some kind of health issue with either of them. I keep praying Porter's pancreatitis stays in remission. He is doing really well. He has more energy than I do. He's like lightning. He flies down the stairs and then flies onto his window seat bed. (I have a bed for each of them next to the window.)  There's just one thing missing that would make it all perfect. Their brother, Parker is missing. He was always playing. Very high energy and full of life. He loved grooming his brothers. I'm hurting. I miss his bark. I miss his zest for life. I miss him. If these links work, you can see here how close he was with his brother Leroy.  https://youtu.be/7gU0FQHwktA
https://youtu.be/ccdLovl_sv4

I wish he would come by again, if that Cardinal was Parker. I need to believe. 
I hope you are all doing well and getting through your days. Take good care of yourselves.

Sincerely,
Parker's Mom

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As it was getting dark last night, I heard a bird chirping. It sounded like a Cardinal. I got excited because of the signs thing. I am not one to believe a lot of that stuff. I scoff at magicians. I saw a Cardinal twice and I don't see them around here. I am aware of the birds here because we've had robins set up nests under our deck and in the shrubs and I would chase away blue jays because they steal the robin's eggs. I've taken pictures of birds here. Some were sparrows. I filmed the woodpecker. I know if a Cardinal was around before all of this. Now that I've heard about a Cardinal and a sign from a loved one, I wasn't really sure, but I thought if it kept showing up, then maybe it is real. I heard the bird so I played Cardinal sounds on YouTube and it played through a wireless speaker. I played and paused. In between, I heard the bird and it was the same sound. I played it again and the bird came over onto our cable wires. It was a Cardinal!  It heard the audio, but it was already here, because I heard it. It was getting dark so I couldn't see it. I saw it come really close to me. 

I was really happy and excited. I was smiling. I had happy tears. I told my husband it must be true, it is a sign from Parker. I said I wasn't sure the first time, but now I believe it.  He told me no, it's not a sign, it’s not Parker.  I didn't ask him if it was a sign. I told him it was. I said I've read about it.  He doesn’t want me to have some kind of happiness, some kind of hope? I don't know what to believe anymore.  This is the only thing I have to hold onto, the only thing I could believe, it is making me happy, and he wanted to take that away from me. If I was a child, he would probably tell me there is no Easter Bunny. 

I want to believe my Little Peanut heard me me when I spoke out loud and wrote him and asked him to come back, that I could believe it was him if the bird returned. When I saw that bird tonight, I right away thought Parker is with me. That he's near me.I lost 1 of my 3 only best friends and children, all I have in this life. My husband doesn't grieve with me.  I do it all alone, and he avoids anything to do with that. 

My husband just made me feel alone. He could have gone with it, even if he personally doesn't believe it, he could try to believe it for me, or just let me believe it and be happy for me.  Do I believe my husband that the Cardinal was not a sign and not Parker?  No, I don't.

It’s a shame I can't share my happiness with (my husband) someone close to me who also experienced this loss.  I wish my husband would believe. For a moment last week, he seemed like he believed when he called to me about a Cardinal on our lawn.

I am going to stick to my belief and hope that the Cardinal came back because it was Parker. Because he heard me ask him to come back, that I want him to near me and give me hope that I will see him again in another life.  I will keep looking for the Cardinal again.  I choose to be happy to feel and believe Parker is near. Without hope, what is there?

 ~ Parker's Mom

 

 

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8 hours ago, Guilt_beyond_imagination said:

It’s a shame I can't share my happiness with (my husband) someone close to me who also experienced this loss.

Different people respond differently as you've noticed with your husband.  Don't let that detract from the consolation you received from the cardinal.  Belief is for ourselves.

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Parker, My Little Peanut, that was you yesterday!

I am keeping my hope up that you are near to me.  I will be looking for you again.  I do believe you were here, you will stay close, and that you do forgive me.  I believe you know I have always loved you.

I miss you and I want you to stay near me.  Please protect your brothers.  You always comforted them.  You gave them move love than I can.  They miss you.

Almost always, I cannot believe that you are not here where I can see you, hear you, and hold you.  The Cardinal is the only hope I have that you are here in some form. I want to believe.

I Love You,

Your Mom

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My Dear Peanut,

Parker, I am missing you so much more, the last couple of days. I have tried to keep busy, so I am not sad, but you are always on my mind.  This house has too many memories of you.  I would move if I could.  I keep wanting to see you here and reality sets in.  You will never be here again. The word “never” is so heartless.  I should have “never” let you go to that place.  I never wanted you to go. I never got around to cancel.  I never wanted anything bad to happen to you.  I never wanted to be missing you, not so soon.

I get so stuck Parker. It does not seem natural or good to do things knowing you are not here staring up at me with your sparkling eyes; following me all over the house because you always wanted to be close to me; peeking down the stairs at me and then running down with your squeaky toy;  jumping up and down to go out; and biting your brother Leroy’s ears and legs  when it was time to eat. Nothing seems right without your silliness and affection.

I have been waiting for you, for the Cardinal to appear again. It has been very hot. I was not outside much. I heard some birds. I think one may have been the Cardinal.  If that was you, Parker, please stay near and close. I need you to be around.  Next week your brother Leroy needs to get some small lumps removed. He has to be sedated.  I am worried. I know you will watch over him and keep him safe.

I should have worried this much for you. I didn’t know. I need you to watch over Leroy.  We are going to Dr. Chris so I know for sure he will be safe, but then, you never know. I am sorry we did not take you to Dr. Chris. I know in my heart you would be here today. I wish you could have spoken to me.  I know you would have told me that was not the place for you.  I know now and I live with that pain every day.  I know you would have told me to please take you to Dr. Chris instead.  I know you always liked him, and he was so good with you. He knew how to make you feel at ease.

I think about how you felt that day and wondered where we were.  I think about you feeling so lost. Why we left you there.  I am so sorry.  I often wonder how lonely and abandoned you felt.  It was not your usual place. That was my mistake.

Your visits here and your message from the Cardinal, told me you forgive me.  I want to believe that. So, Parker, please come back again. Please don’t go away.  Always stay nearby. 

Parker, please watch over your brothers.  They both miss you.  I want Leroy to be okay. Please keep an eye on him and protect him next week.  For Leroy, for me, please.  And for your brother, Porter.  He and Leroy stay together a lot.  They are not as close with each other as you were to both.   You were their best friend.   You three are my best friends.  My only children. You know how much I LOVE YOU.  I love the three of you all the same.  I miss you more because you are not here.  I wish you could be here next to me. I don’t believe it sometimes. Parker, sometimes I think I am in a dream.  At night, when your brothers are sleeping, I think to myself that you are there with them.  I hope you are there with them in spirit. 

Nothing I say will bring you back. I do not have that magical power.  You do. You can work your magic by coming by as the Cardinal, and other signs that you can give me.  I never believed any of that before. The last couple of times I have honestly felt your presence.  I want to believe.  Make me a believer, Parker.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER, AND EVER, AND EVER

MOM

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