Penny1 Posted June 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2006 MaylissaI did stay at work all day yesterday. It took me a while to get it together but the two girls I work with on Sat were very understanding.My mom wasn't terminally ill... that is the story my father & sister obviously gave to the RCMP to justify how the anti-freeze got in her system... they are trying to convince them I guess that she was so depressed about her health that she drank it....It is so mental....and twisted... it is getting to the point that it really doesn't suprise me that they would say it....You are probably right in saying that maybe seeing my father was me needing to start dispelling some of that rage. As you said it happens so fast and is so very frightening....I truly understand you questioning "why me" as far as what you had to go through. Don't think of yourself as being "wimpy" you are only human and what you have had to endure, is no less traumatic than any other.... I think it is because we love so deeply, and give so easily that the pain affects the way it does....You may not feel so lucky as you put it but I want you to know that I feel truly blessed and am very lucky to have met you.....Your family may have not taken the time to realize the gift you are as a human...it is truly a great loss to them....No price can be put on that... keep up the posts...Hugs to you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandyF Posted June 12, 2006 Report Share Posted June 12, 2006 Hi! I just joined and someone told me about your post. My mom was murdered too by my dad. Except my dad commited suicide right after. It has been 10 years and honestly, it hasn't gotten any easier. I have dealt with the fact that my mom is gone, but what I can't deal with is the fact that she is dead because of my dad. One thing that I have been wanting is a reason why. I will never know why he did it. I was home at the time and he murdered her and my step dad while I was upstairs on the phone. What a coward! I too don't have a lot to remember my mom by. Right after she died, my brother's girlfriend moved in and got rid of all my mom's things. I wanted to smell all her clothes and wanted things to stay just like they were. I think she thought she was helping, but I was so upset. I totally know what you are going through. MandyF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2006 Hi Mandy Sorry to hear that you had to deal with the same a horrific situation as mine.....You were so young to have to go through that and I can't imagine dealing with that at your age.... Hearing your story, really makes me question how differently I would deal with this had my father committed suicide....If I were in your position, I am not sure I could actually deal with not being able to voice my anger towards him for what he took away.....Although I don't consider myself to be fortunate to have my father still alive, but death would be too easy for him.... I am counting the days when I will have the opportunity to face him through jail cell bars and express my anger towards him in person.... I wish you could have that opportunity too, but maybe it is a blessing that you don't.... it is all too twisted to comprehend...To me, I feel that when the day comes to see him convicted, that will be the closure that I have been so badly seeking....Not to sure what will happen in the future there is the chance that he may walk away a free man.... that is a bridge I will have to cross when the time comes....As you said, you want to know why, me too. I have learnt in all the counselling I have gone through, I nor you will ever understand why.... we are not killers, therefore we can't comprehend what it is within them that made it so easy to take anothers life..I am truly hoping this will get easier as time goes on... I have the one shirt I packed for my mom when I took her to the hospital... I sealed it in a bag and take it out and smell her... maybe I am wacko... I don't know but I do know I will never let go of that shirt...her teddy...her glasses (items I got from the hospital). So I do know your pain in not having anything of your mom's. Maybe I needed to hear from you to realize that there are others worse off than me.... wish I could say it wasn't you for I know how deeply painful this can be and my thoughts will be with you as well as my prayers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandyF Posted June 12, 2006 Report Share Posted June 12, 2006 You do have that "luxury"of getting to talk to your dad about the situation. Whether it will be the answer you will need, I don't know. I wish my dad had left me a letter or something. I hate him just as much today as I did the day it happened. I doubt that will ever go away. You are not wacko for smelling your mom's shirt. I had my mom's perfume and I smelled it all the time. It helps be closer, y'know? What you do have after all of this is wonderful memories of your mom. Those are constant and will never go away. We are so blessed to have met such wonderful women. I ask myself everyday..If I had known ahead of time that I would have lost her at such a young age, would I have loved her any less? Would I want a different life? THe answer is no. I would want to keep things the exact same because that means that I had 15 wonderful years with her and I was able to meet the most wonderful woman in the world. MandyF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2006 Hi MandyYou are right, I do havethat "luxury"of getting to talk to my dad about the situation. When I saw him the other day the rage I experienced I cannot express.... I saw my grief counsellor yesterday and told her about seeing him.... she said that being able to control my actions and not acting on my emotions was a huge step towards healing.... she believes as well that there was a reason I had to experience seeing him.... whether it is to prepare me for the long journey ahead or not, I don't know... I wish I could give you some answers as to why your dad did what he did with no explanation....I am so sorry that you have to go through the rest of your life questioning his motives.....I do believe my father did it for money....selfishness, but still it doesn't make it any easier to understand....I do understand your pain and hopefully just you and I being able to talk to one another will make it easier on us to cope....I keep telling myself when I really lose it and anger starts to take over, that giving in to my anger is giving my power away over the situation....I am essentially letting him win... I hate my dad too, with a passion like no other...It is ok for you to feel hatred towards your dad... you are human and no one would expect you to feel any different...Your Mom on the other hand, she is watching and she must be very proud of you and your acheivements....WOW is all I can say, you have endured so much yet you carry on, you have shown courage and strength to move forward in your life...I will always cherish the time I had with my mom...she was so wonderful and giving and I know one day we will meet again....The people on this site are wonderful... they will listen when you need to vent... so will I. Keep posting..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Life is getting difficult once again.... I am trying so hard to stay motivated and positive but I can feel it slipping away.... I feel so alone...I haven't heard anything yet from the rcmp. I left a msg today on the investigators voice mail with some more names of people that knew my father...I am hoping that someone out there will have some info for them. It bothers me to be wishing that maybe in one of his drunken stupors he talked about his plan of murder....He is my father....how could he have done it..... she meant the world to so many people.... especially me and her grandchildren.... She enriched our lives and he took it away in a blink of an eye....it is oh so very sick and twisted...The rage within me is building, I feel as though I have this negative energy force surrounding me.... crazy, I must be crazy....I wish I could just close my eyes forever...and have all this pain go away....I know in my heart I must go on...for Mom I must go on....she was so helpless in this all and I keep wondering if she knows her husband who she worshipped and was married to for 44 years took her life... does she know? and is she suffering right now because she does know.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jester Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Penny:I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this must be. I can´t say anything that will make you feel better, just know that you are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks Jester for your prayers.... I need all the support I can get..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maylissa Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Penny,As I think Marty had said earlier....you're NOT crazy; it's a crazy-making situation! BIG difference!.....although I DO know what you mean and have felt similarly, too. It's part of the shock, plus the family dynamics which are, as you said, sick and twisted. But it's certainly not your doing!I'm not sure how to say this gracefully , but I'll try my best. ( okay, now you're more 'prepared' for a different concept ) You said:"....she was so helpless in this all and I keep wondering if she knows her husband who she worshipped and was married to for 44 years took her life... does she know? and is she suffering right now because she does know...."I truly understand how your heart bleeds for your mom and her life with an unloving man....in the same fashion as mine does for mine. There is, however, something that may, over a long period of time, help you at least in some measure, to process a part of this. That is the concept that no matter how heartbreaking a situation can be, when adult humans are involved, everyone is making choices at every given moment, for themselves and their own lives. This is why none of us can really 'save' another human being. We can try to aid them, but they must make up their own minds firstly, to do something to help themselves ( such as we've all done by utilizing these boards ). Now for the trickier part.......unless your mom was cognitively impaired in some way, she must have had a pretty good idea of what kind of man you father is, but, like my own mother, she chose to stay with him. Her reasons were her reasons, even if they weren't wise ones in your estimation. If nothing else, this is the part you need to come to accept, in whatever way works for you, or it will drive you crazy. While she may not have ever believed, or wanted to believe, that he would resort to an act of such heinous proportion, she was still taking her chances with staying with such a man.....just like my Mum did. And seeing as they were married for so long, and parents don't share everything with their children, especially when it comes to marriages, it is probable that she had more knowledge of what he was like than you ever suspected. The point is that, no matter how much you loved her, it was not your job to save or rescue her; that was her job, her life lesson, her path to traverse as she saw fit. Just as WE ALL MUST, for ourselves. That is what it always comes down to. I'm very familiar with the Victim role/position, and understand how much easier it is to stay in it, rather than face certain realities or tasks. And I know from my own experience, every adult who continues to accept this position in their lives is playing this role to a certain extent. I've had to realize this with my own Mother, too, and through many, many years of heartbreak and of seeing her allowing herself to BE victimized. I've also done the same myself, TO myself. My Mother made her choices, most of which I disagreed with, but they were hers to make, and no matter how sorry I felt for her and her terrible life, again, it was HER life. I can still regret to the ends of the earth that she chose the way she did, but I've had to remind myself over and over and over again that I was her child and it was not my job to change her life for her. So whatever ultimately happened to her, no matter how horrible it was, she allowed it, in countless ways, to happen....even if she couldn't have envisioned the exact details. I'm being presumptuous here, but I could see how you might be feeling, underneath it all, guilty for not saving her from this horrid end, and perhaps that's a part of your rage that you've not looked at yet. Guilt kept inside turns into anger, too. You might even be storing anger at HER, for not having saved herself. All this would be perfectly understandable, but certainly not good for YOU, especially if not recognized. So it may be worth a look at these ideas ( just mine, and if I'm totally off-base, fine...it's not the first time I've been wrong! ), but I'm thinking that you may get a titch-worth of relief inside if you can accept that your mother was not totally ignorant of the dynamics of her marriage, even if the whole thing is still tragic as hell. Your mom may have indeed worshipped a bad man, but I'm not so sure she was "helpless". Just as my Mum ended up physically pretty darn helpless, but even that was, in many ways a result of her thousands of choices throughout her life, and as for her mind, that applies, too. It's like the famous movie with Jimmy Stewart ~ "It's A Wonderful Life"....all about choices and how they impact everything around you. For me, I've been almost as mad at my Mum as at the rest of my family, mainly for those choices she made that led to her downfall. It doesn't mean I don't love her just as much, but it tempers the tragedy of what happened, to ALL of us in my family. It's called understanding. As to whether she's suffering NOW......I'm pretty sure she's not. Even if she'd been totally surprised at the way she left, she would now know the truth, and as they say, and I believe, the truth will set you free. She would now have understanding of everything that happened, of herself, and so could find more peace. And if her spirit must continue to grow into more understanding, then it will, just as ours will, too. I feel so bad for you, Penny, having to face so much so suddenly....my prayers, too, are with you. Maybe you don't really want to be stronger or wiser than your own mother, but I think you simply are, despite the pain you're feeling. You're here, you're doing something constructive for your own life, you're pursuing the truth.....what else could you ask of yourself, and what better choices could you be making for yourself during such an impossibly difficult time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandyF Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 I know you are going through a lot of different emotions right now. That is totally normal. First there is grief, then anger...and then those two will come and go through the healing process. I still experience those 10 years after the fact. You will probably never forgive your dad or understand why he did what he did. One thing is certain...you need to be strong!! I don't know how religious you are, but I found strength in God. He helped me through most of my pain.Don't worry about your mom...she is without pain and is not suffering. She is in good hands and is looking down on you. Be strong for her. Show her that you can make it through this!! I am always here for you! Mandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks MandyI do pray every night and ask God to look after my mom and to hold her hand and give her comfort... it has helped alot....MaylissaYou are so wise.... thank you so much for your support....My mom did make her own choices, she knew all about what my father was all about... I don't believe she would have ever thought he was capable of murder though. She made the choice to stay with him so yes she was in control of her destiny....You would have to have known my mom.... I do strongly believe, that she stayed committed to my father for so many years because of her kids... and then when we all grew up and moved away. I know she thought every thing would change....They did spend time together, they went on holidays together and did a lot of things they never could do when we were little....When things got bad and he was constantly involved with other women she had talked about leaving.... she threatened him that she was leaving... then he kissed her butt and she stayed....I told my mom that she didn't have to stay.... but she just cried her heart out and said she had no where to go.... she didn't want to be a burden on her children and refused to stay with any of us....My mom always considered everyone else in her world.... bad choice? Yes it was the choice that predetermined her destiny...She was weak...always was....low self esteem..... just didn't have it in her to leave him....I asked her to go and see a counsellor with me.... hoping that someone could shed some light on her but Mom was mom and she always told me not to worry... she said she would be ok....I know she made her choices.... do I have guilt that I didn't do something more? You bet!! Guilt as never before.... I know that I can't change anything, I know that it is not my guilt to carry as she was an adult and was able to decide on her own...I made the choices back then to not pursue getting her out of that relationship as she made the choice to stay.... we both made the best choice we knew at the time....Had I known or had she known the outcome, we both would have done something different...Reality is she is gone.... I miss her soooo much.... but I do have faith that we will meet again one day....Oh Maylissa it is such a compicated world we live in...I just have to keep faith that everything happens for a reason.... I will one day know why.... she is away from the horror now so really she is better off....I just wish I could hug her and tell her that I love her.... I do tell her everyday but I guess I am being selfish and wish that she could be her to hug me back and tell me that she loves me too.....I really miss her and wonder if this will get easier.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2006 I not sure if this link will work.... I hope so....Its in memory of my beautiful mother....In Memory of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 Penny,What a beautiful tribute to your mom. I loved all the pictures. What a wonderful, sweet woman she was. I hope things are going ok for you. I know the pain and frustration you are going through, I pray you get justice. Keep us posted.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maylissa Posted July 5, 2006 Report Share Posted July 5, 2006 Penny,Thanks for the compliment, but I don't think I'm wise at all...it's only that I can relate to your background cuz of my own. And if what I've learned along the way during my own trials and tribulations can possibly help someone else out when they're in a similar boat, then it's good to share that knowledge.My Mum, too, always said she stayed because of us kids, but even at a pretty young age ( about 7 or 8 ), I told her I wished we could all just leave my dad. I figured, and can't say even now that I wouldn't have been wrong, that we'd be better off with one less parent who was so abusive, even if my Mum wasn't perfect, either, even if life would be tougher materially. But, like your mom, underneath it all, my Mum didn't have great self-esteem. She also told me, right at the time I asked why she didn't just leave, that my dad told her he'd hunt her down and kill her if she did try to leave....a typical story in homes with abusive fathers. When I was older and only my middle brother was still at home ( in his 40's! ), I always wondered if she'd change her mind at that point and actually leave. But the cumulative damage had been done and despite all her many talents and skills, I think she believed in herself even less by then....plus, she was probably just as scared as always of what my dad would do. Having been through a first marriage that was also abusive ( but w/o kids of my own, thank goodness! ), though not to the same degree as my parents' marriage, I then understood first-hand how insidiously abuse from a spouse wears one down and creates even more low self-esteem, despite any personal skills one may have. So at that point, I couldn't blame my Mum for her past choices. Plus, of course, things were different in our parents' generation and women leaving their husbands wasn't as common, nor as supported by society. And then, just as now, sadly, women also DID too often get murdered by their estranged husbands if they dared to leave. My Mum was also alcoholic ( will never know if this preceded all the marital problems or was a result of them ) so that made her life choices that much more difficult.My dad, too, slept with other women, and although my Mum told me she preferred that to any intimacy between the two of them ( shows you how bad a relationship it was ), I'm sure it cut her deeply, too....how could it NOT? My Mum was actually still in love with someone else whom she'd wanted to marry before she met my dad. I'll also never be certain exactly WHY she married my dad instead, although I have some theories and suspicions. The worst part for me, personally, is these mysteries will never be answered now, as all who could have helped corroborate them are either dead, too, or have dementia. My Mum, too, did for others, did for others, did for others...her entire life, until I think she didn't even understand what doing for herself meant anymore. I'd give certain suggestions and try to convince her it was okay to give to herself, but I don't think she ever followed up on any of them. It was SO bad, I remember being pleasantly shocked that she'd actually allowed her favourite healthcare worker to take her out to lunch once! How sad is THAT? But this was also at a time in her later years where she wasn't very mobile or self-sufficient anymore, so even if she'd 'seen the error of her ways' and wanted to change them, physically, she couldn't have managed much by then. However, it DID also make me wish I was physically there for her, thinking she might now actually LET me do things like this for her, FINALLY! But I wasn't, and while I can't blame myself for that which I couldn't do, it's still a regret, and a darn shame. I console myself by reminding myself that my Mum, too, moved away from her own mother and wasn't able to be there for her.....and like me, wasn't at her side when she died. Doesn't help much, but some.So just as you said....."....we both made the best choice we knew at the time....", it becomes a huge regret, but an understandable one. This is, and should be, different that plain guilt. It's not easy at the best of times to try to see all the ramifications of our choices, so add in dysfunction and a myriad of problems, and it's incredibly confusing! I also happen to personally believe that our own situations are created for the express purpose of working out our own inner lessons, whatever they may be. This view helps me in some ways to accept problems that arise, as I know there's a lesson in there somewhere, as well as helping me to separate MY responsibilities from anothers'.So I know where you're coming from and understand how hard it is to reconcile these things in the face of tragedy combined with loss. It's not like we're the ONLY ones in the world who've ever had to deal with such things, but it still FEELS like it.....right? And we just have to honour how we feel, all rationalization aside. It WILL get easier to cope with in time, but it will take quite a while, maybe years and years. Complicated grief is just like that. While it's a depressing thought to say the least, on the other hand, realizing how long it can take also can serve to ease up any self-imposed pressure to heal YESTERDAY. So many things are ambiguous in complicated grief and I think those of us who have these added burdens face many more challenges to overcome during our mourning. It can be truly exhausting. And the longer family troubles continue alongside, the more exhaustion we feel. So I would suggest you do whatever tiny things you can for yourself along the way...whatever personally gives you a little lift, even if it's something that takes only a moment.....and let them add up, to try to counterbalance all the complications. Eat as healthily as you can, get a bit of some form of exercise, sleep enough if you can manage it, and don't stuff feelings down. I was also thinking that perhaps ( not that we want to lose you here!, but it may be very good for you ) you could check out services for those who've had a loss from murder and other extra-traumatic events. I know there are some available cuz I saw them when searching for online help. You might also want to look into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.....and I know there's tons on that online. Your mom's tribute pages were just lovely and I hope it helped you to create it. Me, I've not even had the time or energy to create such a thing....plus it seemed rather pointless with no one who'd really want to, or be able to ( lack of computers ) view it anyway, other than me. And I noted your parents lived in Prince George. I have an Uncle who's still there, as far as I know...one of my Mum's brothers. And the family friend who helped me out some after my Mum's death is Dutch.....still with a heavy accent, though he's lived in Canada forEVER! Your mom's best friend also shares my Mum's name.Let us know if there's any more progress with the pokey RCMP. ( I'm getting NOWHERE with my brother's crimes, to date ) <sigh> Justice is almost impossible to come by in this world anymore, I'm thinking more and more each passing day. I do think your father's chickens will come home to roost in some way, but I also realize that's not nearly a good enough feeling for the victims - we wanna be there to SEE it and relish it! So in the meantime, rant all you want here, whenever you want! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 It has been quite some time since I have been here....Today I am going to see the RCMP for an update....It has been almost nine months since Moms death and still I have no answers from them... fear is starting to consume me once again that this will become a cold case... I pray that the RCMP will give me some hope... for hope is all I have left....Some days this is so hard but I guess you all know what I mean... it seems as if this journey is getting easier and then boom the guilt sets in and I feel lousy and as if I am letting her down... dont really know how to explain it... I guess its guilt from carrying on and actually seeing light at the end of the tunnel... Does anyone else feel this??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted August 29, 2006 Report Share Posted August 29, 2006 Hi Penney,I have been thinking about you for the last couple of weeks, wondering what has happened and how you were! I am so glad you posted again. I so hope you get some answers. I know what torture this must be for you to have to grieve AND go through trying to get justice at the same time. I think you are an amazingly strong woman! Yes, I think we all feel guilt about going on. Like we're betraying the one we lost or it looks like we've "gotten over" their death. But we know this isn't true. It's just that life goes on and we have to learn to live again. Especially when we have others in our lives to consider. And, like we always say, our loved ones would want us to be ok. You have fought tirelessly to get justice for your moms murder, so you have gone on and been strong out of your love for her. I'm sure she knows this and is incredibly proud of you.Good luck with your visit with the RCMP. Keep us posted.Big hug,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted August 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Thanks ShellI did get to talk to the RCMP yesterday....still no newsThey told me that they have come across some new info and wished they could tell me but they can't.This is so very difficult... not knowing when this will all come to light...They want me to have faith... which I am desperately trying to do but at the same time its hard...I guess I am seeking closure... I have managed to find some comfort in my life and as you said, we must carry on and I have to consider my kids & hubby...this is so hard for them to watch me struggle with it but I have finally gotten a grip on my anger towards my father and sister....My father I just want for him to pay for what he has done.... my sister.... well who knows what is going through her mind but I guess she has made her choices and it is her loss to no longer have me as a part of her life....It is all so very messed up... but I just keep taking one day at a time for this is reality.... and I have to accept that and make the most of it....It was so great hearing from you, thank you so much for your kindness and caring...it means the world to me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Penny, I am sad to hear that you are still having difficulty with this situation. I know that you have the faith that there will be some clousure to this. Just keep praying to God and let him take care of the rest. I know this is hard to do, we are the type that want to be able to be in the middle of things so that we will know everything that is going on. It sounds like you have a wonderful Husband who is caring and understanding. Something some told me in another post is this, if you are having a hard time dealing with a whole day at a time break it down to hours or minutes if you have to. Sometimes thinking about a whole day ahead of us is very scary, so just think to yourself, I can do this for one more hour. When that hour is up, then say I can do it for the next and so on and so forth, before you know it the day will be gone.Lord, I just pray that you will be with Penny as she goes through this period of waiting. Lord be with the dectectives on this case and guide them towards the evidence they need to convict her father for the crime that he has commited. Justice on this Earth will not be sufficient to pay for his crime, but ultimately he will have to face you one day and will recieve judgement from you. God, I pray now that you be with Penny and hold her and confort her, be with during the day and let her feel your peace. It is in Juses name I pray.Derek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Penny,Well, not GREAT news, but some promise! At least they are still working on it and the fact they have come across some new info sounds hopeful. Hang in there. Cases like this can sometimes take a long time to get enough evidence to lead to an arrest and take to court. I'm so glad for you that you have come to terms with your feelings about your father and sister. It will help you cope better. Someday, maybe you will finally get your closure. I certainly hope so. In the meantime, try to have patience (so much easier said than done!)Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Hi ShellThank you so much for the support.... I feel as if I am slipping backwards again....I saw the RCMP again today.... it sort of threw me for a loop that they offered to come and see me on my lunch... I was hopeful that they had good news for me but it was totally opposite....I can tell they are grasping at straws now... not a good sign.... they mentioned that can't understand why so many people refuse to get involved which is so mind blowing to me....I know they have witnesses that can contribute information that would be helpful to the case but these individuals don't want to be involved.... I just don't get it and it really pisses me off.... this is my mom's murder... did she mean so little to these people.... it is so hard to stay positive and to have faith in mankind.... it really tears at my heart and I am so helpless....Sorry I am having a bad day as you can tell.... thanks for letting me blow off steam.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted September 1, 2006 Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Penny, Unfortunately in todays sociaty people are too afraid to get involed. They are scared that who they testify against will come back to get them. I don't know if it the same in Canada, but down here criminals get paroled too early then they go to get revenge on the people that put them in jail. Just keep the faith that this will all work out, and remember there will be a day that he will have to face that crime, although it my not be here on Earth. And I don't know about you, but punishment here on Earth is a piece of cake to the punishment God hands out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leann Posted September 1, 2006 Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Hi, Penny,My goodness.....I can't even begin to imagine what must be going through or find adequate words to comfort you. Please know you're in my prayers each night.Wishing you comfort and peace,Leann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted September 1, 2006 Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Penny,Blow off steam anytime you want. I'm so sorry that it seems to be stalling out. Do you suppose people are afraid to come forward for fear your father would retaliate? It's just heart wrenching to see so many people able to get away with murder! I'm beginning to think there isn't a decent police department anywhere! It's crazy. Hang in there, some day there may be a break in the case. I feel so for what you are having to go through, I just can't imagine. I think you are doing pretty great myself. A big hug,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Thank you all for your support....Last night was a hard one for me.... My hubby came home from work and asked me what was wrong.... I was in tears losing my faith in all of this...One of his buddies called 5 min later he left to run an errand for him...I was so hurt....When he came home I just got in my car and went for a drive to the drugstore to get my ativan refilled... I was doing so good, had quit taking them and I was a wreck.... he knew I was upset but never said a word.....I know it must be hard for our loved ones to watch us go through the low points on this terrible journey but how do you make them understand the emotional pain we are experiencing....Some days, I just feel so alone with no one to turn to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Penny,Boy, I think we can all relate to the feelings of being alone, having no one to talk to, or turn to for help! Forunately, I have one friend I feel I can always turn to (actually someone from this board that has become a very close friend!) and that has helped me keep my sanity. Just remember, we are all here for you. I know it's not the same as face to face, but come here and talk anytime you're feeling lonely. Sorry your husband hurt you. Men can be so insensitive (Sorry, guys, but most of you are! NOT the ones on this board, however....you are the rare jewels among men!).Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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