Rayon Posted September 3, 2006 Report Share Posted September 3, 2006 Penny,I understand about how hubby's can be insensitive. I lost my father two weeks ago, and my husband sometimes acts like it happened years ago, and I should be over it.He has a very large group of very successful friends who have parties every weekend, so imagine having to go to these parties, and have them talk about their "perfect" families, big homes and cars, and "perfect" children and beautiful blonde, blue-eyed grandchildren. And never asking about my father. My husband has both his parent's even though his father drinks and smokes heavily, and unlike my dad, his father has never been a good father. I feel more comfortable talking to people who have gone through loss, and are still grieving, and luckily I found this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted September 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2006 Hi RayonI can't imagine having to go through what you do..... I guess in one sense I am fortunate that my in laws live far away and don't seem to have much interest in keeping in touch.....I don't have to watch everyone else with their families so I should be thankful.... weirdly enough anyways....I guess my biggest struggle is with my co-workers.... they all know what I am going through yet no one ever asks me how things are going....They all knew that the RCMP came to work to talk to me and could see I was on the verge of tears but not one person said a word.... I just can't understand how people can be so insensitive....That is the reason I come here.... everyone is so wonderful and supportive and no one ever judges you....Thanks everyone....Rayon you are in my thoughts and prayers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayon Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 (edited) Penny,It must be very difficult for you, especially the way your mother died. I am so sorry. I know about co-workers....bottom-line they just want the work done, since it's not their parent's who died. I took two weeks off from works, for that exact reason, that they would want me back to normal doing my job duties, when at this moment all I want to do is cry.But I hope you get answers to your mom's death soon. Even though there is such thing as karma, and justice after death, I also would hope to see justice done here on earth for people who commit terrible crimes. Edited September 4, 2006 by Rayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Well guys.. today is my b-day....I awoke in tears....such a wonderful way to wake up...I feel as if I am this souless being floating along through this journey with no hope....Why does life have to carry on? I miss my Mom so much and the reality that she will not call me today is brutally painful...If only she was here to hug me and tell me everything will be ok... it is getting closer and closer to the anniversary of her death and still nothing is solved.... it is so hard to bear the reality that maybe, just maybe nothing ever will be done.... I don't know if it just because this day is a reminder that she is gone forever or if it is the approaching anniversary that has sent me spiralling...I keep telling myself that it will pass and yes I know deep in my heart it will it still does not make it any easier.... I guess all of you know that already....I have to work today and my boss made an announcement that there would be a birthday celebration today.... everyone was guessing who's birthday it is and I said nothing.... I dont' want any one wishing me happiness....I just want this day to be over already....I dont think I will be able to keep it together...I thought about calling in sick but I was already off due to this cold and infection for the first two days this week.....so really it is not an option....I hope everyone will pray for me to stay in control... I am thankful for everyone sending me birthday wishes and letting me know that you are thinking of me today...Thanks Trudy for the personal msg... I know that you can understand where I am at today emotionally and just wanted to say thanks for thinking of me.... you are an angel....Sorry for babbling along... and thank you all for your friendship... it means the world to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 My dearest Penny,You have gone through so much just since I have been here and my heart breaks for you that you are still have to go through more. Birthdays are difficult and I tried to not think about my own recently. You are continuly in my thoughts and prayers and I awsk God to hold you and walk you through today. My you feel his peace and realize that we are all here for you. Hope your birthday turns out good today, and A Happy Birthday to you. Give your self a hug from me.Love Derek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Penny, dear ~Here is a birthday gift for you, and for all of us:We Send You Our Blessings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 Penny,Happy Birthday. I know what a hard day it will be, but we will all be thinking of you.A BIG hug,shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted October 8, 2006 Report Share Posted October 8, 2006 PennyI do hope today has been better for you. I have been praying for you.Shell,I drove through your state today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted October 8, 2006 Report Share Posted October 8, 2006 Oh, wow, I wish you could have stopped to see me! Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted October 9, 2006 Report Share Posted October 9, 2006 I might have if I had known what part you were in. I was driving along I-20 to Aiken, SC.Derek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted October 9, 2006 Report Share Posted October 9, 2006 Next time pm me and let me know you're coming through. I'll let you know where I am!Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hi all...Well, I made it through the dreaded day.... Today is another... Thanksgiving...After receiving all of your well wishes and support there came a river of tears....I came to the realization that even though my current situation is dreary and not looking to hopefull, there is a huge positive in all of this....YOU!I have no clue as to how to express my thanks to everyone... if you only knew the impact you guys have had on my life....Today is a day to be thankful.... I am. Marty, I don't know if you are aware.... but your gift of giving to people could move mountains.. (I know tacky cliche) Your impact you have had on my life as well as many others is immeasurable. How to thanks you? Well I can't thank you to the measurement you deserve... You are an angel...Derek, Shell, everyone who has ever posted on this site with words of encouragement.. thanks...It is so amazing that you can put your own pain aside and reach out to others in need. For all who are celebrating thanksgiving (and for those who just can't) at least please (my request) take the time to find something to be thankful for... I know it is very difficult for so many in these times of sorrow but there is hope.... Here I go babbling again.... love to you all!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daddyslilgirl Posted October 9, 2006 Report Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hi Penny. I am new here, but I just finished reading your post and I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted October 10, 2006 Report Share Posted October 10, 2006 Penny,I am glad you made it through your holiday. And what a wonderful thing for you to find something to be thankful for! I think that is the best advice I've heard so far concerning Thanksgiving. You're right...even in all this pain, we all have SOMETHING to be thankful for and we should focus on that.Hugs to you,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Tough Day...I know it has been quite some time since I have been here....today is the anniversary of mom's death.....I feel empty... I miss her so much and just with I could hold her in my arms again...Last night, I stayed up and lit a candle for her at the time she passed away, cried lots and hugged my beloved little mr bear....Today is my mom day, nothing else matters but focussing on my memories we shared. I have started creating her memorial wreath with candles that I will light on christmas day... I thought it would be so very difficult when I decided to make this but to my amazement, it was heart warming..My sister in law said it is pretty sparkly but that is what mom loved.... sparkles...and this is her wreath so why not....I would suggest to everyone to try this, it is very healing...On wednesday I get to go to see the RCMP once again.... still no arrest....I have been hoping they will have some good news for me but time will tell...My hubby saw my father the other day and it was all he could do to control himself.... It is so difficult to hear that a murderer is walking free able to continue living life while my beloved mother has had her life ripped away...He has his new little girlfriend (same one he had) and living up life.... it is so unfair, where is the justice in this world???I still have not spoken with him or my sister nor do I plan to anytime in the future....Now if I could only figure out how to rid myself of the anger and rage towards them....Anyways I am babbling once again....thanks for listening.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trudy1964 Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Penny,I know this must be a very hard time for you. The one year mark and the holidays all rapped into one. Remember, we are all here for you. I think about you often. I knew you would come back when you needed us. You don't have to light the wreath only during the holidays. After my mom passed away, we said a rosary. It was beautiful. The room was glowing with peace. I light a blessed candle when I am home. I feel that same peaceful feeling when it is lit. I also feel my Mom so strong when that candle is burning. She is so close.Just remember, you dad and your sister have to live with what they have done and the choices they have made. They may get turned around at they pearly gates and never get to heaven. You will surely be reunited one day with you Mom and I hope to see my Mom again one day.Missing my Mom,Trudy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted December 4, 2006 Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Penny,I'm so glad to hear from you again...we have all missed you. I, too, think of you often and wonder if any justice has come your way. I can only imagine the rage and anger you must feel. Hopefully, someday he will have to pay for what he has done and you will get some relief from those feelings. The wreath sounds beautiful and I'm so happy it gave you some comfort.Hang in there, Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Thanks Shell & TrudyWell I made it through the day..I guess I know now, there will always be tough days but they seem to go by with a little more ease each time.... I guess that means I am healing.....Just wanted to tell you guys how grateful I am to have you guys to lean on...As I have said many times before, it is so amazing that you can lend me support yet you are going through so much as well....I can never thank you enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 Well its been a long while since I have been here.... mom's birthday just passed by a few weeks ago.... still no arrest...still no answers... my hubby has decided that he wants out of our relationship... it feels as if I have lost again and brings up all the hurt and pain of losing mom....emotions are running rampant and I feel so alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 Oh, Penny, I'm so sorry. Men tend to take off when times are tough (sorry to all the decent guys who don't do that!). I was so hoping that you would have found some justice for your moms death by now. It seems almost anyone CAN get away with murder today! But, you never know when something will break and so always keep hope that it will all come together someday. Please don't feel alone. You have us. I think of you so often and wonder how you're doing. Hang in there, you've been through so damn much! Maybe in a weird way, the split with your husband will give you some kind of new beginning. Maybe a sort of peace. Big, big hugs to you,Shell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsyheart95 Posted August 31, 2019 Report Share Posted August 31, 2019 My mother beaten and strangled to death by my ex step father on Dec. 5 2009. He’s been in prison going on 7 years. People always say that it’ll get easier and that I will have days where it doesn’t cross my mind but the truth is that there is not one single day of my life that my mother doesn’t sit in the back of my mind.. I miss her more than any words could describe. There are days I need her so bad when I just don’t know what to do and I know she would that. It’s the most horrible feeling. She was stolen from me, ripped from my life. And at the worst age possible, 14. I needed her more than ever at that age.. But it has inspired me to become a detective.. so in a way I guess I drew some good from the wicked evil acts done upon my mother.. by channeling my pain and anger and my now lizard brain into a career.. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 31, 2019 Report Share Posted August 31, 2019 2 hours ago, gypsyheart95 said: But it has inspired me to become a detective.. so in a way I guess I drew some good from the wicked evil acts done upon my mother.. by channeling my pain and anger and my now lizard brain into a career.. Of that I have no doubt. Good for you. But if you're still feeling as if your grief has gone unresolved, unaddressed or otherwise may be interfering with your ability to function, then I hope you will consider a session or two with a qualified grief counselor whose practice includes coping with traumatic loss. What happened to your mother is beyond horrible, and it comes as no surprise to me that, as you say, the loss of your mother and the way that she died still sits in the back of your mind. I am so sorry ~ and I hope that your experience serves to inform your own practice as a detective serving the public. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 31, 2019 Report Share Posted August 31, 2019 I am so sorry! That this happened to your mother is horrible, I don't know what's wrong with people. I am so sorry for that 14 year old girl in you that needed your mom and couldn't have her. I am an avid fan of Dr. Phil...not always the show contents, but of him, how he responds, what he teaches. He always says it's important to lend meaning to the bad things that happen in our lives (such as John Walsh's work with missing persons following his son, Adam's murder), and you are doing that by being a detective. I applaud you for that and I bet you make a great one, too! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted September 4, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2019 On 8/31/2019 at 4:18 AM, gypsyheart95 said: People always say that it’ll get easier and that I will have days where it doesn’t cross my mind but the truth is that there is not one single day of my life that my mother doesn’t sit in the back of my mind.. Hi Gypsyheart, It’s been a long time since I was here, I am the one who started this post. First and foremost, I am truly sorry for your loss. I believe grief is very individual. Some people cope easier than others, some people have the ability to move forward in their lives more quickly than others. It’s been many years since I’ve lost my mom. Her case has gone cold. Personally I have found it easier now but there’s still days that trigger my emotions. Now for myself, I’m just waiting for the day that my father dies. I am hoping this will bring some relief within myself and some closure. Like you, I see her pictures around my house and think of where she is now. Will we see each other again? I’m not sure what the afterlife brings. My thoughts of her are more positive, I have accepted the fact that my father won’t be held accountable. I try to focus on the great memories that I shared with her instead of the bad. Also I still see a counselor when the negative thoughts start creeping up on me. Everyone here are very supportive whenever you need to vent. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 4, 2019 Report Share Posted September 4, 2019 Penny, Thank you for coming back here for Gypsyheart. It's abhorrent that your father wasn't held accountable. I believe in a judgment day, some believe in karma, I guess I do to some extent but it doesn't seem it's always distributed as it should be. I have learned not to hold my breath for it. I think the greatest thing we can do is not let what they did hold power over us, which is hard in itself. It's good you remember the good memories with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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