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kayc

Living with Loss

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I haven't tried him on that although he often gets treats from my plate.  My cat likes greek yogurt so maybe Arlie would...

Had a rough morning yesterday.  Tried switching him to CBD oil instead of hemp oil, no way!  He refused his food, said I'm not touching that nasty stuff!  The CBD oil for dogs has a nasty odor to it.  I had to fix a new batch of food before he'd eat.  Took two eggs to get him to eat his food.  He's cut down on his pooping which concerns me.

One week from today, that's all we have left.

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Thank you, I appreciate the prayers.

Five days left with him as Friday morning we have to leave early to take him to the out of town vet.

This morning I gave him breakfast in bed as he isn't feeling well.  He ate the homemade, we'll see about the rest.  I mixed an egg in with his dry food, even poured my runny yolk on his.  I don't want to pressure him to eat, just provide something appealing to him in case he's hungry.  

We have cool weather this week, and some rain, made to order for him.  My heart is feeling sad but I'm trying to shove those thoughts aside and just be here for him.

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Thanks, Johnny.

Went to the vet (50 miles from here) yesterday to get the paperwork to fill out...I don't want to do it his last few minutes.  They told me they have to do an exam to determine his physical state before doing the euthanasia, some state law.  I just about lost it when she told me that.  I can't for the life of me find what I did with the blood test results so will have to call my former vet Monday.  The gal that made the appt. last Monday never mentioned anything about this so I want to talk with her again.

 

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Yesterday he had a pretty good day...I got this picture of him. He's still giving me memories. My neighbor came over today to get a "paw print" of him in paint...he freaked out and took off, black paint flying everywhere. Her baby was crying and I'm sure that added to it. I got it all cleaned up and him calmed down and stupid me, I had to try it again! Just got through cleaning it up again. :D

67873548_10219897629649052_7810133045473705984_n.jpg

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Anticipatory grief is like death in slow motion...but you still get hit with that final thud.

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This morning Arlie wanted to walk down and see his favorite dog, Sammy.  They played for a bit and then he walked home, snail pace, panting, tired, but happy.  

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7 hours ago, kayc said:

This morning Arlie wanted to walk down and see his favorite dog, Sammy.  They played for a bit and then he walked home, snail pace, panting, tired, but happy.  

😍 Sweet Arlie Happily living in the moment.  Dee

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On 8/11/2019 at 1:11 AM, kayc said:

They told me they have to do an exam to determine his physical state before doing the euthanasia, some state law. 

That seems ridiculous and unnecessary...

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On 8/10/2019 at 7:02 AM, kayc said:

My heart is feeling sad but I'm trying to shove those thoughts aside and just be here for him.

Awww...I feel for you and think about you and Arlie every day...

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The reason for doing an exam prior to (although it should only be brief and non-invasive) is to determine such things as how much pre-euthanasia sedative to use, how much phenobarbital is needed (re: weight, etc.), and to help determine the recommended type (of three common methods) of administration of phenobarbital, based on such things as how far along an animal is, or isn't (re: possible organ shut-down, size and condition of veins, etc.), in the dying process. It is also usually a legal requirement regarding medical accountability for the chosen drug amounts and methodology. Since all things "medical" come with risks or consequences, it is both necessary and wise to do an "assessment" prior to administration of such drugs.

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Actually, they told me it's to determine if he NEEDS euthanasia because they can't kill animals that still have quality of life.  For every law there is a reason and I shudder to think someone would put down an animal that is in good health (my mom did).   I hope it isn't extensive, he just had a physical two months ago and they usually get their weight coming in.  He weighed 106 two months ago, I'm sure he's gained since then...I've been coaxing/bribing him to eat with goodies mixed in.  If he gained five lbs, who cares?  He's dying!   My bigger concern was him stopping eating.  I'm proud that I've been able to keep him eating, that doesn't usually happen.  Sometimes he waits 2-3 hours in the morning, but so far he hasn't missed a meal.  The SAM-e and Hemp oil have been a help to how he feels.

I just  hope it goes well...when we had Lucky euthanized, she fought it.  That was a horrible memory, I've never seen an animal do that before.  She was so anxious, but Arlie is too, although he usually has trust in me.  I'm glad my son will be with us.

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Don't ever let anyone try to diminish what you feel or judge you for it.  It 's extremely disrespectful and inappropriate and I set anyone straight when they give me inappropriate response.

Tomorrow morning I have to have my beautiful sweet Arlie euthanized. It's killing me.  My sisters tried to tell me how to feel, that I "shouldn't" feel this way, blah blah blah.  I set them straight.  One apologized, one got mad and said, "Well there's NOTHING I can say to help you then!"  And I replied, "No, there IS nothing you can say, I just have to go through the process, but your being there and caring means the world to me, more than you can know."

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Kay,

You are on my heart. I'm so glad you won't be alone tomorrow and will be able to be with the grandkids.

Sweet Arlie will always be by your side.

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He's having a hard day today, sleeping, confused, no energy, doesn't even want to get up for a treat.  I know I'm doing the right thing, but oh my gosh it hurts so bad!  I feel like my heart is breaking in two!  And I feel like a traitor, planning for his death, oh God this hurts!

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You are Arlie’s savior !

You are breaking your heart to allow him to go to his rest and peace with dignity, knowing how much he was loved by you.

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This was the hardest thing I've been through since losing George, it felt like that all over again.  I've had 23 dogs & cats in my life and this was by far the hardest.  I feel like I betrayed him, but I know with my head I did what was best for him.  I took him on his last walk, fixed his last breakfast, I gave him his Colitis homemade mixture plus scrambled eggs with cheese and mushrooms, he loved it!  My son and I both cried so much today and I have a lot of tears ahead of me...I am heartbroken.  

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9 hours ago, CairnLady said:

You are Arlie’s savior !

You are breaking your heart to allow him to go to his rest and peace with dignity, knowing how much he was loved by you.

Thank you, I needed to hear that right now.

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I took him for his last walk, he got his last ride, he cried when they gave him the first shot, they'd said it was a brutal one. We laid on the floor with him while we were waiting for him to get sleepy, I kissed him and told him how good he was, and how much I love him.  My son and I both bawled, it was so hard.  I haven't had this much pain since my husband died, my heart was literally broken in two.

We laid him to rest in the back yard next to Skye...Skye was like a brother to him, he's been gone six years come 9/3.

I was privileged to have had this dog in my home, my family, my heart, he's been the best.

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My dear Kay, so many of us have been where you are now, and we know how much this hurts. To place the needs of your beloved Arlie before your own is a most selfless act of love. I am so sorry. How I wish the lifespan of our beloved companions would match our own, but that is not meant to be. I hope that the love you share with Arlie will bring you comfort, and that when you think of him, love is what you'll remember most. :( 

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Keeping you in my thoughts and love, Kay.  I am so sorry.  I know you did what you needed to do for your beloved Arlie.  I am here if you need to talk. 

Anne

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I'm so sorry, Kay.  While we animals lovers care so deeply for our pets, every once in a while one comes along that is just a little more special.  I know that for you that was Arlie. RIP sweet boy.  You were so loved.

Mary

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