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kayc

Living with Loss

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The living with loss continues...I keep expecting to see him on the loveseat or wanting to give him my "last bite of food."  It's still so hard to believe I won't see him any more.  :(

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Had something strange happen today...I came home from working at the church and Arlie's recliner by the window, the footstool was out.  I haven't sat on it, the cat was outside all day, it wasn't like that when I left...made me wonder.

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Last night I dreamed about losing Arlie, all night long, it was horrible.  I wake up and it's real...the thing I've feared most since I met him.  I can't wake up from this dream.  :(

 

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23 hours ago, kayc said:

Last night I dreamed about losing Arlie, all night long, it was horrible.  I wake up and it's real...the thing I've feared most since I met him.  I can't wake up from this dream.  :(

 

I'm so sorry. Our minds have a mind of their own.  I will pray for peace and protection from these disturbing dreams, my friends. - Shalom (Peace)

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Thanks, and I'm praying for you in this storm...

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8 hours ago, kayc said:

Thanks, and I'm praying for you in this storm...

I am home and work has been cancelled for tomorrow.  The eye of the storm appears to be veering east which is a good thing. The latest forecast for tomorrow are rain and winds up to 35 mph.  I plan to hunker down and enjoy this day off.  Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers. - Shalom (Peace)

 

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Thank you for letting me know, George, I have been praying continually.  My internet is intermittent and t.v. may be as well, we're having a storm here, nothing like Dorian though!  Thunder and lightening, wind, hail, rain, until 4 am (7 your time).  I managed to walk Joe this morning before it started.  Rain following tomorrow, all week along with cooler weather.  It got over 100 today, not predicted above 88.

Enjoy your day off, you don't get many of them.  

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We are having a tremendous thunder & lightening storm, lasting 36 hours, with wind gusts and rain.  Extreme fire danger with the lightening.  Someone posted on FB about their dog being afraid of thunder...it seems everything triggers my loss.  Arlie wasn't afraid of it, he was so self-assured, it was pleasant.  My previous dog had been scared of everything.  He did have separation anxiety but if he was in his security zone (doghouse, pen, or in the house with me), he was fine.  I miss that boy so much.  He was just one of a kind.  I realize now that my never minding being alone was largely because I had him here with me.  Now I'm truly alone...reaching out to God.

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3 hours ago, kayc said:

He was just one of a kind.  I realize now that my never minding being alone was largely because I had him here with me.  Now I'm truly alone...reaching out to God.

kayc:   So understand the comfort zone you felt with Arlie being with you.  During daylight hours Maddie usually lies on her bed in the front window always letting me know there is someone on our property or near our driveway.  Is so comforting, she is my alert system.  Can't think how quiet it would be without her.  My heart still breaks for you.  Dee

 

 

 

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The storm is lasting much longer than the 36 hours predicted earlier.  Now they're saying through Saturday night.  A friend was injured badly yesterday, hydroplaned, vehicle flipped, they have him on a back board, he's in a lot of pain.  I'm so worried about him and his family, they've been through so much, they have a severely autistic son, their house burned down, Robert was already disabled, his wife needs surgery, and now this!  I just don't know how much more they can take.  She is the sole breadwinner.  

My elderly ladies are counting on me driving them around today and Monday, I'm not sure what to do.

Last night was hard without Arlie there, I always felt secure with him there.  The storm woke me up off and on throughout the night.  The thunder was deafening.  I read on FB that a couple of small fires started from the lightening, I pray they get them out quickly!

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Praying that you stay safe and dry, dear Kay. If conditions are that bad, I hope your elderly ladies will cancel their plans and relieve you of any commitments you made to them. 

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I don't wish to be next.

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On 9/5/2019 at 6:59 PM, kayc said:

Thank you for letting me know, George, I have been praying continually.  My internet is intermittent and t.v. may be as well, we're having a storm here, nothing like Dorian though!  Thunder and lightening, wind, hail, rain, until 4 am (7 your time).  I managed to walk Joe this morning before it started.  Rain following tomorrow, all week along with cooler weather.  It got over 100 today, not predicted above 88.

Enjoy your day off, you don't get many of them.  

The eye of the Hurricane Dorian passed further east of me so there was just raining and some winds.  We were spared. Electricity and internet stayed on.  I'm heading out for work in a few minutes. I wanted to let my friends here know I am doing okay. KayC, stay safe and use wisdom about travel and helping your friends.  Peace be with you in your travels, home, and sleep. - Shalom

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George,

This is wonderful news!  Monday's travel canceled and I may be canceling Fridays also.  I'm so glad your house is spared!  Storm has abated, now for them to get all the fires out, all small but past experience tells me they can get out of hand quickly, about 40 in all close by.

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I am still bawling every day.  Everything is a reminder of how much I miss him.  He was the perfect dog for me, there is none like him.  I hope he knows how much I love him and that I didn't want to euthanize him, I hope he doesn't feel betrayed.  I don't know that I'll be at peace with this until heaven.  I still struggle with eating and not being able to give him the "last bite."  My home feels so empty.  :(

I finally heard from that dog rescue I inquired of, they want me to drive 3 1/2 hours to stand in line before 6 am, to maybe get a dog that may or may not be good with cats.  They can't be bothered to check that out.  They should have known that before they listed him!  $550 for a mutt! No guarantees they won't sell him to someone else first.  They've cut off the "holding him" part because of THEIR lack of response in time!  I tried getting them to answer my question for TWO weeks!  I am still bawling over Arlie and it feels hopeless I'll ever get a dog.  The humane society just has chihuahuas and pit bulls, the ones I'd consider are on a "found" list for three months and they won't even show them, let alone adopt them out.  Their fosters get first pick.  And the other rescue places I checked require you live within 30 miles of Eugene, I'm 60-75 miles away depending on where in Eugene.  It's ridiculous. I looked on Craig's list, unless I'm willing to take a Chihuaua or Pit Bull or something large, nope.  Cats everywhere, but not dogs.  I had the perfect dog for me, perfect.  :( 

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Oh Kay, I'm so sorry. To think that someone who loves dogs as much as you do, and who is so willing to open your heart to another homeless pooch ~ and to think that you are faced with so many obstacles ~ as you say, it's ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous! I hope and pray that yet another dog is out there, just waiting for you to find him (or her). You are one of the most determined individuals on the planet, and I truly do believe that one day you will find what you are seeking ~ not as a replacement for Arlie, but as a most deserving successor to him, and a living receptacle for all the love you have to give to a canine companion. 

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Kay,

Have you looked on Petfinder to find rescues closer to you?  I think they still list shelters and rescues by area.  If you could find a dog you're interested in that is living in a foster home, you'd be able to find out if he/she is good with cats and get answers to most other questions you might have. 

I know around here, most of our shelters are full of pit bulls also.  It's pretty sad. 

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For what it's worth, two of my granddoggies are pit bulls, and they are as sweet and as gentle as can be, and they are great family dogs. Pit bulls have been vilified in the media as dangerous and vicious monsters, but it is the owners of pit bulls (and of any other breed, for that matter) who are to blame if their dogs are not properly trained or worse, are trained to be aggressive. See, for example, 10 Reasons Why Pit Bulls Rule  

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Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your input on pitbulls, Marty❣️ I've been very involved with breed-specific bans petitions for many years now (plus knowing a no-kill rescue org's founder who's very educated about dogs; she also finds pitbulls wonderful) and couldn't agree more about how sweet-natured most "pitties" truly are! (including Michael Vick's canine victims) I have never met a rescued Pittie yet who's been anything but adorably sweet! 

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10 hours ago, Kacy said:

Have you looked on Petfinder to find rescues closer to you?

Yes, it is Petfinder that was not helpful to me, wanting me to drive 3 1/2 hours away to stand in line at 6 am for a dog that may or may not be available, that may or may not be okay with my 25 year old cat...that isn't acceptable to me.  I wrote to them for TWO WEEKS w/o an answer to my question, even called them, they did not return my call.  

Alas, I will have to keep my eye out and it could take a year or better to find the right one.  It is discouraging to say the least.  I am not anywhere near a major city.  Apparently most of them go through Portland, but I am closer to Eugene, although even that is some distance.  Most of the rescues I have seen want you to live within 30 miles, I do not.

I agree that Pitbulls can be wonderful, my neighbor had the sweetest one, but I as I am not allowed to have a PB mix near my grandchildren, that is not an option for me.  Chihuauas are not my choice as I've seen too many snarling yippy yappy ones to want one for myself...I realize there are many who love them more than other breeds, but they are not me.  I prefer large dogs, quieter dogs, but alas can't consider a dog that will be too strong for me as I age...my next dog could take me into my 80s and I have to consider that...otherwise I'd be looking for another Husky.

From what I have seen of the "local" (65 miles away) humane society, those fostering get first choice and it seems the fosters do not make their way into the adoption centers.  It's all rather complicated.  I guess I was very lucky when I met and adopted Arlie!

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Have you tried rescueme.org?  Some of these writeups state they are calmer:

http://husky.rescueme.org/Oregon#all1

Of course, "calmer" might mean calmer for a husky.  My English Setters are active and they're 9 and 10.  I know I'll probably not have another setter when they're gone - unless it's a very calm one, which is kind of rare.

As for the pit bulls, I have nothing against them,  but I do the people that continue to breed them.  It is a major problem when so many shelters are full of them. 

Also, I would try to find a rescue group (not a shelter or humane society) to adopt from.  Nothing against shelters, but I think for the most part, rescues keep their dogs in foster homes longer so know more about them before they adopt them out.  Most rescues get dogs from the shelter, so they say you're saving 2 - the one from the rescue and then the next one that they now have room for in the foster's home.  The only problem with rescues is that they sometimes seem to be a pain with wanting to do home visits, etc.  Some really go overboard, IMO, but I do understand where they would want to make sure the dog is going to a good home because they put their heart and soul into the dogs. 

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I don't have anything against PBs either, but I'm not going to get one if it means I can't have my grandchildren around, I'll choose another breed, it's not my place to argue the point with my son & DIL.

Huskies are very strong.  I trained Arlie not to pull but even so, they are headstrong and given the right circumstances, they can easily overtake an elderly person, that is a very real consideration.

The rescues wanting to do home visits is the very reason for their criteria of being within 30 miles, something I have no control over.

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Sometimes the rescues have volunteers closer to you that can do a home visit.  Or they network with other rescues.  When I adopted one of my setters from a national ES rescue, they had a volunteer from Brittany Spaniel rescue do the home visit because she lived nearby.

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Joe bit me yesterday, three times in succession, no warning, no growl, no curled upper lip, nothing.  I cried because Arlie never would have done that, never.  It really surprised me.  I don't feel the same now because I can't trust him.

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