Living with Loss

[Kacy]

Oh Kay, I'm so sorry.  I hope you're okay.  I thought it was wonderful that you were able to spend time with him and how great it was that he had someone to walk him.  I can see where you wouldn't be able to trust him again.  It's so hard to know why animals do things sometimes.  I'm sorry for both of you.

[kayc]

I'm okay, a little bruised, skin broken but okay, it hurt me more inside than physically.  Arlie never would have done that.  I've been around dogs all my life, this is my first bite.

[Kacy]

I've been a dog lover all of my life too and as I've gotten older, I find I'm a little leery of a lot of dogs - even ones that don't appear to be aggressive.  Guess I've heard too many stories about incidents like this.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, Kay. I know from personal experience how an incident like this can destroy your trust. When my boys were younger, we lived next door to a family with a black Lab. My boys would always warn me about that dog, telling me how he had tried to bite them at times when they were over there playing with the other kids. But I knew better. After all, like you, I've been a dog lover all my life, and I just KNEW that this guy would never bite ME. Until the day I encountered him on my front porch, knelt down to say hello, and he bit me on my arm. I was absolutely stunned ~ not seriously hurt, but stunned. Whatever trust I'd had all my life up to that point went right out the window. I learned my lesson that day, and I've been far more cautious around other people's dogs ever since ~ most especially around those not raised by me. Have you considered reporting this to Animal Control? I was hesitant to do so when this happened to me, but at the time, my physician father told me that such an incident should be reported ~ especially if you don't know whether the dog has been vaccinated against rabies. At the very least, you should ask his owner if he's up to date on his vaccinations.

[widow'15]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

I don't feel the same now because I can't trust him.

😢  So sorry kayc.  But, understand how you must feel about "I can't trust him".  Would be wonderful if animals could converse and tell us why they felt threatened.  Your walking him was a plus in his life and yours as well.  Thinking about you.  Dee

[kayc]

I had a long talk with the owner last night, I wish she'd let me know his backstory BEFORE.

[Kacy]

So, he had bitten before?  I wondered about that, but thought the owner would have at least told you beforehand.  That was really irresponsible on her part.  If I had a dog that had a bite history, I think I would keep him pretty close to home and not put him in a position to possibly injure someone else. 

Hope you're doing okay.

Mary

[kayc]

He has bitten dogs but she doesn't know about people, the owner died so this is a third owner.

I'm fine, any more problems with him though and I won't continue walking him.  I'm doing this for free, just so I don't have to walk alone (getting my dog fix) and to help them out.

[kayc]

Monday was one month...it's hard to believe, a friend of mine lost her dog Monday.  It's hard to take the reality of never kissing your sweet face again.  I'm tempted to dig you up just to see you again but I know better.  God you are missed!  I love you forever, sweet boy!

[Clematis]

On 9/15/2019 at 7:00 AM, kayc said:

I had a long talk with the owner last night, I wish she'd let me know his backstory BEFORE.

I was bitten by the dog of a friend a couple of years ago, but it was an accident. I was cat & dog sitting for a friend and gave the two dogs something the cats didn't want in a two section pet food dish. Suddenly Alice decided she wanted it all and there was an instant dog fight and I was just too close. Lena bit me once by mistake as well; I was giving her some treat, it was dark and she nipped my thumb grabbing the treat. We were both shocked. I think a lot of bites come from the animal being afraid, and some dogs have serious emotional issues just like people do. My friend's dog Alice is now taking Prozac, and my sister had a dog, Bug, that also took Prozac because, like Alice, he was so high strung (anxious). Bug bit my dad once. He yelped and my sister and I both said in unison, "What did you do to him?" since he had a long history of teasing animals. It seems like it is a rare dog that bites out of sheer aggression.

[Clematis]

On 9/18/2019 at 5:35 AM, kayc said:

Monday was one month...it's hard to believe, a friend of mine lost her dog Monday.  It's hard to take the reality of never kissing your sweet face again.  I'm tempted to dig you up just to see you again but I know better.  God you are missed!  I love you forever, sweet boy!

I am so sorry to hear about Arlie's final end. I haven't been on the site since I've been very overloaded at work, but I think about you frequently and wonder how you are doing. There will never be another Arlie but I do hope that you can find a dog who can help you on your path.

[kayc]

Thanks, Laura, and I hope your job is going well.  I've posted Memories of Arlie on this section too, the one I wrote today was a funny story. 

 

[Clematis]

1 minute ago, kayc said:

Thanks, Laura, and I hope your job is going well.  I've posted Memories of Arlie on this section too, the one I wrote today was a funny story. 

 

I'm not sure where that is...I'll look for it. I just read the last three pages on this thread to catch up. I have been writing about my last month on my thread Still Slogging Along...

[kayc]

I'm getting people now telling me I should be doing better by now and urging me to get another dog.  it seems so preposterous to me that anyone would think to tell me when enough is enough (grieving) or when/what kind of dog I should get!

The Border Collie is gone, someone else got her yesterday.  I just feel as much as I'd love a dog around here, I need more time and this seconded that.  I'm still crying over Arlie every day, he was such a perfect dog for me, anything else just doesn't measure up.  That wouldn't be fair to another dog but it's how I feel.  This is going to take some time.
 

[kayc]

 In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

I definitely felt that after taking care of my MIL so long...now I'm experiencing it after Arlie passed as much of my time was centered around caregiving him.  I find myself feeling, "If only I COULD get up at 4 am and cook for him again!"  If only, if only.  Did I stop being Arlie's mom when he died?  That breaks my heart!  It's hard to know how to fill the void even if you are super busy.  I found oddly enough my sleep improved because I was no longer keeping an ear out for him.  This transition feels as hard as going through the cancer did, just different.  I grieve every day...

Walking Joe helps, although it in no way makes up for my loss of Arlie.  Nothing makes up for hi'm m.  He was and always will be my perfect dog and I will always love and miss him.  I'm sure people are sick of hearing about him by now.  I've gotten the "you need to move on" hints, if not put into full words, I see their "looks".  I'm glad for my sister and my son that I can still talk to about him.  Most people expect you to get over your dog in a week or so, they don't expect you to still be full on grieving at six weeks.  You can't put a time frame on this!  I've never felt this way in loss of a pet before but he was so much more!  He was my family, my companion, my best friend!

[iPraiseHim]

On 9/25/2019 at 10:33 AM, kayc said:

 In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

Most people expect you to get over your dog in a week or so, they don't expect you to still be full on grieving at six weeks.  You can't put a time frame on this!  I've never felt this way in loss of a pet before but he was so much more!  He was my family, my companion, my best friend!

KayC,

You are still the person that loves and cares for Arlie.  Don't let anyone take that from you.  My beloved pets are still on my mind and hearts and it has been many years since they died.  Other people don't know what we know or feel what we feel.  I make no excuses.  Life is too short and too precious to let others perception of me steal my joy, love, or peace.  Let them MOVE ON!  ... NEXT!!! 

You will know when is the right to for you to get another pet.  Grieve and just feel the feelings.  They are a part of you and a part of us.  We do not tire of hearing about Arlie. 

BTW...  I notice no one brings up wife's name, "Rose Anne" until I do.  It is my memory, my grieve, and my heart.   We who are left behind have to learn how to deal with this every day.  We don't move on.... We move forward... one day at a time! - Shalom (Peace)

[kayc]

You can talk about her to me any time, I'd love to hear about her, I loved hearing about you guys meeting.

You're right.  I can't picture my life w/o a dog but I'm not sure I'm ready yet either, if it'd be fair to the dog.  I'm still heavily in the throes of grief.  It is what it is.  I hope he knows how much I love him...and always will.  I prayed Jesus would give him a treat, that he'd make sure he's cared for.  I just hope someone I know has connected with him and that he's with Skye.

[kayc]

So yesterday was my first birthday without Arlie and it was really hard.  I went out with my sister and a mutual friend and we shared dog stories, mine about Arlie and Skye (my granddoggy I lost six years ago).  Sunday I was tending a burn pile in my back yard and cleaned up dead branches near Arlie's grave, it was hard, I found myself (again) crying at his grave and just missing him unbearably.  I feel like I'm not progressing at all but I suppose this is just all part of the process and it takes what it takes.  I know I won't cry forever but so far I have these past 7 1/2 weeks.  He was just so perfect.

God, Arlie, I miss you!

[kayc]

I don't have a dog now that Arlie is gone, I've looked but none have struck me as the right one.  I have been walking my neighbor's dog, Joe, who is 11 1/2.  Joe is having arthritis issues and limping pronounced, so I gave them Arlie's hemp oil and was amazed yesterday at what a difference just one dose had made for him!  I had planned on returning the three unopened bottles I have but now I'm instead going to donate it for Joe.  I also donated Arlie's Comfortis to Joe and his brother & sister.  

I visit Arlie's grave and cannot help but cry, I miss him so much, in two more days it will be two months and the pain is still just as great.  It takes what it takes.  I have never had a loss of an animal hit me so great, but he was special and so was our bond.  It's as painful as losing my husband was and I thought nothing could hit me that hard.  He has been all to me these past 10 1/2 years and as my son pointed out, I got to have Arlie longer than I did George.  Not only that, but I retired with Arlie so spent more time with him, no longer having to go to work.  I guess it's no wonder it's hitting me so hard.  I love him so much and miss his sweet face.  I spent so much time just looking at him, his beautiful smile, he was beautiful and happy, always such a joy to be around.

8 1/2 weeks...in just two days it'll be two months.  Hard to believe, it feels like yesterday.

[kayc]

I am going to look at a dog Saturday, taking a friend with me.  He meets the criteria except I've heard Terriers bark a lot, I hope not incessantly, Arlie was so quiet, he had me spoiled.  But it's hard to find a quiet dog.  This is a tough decision...

Still grieving Arlie, I don't think there IS a getting over him...and I imagine the new one will trigger missing Arlie a lot...but hopefully help with the void a bit too.  Am wondering what his backstory is, he's in foster care with a rescue.

[kayc]

So I painted three rocks and put them on Arlie's grave but discovered the sealant undid when it rained, so I moved them to his doghouse as a way to honor him.  I'd cleaned out his doghouse and gotten rid of the quilts because of the cancer smell, although it pained me to do so.  I won't be using his doghouse again as I'll never have a dog that size again and his doghouse was actually built too big, fortunately he had a lot of fur to keep warm.  It will stay there as a tribute to my boy.  This place will always be his, I hope his spirit can visit and see that.

[kayc]

My Arlie,

I love you and miss you so much.  It's so hard to get used to living without you.  I clean off your grave and know your sweet body lays below it, it seems so unreal.  I wish to kiss your sweet face again, to hold you, to watch your ever present smile.  There is no dog like you, you were wonderful to live with, a wonderful companion.  You brought joy in my life, the greetings you gave me when I'd come home!  I loved your excited squeal.  You are one in a trillion, that is for sure.  The perfect roommate.  

I live for the day I can be with you again. I hope the naysayers are wrong...I just can't help but feel God is too smart to waste such a precious spirit, you are His greatest gift to me.  I love dogs, but you are tops.

[kayc]

I am heartsick.  I made the 100 mile round trip to get Jackson, a Terrier/Schnauzer.  He is everything on my list, he's 20+ lbs, adorable, he can smile, he's playful and likes to walk.  But he's bitten me four times and bared his teeth at me...and I've only had him 2 1/2 hours.  I cannot take care of a dog that bites me for everything, I can't have him around my grandkids and am scared to leave my cat alone with him.  They didn't warn me that he is vicious.  One of the bites is all the way to the bone and there's no doctor nearby.  I cleaned and dressed it, at least he has his shots.  Now I have to figure out how to get him back to them this week, sooner better than later.

It's a horrible feeling, I've never returned an animal, but then none of my dogs has bitten for any reason.  I'm choosing to think of this as a "visit" rather than an adoption, it helps because I know I'm going to have to let him go.  He met all my criteria...if it weren't for the biting.  I think it may be a while before I think of doing this again.

[KarenK]

Kay, I'm so sorry. I'm sure your heart was set to give this little guy and new home. Sometimes it is difficult to adopt a dog past puppyhood. You never know their true backstory. None of the many dogs we've had ever tried to bite, but all except Marley have been puppies. Marley too, is mostly a quiet dog, unless there are strangers or a cat nearby. She was 3+ years when we got her from the Arizona Humane Society, but walked right to the truck and jumped in the backseat liked she belonged there. She does not like loud voices and hides or wants outside when my grandson rants at things. At first, she cringed when you tried to pet her as if she'd been hit before. It's funny, although she sticks by my side, she is not affectionate to me, only Robert, but that's okay. She knows she is loved. I hope when you are ready, you can find a better match.

[brat#2]

Kay, I'm so sorry it's not going to work, but you don't need to be in that fear all the time.  That is one of the reasons I don't think I will get another animal.  We had 3 dogs and 1 cat all at one time and they were the best fur babies you could ask for.  When they all passed away of old age, they all went within a 6 month time frame and that was horrible.  I don't want to go through that pain again and also I know I won't find any animal as good as they were.  Take your time and hopefully you will feel different in a couple of months, it's just so soon after Arlie.  Hugs