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kayc

Living with Loss

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His name is Kodie...his owner named him Kobie but when my son had the tag made, he accidentally put Kodie...I told him, "When I thought of a name for him, the one that popped into my head first was Kodie!"  So Kodie it is.  And get this, he was born on my birthday, Oct. 7.  

I slept a whopping two hours last night, we were up late, my brain wouldn't shut off, then my DIL called at 3:45, waking me up.  Don't know how I'm going to live through this, but he's awfully adorable!  He's so little!

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What a cutie Kay!  Nature makes them that way to melt our hearts for the training and mishaps.  Any idea how big he’ll get?  Love the name and a shared birthday is coincidental in a mysterious way.  I can’t imagine a home with dog energy.  I have a magnet on my fridge that says.....a house is not a home without a dog.  🐩

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Four months ago today, my sweet boy, you met your rest, the best dog that ever was.  The love I have for you is immeasurable, my beautiful sweet boy.  I miss your smile so much, I miss everything about you.  I just hope you know how much I appreciate you and you will never be forgotten.  I pray I can be united with you again.

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This morning I am wishing my sweet Arlie a Happy New Year's and missing him so much.  I decided to go through my pictures of animals and organize them with a folder for each one...in so doing, I saw all the pictures of Arlie and it broke my heart for missing him all over again.  I ran across this picture and I love the smile.  So precious, my beautiful boy.

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It been five months today, sweet Arlie, since you passed.  It's hard for me to grasp that it could be that long ago when it feels you just left.  It's the hardest thing in the world, missing you.  I talk to you all the time, I wonder if you can hear me.  I hope I don't sadden you with my tears...I hope you are able to realize that someday I will see how things went for you and that you're happy and that your perspective on "the other side" is so much greater than mine is right now.  I love you, sweet boy.  You are the best dog in the world, I cherish every moment I got to spend with you.  We made so many memories together in our short 10 1/2 years together.  I am so glad you got to be MY little boy.  I love your effervescent smile, your personality and I miss your goofiness...you always made me smile and brightened my day.

I hope you've made dog friends and you can get to know your brothers and sister, Skye, Teddy, Fluffy, and Lucky, most gone before you.  You have a new brother, Kodie, I hope he follows in your footsteps with goofiness, I always loved that about you.  My wonderful big sweet little boy, my love for you will never diminish. Kitty's body lays besides yours now.  Just yesterday I placed her memorial stone in the snow above her grave.  It's hard to believe, our family of three...changed in such a short span of time.

I hope you find my husband George to give you lots of belly rubs and join in your fun with you.  You will love him.

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This week came and went marking the 11th anniversary of my adopting Arlie...the best decision I ever made.  Normally I'd buy him a new toy, he loved new toys!  I'd fix something special for him to eat and we'd celebrate together.  This is the first year this time has been anti-climatic, without him here to to celebrate with.  I can't begin to express how deeply I miss him.  My sweet Arlie, I wish there was a way I could connect with you.

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Today would be your 12th birthday, sweet Arlie.  I wish I was giving you a new toy and a treat and a ride to the park instead of talking to a grave.  I miss you, you'll always be my Valentine.  I love you so much, Arlie.

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We just lost our 14 year old Iggy yesterday (jack Russell/beagle mutt). We have no idea how to cope with this loss and have had a hard time leaving the bed/showering/eating. Each time I get out of bed there is something that reminds me of our baby and I lose it and can’t face the day. I came across this thread and have spent the last few hours reading through it and have found it therapeutic. The exact things you’re saying about Arlie are the exact emotions and thoughts I have about my Iggy. I am not a religious person and feel that I may be at a disadvantage of feeling that ‘God has him’ or that he’s in a place called heaven. I wish I cold believe that as I feel like it would help me immensely, but taking on religion for this loss is not going to happen. If there was a God they wouldn’t have taken away such a perfect, innocent and sweet creature. I have no idea how to reconcile this scenario without the crutches of religious beliefs. Its hard, but reading your story has been a bit more therapeutic for me during this difficult time. Thank you for taking the time to document you and Arlie’s story. He sounds like a fantastic soul and his personality reminds me of our baby. 

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M&B, I am glad you found something you can relate to.  You don't need to take on religion to hope for being with him again, that hope is ours who love our animals and want to be with them again someday.  I do understand what you're saying...I guess my belief in afterlife compels me to believe Arlie is in a better place than this temporary life that is flawed with disease.  I hate cancer, it should have been a four letter word instead of a six letter one.  I hate what it does to those we love, it was the hardest thing in the world to watch him go downhill and result in losing him.  But this one thing I know, our love does not end just because their bodies let them down.  I will love Arlie forever and I'm certain you love your Iggy the same.  I am so sorry for your loss!   Everything we did together, seeing the empty dishes, their toys, bed, places they laid around the house, the yard they played in, it all serves as a reminder of their absence.  It gets a little better with much time as we process our grief and begin to adjust to their absence, but I can honestly tell you that I am not yet adjusted to it six months later, I miss him so much and it may well be that this is something I carry with me the rest of my life.  And that's okay too, it's part of the price of having loved so deeply.  I visit his grave in the back yard, I talk to him even though I know that's merely where his decaying body lies.  His spirit, it's somewhere so I pray he hears me in the wind and knows my love is ever so deep, just as it always has been.  He was meant to be my dog and I his mom and I'm so glad we had those years together...I just wish they could have continued, but not with his cancer, not with his suffering.  He was my beautiful smart, sweet goofy boy and always will be.
I hope you'll start a thread and share your memories of Iggy, it's a good way to keep them alive in our hearts and memories, I'd love to read about him...when you are ready.  I've shared mine in "Memories of Arlie."

For those who do not have a concrete belief in the hereafter, I encourage you to watch a video of the galaxies and stars...or several, it makes you think about the unknown and realize we are a part of something bigger and greater than we can box into our belief system, something that defies all logic and explanation...it helps us expand our thinking into realizing that maybe...just maybe...and that's all we need for hope to live in us...

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