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On May 27, 2019, my world changed forever. My husband of 7 years and partner of almost 12 years took his final breath. It all happened so fast. One minute he was with me and the next, he was gone. He had health issues, but none were terminal so this is a complete shock. I live in Florida, the place we came to start our new life, but that means I am away from all of my family. My church friends were great for the first week or so, but have stopped calling and returned to their lives (as they should).  I just have no idea how to even start to understand all of this, and yesterday I woke up with the whole day ahead of me and its just so looooong. I'm afraid I can't survive this....

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I lost my darling wife Tammy on March 6, 2015. She had many health conditions but had just come home from a long hospital stay and was in good spirits. I thought things were looking up for us. Less than two days after coming back home, she was gone. 

Believe me, I understand. It feels like the world you live in is completely different than it was just a few short weeks ago. Losing your soul mate affects every single aspect of your life. I made a topic here shortly after Tammy died called "Dealing with those moments". Those moments where you don't know if you can go on, or honestly, even want to.

https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/8716-dealing-with-those-moments/

Many of the responses from members truly helped me and I hope will help you.

You're very early in what we call your "grief journey". The pain is unbearable at times, I know. The wouldas and couldas and shouldas play on your mind.  You've gone from knowing your place in this world to wondering if you even belong. This is the most difficult thing you'll ever go through.

So, how do we go on with life without that one person who was our everything? There's no simple answer and there is no right way or wrong way. You start by taking things a moment at a time. Then a few hours at a time and ultimately it's a one day at a time sort of existence. Don't think too far ahead. 

Early on in my grief, a member here told me something that really helped. He mentioned that even though Tammy was gone, she will always be a part of me. Heart and soul. In a way, having her love and essence inside me gave me some "oomph" to not just curl up in a ball and give up.

Right now you need to try your best to do the basics. Eat properly. Get your rest. Post here at the forum whenever you feel the need. We do understand and want to help. Consider seeing a grief counselor.

Wishing you only the best and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mitch

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2 hours ago, jimswife said:

On May 27, 2019, my world changed forever. My husband of 7 years and partner of almost 12 years took his final breath. It all happened so fast. One minute he was with me and the next, he was gone. He had health issues, but none were terminal so this is a complete shock. I live in Florida, the place we came to start our new life, but that means I am away from all of my family. My church friends were great for the first week or so, but have stopped calling and returned to their lives (as they should).  I just have no idea how to even start to understand all of this, and yesterday I woke up with the whole day ahead of me and its just so looooong. I'm afraid I can't survive this....

Jimswife,

Welcome to the group that no one wishes to belong to. I remember those early days so well. I had similar feeling and emotions.  Fortunately,  I found this safe haven where people understand, share, and care.  Mitch's advice is spot on.  I shared on here  to get the thoughts out of my head.  They are titled, "Shock and AWE"  because that was were I was for a long time.  These caring people, listen, cared and shared with me tips, articles, and compassion.  It is a safe place where these people truly understand.  I had trouble breathing, sleeping, eating, and just moving through the day.  Rest, forgive yourself, and do your best to eat and drink water. We are here for you. - George - Shalom (Peace)

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jimswife,

I've been here 14 years.  I'm so glad I found this place.  I lost my husband Father's Day, June 19, 2005.  It was sudden, he was barely 51, still had his birthday banner up.

I have anxiety anyway and this sent it soaring.  I learned to stay in today and not think about the whole "rest of my life", beyond whatever planning needs to be done.  To think too far ahead brings anxiety.  You've found a good place here, people who get it.  I remember everything like it was yesterday, which it was...it feels both like yesterday and a million years ago since we had our life together, it feels surreal even still.  I couldn't see how the sun could go on shining!  All these people walking past me in the street, didn't they know the world had just ended?!

The post I shared with you in your other thread had the things I'd learned that were helpful.  I'm sure there's a lot I left out, but you will find ways to get through this.  We'll be there with you if you want us to.

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Sorry for your loss. It's been a little over a year for me and I am still learning that the initial loss is not the only hard part. But coming here has helped a lot, many caring people some with years of dealing and some like you who are just starting your journey. Hope you will do a lot of reading from other post and links provided here.

 

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Today was far worse than the others. Jim's daughter has decided to hire an attorney to fight me because she thinks I'm hiding assets. He has been unwell for several years and had many medical issues. None were terminal, so his death was still a shock, but the bills were substantial. I already offered her any things she might want from her father, but I'm not surprised the daughter who had only talked to her dad a handful of times in the past 5 years is the greedy one who just wants a payday. It hurt. I wanted to scream, but instead, I worked. 

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jimswife, I'm glad you started a thread.  And how fresh this experience is for you at 15 days.  I'm sorry you joined the club no one wants to join.  All this is complicated by the daughter's behavior, and I'm sorry to say there's one like this in just about every family; the story is as old as time. 

Meanwhile, for the loss itself, you deal with it any way you can, perhaps by working.  Sometimes routines like jobs insulate us a little with the sense of normality in a zone of un-reality that we know we must sometime face.  The shock is real, and so is the sinking feeling of loss, the pit in your gut, the litany of "if-only-this, if only that" also known as woulda-coulda-shoulda.  Been there, done that.  😖  Others have given you good advice for self-care. That is vital.  I hope you'll check in with us often.

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I am so sorry you are going through that on top of your loss.  Somethings are just too unbearable to understand.  I don't see how she can get anywhere but she can waste her time/money trying.  

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