Totally Alone

[soalone]

Hello,

I was directed to this site by members of Hospice of the Valley. I have read several of the posts in this BB but this is my first. Please excuse any errors in posting or ettiquette.

My mother died Dec 7th, 2003. I was her only child & we lived together most of our lives. My father died when I was in my teens.

I was completely unprepared for how deeply her loss has hit me. It seemed likely that I would outlive her & I thought accepted that. But as she was not only my mother but my life-long companon her death has completely shattered me and left me so totally & completely alone in this world. Since her death I have often thought I cannot go on without her. If it were not for my dog & the worry of what would become of him I might not have hung on so far.

My mother's health had declined some the last couple of years so I had stayed home taking care of her and lost touch with the few friends I had. I had had health problems myself (am a middle-aged woman now) & my mom *always* was there for me so it was only natural for me to try to do the same for her.

Now my life is completely empty and without purpose and I am completely alone without family or friends. I am lost.

[bobsgal]

Dear Soalone,

You are not alone out there. There are many of us here, reading what you have written, holding you in prayers and thoughts.

I have not lost my parents, but I did lose my husband and best friend. We had no children, nothing left of him in this world but my love and memories. I thought surely I would dry up and die, but I didn't. Like you I had a dog, his dog, who went totally blind when he died. I was her seeing eye person and she was my reason for going on for the next 3 years. By the time she died, I had found my way online and had access to a grief newsgroup where I could share my thoughts and feelings. That brought more healing than anything else had up until that point.

Keep talking about your mom, what you did for each other to make your relationship special. It is so early in your journey, that what I am going to say probably does not appear to relate to you, and you won't want to hear that with TIME, you will find peace. You will find purpose and reason for being in your life once again, and your mom will forever be with you. You carry her and your dad in your heart, and they are with you always for everything that you experience. You may make a decision about something, and will feel instinctively that your mom is behind you in your decision. It will happen, not in a moment, not in 2 days or 2months, but eventually with time. You will not notice that it occurs exactly at such and such a moment, but eventually it happens and your realize you are healing, finding peace in your memories.

Sending you many warm hugs to wrap you in,

Love and Blessings,

Lynda(bobsgal)

[Penny]

Dear friend...

I could have written that very post. I am nearing 40 and my Mom lived with me for the past 12 years since my Dad died. Although I have a good number of friends and family members....I am now living alone for the first time in many years. Mom passed away on Oct 11, 2003. It has devastated me.

My advice....from experience over the past 3 months....find a grief counselor in your area. Unfortunately there is not one available in the city where I live. I have been told that it really helps to discuss your feelings with someone that can help you work through them.

I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. I know the heartache and the pain. I know all about being alone and I know about the fear. I also understand about the uncertainty if life can continue on.

If you wish to email me...I would love to hear from you. Please contact me at teacher89@cablelynx.com

[natheldreth]

Hi,

I am so deeply sorry for your loss, I am only 22 and lost my mom 3 months ago. she was my best friend too, and she wouldn't let me move out of the house, so i stayed and helped take care of her. I wish that I could pray for you, and all of the people on this site, to let the Lord take your pain away, but what i have realized is that He doesn't. And we can only get through this by crying and grieving. I have just started grieving. For the last 3 months i have held everything in and didn't cry, i actually thought that i was passed it and okay. but with in this last week i have cried everyday, and night. I feel better too. I know that your situation is totally different, but just know that i am here to listen and to talk to, during this time i need as many people who will listen and share as i can get, and i know that it would help you too. So please know that you are not alone, you will get through this and will be able to help so many people that have lost loved ones. I hurt for you, because i know what it feels like to be abandoned, but i just have to remain constant in my belief that Jesus is right next to me and will never forsake me.

Your friend, Natalie.

[soalone]

Thank you so much 'bobsgal', 'Penny', and 'natheldreth' for your replies. It does help some to know others have faced similar situations and survived it. It also helps to not feel so completely alone & isolated ...to know that at least somewhere in cyberspace there are some others listening.

Please keep posting - I am listening too. My thoughts and prayers to all those grieving for a loved one.