My dad's been given 2 months the grief in knowing he is dying..

[bekibot]

He was given about 2-3 months about a month a go. i feel so selfish in all the thoughts i have, and then when it comes time to want to talk about it, I feel I'm suppose to be strong.

I heard it at a time when i just started back in school in fast track program, which was in itself so intense. I also had my dad go into the hospital the first week I went in. It must have been the hardest time of my life. He went into repository failure, and before that heart failure. my little sister is going into her final year of high school, I just told her yesterday.

My dad made me power of attorney and told me when he found out how long he had, but asked me not to tell my sister. I did. just yesterday. I coulndt not tell her. I didnt want to, but i had to. I feel like it may just be only me that knows, and i just had no one to really talk to. 

My dad would tell me, there is no way, he was gonna fight and make sure he lived longer. I ended up stop seeing him for a bit, my health just from stress got so bad. my stomach was constantly in knots and i formed this strange rash on my face. 

I went to see him a few days a go and he is just so out of it. he was told not to drink, but he has been, and he is on pain medication.

I love him so much and its so hard to see him that way. but i know if i dont, if im not there ... i'm going to regret it. I'm just sitting here crying, Ive been looking up how to cope with knowing your parent is going to die. 

 I told my sister.... i just blurted it out yesterday, and didnt go about it the right way, consoling her, she didnt even react, i get it though.... its just proecessing it. but i have no phone and there is no way of her contacting me... i just spilled it and then ...well i didnt leave... she did... but I'm hoping when i go back I can talk with her more.

I just i need to process all this myself. 
I want to be strong for her, for my dad. 

I'm not perfect, the past few years for me havent been easy at all, and I've just been trying to keep myself stable and just okay.... i suffer from addiction, mental health... and and i slip sometimes, but i try so hard to just be okay. I was raped, and came out of an abusive realtionship so am dealing with my own struggles around ptsd.....and i dont mean to turn this to me... i just i want to be strong... as much as i can... and its been so hard.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry to learn of all you're going through right now, my dear, but also pleased to know that you've found your way here to us. We will stay with you as you find your own way through whatever lies ahead, so I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

I invite you to read these articles (including the additional ones listed at their bases) as I hope they speak to you in a helpful way:

Anticipatory Grief and Mourning  

Anticipatory Grief and Mourning: Suggested Resources

Should Our Dad Be Told That He Is Dying?

Tips for Helping Children and Adolescents in Grief

[kayc]

10 hours ago, bekibot said:

i dont mean to turn this to me... i just i want to be strong... as much as i can... and its been so hard.

It's okay here to make this about you because it is, it's your grief, your feelings, what you're going through...when you're with your dad, of course it's about him.  I hope you'll be able to talk with your sister, sometimes it takes a while to sink in, to "process" as you say.  I'm sorry your dad is dying, for what all of you are going through, and with what you've already just been through it must feel the last straw.  You'll get through this, I've been through rape and abuse and lost my dad when I was young.  Us kids always had each other to turn to so I hope your sibling relationship is strong, it's been my greatest thing I could count on, my sisters.

I hope you'll feel free to keep coming here, it helps to express your feelings, know they're heard.  

Thanks Marty for the articles!