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Appleman

Girlfriend ending relationship after her mother passed away

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So I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years and I have lived with her for one year. She decided to end things the day her mother passed away. I’ve read a lot of forums that indicate this is normal for people to abandon those they love during this time... my question is has anyone ever successfully reconciled with their ex after something like this? She seems confused and doesn’t know if it’s truly what she wants. I can’t bear to move on and let her go. We’ve always been there for each other thick and thin 

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I have read and responded to all of the posts in this section, most were due to SO's breaking up due to grief.  In all of these posts, I only remember one that made it through with their relationship intact.  My fiance broke up with me when his mom was dying, he was her caregiver.  He felt guilty for having spent time with me the previous year, he felt he should of spent it with his mom, so in a way I was a reminder of that, even though she was well in the previous year and he couldn't have known what would happen.  He also couldn't do a relationship at the same time as grieving, all of his focus was on his grief, his started as anticipatory.  We didn't have any contact for a few months and then after renewed contact he was yanking me around emotionally and I had to not let it affect me in order to protect myself.  Clearly, he did not know what he wanted.  This week it's been nine years since the breakup and he's just started getting therapy this year.  We have remained friends and I think it was probably meant to be that way.

Although it was very painful at the time, I was blindsided, but after a healing period, it was easier for me to have some clarity. I realize I would not want someone as a partner that would not go through thick and thin with me.  Life is certain to have it's hard places, that's guaranteed, but it's how you handle them that makes the difference.  Not everyone cuts off their partner or friends when they're grieving, but a certain number do...it is in recognizing this is their way of coping that you have to ask yourself, is this what you really want?  Really?  For life?

I'm sorry you too are joining this club that no one wanted or asked for.  I just want to assure you that clarity is around the corner...wait for it.  In the meantime, spend time with family, friends, keep busy.  Now's the time to clean out the garage or join a gym!  Good luck to you...keep us updated, okay?

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