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It takes time, but I hope you can find reason/hope for continuing...we all need that.

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I know I dont like this being the only one left, the one who is still here and left all by myself... i have no clue as to why it is me as my Richard believed he would be here until his 100s...and to be honest, at those times he was saying this there was no reasons to not believe it as he had been the healthier one...

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Jackie, you are struggling with the same feelings I am.  All of us actually.  When I joined here one of the first things I read from someone was 'when he died, half of me did too'.  Still holds true today.  I have physically been slammed since his death.  I think you said you were diagnosed 4 years ago?  Steve was too.  My decline began 2 years after his death and rapidly has progressed.  I know part is nature, age and genetics, but it feels like my body is just giving up like my heart has.  

I’m not the usual mold of glad he didn’t have to live without me as I feel he would be better at this.  He had musical passion whereas mine was tending to our family.  I have one dog left of that family and a new one that I love, but she holds no memories to sustain me.  

There’s just too much time now without him.  💔

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I've lost all my animals I had with George and then some.  Tigger left, then King George died, then Lucky.  Since then I've gotten Chappy and Miss Mocha and lost them both.  I got Kitty, still have her, got Arlie and will lose him tomorrow morning.  

It does feel like all of those things we shared and were connected with are gone...our vehicles, I've even had to replace so much about this place.  And I need to replace more.  Still have the same furniture but it's getting pretty shot.  It'll be hard when I have to replace our loveseat.  So many memories.

 

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4 hours ago, scba said:

I'm so sorry Kay for your dog. I shed tears when I read about it. You will be in our thoughts tomorrow

kayc: Have had you on my mind all day.  I too will have you, your son and Arlie in my heart and prayers.  Dee

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Thank you all, I needed your thoughts and prayers, it took everything within me to get through the day...but now I have all this time ahead to get through.

I fixed him scrambled eggs, cheese, mushrooms for breakfast, which he loved.  We went on our last walk.  He went on his last ride (an hour to the vet) in the back of my son's Baja and enjoyed it.  The veterinary office was amazing and compassionate.  They'd put a stack of blankets on the floor for him to lay on.  He cried when they gave him the shot, they told me it was brutal, I felt so bad for him. Then I just stroked his head and told him how much I loved him and what a good boy he was, and Paul and I bawled, we couldn't help it.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  I haven't been in this much pain since George died, my heart is literally broken in two.  

I could not have made it through this without my son, he was a godsend.  He was so comforting, he also is grieving Arlie.  He hasn't had the benefit of time to see the changes, he hadn't seen him since his cancer so it hit him hard...you can hear about it on the phone, it's entirely something else to witness it.  Arlie was so happy to see Paul!  He rallied at the last, I think because of having Paul there.  I was disappointed that Jim never came to see him and my daughter never called.  I thank God for my son.  He not only dug the hole (I probably did 10%) and was with me through it, but he also fixed a plumbing issue and is going to look at my computer that is making noises it shouldn't.  

I know a lot of people don't realize how close you can get to your dog, but it's just been him and me these last 10 1/2 years  and I literally lived for him.  It feels like it did the day George died minus the anxiety and shock.  A husband's death impacts your life in more ways, but the closeness I've had with Arlie is amazing...he was the perfect dog for me.

Sometimes you only get perfect once...that was the case with George and I think it is with Arlie too.

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Kay, I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is to lose your fur baby, I have lost 3 dogs and a cat that were "our" fur babies and was heartbroken with all four of them.  I also know how hard it is to make the decision as I had to do that once with my cat I had for 19 years.  The only comfort to it is knowing they are not in pain any longer and that George will take care of him now.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Hugs

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Oh making that decision was the hardest i have ever had to do...the comforting of our fur-baby whilst all the time knowing what we were intending to do, and not bringing our fur-baby back home with us,...the hardest part was our fur-baby not knowing this...I have had to do this twice over the past five years with two out of three of our-my dogs...I still miss all three like crazy and now crying over their losses as much as i am crying over the sudden loss of my partner of 20 years Richard...We came together in later life, i am 68 with PP-MS, and Richard was 74..I was diagnosed with MS at age 64, same date 11th April my Richard died four months ago..

Jackie..

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Jackie, we met in our 40s too, I was so sure we'd at least get 20 years together, but we didn't, we knew each other 6 1/2 years, married 3 years 8 months.  I feel gypped.  He should be here by my side as I'm going through this.

I went to my son's this weekend.  He was showing me a video on his phone when a text showed up from his wife "When is she leaving?" she blew up his phone.  He tried to hide it from me but couldn't be quick enough, over and over she sent the texts.  I think I'll leave this morning, no sense staying for church, it doesn't feel right when you know you're not wanted.  It's how it is.  Now I have to go home and face the emptiness.  And a mad cat.  She won't likely even miss Arlie.  It just all feels so weird.

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Kayc...

...as my late father often would say..." we live and learn, girl.." re, your d-i-l's horrible text...It is things like this that would make me stronger...I hope it has the same affect on you, just concentrate on your son, let her deal with her own life..your son is more important to you than her...

..one thing i am now learning fast.." old age and illnesses creep up on us faster than we imagine." a hard lesson learnt is to cherish and make every day count, well too late, i didn't adhere to it when i was ten-twenty years younger and had my health and fitness back then...They say " time does fly.." yes far too quickly, blink and its already here..

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Kayc

what an absolutely horrible and heartless thing sending texts like that! 

Good gravy, peoples behavior just astounds me sometimes.

Sorry to say this but your DIL could use a serious attitude adjustment and a swift kick in the pants.

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Kayc..

...just wanted to add....your son wants you, it sounds like it is just her...I wouldn't leave and go, after all it is your son you go to see, not her...just block her out..

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He called last night and I explained that I sensed Bethany was wanting time alone with him so I decided to leave early.  I didn't want him to think I don't care about my grandchildren or him, I appreciate him more than anything in the world and love spending time with him and his kids.

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There is no middle...I refuse to compete.  My relationship with him began the moment of conception.  Hers began many years later but she is his life now, as it should be.  

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