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Nyanga B.


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I just lost my dog and it really hurts,

My long-time loyal pal and cuddle-buddy.

Nobody gets how painful it is,

No support from friends and family

Everyone’s thinking “It’s just a dog… why make such a fuss?”

They don’t get me!

A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning and discovered a humongous golf-ball-sized lump on my dog - Kingpin.

Of course, I ran to receive care from google and everything I found online was promising and reassuring.

I went to the vet in the morning, they aspirated the lump, and then I waited.  

It would be fine, I figured.  It always is.  Besides, Google said so and we all know everything on the Internet is true. LOL!

Then the vet called and all of a sudden my calm shattered . . . cancer!  

Long-short, the lump was removed and I got a voicemail from the vet - it was a hemangiopericytoma

Well, that was more like good-bad news. You know, the best-case-cancer-scenario. 

The whole tumor was removed with clean margins and this type of cancer has a low rate of recurrence (as i was told) 

No need for puppy chemo or radiation or tough treatment decisions.

What a sigh of relief….

Then the worst happened - some days later Kingpin died in his sleep.

I have no clue how or why that happened

I wish i could do an autopsy or something

Honestly, that has been the most shocking, unexpected and painful thing that has ever happened to me

I can’t concentrate at work and it is harder because my boss wouldn’t get why losing my dog is such a big deal - he isn’t such a pet lover after all.

A huge part of me feel really guilty - like there is something more I should have done

This time, Google doesn’t seem to have the help I need - at all!

Blog posts and articles here and there, giving me tips and hacks to process my grief that don’t seem to work at all.

In fact, it is so painful that I can't even follow the so-called steps to help me cope with my grief.

I wanted help - real help.

Somebody? Anybody...

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My friend, I'm afraid the only "real help" we can offer you is to acknowledge that your loss of Kingpin is worthy of grief and to assure you that the pain you're feeling is real. No one here will ever tell you that Kingpin was "just a dog." Clearly he was your faithful companion, your "long-time loyal pal and cuddle-buddy." Is it any wonder that you feel the way you do? Instead of judging yourself for not following the so-called "steps to help you cope", I suggest that you simply lean into the pain and allow yourself to feel every bit of it, as a measure of how very much you have lost. Actually it takes more energy to avoid the pain of grief than it does to give in to it ~ and I promise you that the intensity of it will diminish over time. 

I invite you to tell us more about your Kingpin. What was special about him? Can you share a picture or two? And how did you come to name him "Kingpin"? I"m sure there's a story there, and we would love to hear it!

You've already taken an important step toward coping with your grief, my friend, and that is to surround yourself with others who've been where you are now: animal lovers who know first-hand what it is to love and cherish an animal companion, and who know from our own experience how painful it is to lose one. You are among such kindred spirits here, and you are not alone in your pain. 

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Nyanga B:  I am so very sorry to hear of your loss of your beloved Kingpin.  You have definitely come to the right place to find people who understand your loss.  So many of us here on this and other threads are dealing with a loss or a possible loss of  a fur baby.  It sounds as if you did everything within your power to keep Kingpin with you so there should  not be any feelings of guilt. 

I am dealing with my wonderful companion, Maddie, a 12 year old Australian Shepard mix who has bladder cancer.   Maddie's type of bladder cancer can not be cured but I chose chemo treatment after partial removal of her bladder.  I received some comments on my decision of course such as "why would I do that", etc.  I have promised her that I will  not to let her suffer at any time, but for now, I choose to keep her with me as long as I can.   So far, after 9 months, she is enjoying her walks and being my companion.

I would not let "anyone's thinking" make you feel any different than you are feeling.   Your feelings are yours and no one else's. 

I can only repeat Marty's words  .......  "You are not alone." 


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I am so sorry.  My dog has cancer spread throughout, lymph, organs, too late for anything, not a candidate for surgery, he wouldn;t survive, so I;ve been giving him liver support and Hemp oil, he refused the CBD oil.  I've just been trying to make him comfortable, keep him eating.  He's scheduled for euthanasia Friday.  He is my soul mate in a dog, I've had nine dogs in my lifetime but I'm closer to him than any, he is perfect for me, I love him more than life itself.  Such a cruel joke, it came out of nowhere and blindsided me.

I don't have any answers, not even any questions...I already know there's no resounding answer when I've asked why.  I lost my sweet husband 14 years ago, so it's been me and my dog these last 10 1/2 years.  He has Colitis, has all his life, I got him right before his first birthday, I cook for him but the diet that is good for the Colitis feeds the cancer, I'm in a catch-22.  It's the hardest thing in the world.

I'm sorry the people in your life aren't supportive and don't understand.  I know he's not "just a dog", he is your life's breath and your heart.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I've been care giving my dog for so long, I don't know how I'll handle this except I'll have to get through it much the same way I did my husband...that was hell.

Sending you wishes for healing and comfort, I know it takes time to process this especially since you weren't expecting this outcome.  



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