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Thanks everyone,

Sorry you got bit KayC, I read about the little guy you had for awhile and it was heart breaking.

Good news! Finally got on work health insurance and my Dr. signed me up for counseling. Very happy about that. Found a good Dr. who put me on Klonopin .5mg twice a day.

Told him I knew I needed a crutch since I am going to Seattle for six weeks for work. Having a lot of stress about kenneling my Strider boy for 47 days. Aunt says she will keep the little girl Arwen which cuts down on the Kennel costs. $1,150 dollars just for Strider. Hate to be away from my fur babies and home for so long but it is a good opportunity for me and the fruition of a two year long job so I am grateful. It is tough losing my brother. It's one thing being around the people I work with but I can't be an emotional mess around the customers I work with so I am glad the good Dr. agreed to give me a crutch to get me over the anniversary of the death of Rene'e which is coming up on Nov. the 30th while I will be working out of town. Don't know if I will need it but I feel better knowing that I have it just in case.

The weather is perfect hear and in one week I leave for Seattle where it is already freezing temperatures at night and the day time high was 52. It was 80 here.

Big change coming just need to tough it out for six weeks and make it home on Dec. 19th to be with my fur babies.

Thank you everyone one the condolences of my step brother.

God rest his soul.

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Johnny, we are indeed heading into our dreary winter.  With the time change coming it will be dark shortly after 4pm.  Getting our first actual freezing night this week.  Pack for wet and very cool.

I’m so glad you are getting counseling.  I’m a firm believer in it to have someone you can really let all your walls down with.  It gets to be all about you without feeling you are monopolizing a friend or family.  

Please don’t look at the clonopin as a crutch.  It’s a tool.  It’s no less than a diabetic needing insulin.  These medications were created for a need and those of us that suffer anxiety from the ultimate loss are no less because we need help.  I fell into a trap of comparing to those who I thought were doing better than me.  Bad mistake as we are all different.  I take mine on a schedule every day because I have a disorder, but I think you’ll find relief when you feel overwhelmed.  Plus you don’t have to take them.  Just having an option is so helpful.  

Anniversaries are tough as you know and how we now have a day added to our year we will never forget the date.  

Your fur babies will be so happy when you get home.  It’s a wonderful love they give us.

 

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It's been 26 at night here lately.  I dread winter and want to hold off thoughts of that as long as possible.

Will you need to be on Clonopin for a while for it to have full effect?  If so, you might not want to hold off taking it.

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I fell into a trap of comparing to those who I thought were doing better than me.  Bad mistake as we are all different.

So true!

Johnny, you're going through so much with your brother, leaving your dogs, work challenges, but I hope the work challenges will be invigorating as well as rewarding job-wise.  Good luck to you!
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/05/coping-with-anniversary-reactions-in.html

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17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Johnny, we are indeed heading into our dreary winter.  With the time change coming it will be dark shortly after 4pm.  Getting our first actual freezing night this week.  Pack for wet and very cool.

Please don’t look at the clonopin as a crutch.  It’s a tool.  It’s no less than a diabetic needing insulin.  These medications were created for a need and those of us that suffer anxiety from the ultimate loss are no less because we need help.  I fell into a trap of comparing to those who I thought were doing better than me.  Bad mistake as we are all different.  I take mine on a schedule every day because I have a disorder, but I think you’ll find relief when you feel overwhelmed.  Plus you don’t have to take them.  Just having an option is so helpful.  

Anniversaries are tough as you know and how we now have a day added to our year we will never forget the date.  

Your fur babies will be so happy when you get home.  It’s a wonderful love they give us.

 

Thanks Gwenivere,

It's gonna be hell with the time change. Flying out of Columbia S.C. to Atlanta GA. then a two and a half hour layover then fly out to Seattle which is about a five and a half hour flight. Saw that it's already dipping below freezing in your neck of the woods. I am from Columbia S.C. and we know nothing about the cold. If we get 1/2 inch of snow the whole town shuts down and I am not exaggerating. It's comical just the mere mention of snow and bread and milk start flying off the shelf.

Oh yes, and nobody here knows how to drive in the snow and there is always vehicles in the ditch.

Very glad to have found a Dr. that would listen to me. I understand your dilemma a little more as I was unsure as how to go about asking for something that would help me deal with the bad days while out of town. The Dr. himself suggested the clonopin because of its long lasting quality. Learned to respect it though cause it's misleading that it is only .5mg twice a day which is only 1mg per day which seems like nothing but I learned very quickly that this dosage is more than enough for me. Any more than this would just knock me out and that would be terrible. It does work wonders and is a true gift for me to have found something that would give me a tool to deal with the times when I feel overwhelmed which is much of the time these days since I have been alone and isolated for the most part.

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10 hours ago, kayc said:

It's been 26 at night here lately.  I dread winter and want to hold off thoughts of that as long as possible.

Will you need to be on Clonopin for a while for it to have full effect?  If so, you might not want to hold off taking it.

So true!

Johnny, you're going through so much with your brother, leaving your dogs, work challenges, but I hope the work challenges will be invigorating as well as rewarding job-wise.  Good luck to you!
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/05/coping-with-anniversary-reactions-in.html

KayC-

I don't even want to think about a 26 degree night. Very rare hear even in the grips of winter. Already taking the Clonopin as the Dr. prescribed will see him again when I get back so he can evaluate my dosage and how I've been doing. Seems to really help with my worrying nature which causes a lot of anxiety for me. Since my wife passed away I seem to worry about everything. Was it the same for you at first?

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You’ll get used to the dosage and it won’t make you as fatigued.  Good you will be checking with your doctor when you get back.  If you don’t need them anymore, he may have you taper off them if you take it every day.  It’s a low dose so I don’t think you will have much trouble.  You may even want to continue taking it with the holidays coming or just general anxiety.  I’m so glad you have an understanding doctor.  I think about air travel these days and think a lot of people would love a sedative.  🙂

we do get snow and ice sometimes and the reaction is the same.  Grocers get cleaned out.  Most people are pretty good driving but definitely lots of fender benders. Seattle’s built on a forest so lots of hills to add to the challenge.  Steve spent time in South Carolina and liked it.  Hope you enjoy Seattle despite it not being summer which is awesome!

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13 hours ago, Johnny said:

I seem to worry about everything. Was it the same for you at first?

Oh yes!  My anxiety was through the roof.  I eventually got on Buspirone (Buspar) for it.  Still on it.

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Gwenivere-

I have one day a week I can go check out the sites. I will be staying in the Hampton Inn downtown Seattle. Only one block from a grocery store and five blocks away from the Space Needle. I heard the "fish market"? is a must see and the harbor is beautiful. I also heard we are only about 70 miles from Mt. Rainier.

I friend and I have our passports so we are also thinking about driving to Vancouver.

Can you recommend any must see places like good restaurant for seafood?

I heard you have to pay for your grocery bag or bring it back later. Funny, it like cost you a nickle?😁 

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10 hours ago, Johnny said:

I heard you have to pay for your grocery bag or bring it back later.

Yep, it's that way in Eugene, OR too.  Probably Portland too.  I heard San Francisco was 50 or 75 cents!  Can't remember which.  At least ours is only a nickel.  

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Johnny, the fish merchant is at the Pike Place Market, a definite must see - the whole place.  The Space Needle used to have a restaurant but not sure any more.  Anthony's was one of our favorites and there are several.  The Metropolitan Grill downtown is very popular in General as is Daniels.  Vancouver and Rainer are long trips in the traffic and construction.  

Yes, we use reusable bags or have to pay a nickel for paper at the store.  Plastic is banned except for take out and few places use it.  This is recycle central.  

Lots to see and do.  Getting around is the biggest problem to me downtown as I like my car and they are trying to make it all public transportation.  If your renting a car, hopefully the hotel has underground parking.  I’m sure the hotel can give you many suggestions.

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3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

The Space Needle used to have a restaurant

I went to that years ago, it was noteworthy!

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What I remember, Kay, was going to the restroom and my table had moved as the wheel had moved.  HAd to track it down.  I think a revolution was about an hour to complete.  🙂

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Yeah, I remember the restaurant, and there were telescopes you could put money in and look through and see the town.  We had our kids with us so it was probably 30 years ago or more.

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Well I am in Seattle. Really feeling the time difference, So far it seems to be a very trendy place with a lot of very friendly people. I've noticed a lot of smiles since I been here and definitely noticed how dog friendly it is, people walking their dogs everywhere. Very nice. My first time flying over the Rockies and it was so beautiful it took my breath away.

Today was an exceptional day weather wise. Looking forward to going to the space needle and Pike's place market.

Always looking for great places to eat and I thank you very much Gwenivere for the insights. Will definitely find time to check them out during my 47 day stay.

Seattle seems to me to be a very hip place with a lot of interesting friendly people. I like it already.

Glad to be here and get away from the same old ground hog day routine. 😊

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It's a beautiful time of year with the crisp fall air and clear blue skies.  Enjoying it as it'll change to winter soon enough.

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21 hours ago, Johnny said:

Well I am in Seattle. 

My first time flying over the Rockies and it was so beautiful it took my breath away.

Today was an exceptional day weather wise. Looking forward to going to the space needle and Pike's place market.

Always looking for great places to eat and I thank you very much Gwenivere for the insights. Will definitely find time to check them out during my 47 day stay.

Johnny:  Good to hear you are spending some time in the Pacific NW.  I live about 35 miles south of Seattle, am a transplant from the Deep South for about 58 years.  The scenery up here is incredible and fortunately you will be here for some of the prettiest weather.   When the sun shines up here, everyone smiles. 

The Rockies are amazing and am hoping you got a good view of Mt. Rainier as well as the other mountains in the Cascade chain. 

Gwen's restaurant suggestions all sounded really good.  I do hope you enjoy seafood.  My husband loved to fish and we always had salmon, crab and shrimp in our freezer. 

Sounds like this trip will be good for you.  Enjoy. 

Dee

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Pssssssst....Dee, don’t tell him about the summers.  There are too many transplants here already.  😎

The prettiest time of year?  That’s only because the rains haven’t started.  Or you’re one of those leaf color people.  Being a transplant myself from New Mexico for 35 years, I still miss the sunshine in winter.  I love the green tho, we have lots of that.  And yes, seafood.  Always loved but didn’t know how much til I got here and it was fresh off the boats.  

Johnny, if you want some fast food seafood - try Ivars.  The deep fried stuff and clam chowder, don’t waste eating healthy there.  It’s supposed to be fried delights!  

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2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Pssssssst....Dee, don’t tell him about the summers.  There are too many transplants here already.  😎

The prettiest time of year?  That’s only because the rains haven’t started.  Or you’re one of those leaf color people.  Being a transplant myself from New Mexico for 35 years, I still miss the sunshine in winter.  I love the green tho, we have lots of that.  And yes, seafood.  Always loved but didn’t know how much til I got here and it was fresh off the boats.  

Gwen:  Ha!  As I typed that response to Johnny, that was in my thoughts.  The summers are amazing here.  Growing up in New Orleans it took me a while to get used to living in a house without air conditioning during the summer.

And yes, I am one of "those leaf color people" until the strong winds pick up and blow all those beautiful leaves in the street and the rains wash them down to my driveway where the storm drain sits and I have to keep the drain open, or the water floods my driveway. 

Way back in the early 60's when I came up here with my aunt and uncle we stopped off in New Mexico to visit a friend of my uncle.  It was in a part of New Mexico that must have been part of the Rockies and was my first experience with snow and mountains.  It was such an amazing beautiful place.   Dee 

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Yes, have not experienced the rain yet but I like it here very much. So many dog walkers all right in the middle if down town, My kind of people.

It really seems like a live and let live place. The farthest west I've ever been before was Clovis Air Force Base New Mexico.

Clovis had the craziest weather I've ever been in, it was 99 degrees the day we arrived and it snowed the next. Also, not sure of if it was due to the time of season but the wind never quit blowing the whole three weeks. Constant twenty-five  MPH and upwards gusts had me wanting to be back home in a hurry, You get tired of the wind beating you to death.

Seattle is truly an amazing place but one of the most striking aspects of the place is how carefree people seem to be always smiling and women walking down the dark streets all alone. This is something I really do not see back home very much in Columbia, S.C. People smile a lot back home in S.C. but I get the impression that people here in Seattle are not trying to size you up. I guess the women here just feel a lot safer and that seems very refreshing to me.

I asked someone in Seattle I met why this was, and he said "people around hear just have a live and let live attitude".

And I replied,  "now that's the way it should be".

Amazing! Great place to be. 😊

This is the Ship I am working aboard.IMG_1630.thumb.JPG.600ad77756afdc1d31cc39973b35317c.JPG

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8 hours ago, Johnny said:

Seattle is truly an amazing place but one of the most striking aspects of the place is how carefree people seem to be always smiling and women walking down the dark streets all alone.

That's how it is here too.  I love that.  The Pacific Northwest is (in my opinion) God's blessed spot on earth.  Of course there are a LOT of beautiful places in the world, but I love the feeling of safety and caring here.

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Seattle is truly a beautiful city with lots to see and do. It has been a very refreshing change from my normal routine although the work is challenging (75.5 hour work week last week). I have been enjoying my stay here. Although, I am drawing near to the first anniversary of my wife's passing.

It hit me really hard when I remembered telling my wife that I would be traveling to Seattle for work for six weeks. I have been preparing for this trip for two years. It's hard to work on a single project for so long and I so very much wish that she was here to support me the way she would as always. She was truly the fire that drove me to try harder. I would do anything for us and she would have come here too to be with me.

Was doing ok and managing the grief spikes better with the Clonazepam until my dear friend called me out of the blue to try to interest me in investing in some life insurance. Then, I realized there wasn't much point because I have no one to leave anything too. I felt as if I were gone, no one would be affected by my loss. I know this is not true because I have family that love me but no family that I could call my own.

Rene'e and our fur babies were the only family of my own I've ever had in my whole life. Still have the fur babies and I am grateful for that.

But it no longer feels like I have a family of my own with her gone now. I may never have a family I can call my own again and that realization causes all the tears to flow again.

Clonazepam helps but it won't stop the tears from flowing like a river when I really think of all that I lost.

God's Peace

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Johnny,

I'm sorry, there are no words adequate...times like this let the tears flow if they will.  I'm glad work is keeping you busy and hoping you are able to concentrate on it.  

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5 hours ago, Johnny said:

Seattle is truly a beautiful city with lots to see and do. It has been a very refreshing change from my normal routine although the work is challenging (75.5 hour work week last week). I have been enjoying my stay here. Although, I am drawing near to the first anniversary of my wife's passing.

It hit me really hard when I remembered telling my wife that I would be traveling to Seattle for work for six weeks. I have been preparing for this trip for two years. It's hard to work on a single project for so long and I so very much wish that she was here to support me the way she would as always. She was truly the fire that drove me to try harder. I would do anything for us and she would have come here too to be with me.

 

Johnny:  Glad you are enjoying Seattle so much.  It is a beautiful part of the country and sorry you are quickly approaching a dreaded anniversary.  Somehow, I feel Rene'e is there with you not only in your heart but watching you as you work and as you enjoy each new adventure. 

I hope the past couple days of grey cloudy skies haven't dampened your stay.  Dee

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