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On 11/10/2019 at 7:07 PM, widow'15 said:
On 11/10/2019 at 7:07 PM, widow'15 said:

Johnny:  Glad you are enjoying Seattle so much.  It is a beautiful part of the country and sorry you are quickly approaching a dreaded anniversary.  Somehow, I feel Rene'e is there with you not only in your heart but watching you as you work and as you enjoy each new adventure. 

I hope the past couple days of grey cloudy skies haven't dampened your stay.  Dee

Dee - I also feel as if Rene'e is here in Seattle with me. I know she visited the Space Needle once before in the past, so part of my journey is to stand in the same place she visited in the past to honor her memory and take in the view just as she did. That would make me happy and warm my heart. Maybe I'll plan to go there on the day of the anniversary of her passing. I think that would be fitting. If the tears come, then let them come. She is worth all the tears I have left in me.

 

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On 11/10/2019 at 6:20 PM, kayc said:

Johnny,

I'm sorry, there are no words adequate...times like this let the tears flow if they will.  I'm glad work is keeping you busy and hoping you are able to concentrate on it.  

KayC -

I keep a little hand written note from Rene'e in my wallet. I liked what it said and I put it in my wallet so I could take it out and read it any time I wanted to remember how she felt.

It says,

"Johnny, I am so sorry for all your tears. Everything you said about me was correct. I guess my ego is bigger than I thought. I do love you & only you".

Signed "Rene'e".

I used to worry about all the medication she had to take just to help her make it through the day and I begged her to promise me that she would be careful. She knew I was only telling her this because I truly loved her and never wanted to see anything happen to her. She always felt she could handle the medication because she had been on it for fifteen years. I could not help but worry and the note she wrote to me was her way of saying that she understood how I felt and loved the more for it.

I miss her so very much,

Always and forever - my baby,

Rene'e

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Johnny, there is a picture in Steve’s bathroom layered with post it’s I used to leave Steve to find in the morning.  He saved them all.  It’s been over 5 years now since there was a new one.  The last one was......we love you, dad.....all your girls.  He also has one in his van taped to the rear view mirror.  It’s so touching to me.  I have a box of his cards and notes to me somewhere.  I couldn’t handle it for years and put it somewhere and can’t remember where.  The definite sign of a grief riddled brain.  I do have his music but that I can’t listen to his voice yet.  If ever.  I hear in my thoughts all the time.  I have only recently been able to see him in all the pictures around the house.  He’s healthy in them.  I rid the house of his cancer stage and the results of chemo and radiation.  Now I see the Steve I loved, not Steve the patient and losing the fight.  Never lose that note!

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9 hours ago, Johnny said:

I also feel as if Rene'e is here in Seattle with me. I know she visited the Space Needle once before in the past, so part of my journey is to stand in the same place she visited in the past to honor her memory and take in the view just as she did. That would make me happy and warm my heart. Maybe I'll plan to go there on the day of the anniversary of her passing. I think that would be fitting. If the tears come, then let them come. She is worth all the tears I have left in me.

That sounds fitting to do, I like the way your're looking at it and making it a way to honor her.

Gwen I hope you find that box of cards and notes.  I have a post-it note right above my computer that I look at often, it was from George, he used to put them around the house for me to find.  It brings me a smile, esp. since no one else has ever felt that way about me or treated me the way he did.  Ahh...love!

 

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On 11/11/2019 at 9:25 PM, Johnny said:

 

 

On 11/11/2019 at 9:25 PM, Johnny said:

Dee - I also feel as if Rene'e is here in Seattle with me. I know she visited the Space Needle once before in the past, so part of my journey is to stand in the same place she visited in the past to honor her memory and take in the view just as she did. That would make me happy and warm my heart. Maybe I'll plan to go there on the day of the anniversary of her passing. I think that would be fitting. If the tears come, then let them come. She is worth all the tears I have left in me.

Johnny:  What a loving way to honor Rene'e.  I hope you are able to follow through on your plans as it will give you some peace if not of a recognition that she was once there and is still with you now.  The tears are another way of honoring Rene'e.   Warm Thoughts to you.  Dee

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Johnny,

I was reading that your anniversary of Renee's angelversary is coming up soon.  It is amazing how some things change after that first year. It's not that you forget but more of the "good" times come to the forefront.  You still have that knot in your stomach. Not sure if that ever goes away, but the hurt is softer. I'm glad you already have plans and if tears come , they come. Tears are God's way of cleansing our souls.  It will soon be 12 years for me and I can still remember the first time I laughed. It was like , what was that sound.  I'm sorry you didn't get to have a long and wonderful marriage and I don't know how long you dated but try to remember the happy things you did together. Will keep you in my thoughts. I hope you have someone to visit on Thanksgiving.

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I think it took me a lot longer than a year, at a year I was still frantic, the pain was so great.  It takes what it takes, as someone put it.  I didn't get a long marriage either but I'm glad I got it, at least I know what it's like to have been loved and I know that even death did not destroy our love, all these 14 1/2 years later, it still continues.

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MLG-

Working in Seattle for the company I work for and will be alone on Thanksgiving. I like very much the term you used "Angelversary". Did not catch it at first but you know I can only hope that I will be able to see her again in some way. I miss her so much that if I knew I could see her I would just pray to the Lord that he go ahead and take me.

And the tears still flow....

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IMG_1660.thumb.JPG.91605e6796f874d5f820fbb22fe8ca36.JPGCelebrated last Thanks Giving Holiday together with my wife Rene'e and we were invited to eat dinner at her Mother's home.

This Thanksgiving I will be spending Thanks Giving with other co-workers having dinner in the Hampton Suite Downtown Seattle.

Still so hard to believe how things have changed.

I did manage to go see the Space Needle in honor of my wife. Really enjoyed it and even felt a brief moment of peace and joy.

It was a beautiful day with an even more beautiful sunset seen from 500 feet up. 

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I don't see anything in that link.

My son didn't email me about TG until after I went to bed last night and by then I'd already accepted an invitation from a local friend.  I guess he assumed I'd come w/o invitation but I don't assume and didn't want to put pressure on him by asking him...they've been going through a lot lately.

I am glad you'll have time with others on TG, I hope you have an enjoyable time!

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Where are you?  Looks dangerous.

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KayC-

At the top of the Space Needle where you can step outside in the open air. Nothing between me and straight down but a thick piece of glass.

Awesome place! Really enjoyed going up and very interesting how it rotates at the top. Took my stomach away when we started going up as I was standing very close to the glass door where you could look out and straight down. Chickened out for a moment and had to grab the hand rail in the elevator! Ha, ha

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Only two days remain until the first anniversary of my wife Rene'e passing away on Nov. 30th 2018.

I realize now that even after all this time, I am still in disbelief and incomprehension.

Losing the one who made life worth everything is like being stuck in an altered state where there is just no escape.

One thought that is a comfort to me is realizing that if she had a choice she would be here with me still. Her loss was a tragic accident and all who knew her miss her dearly. I am so glad to have had her in my life even if only for a little while.

God's Peace 

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I feel the same way.  Will be thinking of you as you reach that mark.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/in-grief-dreading-anniversary-date-of.html

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Johnny:  So glad you got to the top of the Space Needle and enjoyed that experience.  I can remember when it was built for the Seattle's World Fair.  I have been up there more than once,  but not a lot, and not since it has been remodeled with the glass floor.  One of the momentous times being up at the "Needle" we celebrated my son's 16th Birthday.  My husband and I made him promise he would have to demonstrate good manners and we'd take him and his friend up there for his 16th Birthday meal.   (LOL, Ya  know 16 year old boys!)

Since being here in the Northwest you have experienced a variety of our weather patterns.  Was happy you have had some sunny weather to enjoy the view up there.  It really is an amazing sight.

May November 30th be bearable for you and I agree she did not want to leave you.  She is still in your heart and memories.  Warm thoughts for you.  Dee

 

 

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Johnny, You are much braver than I. Here, we have the Grand Canyon Skywalk, a glass walkway that juts out over a portion of the canyon. I have not been on it and don't intend to go. Heights are not my thing.

Hoping the 30th will be bearable for you. It does get easier over time.

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1 hour ago, KarenK said:

Johnny, You are much braver than I. Here, we have the Grand Canyon Skywalk, a glass walkway that juts out over a portion of the canyon

Now that would be something to see. Maybe one day if I am lucky.

Heights and me are like "Donkey Kong", I just can't seem to make it past the third level. 

Thank you Karen - 😊

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I don’t remember the glass floor, but I do remember zipping past the pylons supports going up and that freaking me out.  I’m not a heights person, but the view is great.  Dinner was always interesting as the table would be moved if I went to the restroom as it turned.  People used to jump so they enclosed the outside.  Very sad that.  Always was one of the attractions we took out of town visitors when we moved here.  I can’t imagine being on the crew that puts a Xmas tree on the top!  Yikes!  😳

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