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Anticipatory grief for beloved dog


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I am very much struggling with the terminal diagnosis of my best friend and emotional support, my beloved dog. He was given 1-2 months to live and I can't imagine my life without him. I just started a new job right after I got the news and I am having a very tough time going to work and leaving my dog when I know I have very little time left with him. I feel like I am betraying him by not being with him and cheating myself of precious time with him. I don't know how to deal with this and the anticipation of losing him is make it incredibly difficult to function. He's my heart and I don't know what I will do without him and I don't know how I can keep going to work knowing he will be gone soon.

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I'm so sorry to read this sad news, my dear, and it's clear from what you write how closely bonded you are with your beloved dog.

I invite you to read this article, in hopes that it speaks to you in a helpful way: Anticipating the Death of a Cherished Pet  ~ and you might take a look at some of the other articles listed at the base as well.

Meanwhile please know that you are not alone. We are here with you as you face whatever lies ahead.  

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11 hours ago, JDP said:

I am very much struggling with the terminal diagnosis of my best friend and emotional support, my beloved dog. He was given 1-2 months to live and I can't imagine my life without him. I just started a new job right after I got the news and I am having a very tough time going to work and leaving my dog when I know I have very little time left with him. I feel like I am betraying him by not being with him and cheating myself of precious time with him. I don't know how to deal with this and the anticipation of losing him is make it incredibly difficult to function. He's my heart and I don't know what I will do without him and I don't know how I can keep going to work knowing he will be gone soon.

Oh Hon, I am so sorry!  I've just gone through this with my dog, he had cancer, he lived two months, ten days, after diagnosis, he wasn't a candidate for surgery because his health wasn't good enough.  He was 11 1/2 years old, Golden Retriever and Siberian Husky.  He was my life!  His personality was a perfect fit for me and I miss my baby so much, my heart is broken in two and I have to tell myself to breathe.  On National Dog Day instead of being able to play with him and give him treats and take him for walks, I was placing his tombstone on his grave.  This is the worst pain I've had since losing my husband 14 years ago, and yes, it feels just like that did.  My dog was my soulmate in a dog, the best dog I've ever had, and there is no replacement for him, not ever.

I, too, could not imagine my life without him, I just did not see how I was going to do this.  I took care of him, he had lifelong Colitis, I'd get up at 4 am and cook for him.  And I got more from him than I ever could have given, our bond was amazing.  Some people throw their dog out back, never interacting with them, giving them a scoop of dogfood once a day, their loss is not the same as mine, Arlie was my everything!  I LIVED for him!  My world has gone from living color to black and white, my home feels empty and all too quiet.  I was chided for saying my cat was a poor substitute for Arlie, but it's true, one animal can never take the place of another, totally different interactions.

You are but a couple of months behind me in this journey.  All I know is, we have to go through the pain, no way to avoid it, but it will gradually lessen in time, it will not leave you feeling as it did the first week, gradually our body adjusts to even this.  Having been through intense grief with the loss of my husband, I knew this with my head, but it didn't help in the moment when I couldn't breathe and my heart was literally broken in two.  I still don't know what I can do.  I am walking a neighbor's dog, a chow named Joe, he's 11 1/2 like my Arlie was, deaf and growing blind...Joe is a sweet mellow dog, but not interactive like Arlie, not high-spirited like my little boy.  Joe doesn't like treats and isn't playful, but he does love his walk.  I am encouraging him to stop and sniff along the way, showing him I can be patient and it's okay to explore, it's part of the experience.  It helps another animal, it gets my walks in, but nothing, nothing, makes up for the loss of my sweet Arlie.  Arlie had the brightest smile, the perkiest ears!  My heart will forever be broken for my little boy and I will always miss him this side of heaven.  I haven't even gotten over the loss of my granddoggy Skye, from six years ago!

I don't know how to do this but I am trying to get through it, I invite you to read my Living With Loss thread in Loss of Pet section.  Right now I am also writing about my memories of Arlie in the same section.  You are not alone, my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you.

If you are able, could you post a picture of your dog, tell us a little about him?  Make each moment count.  Those last couple weeks I canceled all my plans and stayed home with him, and I'm so glad I did.  I devoted my life to my little boy.  This picture was taken three days before he died in a good moment, the one next to it was taken when he was still healthy.

Arlie 081319.jpg

Arlie running free XS.jpg

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