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Hi Everyone,

For the past 3 years, my dad has battled a rare form of leukemia.  He has been in an out of remission.  Today I found out that his leukemia has stopped responding to treatment and the only option is enrolling him in a clinical trial that he might not even qualify for.  We have to wait and see if he gets accepted, so we'll find out either tomorrow or Monday.  I am overwhelmed and cry a lot.  I feel like  I have a lump in my throat knowing that the end might be near.  I have thought about my dad from the moment I wake up until I go to bed.  This has been the case for the past 3 years.  I fear that once he is gone, I will never be the same.   Any support and words of wisdom welcomed. 

Thanks,

Mark B. NYC

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I'm so sorry, Mark, that this is happening to your dad, to you and your family. I invite you to read this article, in hopes that it offers some of the information, comfort and support you need and deserve at this most challenging time. See also the articles listed at the base: Anticipatory Grief and Mourning  

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I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.  Anticipatory grief can feel overwhelming, it changes you, consumes your thoughts.  My mom had Leukemia and they didn't treat it because she was stage 4 dementia.  It's hard to understand how Leukemia can take a back seat to something else.  She passed away five years ago.

I have been going through anticipatory grief with my dog, Arlie, he had cancer and passed away 8/16.  He has been my sole companion for 10 1/2 years, he was perfect for me and living with grief like that was very hard, not that it got any easier when he passed.  The whole process was hard.  We get through it one day at a time.  We do our best but oh gosh how hard this is!  It feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from!  It changes your life.

I hope your dad does get into the clinical trials and that it helps him.  I hope you'll keep us updated.

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