My cat died unexpectedly

[TaraLang]

Hello. My cat died unexpectedly on Friday night and I’m completely devastated. He was actually my sons 4th birthday present. He was so loved. He was the best cat ever. We adopted him and he fit right into our family immediately.  He played with my 2 & 4 year old and never scratched or bit them. He always cuddled up to me or my boys when we were sleeping. He was supposed to be an indoor cat but he loved to be outside. He would sneak out every chance he could. He always stuck by the house near us and would catch lizards with my son and climb up the palm trees in our back yard. 

We usually call him in every evening and he always would come running. We went to bed super early on Friday night and he wasn’t let in. That night he was hit by a car outside of our housing plan. My husband and dad picked him up off the road and buried him in the tall grass nearby. 

I wanted him brought home but they said they didn’t want me or the kids to see him. My husband went back today to look for him so we could bury him in our yard but an animal dug him up. He was only around for 9 months but in that time I grew to love him so much. He comforted me and was my furry friend. He made me smile and laugh and when I looked at him he made me feel at ease...everywhere I go in my house or in my yard I think of him... when I drive down the road and see where he was buried I break down and cry. When will it get better? My heart is so sad. I want to get about cat to make me smile again. I know it won’t be him... it could never be him but I feel like seeing another little cat around will help me feel better. Is this a good idea? 

[kayc]

It could be helpful as you have love to share still, so long as you keep in mind it will be different and can love it for who it is, not expect it to be like him.

I am so sorry for your loss...I lost my faithful friend and companion of 10 1/2 years, Arlie (dog) 8/16, am still having a really hard time with it, can't stop crying, I've never grieved so hard over an animal but I know I'll never be over this, I just have to deal with it.  Everything is a reminder of his absence.  The house is way too quiet.

I hope this brings you some comfort:

 

[MartyT]

12 hours ago, TaraLang said:

I feel like seeing another little cat around will help me feel better. Is this a good idea? 

One thing to remember is that we humans have an infinite capacity to love, and we are quite capable of expanding our hearts to make room for another animal companion to love. It all depends on your own readiness and willingness to open your heart to another. As Kay said, just be sure you allow yourselves time to acknowledge and to mourn the loss of your cat who has died. Any new pet deserves to be known and loved for itself, and not as a replacement for the one who came before. You might also take into account whether all the members of your family are on the same page about this. See, for example, Replacing a Pet Who Has Died: When Is It Time?

[TaraLang]

Thank you Kay and Marty. I think everyone in the house wants another cat. We miss Frankie so much... we’ve talked about how another cat will not be him... but that just having a new fluffy family member around the house might help heal us. It’s so terrible to lose a pet... everything in and out of my home reminds me of him. He is missed so much. The only thing that is making me feel peace is knowing he got to meet Jesus and that the pain is gone. 

Im sorry for all of your losses as well

[MartyT]

For what it's worth, Tara, when I was a child, my own father had the same attitude about opening our hearts and our home to a new pet after one of our dogs or cats had died. He believed that the best path to healing such a loss was to bring another animal into our home as soon as possible, and that is what we did.

As he wrote in a piece that was published in the newspaper after his beloved dog Moose had died:

"It would be easy to say, 'There will never be another dog like dear, good Moose.' But that's nonsense . . . because as long as love, in its broadest and best meaning exists, just so long will there be good dogs, and good people - and all of them good for each other."  ♥

[TaraLang]

Aw Marty. I love your fathers newspaper quote. It’s very true as well. There will never be another cat who is exactly like Frankie but I do know there will be another cat that I can love... that will make me laugh and smile 

[kayc]

Honestly, I don't know that I could ever love another like I have Arlie, he was perfect for me.  It's been a month and two days and I've cried every day...it's my 22nd dog/cat loss and I've never grieved so heavily before, it's really hit me hard.  Everything is a reminder of his absence and it's killing me inside.

I'm not sure at this point what to do, am waiting until I "know".  Walking Joe (neighbor's chow) has helped, it's not the same as having your own but I'm developing a bond with him so it helps to know that is possible, although he comes up short compared to Arlie.  Maybe it's too soon.

[MartyT]

Timing is everything, Kay. If and when you are ready to give your heart and home to another, you will know it, and you will act upon it. 

[TaraLang]

Kay I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. This is my first loss as an adult. I’ve lost pets as a child but don’t remember how it felt. I never fully understood the grief of losing a pet until now... so, you’re not alone in all this pain. I definitely think that everyone is different and you will know when you’re ready to love another. Prayers for you   

[kayc]

I think I could love another but I'm still heavily grieving Arlie...I want to get past the comparisons but not sure I ever will.  He was so perfect for me, so unique, I know there is no other Arlie. 

I'm sorry for your loss Tara.

[MartyT]

That is exactly how I felt about my cockapoo Muffin when he died, Kay. I loved him more than any dog I'd ever had, up until that point in my life. It took me ten years before I felt ready and able to give my heart to another dog. Then along came Beringer ~ a totally different dog, and without a doubt the best dog I've ever had (and in my seven decades, I've had a number of them, all of different breeds, including those of the Heinz 57 variety)! I think that if a person is an animal lover by nature, as I know you are, once you commit to bringing another dog into your home, you are bound to fall in love again ~ and that love will grow. Yes, you are deep in the midst of mourning Arlie, and that is as it should be. Stay where you are. You know from your own experience that, like everything else, grief changes, and you will not always feel the way you're feeling today.  ♥

[JulesR]

I lost my beautiful girl in May and I thought no other cat could replace her. She was 17 years old and my best friend. It's now September and I've decided it's time for more cats in my life. I think it would be a shame if we only gave our love to one individual, there are so many beautiful souls out there who need us. I'm sure that if there is a heaven, she's sat somewhere sunny and warm, well fed, sleepy and content, looking down on me, happy to pass on the baton to the next generation. I think that when we choose to offer a home to a new cat, we don't shut the door in our hearts on the ones we lost, we just make room for another. If you feel like you are ready for another, then go for it. It doesn't have to be him. He was special in only the way he could be, but another cat can be special too, it doesn't take away anything of what you felt for him. She was my first loss as an adult too, but it comforts me to know that, if it was such a big loss, then it must have been pretty wonderful, and it was, and I'm grateful for that. Welcome the next generation.  Good luck to you, and I am so very sorry for your loss xx