The Pain is Sometimes Unbearable

[Border Collie Lover]

The pain of losing my beloved Border Collie a few weeks ago is still intense. Almost unbearable at times. I am eating (probably my attempt at self-medicating with food). My sleep cycle is certainly disturbed. I sleep for a few hours and then wake up and can't fall back asleep. I am trying some natural sleep aids (l-theanine and Passionflower) with limited success. I work at home so the pain of not having my dog here with me during the day is horrible. I know I have to help myself. I'm writing a journal about my dog's amazing life. This is helping a little. I'm also reaching out to friends, family and other pet-loving people. This has been comforting. I allow myself to purge my emotions (crying, yelling, screaming, etc.) freely. I realize all too well that bottling up grief can be unhealthy. I'm letting it all out. My energy level is severely depleted. I know I have to get back to exercising and connecting with other people socially but I just don't feel like it now. No desire to go out socially. I am functioning (working, eating, personal self-care, etc.) but the world seems like such an ugly place right now without my Border Collie. Shelby was much, much more than my dog. She was my confidante, my walking buddy, my (4) legged anti-depressant, my tower of strength and so much more. I never used to feel depressed when she was with me. Slept well. Loved hanging out with her. Now that has changed. The range of emotions that I'm experiencing right now is overwhelming. I'm just trying to deal with the grief one day at a time.

Jim

[kayc]

I encourage you to write your journal here if you'd like, I for one would be glad to read it, I am doing the same with Arlie.  I know how acute this pain is, I'm living it.  It's excruciating!  I still cry every day, it's more like gutteral sobs, the pain comes from deep in my soul as I'm having to learn to live without him.  Oh God, it's hard!  This feels like it did when I lost my husband 14+ years ago!  It's a pain unlike any other, for I've lost parents, sister, niece, nephew, friends, but none hurt like this and my husband!  That's because I was closes to them, lived with them, they were so much a part of my life, it's no wonder losing Arlie has hit me so hard!  He was my companion for 10 1/2 years!

Jim, I so understand, yes they were more than just our dogs, they were everything.  Arlie was my joy, my incentive, my fun, my walking partner, he MADE this house a home!  He made us a family.  

[Border Collie Lover]

kayc:

  Thanks so much for your kind words. You are a special person. I will post some of my journal on this site soon. I wrote a ;little this morning but nothing this afternoon. There is no set format with this. I do only what I feel like doing at that particular time. I did manage to get some work done around the house this afternoon. I work at home so I can pretty dictate what my day will be like. I also took a few more drops of Passionflower tonight to help promote sleep (something that I am severely lacking in). I'm doing a lot research on Passionflower and the general consensus is that it's safe for mostly everyone. I don't take any chances. I'm taking about 1/2 of what the experts recommend and build up from there until I see how it affects me. I don't like prescription or over the counter sleep aids. Tried them before and didn't like the next day grogginess. I'll stick to the natural methods instead. Kayc: I wanted to ask you. How are you sleeping now? I know Arlie's passing is still weighing heavily on your mind. Are you getting the proper rest? You seem to have a lot of energy. How are you doing it?

Jim

[kayc]

Well I didn't sleep last night...anxiety.  Getting ready to go on a retreat with some ladies this morning, will be back Sunday.  Overall my sleep has been better this month because I'm not worrying about Arlie, the crying hits whenever it strikes.  Sleep aids don't always work anyway.  I hadn't heard of using Passionflower.

I've always been high energy, but then it dwindles down in the evening. 

[Laura C]

Your words echo my feelings...my German Shepherd died 3 weeks ago and I am struggling so much!  I am also journaling.  The only thing that is helping me is watching two different series...."Born This Way" and "Good Witch" on Netflix!!!

I know it sounds silly, but for some reason when I can't bear the pain, I put these on (even if I'm doing chores) and there is something so comforting about both of these "feel good" shows that help me move on.  Try to find something that you like.  I pray that we all find some relief from the pain soon!

[Nichole]

Hi Jim,

I feel your pain so much, it’s unbearable. I also work from home and know you can sympathize how empty it feels without our beloved dogs. It’s been 3 weeks since I lost my lulu and it’s not gotten easier. Hang in there and know you are not alone. Sending love and comfort from California 🐾💕 

 

Nichole 

[Border Collie Lover]

Laura C.

 

  Thanks for your response. No, I don't think there is anything wrong with watching different shows on Netflix. Perfectly normal. It's your personal coping mechanism and it seems to work. I say - go for it. I haven't been in this Forum for a while now. It's been (10) weeks since I lost my beloved dog but the pain is still every bit as bad now as it was on that horrible day that I said goodbye. I'm still keeping my journal and staying in contact with friends. My sleep has improved since I last logged in. Eating OK. My exercise work-outs are still not up to par but I am making progress, albeit it slowly. Bottom line: I still miss my dog tremendously. Taking one day at a time/

Jim

[Border Collie Lover]

Nichole:

  My sincerest sympathies on the loss of your beloved LuLu. Yes, I really miss my Shelby (Border Collie). It's been (10) weeks for me and I still struggle. I'm trying to do all the right things to stay emotionally (and physically) healthy. My sleep is getting better. My eating habits are okay (have cut out refined sugars and carbs). My exercise program is still not what it used to be but I am determined to stay in good shape. My support from family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc.) was really good for a while but has started to fade over the past several weeks. I kind of expected that to happen so I'm not too upset about that. These Forums really seem to help. Thanks for your response. Hang in there - it gets better. 

Wishing you much peace,

Jim

[kayc]

Jim,

Good to hear back from you here...it's been three months for me since losing my Arlie 8/16, still very hard but the crying every day has settled into an ache inside my heart that knows no quenching, I just miss him and hope he knows how much I appreciate him spending his life with me.  The people that lost him and never bothered to look for him (he was a rescue) don't know what they missed!  I would not have missed out on having him live with me those 10 1/2 years for anything in the world.

Just replaced the trim on the house that he ate when he was a puppy, got it painted and then spoke to Arlie that he could come eat the new trim any time he wanted, this place is still his.

I've experienced the same thing as you, that "support" drops off after a short period of time, people don't know what to say and think we should be getting better by now, they don't understand that that isn't how it works for those of us with our furry soulmates.  Any time you want to come back on here, I hope you do, we're here listening.  

Wishing you comfort and healing peace...

[David S S]

Jim:

I hear you.  We just put down our 15 y.o black lab, Smokey, yesterday, and range of emotions: the grief, the sadness, the emptiness, the hurting is HUGE.  When I drove away from the Vet's office yesterday, knowing they would most probably be putting my boy down, I screamed in hysterics, I'm not ashamed to say.  They now await us in  Paradise.  The emptiness and longing I'm feeling at this point is incredible.  I'll never forget, stop loving and missing my boy, Smokey, and I pray you'll start to feel better soon.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, David, and we know how much this hurts. The following brought me comfort when my beloved Beringer left me, and I hope it brings you some measure of peace as well:

 

[Lexilou]

I feel your pain. I, too, lost my border collie 12 days ago. She was my world. We had a very special closeness that sounds similar to yours. Journaling helps me as well. I, too, am functioning, but little else. The pain is deep, I know. There are many articles shared on here that help a bit. I also recommend a book called "The Amazing Afterlife of Animals" by Karen Anderson. It is very comforting and covers so many things. There is also a Facebook group you can ask to be a member of called Animal Communication Planet. Lots of others sharing their stories of their pain but also of their memories. There are communicators on there that may attempt to connect with deceased pets from the other side. This may not be your thing, but it has helped me cope and see how wonderful it was for us to have been each other's best friend. Just putting that out there in case you are interested. Sending hugs to you and prayers for healing. 

[kayc]

19 hours ago, David S S said:

I hear you.  We just put down our 15 y.o black lab, Smokey, yesterday, and range of emotions: the grief, the sadness, the emptiness, the hurting is HUGE.  When I drove away from the Vet's office yesterday, knowing they would most probably be putting my boy down, I screamed in hysterics, I'm not ashamed to say.  They now await us in  Paradise.  The emptiness and longing I'm feeling at this point is incredible.  I'll never forget, stop loving and missing my boy, Smokey, and I pray you'll start to feel better soon.

I am so sorry for your loss.  It's been 11 months since I lost my Arlie, he was my world, my life!  I pray you'll find some comfort and peace and glad you realize you will be with him again.  Sending you hugs!

[DebbieGD]

12 hours ago, Lexilou said:

I feel your pain. I, too, lost my border collie 12 days ago. She was my world. We had a very special closeness that sounds similar to yours. Journaling helps me as well. I, too, am functioning, but little else. The pain is deep, I know. There are many articles shared on here that help a bit. I also recommend a book called "The Amazing Afterlife of Animals" by Karen Anderson. It is very comforting and covers so many things. There is also a Facebook group you can ask to be a member of called Animal Communication Planet. Lots of others sharing their stories of their pain but also of their memories. There are communicators on there that may attempt to connect with deceased pets from the other side. This may not be your thing, but it has helped me cope and see how wonderful it was for us to have been each other's best friend. Just putting that out there in case you are interested. Sending hugs to you and prayers for healing. 

TY I will look for that book I can function I can't eat I hardly sleep I'm in such deep sorrow my stomach feels nausea all the time. I shake im having panic attacks back to back. I love her so much I let her down I just know it how can I ever forgive myself .

[Lexilou]

Your love knows you and knows you would never hurt her. We are so good at blaming ourselves. It is useless to do as it has no meaning on the other side. Try to let go of the guilt. I am working on that now. It's hard but necessary to allow the light to come in. And they have so much light. It helps to talk on here to deal with my grief. My guilt. I hope you can focus on memories. As it helps you and it helps her. ❤

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Lexilou said:

We are so good at blaming ourselves. It is useless to do as it has no meaning on the other side. Try to let go of the guilt.

Yes! and:

11 hours ago, Lexilou said:

I hope you can focus on memories. As it helps you and it helps her. ❤