Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Border Collie Lover

The Pain is Sometimes Unbearable

Recommended Posts

The pain of losing my beloved Border Collie a few weeks ago is still intense. Almost unbearable at times. I am eating (probably my attempt at self-medicating with food). My sleep cycle is certainly disturbed. I sleep for a few hours and then wake up and can't fall back asleep. I am trying some natural sleep aids (l-theanine and Passionflower) with limited success. I work at home so the pain of not having my dog here with me during the day is horrible. I know I have to help myself. I'm writing a journal about my dog's amazing life. This is helping a little. I'm also reaching out to friends, family and other pet-loving people. This has been comforting. I allow myself to purge my emotions (crying, yelling, screaming, etc.) freely. I realize all too well that bottling up grief can be unhealthy. I'm letting it all out. My energy level is severely depleted. I know I have to get back to exercising and connecting with other people socially but I just don't feel like it now. No desire to go out socially. I am functioning (working, eating, personal self-care, etc.) but the world seems like such an ugly place right now without my Border Collie. Shelby was much, much more than my dog. She was my confidante, my walking buddy, my (4) legged anti-depressant, my tower of strength and so much more. I never used to feel depressed when she was with me. Slept well. Loved hanging out with her. Now that has changed. The range of emotions that I'm experiencing right now is overwhelming. I'm just trying to deal with the grief one day at a time.

Jim

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I encourage you to write your journal here if you'd like, I for one would be glad to read it, I am doing the same with Arlie.  I know how acute this pain is, I'm living it.  It's excruciating!  I still cry every day, it's more like gutteral sobs, the pain comes from deep in my soul as I'm having to learn to live without him.  Oh God, it's hard!  This feels like it did when I lost my husband 14+ years ago!  It's a pain unlike any other, for I've lost parents, sister, niece, nephew, friends, but none hurt like this and my husband!  That's because I was closes to them, lived with them, they were so much a part of my life, it's no wonder losing Arlie has hit me so hard!  He was my companion for 10 1/2 years!

Jim, I so understand, yes they were more than just our dogs, they were everything.  Arlie was my joy, my incentive, my fun, my walking partner, he MADE this house a home!  He made us a family.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

kayc:

  Thanks so much for your kind words. You are a special person. I will post some of my journal on this site soon. I wrote a ;little this morning but nothing this afternoon. There is no set format with this. I do only what I feel like doing at that particular time. I did manage to get some work done around the house this afternoon. I work at home so I can pretty dictate what my day will be like. I also took a few more drops of Passionflower tonight to help promote sleep (something that I am severely lacking in). I'm doing a lot research on Passionflower and the general consensus is that it's safe for mostly everyone. I don't take any chances. I'm taking about 1/2 of what the experts recommend and build up from there until I see how it affects me. I don't like prescription or over the counter sleep aids. Tried them before and didn't like the next day grogginess. I'll stick to the natural methods instead. Kayc: I wanted to ask you. How are you sleeping now? I know Arlie's passing is still weighing heavily on your mind. Are you getting the proper rest? You seem to have a lot of energy. How are you doing it?

Jim

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I didn't sleep last night...anxiety.  Getting ready to go on a retreat with some ladies this morning, will be back Sunday.  Overall my sleep has been better this month because I'm not worrying about Arlie, the crying hits whenever it strikes.  Sleep aids don't always work anyway.  I hadn't heard of using Passionflower.

I've always been high energy, but then it dwindles down in the evening.  ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your words echo my feelings...my German Shepherd died 3 weeks ago and I am struggling so much!  I am also journaling.  The only thing that is helping me is watching two different series...."Born This Way" and "Good Witch" on Netflix!!!

I know it sounds silly, but for some reason when I can't bear the pain, I put these on (even if I'm doing chores) and there is something so comforting about both of these "feel good" shows that help me move on.  Try to find something that you like.  I pray that we all find some relief from the pain soon!

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jim,

I feel your pain so much, it’s unbearable. I also work from home and know you can sympathize how empty it feels without our beloved dogs. It’s been 3 weeks since I lost my lulu and it’s not gotten easier. Hang in there and know you are not alone. Sending love and comfort from California 🐾💕 

 

Nichole 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...