Loosing a parent in your 20s

[kebery]

So I am 24 and I lost my mum (aged 56) 3 weeks ago. To be honest I don't know how I feel about it all. Some days I feel fine and get on with life which then later on makes me feel guilty as I feel like I should be more upset. Other days I want to curl up and hide and do absolutely nothing all day. (I can't do that as I have a dog and a horse). 

Equally, my dad is now on his own, the first time in 40 years he's been alone and it just breaks my heart knowing that he's all alone. He tried to go back to work on Monday (3 weeks to the day mum passed) and he said in his words "it was an epic fail". He got there but fell apart so was sent home and tired to work from home but struggled so just lay on the bed crying. This absolutely breaks my heart as I know there is nothing I can do besides be there for him which I am. I wish I could do more. Also I have hardly cried about the situation. I start to but I actually don't cry and I have no idea why. I feel like I should be crying more. I also have to keep telling myself she is dead and that's when my heart skips a beat and I realise its real again. I feel like I am in a film and the past 3 weeks haven't been real. 

 

My friend says I am being strong for my dad and not actually allowing myself grieve but I don't know how to grieve. This is such a hard situation to be in. I keep just wishing I could turn back time and be with mum again. I still can't believe she's not here. 

 

I'm going to a friends wedding in a few weeks where I want to have a good time as I'm with some of my closest friends but I know I will drink and I'm worried I will just fall apart there and I really don't want to. 

 

Sorry for the randomness and length of the post. I just needed to get everything that's in my head down. 

[kayc]

3 hours ago, kebery said:

Equally, my dad is now on his own, the first time in 40 years he's been alone and it just breaks my heart knowing that he's all alone.

It's not equal nor comparable.  His loss and your loss are very different.  

I am very sorry for your loss and for your dad's loss.  I'm listing some articles to help you get started.  I hope you'll continue to come here and express yourself, as it helps with our processing our grief.  You could let us know what you have done in her memory, are you journaling?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/03/bereavement-doing-work-of-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html

[kebery]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

It's not equal nor comparable.  His loss and your loss are very different.  

I am very sorry for your loss and for your dad's loss.  I'm listing some articles to help you get started.  I hope you'll continue to come here and express yourself, as it helps with our processing our grief.  You could let us know what you have done in her memory, are you journaling?

http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/03/bereavement-doing-work-of-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html

Thank you for this. My mum adored owls so I am getting owl things in my own home now. Also, pandora released two owl charms within days of her passing so I have both of them. One is of two owls and a saying "always by your side" which I absolutely adore. I'm also going to have some of my mums jewellery. 

 

How would I go about journaling? 

[MartyT]

2 hours ago, kebery said:

How would I go about journaling?

Writing As A Healing Tool in Grief  ❤️

[kayc]

That sounds like a lovely way to honor your mom's memory (owls).  A friend of mine did the same thing only frogs because that's what his mom loved.