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MagPie

When Both Parents Die

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Hi Everyone,

I was referred to this blog by my therapist. I'm 27, my Father is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer. My mom died when I was 24, suddenly, from a brain aneurysm.  I have no borthers or sisters, I feel extremely alone, isolated with the resonsibilites of my Dad's sickness. 

For me, one of the hardest parts is looking at everyone else my age; They are travelling, getting married, having babies, building their career. It is so hard not to be jealous and bitter. I wish I could use my time off for fun, but instead I have a million things to do to help my Dad fight for as long as he can. I shop, cook, give him meds, take him to docs, take him to chemo, stay with him in the hospital, check on him constantly. He is all I have left, this is all the time we have left. I am so angry. 

 

I am angry that this is my reality, versus the reality others are experiencing at this age. I love my Dad, and will do everything I can to promote more time together because we didn't get that opportunity with my mom. But it still makes me irate that I have to lose both parents at all. Why both!? Why God!? Was one not good enough?? Everyone else this age just cares about superficial bullshit, but I get to experience BOTH of my parents dying? What the ****!?

I never thought my twenties would be filled with such greif and heartache. Having to plan another funeral already is unbelievable. I could barely get through losing my mom, I don't know how I am going to get through losing my dad.  

 

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I am so sorry.  It IS unfair, and the incongruity of your life vs your friends' lives is stark.  I feel the same only with me it was my husband dying so young.  Now I've lost my dog too, he was my sole companion for 10 1/2 years.  And I see friends who still have their husbands, they take trips, their husbands take care of their place, while I am growing old alone, and the contrast is indeed stark. I met my husband in my mid-40s, he died 6 1/2 years later.  It felt like we just put our lives together and it all unraveled.

I am glad you are getting professional help, this can be a lot to navigate.  Do you have any aunts or uncles, cousins, that you can build on that family continuance?   

I don't know the whys, I never got any answer but I feel it's normal to have these questions under the circumstances.

I've lost so many people that grief has become a norm in my life...prior to this I never would have expected that.  One day at a time is the only way I know through this.  Grief won't always consume your life, it evolves and the pain diminishes eventually...learning resilience is key but seems so hard when you're in early grief.  I hope you will continue to come here, the journey changes.  It does help to express yourself as you're doing.  We are listening...

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