Lost without my babies

[kayc]

Oh Norma, I know, I understand.  There's doesn't need to be a rush to get rid of their things...I still have Arlie's coat on the chair in my family room, his basket of toys and his bed in my living room, his food bin and brush in the kitchen, I have his treats in the dining room, his doghouse and fence sit empty waiting for him to come back.  It's sad, everywhere I go are ghosts of my good boy.  I haven't driven the truck since he died, I know I need to but there's no Arlie to give a ride in it.

12 hours ago, Norma0909 said:

I don't know how to do this.

Me neither, it's the hardest thing in the world.  The pain in my heart is unquenchable.  We are grieving to the hilt.  (((hugs)))

I know loss of a baby is much different than loss of a dog, I'm not comparing losses, I hope you're not offended, it's been years since I've lost my babies and I hadn't gotten things for them.  Wishing you some peace...take your time with this, don't feel there's a deadline or a rush, there isn't.  Some have kept their room as a shrine, it's whatever brings you comfort, everyone handles it differently.

[Norma0909]

Thank you, and no worries I wasn't offended. I hadn't bought anything for Baby G, for Benjamin we received a lot of gifts for him, the diapers we wanted to stock up on......its hard but I won't throw out anything, it all belongs to my sweet boy. Thank you for your response, I'm just so lost without my loves.

[Peggy Sue]

I think it is hard enough to lose someone we love without having the added burden of thinking there's some way that we should grieve "better" or "faster". You take all the time that you need, Norma. You can keep the diapers & the wipes. I cannot imagine the agony that you are going through. I am so sorry that you were not able to have the life that you dreamed of with your two babies. Life is not fair, it is hard & you are dealing with one of the hardest things of all. 

[Norma0909]

Thank you! You're right, life is definitely not fair. I would never wish this pain on anyone. We lose everything, my babies, the life we planned with them, the future, the holidays that should be filled with their laughter & smiles. Every day I ask God to let me be with them. They're all I can think of. I need my Benjamin, my Baby G.

[Norma0909]

I just want to hold and kiss my sweet boy again, I miss him so much. 

[MartyT]

❤️😢❤️

[kayc]

I love the picture of you with him.  I'm sorry, indeed it isn't fair, you'd be a great mother.  

[MartyT]

How we progressed from a culture of silence to facing our grief for dead babies  ❤️

[kayc]

They had an article about it in today's newspaper, it's good to have it being an approachable subject.  Also yesterday had an article about people doing their own burials:

https://www.oregonfuneral.org/

[Norma0909]

Thank you both. 

[MartyT]

A comedian wrote about his baby’s death on Twitter. Then hundreds poured out their own grief.  ❤️

[MartyT]

Animal Husbandry for Dragons ❤️

[Norma0909]

Thank you for these articles, I'll read them soon. Having such a hard time right now. I just want to be unplugged from this reality...

[MartyT]

It's okay to unplug from reality from time to time ~ to take a break from the pain. We call it "dosing" your grief: taking it in smaller bites because you cannot digest something so huge all at once. That is why you'll find us suggesting that you take it one moment, one hour, one day at a time. Grief doesn't go anywhere ~ like a heavy burden that is too much to carry all at once, it waits until we are ready, able and willing to take it up again, but in smaller amounts that we are able to lift until we are stronger.

[Norma0909]

Thank you. I need to make sure to remind myself of these things & take it a moment at a time. Little by little. 

[feralfae]

Dear Norma, I am so very sorry for your loss. Know how hard it is, after the excitement and anticipation, to lose a baby.  Years and years ago, I lost twin boys who were born too early. I've made peace with the loss, but I do remember how shattered I was to admit that we would never watch them grow up.  We were blessed with two darling daughters who are now grown and I am a grandmother.  Yet, the memories of those days after we lost the boys are still dormant in my heart. There will always be a spot of tenderness for them and for the loss of our future with them. 

Give yourself time, and be as gentle and patient with yourself as you can.  You have been through a terrible loss, and it will take as long as needed to heal from such deep grief. Let those around you comfort you, and know that there is a beautiful little spirit who will always feel your love and caring. Take lots of time, and give yourself some distractions, such as a good movie or book when you feel ready, to ease the hours of grief.  My heart goes out to you, dear Norma.  With sympathy and love, *<twinkles>*

[Norma0909]

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sorry your sweet twins went to heaven too soon. Thank you for your words, I'm trying but I miss both my babies so much. I kept thinking about my Benjamin so much & so vividly on Friday, I actually looked for him....I was shattered when I realized what I was doing & that he'll never be in the room that I look for him in. I definitely need to get myself more distractions to give myself "breaks". As Marty said, I need to take this in smaller bites, little by little, I keep forgetting to do so. It's so hard when all I want is my babies but as everyone says time will help.... Thank you again for your words. 

[feralfae]

Norma0909, how are you doing? You have been on my mind and in my heart.  I hope you are doing some "dosing" and giving yourself some times to escape the grief and rest your broken heart.  Yes, take smaller bites of the grief.  Go out into nature if you can. It helps a lot to walk among trees or flowers, to hear birds, maybe the ocean. Whatever is close to you and brings you some peace. Even waling through the falling snow can be healing and bring some respite. *<twinkles>*

[Norma0909]

Thank you for checking on me, having a really hard time. My husband's birthday is this Saturday & that's the one year anniversary where we found out Baby G was on the way, it was so special. After losing my Baby G in Feb., Benjamin helped us look forward to the future again. Now with both my babies gone, I'm just so lost. I know neither of us want any kind of celebration but I may get us to go fishing. He loves it & I love being near water, maybe cold fresh air will help a little. Thank you again. 

[kayc]

That sounds like a great way to spend the day...my husband loved fishing.  I'm allergic but used to go spend time with him while he fished.  I really enjoyed it before my allergies but love being outdoors regardless.

 

[Norma0909]

Being outdoors is always good. We used to go fishing all the time. We haven't done anything since my baby boy went home to join Baby G. For the last few months I have left the house for quick grocery shopping, to buy Benjamin flowers, & to visit him only. I was really hesitant but decided to go fishing & take my babies with us for pictures. Hubby was surprised & loved it, I loved taking our little ones pictures near the water. 

Stayed to ourselves which was good, we did make an attempt to maybe grab food somewhere....as I walked in, I see this beautiful baby boy only a few months old & I completely lost it.... needless to say we ordered to go. Other than that, it was as good of a day as possible.

[kayc]

Great smile on your husband's face, what a big catch that was!  I'm sorry for the trigger you got, they can arise at any given moment, can't they.  I'm glad you got a day out.