Jump to content
Gin

Another anniversary alone.

Recommended Posts

Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary.   I looked at our pictures of the wedding and honeymoon.  Through tear filled eyes.  We were married 15 years when he died.  (Not our first....but the very best).  I have a video, but just can not look at it.  Too painful to see him moving and smiling.  Miss him so much.  These “special” days are so rough for all of us.  I was supposed to have lunch with my brother, but expecting 8” snow.   So, it will be a long sad day.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Gin said:

Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary.   I looked at our pictures of the wedding and honeymoon.  Through tear filled eyes.  We were married 15 years when he died.  (Not our first....but the very best).  I have a video, but just can not look at it.  Too painful to see him moving and smiling.  Miss him so much.  These “special” days are so rough for all of us.  I was supposed to have lunch with my brother, but expecting 8” snow.   So, it will be a long sad day.

Gin:  So sad for you to have to face an anniversary of your wedding and honeymoon.  I understand not being able to view a video.  Videos are supposed to be happy times to relive, smile and share as we view.  It is not  possible to be happy without that special person watching with us.  Unfortunately the predicted snow interrupted a possible diversion for you.  Another downside.  So sorry.

Recently I accidentally opened up a video of my husband having a water fight with our grandson.  Once I recalled all the giggles and laughs of that day as my four year old grandson got so much delight in hosing down Grandpa I could not watch more than a couple of seconds - the pain was so deep.  Maybe some day, but not yet.  Thinking of you.  Dee

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gin,

I"m sorry you had to spend this special day alone. Nov.19 would be our 47th. It will be my 7th alone as the date means nothing to my son and grandson, only to me. I have no videos of Ron and few pictures as he was always the one behind the camera. It no longer brings tears to see the pictures. I have watched the video played at my daughter's service one time only showing her from infancy through adulthood. I cannot watch it again. It's too surreal thinking of her as ashes in the little wooden box with the horse depicted on top. Ron's grave is nearby, but I can never visit her grave or leave flowers on it. That hurts.

I wish for better days and nights for all of us.

Peace to you.

  • Like 5
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t know what to say, Gin.  I just passed the death and birth days.  Anniversary coming right after the holidays.  It is lonely because it was a special day all ours.  The others can be shared with friends, but not that day.  Still can’t listen to his music.  I see the photos and wonder if it was real.  It was.  The hard part is the was.  Hugs to you,Gin.  😰

  • Like 4
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Gin said:

Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary.   I looked at our pictures of the wedding and honeymoon.  Through tear filled eyes.  We were married 15 years when he died.  (Not our first....but the very best).  I have a video, but just can not look at it.  Too painful to see him moving and smiling.  Miss him so much.  These “special” days are so rough for all of us.  I was supposed to have lunch with my brother, but expecting 8” snow.   So, it will be a long sad day.

I hope the snow doesn't materialize to 8", a couple is one thing, 8 is another.  I just had my wedding anniversary Oct. 19, the day I tried unsuccessfully to adopt a dog and got bit four times instead...it left me unable to wear my wedding  band as it left my finger two sizes larger so it no longer fits.  What should have been a good day wasn't.  It's always hard to get through anyway, never did get good at doing this.  

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Still can’t listen to his music.

Me neither, Gwen.  14 1/2 years, still can't, much too poignant, much too painful.

My one video of us is VHS but my player no longer works so it resides in my memory.

  • Like 4
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The snow is mixed with ice.  Got some kids to shovel a little.  Very little.  Now it is very cold.  Feels like 7 and windy.  Now I lost my tv remote.  It all comes at once!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7 degrees?  THAT'S COLD!  I'm sorry, hope you find your remote and the electricity stays on.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That’s more than the usual 3 strikes, Gin.  I’m so sorry.  Thinking of you and hope you get to feeling better sooner than later.  Hope you have some goodies in the house for treats during all this.  💖

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gin, I'm so sorry.  Prayers for you to get well quickly, yes a good time to stay in.  I'm so glad the electricity is on!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gin, I have gone so far I do not like the state of Arkansas, the year 2015, I will not watch a movie made in that year or a book published.  Autumn used to be the favorite time of year, picture taking of all the wilderness/forest roads and there were so many around us.  The Ouachita National Forest was surrounding us.  Would not go down those roads.  If I have business to attend to in the little town I stay on the main highway and our house was just behind the museum in beautiful forests, streams, hills, valleys.  Avoiding all that does not make it not have happened.  Leaving the apartment complex that hid me for 3-1/2 years was traumatic and it is just less than half a mile away.  I knew the steps were going to kill me and the laundromat was impossible and took way more energy than I have now.  I don't know where anything is and I do have my own washer and dryer, no steps at all, and two bathrooms (necessity).  Sometimes we just need a push to keep on living.  I am lucky, I think, I have people that push me.  My sister lives around the corner apartment and she cannot breathe in this humidity.  My son will spend next month with his daughter and grandchildren in Savannah, Georgia, and I want him to.  

“We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.”― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

She wrote lots of books, but I am not intellectual enough to have read them.  Just this one writing about losing her husband.  Talking to him at the table and he tragically passed away all of a sudden at the table, I don't think he had been sick.  She lost her daughter soon after that.  She was the wife of a Dominick Dunn's brother, John Dunn, who I think was a novelist also.  

When I was younger and my kids asked me "don't you remember, etc." I would try to remember.  I do not try now.  I don't want dementia or Alzheimer's, but sometimes I enjoy not remembering.  

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marg,

I will not go to any plays anymore.  Al and I used to go to 1-2 a week.  People have asked me to go with them.  I thank them and refuse.  That was OUR thing.  They do not understand, but I am used to that.

Gin

 

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gin, I get it.  I haven't camped since George died.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand it totally.  We always headed west and I won't go past the Texas line.  Cannot travel without Billy.  Will never fish again.  

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marg, I know what you mean.  I  actually enjoy times that take me away from the memories because they are always waiting for me.  No more creating them, just living with the happy past long gone.  I’m tired of the reruns.  I wanted to make more together.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When George and I married and then the snow came, he wanted to make snow angels, so we did!  The only time in my life I ever did.  I thought about that this week when the snow came.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...