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Anappa

Absolutely Distraught

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17 hours ago, kayc said:

...then my son brought me a Klee Kai (miniature Husky) for  an early Christmas present.  It in no way alleviates my pain over losing Arlie, but I am enjoying the puppy. 

Kay, I am so happy to hear that you have a puppy and are enjoying him. No one will ever be able to replace our lost loved ones, but there are others with whom we can share our lives. I can't imagine ever losing Lena, but I know that I am likely to live longer than she. As much as I fear having to one day live without her, it is more unimaginable to contemplate living without a cat. I lived through fifteen pet-less years due to allergies and asthma that worsened through the years in a big polluted city. After moving to a place with clean air, I was ecstatic to find Lena and learn that I would be able to live with a cat again. I wanted to share her with the world, and in a way I have. I am happy and grateful every day that I have her. The last thing I do every night is to have a snuggle-purr fest with her, and say to her, "Thank you for being my kitty." I hope she lives a long time and no cat could ever replace her. On the other hand, it is worse to have no pet. 

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After months of thought, I’ve come to realize something beautiful I thought I would share.  Tonight is no different from any other night - once work is done, the kids are asleep and my wife says goodnight, I miss my little girl and usually cry for a while, but I have to take a moment to appreciate the true love she had for me and understand what she did on her last day and it’s really quite amazing.  From between 4am-5am on that horrible day, I initially thought she was just overheated.  After realizing this wasn't the case I held her until I could get her to our vet but the reality is that her lungs were full of fluid and she could barely breathe, but she hung on for hours.  It wasn’t until 9:30 I was able to get her to the vet and despite all they did for her, she didn’t make it a half hour past that.  Her final moments were spent protecting me, she wouldn’t let go until I wasn’t there - I realize this clearly, it’s not even close to a coincidence and I wish I could thank her for it, it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve experienced in this life, even if my acknowledgement of it was delayed by my grief. 

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I am so glad for you to hear this, what a beautiful and sweet thing.

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@Anappa,

Thank you for sharing your beautiful reflection.

"After months of thought, I’ve come to realize something beautiful I thought I would share.  Tonight is no different from any other night - once work is done, the kids are asleep and my wife says goodnight, I miss my little girl and usually cry for a while, but I have to take a moment to appreciate the true love she had for me and understand what she did on her last day and it’s really quite amazing..."

It has been 6 weeks since we lost our sweet Connor. Our story of his last day with us is similar to yours. I find so much comfort knowing that members of our discussion group both understand and are trying to make sense of the loss of our fur angels. 

I miss Connor every second of everyday. I did not realize how much of my daily routines included him. Even making a grocery list....thinking we are out of xyz for Connor....then I remember. It is so uncomfortable. 

Lots of peace and prayers coming your way!

Connor'sMom

 

That's how we roll.jpg

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I do well know what you mean.  I haven't tried to make sense out of Arlie's death, I don't think there is any.  The biggest waste of a wonderful life well lived.  Just like with the loss of my husband, I have had to accept there are some things I'll never like, agree with, or understand.  It is what it is.  :(

Your Connor is sweet.  I get your missing him, so much.

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@Connor'sMom

I’m very sorry to hear about Connor, what a beautiful puppy he was.  Routine is truly a gigantic source of pain as it relates to coming to terms with losing such a special part of the family.  For me, I dearly miss that routine, every single thing I did throughout the course of the day had a plan for Abby and while that part is getting easier as I adjust to my new routine at least, the struggle very much continues.  
 

Shopping is for me as well quite a difficult process.  There was always something on the list for her and part of my shopping routine included walking down the puppy aisle in search of anything I thought she may like.  I just glance at that aisle from a distance now and try to fight off the sadness - darn routine.
 

I think Kayc made a great point about not liking, understanding or agreeing with our losses in life but accepting them nonetheless.  I struggled with this point greatly initially and found myself countless times deep in thought on a runaway philosophy train trying to make any sense of this that I could, but to little avail.  It’s been nearly 11 weeks since Abby passed and at this point, I do accept it and that has helped tremendously as well as allowed me to consider things like my last post, which also help tremendously.  I think the goal for me is to find a way (in time of course) to remember her for all the good and joy she was and brought and to feel happy when I think of her.  I have no idea how long that might take and I know I’m quite a ways from being there, but I know that’s the way she would want to be remembered - Connor and Arlie as well, I have no doubt of this. 

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14 hours ago, Anappa said:

remember her for all the good and joy she was and brought and to feel happy when I think of her

I do this, but the yearning in my heart for Arlie is tremendous.  It's hard to believe he's really gone, even after all this time.  I miss my baby so much!  I love all that he brought to me, he was the best dog in the world.  I was just thinking this morning how he brought me one more gift he didn't even know about...I'm Diabetic and my Blood Sugar started being way too high (185-204) fasting morning B.S. when he was diagnosed with cancer.  I thought it'd come down after his death and time of grieving.  Well it didn't.  It forced me to take radical measures and I started the Keto diet with the New Year.  Now my fasting B.S. is closer to 100, a bit up and down yet, and I've lost weight, will continue on it and my goal is to get off my Diabetic Medicines.  It could take months, maybe even longer, but I aim to get there.  

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On 2/5/2020 at 8:47 AM, kayc said:

I do this, but the yearning in my heart for Arlie is tremendous.  It's hard to believe he's really gone, even after all this time.  I miss my baby so much!  I love all that he brought to me, he was the best dog in the world.  I was just thinking this morning how he brought me one more gift he didn't even know about...I'm Diabetic and my Blood Sugar started being way too high (185-204) fasting morning B.S. when he was diagnosed with cancer.  I thought it'd come down after his death and time of grieving.  Well it didn't.  It forced me to take radical measures and I started the Keto diet with the New Year.  Now my fasting B.S. is closer to 100, a bit up and down yet, and I've lost weight, will continue on it and my goal is to get off my Diabetic Medicines.  It could take months, maybe even longer, but I aim to get there.  

Yes, you will! - Shalom

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On 2/5/2020 at 6:47 AM, kayc said:

Now my fasting B.S. is closer to 100, a bit up and down yet, and I've lost weight, will continue on it and my goal is to get off my Diabetic Medicines.  It could take months, maybe even longer, but I aim to get there.  

That is really terrific, Kay!

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I credit George a lot for helping me by putting me onto a Diabetic Group online and for all of the information he's shared, some of which is above my pay grade!

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Nearly 5 months since Abby passed and I couldn’t even finish grieving before tragedy struck again.  My sister, just 34 years old died suddenly on March 8th, the whole family is just utterly destroyed.  Add the coronavirus and the lockdowns in place and honestly, I’ve had more than I can bear.  My parents are with me presently and I’m thankful for that, we’re all doing the best we can but my god, just when you think the going is rough, life makes darn sure you know it can always get worse.  I am both informed of the previous, afraid and emotionally numb.  I miss my puppy and my sister.  I can’t imagine what’s next. 🙁

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I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, I lost mine two years ago but it's harder when they're so young and you don't expect it.  Dealing with multiple loss is hard.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/04/in-grief-coping-with-multiple-losses.html

7 hours ago, Anappa said:

I can’t imagine what’s next.

Don't ask, I pray this is the last for a long time to come.  I'm glad you have your parents there.

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Thanks Kayc, your support is appreciated more than I can express.  My 30s have proven to be ... challenging to say the least.  Here’s to hoping they finish out better than they started.

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I’ve not registered yet but I thought with the loss of my beloved choc labrador Coco two days ago I needed to open up my thoughts as I’m currently heartbroken and bereft with guilt which is making me think of suicide as the loss is indescribable.He was nearly 10 but his last few months were not good due to heart disease and arthritis but we kept him alive on medication but I can’t help thinking we caused his ending as we used to let him lick our hands after eating a packet of salty crisps as well as our dinner plates so the guilt is overwhelming at the moment and unable to go out for his usual walks no more only made him worse  physically and I’m guessing mentally so on the vets advice we had him put to sleep.The thought of not cuddling,holding + kissing him ever again  is too hard to put into words and I know people have said to me get another dog but that for me and my partner is a big no no as no other dog will ever replace him.I’ve hardly slept,cried nonstop and hardly not eaten anything and the only thought I have is just wanting out of this life as he was my life and the grief is unbearable as when I close my eyes even for 10mins I do not want to wake up as the pain begins all over again😢

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I've left my response in your other post so hope you will look there.  I'm sorry I didn't see this when you first posted it.  :(

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