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nycdoctor

Missing My dad

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Christmas is hard. My dad loved Christmas. I miss him so much. It's been almost 3.5 years now. And so much as happen since he left.

-My mom sold the house and now the house is torn down. Not there anymore. The place where all my happy moment when I grew up is gone. This made me feel so sad

-My mom moved in with me for a year and now she lives in the city. I am here by myself. I brought a house about 5 minutes away from my parents. I would see them everyday. Now I have no one here. I am alone. I feel abandoned by my mom and angry. I felt so alone, that I got married this year.

-The routine of seeing my dad every sat morning and having breakfast and spending the weekend is gone. Now i see him every Sat in his grave site. I miss him. I am the only one who see him every week.

-I feel like that since my dad passed away, he took everything with him. The house is gone, my mom is in the city, Sears is gone...the location of where he use to work is gone.Everything is changing. I just felt in the past there was certain things that were constant.....now nothing is constant. Nothing is stable.

-I dream about him and when I realize he is gone...i wake up. It suck.

-I am so afraid of losing my mom. I don't know what to do. I go to the city every weekend to see her. To be honest, I ask god to take me first. I don't think I could bear losing my mom.

 

I hate that he is gone

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nycdoctor,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know it doesn't just go away, to some degree it is for life, but the grief does evolve and doesn't stay the same.  We couldn't handle the intensity of it long term.  I lost my husband nearly 15 years ago, it was the worst loss of my life...and then just four months ago my "soulmate in a dog" (cancer), he was my constant companion, my beautiful, goofy, sweet, smart, loving dog who always bore a smile.  I miss him more than words can describe.

I've lost my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, niece, nephew, sister, friends, pets, but these two deaths were the worst I've born.  These two like to have killed me.

Yes, life is constant change, nothing stays the same, some of it good, some of it unwelcome.  Our parents represent the carriers of our history, everything we've known since birth, and losing that last parent feels like we're cut adrift...I lost my mom to dementia over five years ago, my dad nearly 38 years ago.  It's weird to think that we become the carriers of history then, with our kids and so the baton is passed.  Life goes quicker than one can imagine.  Yesterday I was young, now I am old, how did that happen?!  We are left with the memories we created, how we lived our lives, the memories of people who have touched us.  And we constantly have to work at building our lives.  My kids don't live near me, it's up to me to build friendships and a life I can live, it takes work, effort, I work at it constantly.  

Congratulations on your marriage...work at it, build it into something good that you want, it takes effort.  The worst thing in the world is feeling alone in a marriage, although I think most of us have experienced that at some time in our lives...marriage has it's ups and downs, keep working at it.  Reach out to each other.  And so you will bless your father's memory.

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I can feel the pain and anguish that you are suffering thru. You have experienced a lot of loss in a small period of time. A suggestion is to follow the wise advice of “letting each day have it’s own anxiety“..what does that mean?

dealing each day with what you can handle, and resolve..focusing on the here and now. The benefit of this is that you can avoid being overwhelmed .

may you find the peace of God and comfort 

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