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Lostmomma

Mentally exhausted

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My bf of 1 year just lost his younger brother. He is so broken right now. I am trying to be there for him when he needs to vent, share memories, cry, be angry. Problem is I’m his main target for the anger. I have kids and he can’t stand to be around them any more because their wining over trivial things makes him angry and hateful. Before this he was struggling because his father is dying. He was already taking his anger out on me because of his fathers cancer but now his brother passed and he is a mess and he will likely be soon burying his father. I’m trying to hang in there because I love him but my kids don’t deserve his anger and it’s becoming so mentally destructive for me. He just drinks until he is incoherent and calls me to yell at me.  What can I do? 

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4 hours ago, Lostmomma said:

I’m trying to hang in there because I love him but my kids don’t deserve his anger and it’s becoming so mentally destructive for me. He just drinks until he is incoherent and calls me to yell at me.  What can I do? 

I'm sorry but this is abuse and I wouldn't take it for myself nor would I allow it for my kids.  Your role is first and foremost those kids' protector.  Perhaps it's best you be away from him unless//until he get control over himself.  I know how hard this would be for you with love-feelings for him, but remember your priorities must be first to yourself and your children.  If it's not healthy for you and your kids, it's not healthy.  This isn't some temporary thing that was an off-night.  This could go on for the duration.  And NO TIME treating your kids badly is okay.

I've learned a lot from the counseling I've had in my life and one of the things I learned on marriagebuilders.com was you can't help the marriage unless/until the alcoholism is first dealt with.  Also it takes two to make a relationship work.  It can take one person to break it.  And this is in a marriage, with a BF, even less chance.

I would be backing out with skids on!  You can care about someone but realize they aren't healthy for you.

 

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