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After 11 years of pure joy and unconditional love, I had to say good bye to my black lab, Connor. My husband and I adopted Connor when he was 8 weeks old. We had been married 2 months. We traveled the country with Connor. Maine to Seattle, and everywhere in between. Our families thought we were "nutty" as Connor went everywhere with us. I remember my mother stating many years ago, "I hope I am not alive when it's time for Connor to go." Luckily my husband and I were able to filter the hurtful and stupid snide remarks both sides of the family would so loosely make.

On 12/19/2019, it felt like the world stopped. Yes, Connor outlived his expectancy once given the diagnose of Diabetes and Cushing's Disease in November of 2016. We were still very active and we managed his care plan to the letter. Waking up on the 19th and walking downstairs, I knew immediately Connor was not feeling well-and it was serious.

2 hours later, my husband and I were rubbing and hugging him until his last breath. The same Vet who Connor has had since 8 weeks old, was now also saying good-bye. It was, and continues to feel crushing. Takes my breath away.

Connor had a very BIG life! I look at pictures documenting all of the fun trips, funny expressions, videos......it does provide comfort. Every day for 11 years.

Today. Today I am angry. It has been 18 days. Those who were a big part of Connor's life are all aware of his passing and themselves are grieving the loss. The Holidays have come and gone. My husband is back to work today. I go back to teaching college tomorrow. I am mad that I cannot go a day without tears. I am just mad. 

I guess that is all that I wanted to write down today.

Thank you so much.

Connor'sMom

 

 

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I am so sorry.  He is a beautiful boy.  It's been 4 1/2 months since I lost my Arlie, and now this morning I had to have Kitty put to sleep.  They were my life, my family.  It's hard.  I am sorry for all you are going through, I know how tough it is.

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Your Connor is one handsome boy, and I am so very sorry for your loss. We have been where you are now, and we know how much it hurts. It's okay that you feel mad. And sad. And whatever else you need to feel. Sending wishes for comfort, peace and healing to your hurting heart. ❤️

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The pain lessens oh so gradually...I don't think it's ever 100% gone as a certain amount of it we just have to live with, or so it seems to me.  In nine days Arlie will be gone five months.  I don't see how that's possible.  How can I keep on living without him?  I don't know.  I know he is still in my heart and always will be, just as your Connor will continue to reside in your heart.  Such a beautiful boy your Connor is!  His smile...

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Thank you both, KayC and Marty.

Everyday is so different. I made myself go to hot yoga this morning. I want to try and get out of the house. Other yoga participants would not know if I am sweating or crying.

While working from home is both a blessing and a curse, right now, I can grade papers while crying.

I am also trying to stay away from friends. They mean well, but I don't want the unsolicited advice: "You need a new routine," "You need a new job outside of the house," "You need to stop crying." 

While all may be true, what I need is to do is let myself grieve naturally and I don't know what that looks like or feels like from moment to moment. 

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Connor's Mom, I'm so very sorry. Your Connor looks so much like our Mickey that we had to let go when he was 14. Perhaps they have found each other in "Rainbow Heaven". He was my constant shadow. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. In time, I hope your pain will subside. Black Labs are such wonderful dogs.

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Dogs are so funny. Our two know that when I remove my glasses, I'm either going to bed or to shower. They promptly trek down the hall into the bedroom and lay down. I call them my "shower guards".

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19 hours ago, Connor'sMom said:

what I need is to do is let myself grieve naturally and I don't know what that looks like or feels like from moment to moment. 

You are so very right and I'm glad you realize this so you can grieve the way you want/need to.

My first dog was a black lab, and I had another when I was grown, they are indeed good dogs.  A couple of my friends have golden labs, I love them both.

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Beautiful!  I wish I could have had a portrait made of my Arlie as clear as that!  That is, as Marty said, priceless!

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