Kathy Wallace Posted January 10, 2020 Report Share Posted January 10, 2020 Hello I am new here and trying to find some new ways of coping with the death of my sweet little Star. She had CHF and had been on 4 meds and in declining health for over a year. Still wagging that tail and playing with our other shih tzu right up until 4 days before her passing in her sleep. I can't sleep for thinking of her. My other baby looks for her everywhere. I've been through this multiple times and I know it's a part of it but it's so hard. Thanks. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 11, 2020 Report Share Posted January 11, 2020 I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard, I've been grappling with that as well, my Arlie was put to sleep 8/16 (cancer) and Kitty (age 25) put to sleep Monday (liver & kidney failure, hyperthyroidism). It's the hardest thing in the world, they are our children, members of our family. I still have Arlie's coat hanging on a chair, his collar and leash next to the door. His bed is still here, everything. Take your time with this, don't rush anything, it's hard to grasp that they who were such an integral part of our lives could be gone. It helps me to look toward the day we'll be together again, only they won't have physical problems then. Don't let anyone diminish your grief by saying "it's just a dog" or otherwise downplaying it. This is some of the hardest grief we can have. http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm To help your other one in their loss...https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 12, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2020 kayc thanks so much. It's a process and I just miss her so much. If I left the room she would be coming to see where I was as she got older and her heart condition got worse she always would look over to make sure I was near. Thanks again.💗 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 12, 2020 Report Share Posted January 12, 2020 Other than the death of my husband, I know of nothing harder than losing my Arlie, seeing his health go downhill, having to make "the decision," and then facing his absence in my life. It pains me still and I imagine it will the rest of my life. I don't cry as often on the outside now but I still cry on the inside. I still visit his grave and talk to him. But then I visibly talk to him in my home, on my walks, I just miss him so much. So I know what it's like and my heart really goes out to you. It's a grievous pain. My only consolation is that he is no longer suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 12, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2020 I am so sorry for your loss. It's just heart breaking. But you are correct. My Star wasn't going to get any better. My Angel is 8. We have an 8 wks old boy shih tzu baby coming Jan 18th. More for my grandson then me but I will love it and care for it no replacement ever for Star but maybe another furbaby to take care of will do us all good. They take over our homes and hearts 💕 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor'sMom Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Thank you for posting the beautiful video, KayC. Kathy, I lost my Connor on 12/18/2019. I am still thick in the grieving process but find incredible comfort talking with KayC and Marty. I hope Star and Connor have found each other. Connor is a bit bossy😉 but a perfect friend. Connor'sMom 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 What an adorable photo of your boy, Connor's Mom! And Kathy, my heart hurts for you, too. I found this to be of comfort when my beloved Beringer crossed the Rainbow Bridge: https://youtu.be/WVt1pD0sT0k?list=PLF883820720ECEF6B 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Connor'sMom thank you so much. I am so sorry for your loss. The pic of Connor is adorable. Yes hopefully he and Star have met up. 💖 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 MartyT thanks so much for the beautiful video.💓 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 14 hours ago, Kathy Wallace said: I am so sorry for your loss. It's just heart breaking. But you are correct. My Star wasn't going to get any better. My Angel is 8. We have an 8 wks old boy shih tzu baby coming Jan 18th. More for my grandson then me but I will love it and care for it no replacement ever for Star but maybe another furbaby to take care of will do us all good. They take over our homes and hearts 💕 My son brought me Kodie Dec. 10, he's 3 months old now, Klee Kai. Arlie did a full range of husky talk, highly communicative with tonal language. Kodie squeaks/cries. Not sure if his voice will mature in time. You are right, one does not replace another,s they are VERY different. I love Kodie already but it's nothing like my love with Arlie. Nor does my grief seem to diminish, I miss him so much. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 I know. I had a good friend tell me get on with it you got one dog and another one on the way. She doesn't get it. I don't consider my furbabies just dogs. They are my family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Darling photo, Kathy ~ thank you for sharing ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Thanks so much MartyT.💗 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor'sMom Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Thank you for sharing a photo of Star. So sweet. (The little boy is adorable!). I hope reviewing photos of Star helps with your healing. Reviewing photos of Connor throughout the years is proving to be beneficial in my healing process. There are still the overwhelming, takes your breath away moments of grief. I am not sure when or if they will go away. They may never. But I am giving myself permission to cry. Connor'sMom 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Connor'sMom thank you so much. That's Joseph our only grandchild. He loves Star so. I have countless pics and videos of Star. She was small but mighty and very stubborn. 😍 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 I have been grieving my dog, Arlie, since the day of his diagnosis, June 6. I am not "over him," nor will I ever be. He and Kitty were my family, the three of us, and no amount of time will erase that. I'm sorry someone said that to you. It's more like they want you to be "over him" because our grief makes THEM uncomfortable. Too bad. This isn't about them. Hey, I love the stubborn types...Huskies are my favorite dogs and they are KNOWN for their headstrongness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 kayc well said. I believe this person cares for me but the last few conversations between us I have cried and talked about Star. I can't just shut it off and get on with it. She doesn't know how to help me. I know it will be better as some time passes. I lost both parents at young ages 2 years apart. Many years ago. I am not comparing that to Star but love is love and grief is grief. My grandson wants a husky so bad. 💓 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 My son brought me a Klee Kai for an early Christmas, he knew I wouldn't be able to handle a strong Husky going into my 80s, which this one could take me to age 83. They are bred to be smaller but have the Husky genes/traits. 3 hours ago, Kathy Wallace said: She doesn't know how to help me. One of my favorite Dr Phil sayings is we have to teach people how to treat us. True. Many people are at a loss to know how to help someone who is grieving. Maybe sharing an article will help or just telling her you need her to just "be there for her," that this is something she can't "fix." http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Thanks again kayc. It's odd to me though my friend has a little furbaby of her own that she loves dearly. Maybe I am just too emotional but it's only been 2 weeks and a horrible Christmas time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2020 Report Share Posted January 15, 2020 She will feel different when it's her time to go through it. Until then, they don't know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 15, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2020 kayc that's exactly right.👍 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 16, 2020 Report Share Posted January 16, 2020 Of course, I might add, not everyone feels the same about their pets as we do ours. I believed in spoiling Arlie in the manner in which he was accustomed! I walked him twice a day, every day, snow, ice, rain, heat. I cooked for him. I tended to his medical needs. He had his own recliner by the window AND a loveseat! He had a ton of toys. I took him for rides in "Arlie's truck." He had regular social interaction, a best friend dog down the street. He had a fenced yard, a pen, a doghouse. I played with him and gave him bellyrubs every day. I talked to him and him to me. I always told him how much I loved him. I sang to him. He was my best friend, my family. Some people just tie their dog up in the back yard and never interact with them. They don't provide shelter from the elements and the dog is lucky if they have food and water. All too often many of them suffer abuse, but the abuse that is not mentioned is neglect of their spirit. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy Wallace Posted January 16, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2020 kayc so true. You and Arlie were fortunate to have each other. My babies sleep with me, eat their regular food, treats and they love boiled chicken. I sing to them each night and they have their own pillows and I gave Star nightly massages to improve her blood circulation and relax her. Every night for 12 yrs and 4 months I sang her song Twinkle twinkle little 🌟 Still crying multiple times throughout the day. But we are going to get Stormy our 8 week old baby boy on Sat. I know there's no replacing my Star girl but I look forward to getting to know, love, and care for Stormy. Hoping our 8 yr old Angel gets along with the puppy but I know it will be an adjustment for her. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julia1405 Posted January 17, 2020 Report Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hi Kathy Our beloved Roxy May passed two days ago from CHF I feel your pain. Roxy had tried every medication they offered and they had drained her a number of times but it got to the point where draining her wasn't working anymore. She would come back and the bloating would return within hours. Then she started to wheeze and couldnt lie flat. We propped up a mattress on the floor to try and help her sleep. She was trying to sleep standing up and holding herself up growing more tired and more weak. The vet said it was her time she wasn't eating at all and my partner made the most difficult decision to put her to sleep. I've cried my eyes out I've screamed. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and my partner in crime. We spent our sundays exploring together. I need to stop reliving her final day over and over and over again as I am driving myself insane. I hope you can find some peace xx 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 17, 2020 Report Share Posted January 17, 2020 Kathy, let me know how it goes with Stormy. No it's not the same, but it's another little soul you can love, and who will love you. Puppies are tremendous work but I'm glad I got Kodie. I can't imagine life without someone to share in it with. You are a wonderful pet parent, and I understand. Arlie was a BIG boy and I gave him belly rubs every day made up a song I sang to him, he loved it, "Arlie is a Sweet Boy." I hope all goes well with Stormy and Angel. Sometimes it helps having one in place when you get the puppy, they can teach them. Julia, I am so sorry for the loss of your Roxy May. I know how hard it is making this decision, and how hard it is missing her. It feels unbearable. I bawled every day for months. Wishing you some comfort and peace, knowing this was the kindest thing for Roxy May, even though it hurts like nothing else for you. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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