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Losing my little shih tzu Star.


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Hello I am new here and trying to find some new ways of coping with the death of my sweet little Star. She had CHF and had been on 4 meds and in declining health for over a year. Still wagging that tail and playing with our other shih tzu right up until 4 days before her passing in her sleep. I can't sleep for thinking of her. My other baby looks for her everywhere. I've been through this multiple times and I know it's a part of it but it's so hard. Thanks.

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I am so sorry for your loss.  It is hard, I've been grappling with that as well, my Arlie was put to sleep 8/16 (cancer) and Kitty (age 25) put to sleep Monday (liver & kidney failure, hyperthyroidism).  It's the hardest thing in the world, they are our children, members of our family.  I still have Arlie's coat hanging on a chair, his collar and leash next to the door.  His bed is still here, everything.  

Take your time with this, don't rush anything, it's hard to grasp that they who were such an integral part of our lives could be gone.  It helps me to look toward the day we'll be together again, only they won't have physical problems then.  Don't let anyone diminish your grief by saying "it's just a dog" or otherwise downplaying it.  This is some of the hardest grief we can have.

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
To help your other one in their loss...
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html

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Other than the death of my husband, I know of nothing harder than losing my Arlie, seeing his health go downhill, having to make "the decision," and then facing his absence in my life.  It pains me still and I imagine it will the rest of my life.  I don't cry as often on the outside now but I still cry on the inside.  I still visit his grave and talk to him.  But then I visibly talk to him in my home, on my walks, I just miss him so much.  So I know what it's like and my heart really goes out to you.  It's a grievous pain.  My only consolation is that he is no longer suffering.

 

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I am so sorry for your loss. It's just heart breaking. But you are correct. My Star wasn't going to get any better. My Angel is 8. We have an 8 wks old boy shih tzu baby coming Jan 18th. More for my grandson then me but I will love it and care for it no replacement ever for Star but maybe another furbaby to take care of will do us all good. They take over our homes and hearts 💕

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Thank you for posting the beautiful video, KayC. 

Kathy, I lost my Connor on 12/18/2019. I am still thick in the grieving process but find incredible comfort talking with KayC and Marty. I hope Star and Connor have found each other. Connor is a bit bossy😉 but a perfect friend.

 

Connor'sMom

Patriots.jpg

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14 hours ago, Kathy Wallace said:

I am so sorry for your loss. It's just heart breaking. But you are correct. My Star wasn't going to get any better. My Angel is 8. We have an 8 wks old boy shih tzu baby coming Jan 18th. More for my grandson then me but I will love it and care for it no replacement ever for Star but maybe another furbaby to take care of will do us all good. They take over our homes and hearts 💕

My son brought me Kodie Dec. 10, he's 3 months old now, Klee Kai.  Arlie did a full range of husky talk, highly communicative with tonal language.  Kodie squeaks/cries.  Not sure if his voice will mature in time.

You are right, one does not replace another,s they are VERY different.  I love Kodie already but it's nothing like my love with Arlie.  Nor does my grief seem to diminish, I miss him so much.  

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Thank you for sharing a photo of Star. So sweet. (The little boy is adorable!). I hope reviewing photos of Star helps with your healing.

Reviewing photos of Connor throughout the years is proving to be beneficial in my healing process. There are still the overwhelming, takes your breath away moments of grief. I am not sure when or if they will go away. They may never. But I am giving myself permission to cry. 

Connor'sMom

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I have been grieving my dog, Arlie, since the day of his diagnosis, June 6.  I am not "over him," nor will I ever be.  He and Kitty were my family, the three of us, and no amount of time will erase that.  I'm sorry someone said that to you.  It's more like they want you to be "over him" because our grief makes THEM uncomfortable.  Too bad.  This isn't about them.

Hey, I love the stubborn types...Huskies are my favorite dogs and they are KNOWN for their headstrongness.

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kayc well said. I believe this person cares for me but the last few conversations between us I have cried and talked about Star. I can't just shut it off and get on with it. She doesn't know how to help me. I know it will be better as some time passes. I lost both parents at young ages 2 years apart. Many years ago. I am not comparing that to Star but love is love and grief is grief. My grandson wants a husky so bad. 💓

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My son brought me a Klee Kai for an early Christmas, he knew I wouldn't be able to handle a strong Husky going into my 80s, which this one could take me to age 83.  They are bred to be smaller but have the Husky genes/traits.

3 hours ago, Kathy Wallace said:

She doesn't know how to help me.

One of my favorite Dr Phil sayings is we have to teach people how to treat us.  True.  Many people are at a loss to know how to help someone who is grieving.  Maybe sharing an article will help or just telling her you need her to just "be there for her," that this is something she can't "fix."  
http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm

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She will feel different when it's her time to go through it.  Until then, they don't know.

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Of course, I might add, not everyone feels the same about their pets as we do ours.  I believed in spoiling Arlie in the manner in which he was accustomed!  I walked him twice a day, every day, snow, ice, rain, heat.  I cooked for him.  I tended to his medical needs.  He had his own recliner by the window AND a loveseat!  He had a ton of toys.  I took him for rides in "Arlie's truck."  He had regular social interaction, a best friend dog down the street.  He had a fenced yard, a pen, a doghouse.  I played with him and gave him bellyrubs every day.  I talked to him and him to me.  I always told him how much I loved him.  I sang to him.  He was my best friend, my family.

Some people just tie their dog up in the back yard and never interact with them.  They don't provide shelter from the elements and the dog is lucky if they have food and water.  All too often many of them suffer abuse, but the abuse that is not mentioned is neglect of their spirit.

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kayc so true. You and Arlie were fortunate to have each other. My babies sleep with me, eat their regular food, treats and they love boiled chicken. I sing to them each night and they have their own pillows and I gave Star nightly massages to improve her blood circulation and relax her. Every night for 12 yrs and 4 months I sang her song Twinkle twinkle little 🌟 Still crying multiple times throughout the day. But we are going to get Stormy our 8 week old baby boy on Sat. I know there's no replacing my Star girl but I look forward to getting to know, love, and care for Stormy. Hoping our 8 yr old Angel gets along with the puppy but I know it will be an adjustment for her.

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Hi Kathy

Our beloved Roxy May passed two days ago from CHF I feel your pain. Roxy had tried every medication they offered and they had drained her a number of times but it got to the point where draining her wasn't working anymore. She would come back and the bloating would return within hours. Then she started to wheeze and couldnt lie flat. We propped up a mattress on the floor to try and help her sleep. She was trying to sleep standing up and holding herself up growing more tired and more weak. The vet said it was her time she wasn't eating at all and my partner made the most difficult decision to put her to sleep. I've cried my eyes out I've screamed. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and my partner in crime. We spent our sundays exploring together. I need to stop reliving her final day over and over and over again as I am driving myself insane. I hope you can find some peace xx

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Kathy, let me know how it goes with Stormy.  No it's not the same, but it's another little soul you can love, and who will love you.  Puppies are tremendous work but I'm glad I got Kodie.  I can't imagine life without someone to share in it with. 

You are a wonderful pet parent, and I understand.  Arlie was a BIG boy and I gave him belly rubs every day made up a song I sang to him, he loved it, "Arlie is a Sweet Boy."

I hope all goes well with Stormy and Angel.  Sometimes it helps having one in place when you get the puppy, they can teach them.

Julia,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Roxy May.  I know how hard it is making this decision, and how hard it is missing her.  It feels unbearable.  I bawled every day for months.  Wishing you some comfort and peace, knowing this was the kindest thing for Roxy May, even though it hurts like nothing else for you.  (((hugs)))

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