Dealing with an unexpected loss

[Lyss]

On Friday the 10th, I unexpectedly lost my sweet cat named Homie. He was only a year and a half old. He was sick for a few days & not eating before he got better for a day, and then spiraled quickly. I got him to the vet as soon as I could, even waiting for over four hours to be seen at a new place sooner than my scheduled appt. I assumed that because he had some digestive issues a year prior, that he must be dealing with bad constipation. I was fully expecting an enema, or laxative, maybe some meds. Idk. The vet was terrible, and after he ran the blood work and x rays, came into the exam room & told me  “it looks like hell. His kidneys are failing. There’s some options you can take but you need to consider euthanasia. Today.” I was so distraught. I ended up taking him to my preferred vet for a second opinion. During the appt his heart stopped, and the (much kinder) vet said essentially the same thing. The vet also explained that both of his kidneys were enlarged, with one being severely enlarged. I knew then that it was time, and had to put him down. 
 

this was all in one day. I know many others have had their pets for years, and I almost feel bad for feeling so sad after only having my baby for a year and a half. But I feel this loss so deeply. I feel incredibly empty. I have three other cats (my partners cats + one of mine), and I keep forgetting I don’t have four. 
 

I was feeling guilty the first two days too. But after some research, and discussion with my partner (a medical student), his symptoms were indicative of a genetic/cancerous/developmental issue, I feel less guilt knowing this result was inevitable. 
 

But I still feel awful. I try my best to keep myself distracted, but every evening it creeps up on me, just the emptiness of his absence. He was so special to me, and I miss him terribly. 
 

im not sure what I’m looking for exactly with this forum, I suppose just not wanting to be alone in my grief. 

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Lyss said:

I know many others have had their pets for years, and I almost feel bad for feeling so sad after only having my baby for a year and a half.

My Kitty was 25 when she went into liver & kidney failure and I had to have her put to sleep 1/6.  She'd lost half her body weight and didn't show any signs of being sick until Christmas.  I didn't have her 25 years, I rescued her from a life of continue abandonment and never knowing where her next meal would come from, I promised her a forever home and sometimes I thought she was going to take me up on it!  Because she'd always weathered the storms, I though she would this one too, but she was too old, and couldn't live forever.  She was old, she was tired, she was suffering, it was time to let her have her rest.  She is buried next to Arlie, her brother (dog), whom I lost five months ago today.

You had your cat just 1 1/2 years, and to have his life cut so short seems beyond unfair.  No one would expect to lose such a young cat, and I am so sorry his life was cut so short.  You did the only thing you could do, my vet told me there is no help once they go into liver or kidney failure.  

Also, for you to have no notice with which to process this had to be a huge shock to try to digest.  It may take you quite a while to assimilate the changes that came about so abruptly.  Unfortunately, that's how kidney failure hits.  I was suspecting kidney failure with Kitty when I took her in, she was vomiting, her stools changed, she was drinking/peeing a lot, just was not happy, and even refused her Easy Cheese that she usually demanded.  I felt she went quickly, I can't imagine how hard this was for you!

My heart goes out to you in your loss, I know how hard this must be for you.  I just got Kitty's memorial stone and placed it on her grave.  It helps to do something to honor them.  

I don't know how it all works but I like to think it's something like this...it brings me comfort to think my animals are happily waiting for me to join them.