My Sanity Needed Vents

[widow'15]

Gwen:  So wish things would go right for you.  Since it seems it isn't going to be easy for you, you have the right to be hostile, followed with apologies if deserved.  Sometimes it seems that's what gets a little attention when needed.  I too, talk to my Mom even though she passed away 20 years ago.  Prior to her dementia, she was the kind of Mom like your Mom sounds.  I would welcome a dream with her in it.  Good thoughts going your way.  Dee

[KarenK]

Festus(Ken Curtis) would be a good choice. I believe you said you used to be a singer as he was. He sang with the Sons Of The Pioneers for a few years. Beautiful voice.I

It has been raining steadily for 2 days here, pretty hard at times. Will probably be done sometime tomorrow. Already flash flood warnings out and invariably some fool will probably try and cross a flooded wash and need rescued. Happens every time we get substantial rain.

I would be hostile too. Nothing ticks me off more than stupidity and you've certainly run into enough of that.

 

[kayc]

I'm sorry your day was so frustrating, Gwen.  Hoping today goes better!  I hear you, I spent the first hour of my morning on the phone with 1st Tech because they wouldn't let me online.  They said they didn't recognize my device so sent me a code, which I put in but they then wouldn't let me in because they said they already had that device! They thought it was the bookmark, told me to type the url in, which I did, still didn't work.  Finally, out of several tries, it let me in and I tried to turn off the two step authentication since it's not working...it wouldn't let me.  Finally got it changed.  Went on line later, same problems all over and it turned the authentication back on!  Grr!  Spent the next hour dealing with the pharmacy and doctor...both whom blamed each other for dropping the ball on two of my Rxs!  Will check on it again later today and hope the pharmacy is working on it.  Not sure modern technology is helping, only as good as the operator and good service is a thing of the past.

I'm glad you can have a glass of wine to unwind!  Too high is sugar for me.   Same with chocolate.  But I did fix a nice dinner (Venison soup, cauliflower rice, and bratwurst) and breakfast (Chaffles and leftover Bratwurst) for my son and granddaughter (she ate well and said it was delicious, pretty good for a four year old)!

Getting snow tonight through Monday.

[Gwenivere]

I hate those 2 step things they are doing on some sites to log in.  I got my medical portal to disable it because I was tired of having to get a code to log in.  I don’t have a smart phone so I would have to alternate between my desk and iPad for the darned thing.  Like you, I spent another day trying to find out some info with my insurance.  One thing was done right, the other is still up in the air, meaning I have to keep calling to get a refund or credit when they straighten out thier mess.  My Direct TV has a software change they made but they still insist on sending a tech out Monday.  I also have another phone session with my insurance nurse which I’m beginning to hate.  My doc is out of the office til April and she is going to try and get an OK on a very expensive med but my doc’s office is notoriously slow at doing anything.  I talked to them today too and got the 'we’ll call you back' line and they never do.  I have that MRI tomorrow and it’s horridly rainy and windy for the long walk in much less doing another test.  I’m annoyed about this one because I have to take off all jewelry and do the gown thing.  And I don’t want to do it, but I want to know if my stenosis is progressing.  

I’m sick of the news about the COVID virus.  The local news had very little that wasn’t about that.  I’m getting email from my insurance, financial advisor, the state and my county.  I GET IT ALREADY!!!   Good thing I’m not a traveler with all the restrictions.  More and more anxiety every day.  Tho the stock market actually came back up.  Seattle is a ghost town tho.  Most everything is closed.  

On the plus side I figured out what was wrong with my printer for faxing.  It’s owner, me, was plugging the phone line in the wrong jack.  My house got cleaned and bed changed.  Just have to tackle king size linen laundry.  Limped my way thru 2 grocery stores for really quick meals for the weekend and tonight.  

I’m not sure the wine is good for me anymore, I’m so exhausted from the stress and pain.  It feels good for a bit but when I actually go to bed the depressant side hits knowing how hard the morning will be alone ahhhhhhhgain.  How hard to drag myself up to reality.  I can’t stop thinking about Steve ever now that things are so stressful.  I need him so much.  My hostile self had to hold my tongue at all the 'have a great day' partings at stores and on the phone.  Yeah, it will be a peachy cool night as always.  Can’t wait.  😥

[kayc]

I spent literally hours dealing with 1st Tech, they still haven't fixed the problem.  Last night I got someone   I spent hours with CVS Caremark, also got someone uppity/snippy/argumentative, no help at all.  Remains to be seen if that's straightened out.  I talked to five different people there and they all told me something different.  They have given me five different amounts as to what my copays will be, many of which have hit my bank several times .  You lose your faith in them after a while.

My IRA rose a bit yesterday, but nowhere near what the losses were the previous two days, let alone the three prior weeks.  A drop in the bucket.  People are posting pictures of empty aisles at stores.  Really, people?  How much T-paper do they think they need?  They have enough hoard for a year yet the rest of us won't be able to wipe our butts!  Self-greed at its finest.  I drive 50 miles away to get groceries and what will I find when I get there?  How many hours will it take me to get my puppy chow at Costco?  I've got a list to order at Wal-Mart, need to buckle down and get it done today.  When I'm not shoveling snow.

Yay, you got a clean bed last night!  Funny the little things we can be thankful for.  Me, it's my quiet functioning ceiling fan.  Loving it!

Hoping today is  even a bit easier for you.  I feel like with this Corona virus it's turned into a nightmare that is worsening every week.

[widow'15]

I agree with kayc about the hoarding and people being greedy.   I did order my groceries on Thursday and used Fred Meyer Pick Up as I usually do, my usual items, no hording.  Today, I will have to go out and get some dog food for Maddie.  I don't stock up cause some days she becomes too picky and I have to find another brand.  Just thankful right now she is eating well. I am hoping there won't be any unfilled grocery shelves next week since I will be taking care of my Grandkids for 3 days to help out my son.  Schools closed.  I have already warned them, no I-Hop breakfast outing this time. 

Gwen, I too am weary of hearing about the corona virus although I must admit I find myself listening to TV much too much lately.  I will be thinking of you and your MRI today and will be waiting to see your followup report of the day.  Good thoughts going out to you.

One Day At a Time.........Dee

 

[Gwenivere]

Had my MRI.  For what is normally a painless test, it was hard to lay on my back.  I thought I would be able to talk to the techs, but I couldn’t so had to see it thru.  I had to get one to put my 20th anniversary platinum necklace back on, impossible to o yourself because it is too delicate.  I hadn’t taken off my jewelry in years.  The first thing I wanted to do was put Steve back on.  Earrings and rings.  There was a Seattle police officer there to make sure all entering the hospital were screened for COVID.  Now I wait.  I realized that the bakers cyst in my knee is also making walking even harder so that means scheduling a drainage.  I was shaking when I left.  

I spent the night filling pills boxes.  Filled head of fear of bad news coming.  Wondering what comes next.  

I did find a very small corned beef brisket.  Hoping I will enjoy it somewhat. Maybe I can find a smile about long ago Irish nights shared with Steve.  I look at the upcoming days and see nothing that isn’t alone or medical.  Just the Direct TV appointment.  I’m getting tired of taking to my old rehab roomie.  She’s in a bad place too and this daily talking about each of ours isn’t a good way to go into the evening.  She thinks I’m nuts for going out with the virus scare and I can’t fathom staying home all day without feeling I am a part of the world, even if an unimportant one.  It’s so hard to look at a week coming and have nothing to look forward to.  I so miss the nursing home.  I so hate this virus and how it’s changed everything.  Don’t have to work around the 5 o’clock rush hour.  Tired of getting mail about it.  Can’t get away from it.  Watching people get more and more scared.  Death tolls by state or country, latest Italy.  Maybe even tho it made me sad, seeing people living showed me life does go on. Maybe there was possible I can rejoin just a little of it.  

After having to have the test, I dropped more things than I can count when I got home.  So more bending over which was the last thing I needed.  I know the woman I usually meet Sunday won’t want to go to our spot because she is panicked by the virus.  Seeing her here means me not getting out and me going to her house means fending off her untrained dogs and getting kicked out when she wants to make dinner.  

What happened to my happiness?  Why was it taken away?  What did I do to wind up severed from the simplest and most wonder pful thing in life....love.  His for me, mine for hiim.  It was bound to happen, but it was too soon.

[widow'15]

Gwen:  So good to hear you survived your MRI and you did it all by yourself.  I don't know if I could have gotten into that tube - I am claustrophobic.  I have memories of watching my Mom go thru a MRI test many years ago and even then I thought how brave she was even though she was in early dementia.  I understand your fears sitting and waiting for the results.  This week will have to be the hard part.

Yes, this virus scare is not good.  I try not to think about how long this will last.  I went out yesterday to fill my car with gas, not that I plan to go anywhere, tank was getting too low.  As I drove out of my neighborhood there was no visible activity.  I felt  better when I was at the gas station, found quite a few people and life going on.  It is important to be safe when we have to get out.  I have no problem staying home, but know I will have to get out only when  necessary.  We are all different aren't we?

Sorry your rehab friend telephone visits are not helping you.   Sounds like she cares about your welfare and feels her warnings will keep you safe.  Some of us can't shut off our mothering instincts.  This includes me.  LOL

Hope this beautiful, sunny day, although a little chilly,  gets you outside.  We need Vitamin D.  Take care, Dee

 

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

No answers as you know, but I'm glad you got through it.  I'm sorry you can't get out, that has to be terribly hard.  Our governor canceled anything with 250 people or more.  Got out to church today, no one hugging or shaking hands, it felt odd.  But it was good just to see and talk to people.  I didn't go to the luncheon they had yesterday, I dropped my salad off early and left.  Seems a weird time to have a luncheon.  It hasn't hit here yet but I heard there's two cases in Riverbend Hospital which is 1 1/2 hours from here, sent from somewhere else.  

Gwen I hope they give you some answers.

[Gwenivere]

Seattle is pretty much a ghost town.  Just stores are open.  Everyone I know is working from home.  Can’t visit the nursing home.  The hospitals have suspended visits to patients.  We had the no group thing too, think they are making that even smaller.  Was 250, now 50 people.  All sports and entertainment events are cancelled.  I’m so sick of talking on the phone.  I’ll go to the grocery store just to be around people.  Bought too much food as I find things and forget I have no more storage.   Extra frustration as it hurts so damned much walking.  Do want to get he Sunday paper today an take a shower.  The woman I usually meet for a chat won’t get together anywhere including our houses as she doesn’t want to get infected or infect her wife who has asthma and prone to pneumonia.  I could handle this better if I wasn’t alone.  It would be nice to not have the pain when I do try and do something except sit.   Need to make 2 apts for the vascular problems and now a bakes cyst.  No other distraction, like another human to talk to thru this virus mess, is making me crazy.  Talk about ANYTHING but medical stuff.  Have more things to do but medical stuff.  not my idea of socializing.  Hope your community stays virus free, Kay.  Tho I think about your treks for things and it seems you are already isolated.  I don’t know how you do it.  Just shows has vast personality types can be. I consider drive more than 20 minutes too long.  

[kayc]

50 to a group for us too now.

Aisles are bare.  I can't get there when the stores open as I can't drive in the dark and it's so far away.  Worried about not being able to get produce when I run out.  Can't get Kodie's puppy chow.  Costco still not answering their phone.  Four hour waits in line, will only let 50 in the store at a time.  I don't have that kind of window to work from with the distance and length of daylight.  It's crazy.  I wish people would settle down and stop hoarding so we could all have some groceries.  This is a crisis created by people.

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I could handle this better if I wasn’t alone.

We are all feeling the same way, I remember the storm last year, I could have taken it easier if I hadn't been alone.  It's hard being isolated.  Just having a partner to go through life with...

Well it's here now, they transported two patients with it to Riverbend (Springfield hospital).  I've heard it's in Bend, about two hours from here.  And they aren't prepared to do adequate testing so who knows how many out there have it and haven't been tested.  You have to be hospitalized to qualify, they don't have adequate labs for it.  Its crazy.  I don't think anyplace will have immunity from this.  It will run it's course.

 

[Gwenivere]

That’s what people don’t understand.  It will run its course and it’s so severe because there is no immunity to it.  We got caught with our pants down.  As much as I hate all the restrictions, we have to wait it out.  China is finally on the upswing and Italy is warning everyone to do what we are doing, they waited too long.  I still go out to places I can, but always with sanitizer tho I forget when I grab my mail.  The Direct TV tech was out and I didn’t even think that he had used my remote before eating lunch. got a call from my insurance nurse to go over ahhhhhhgain COVID protocol.  I know some people are hoarding, but lots is just the stores selling out from more buying for a couple weeks.  Stuff they might have put off but are doing the self quarantine or been exposed.  The stores had no time to plan to order more to keep up.  This is going to be a story to hand down, that’s for sure.

[kayc]

Here's pictures taken locally...

Oregon is pretty much on lockdown, no public gatherings over 25, no personal gatherings over 10, I'm a little unclear about when 10 is allowed and when 25.  Suffice it to say, school is closed, restaurants are closed (except takeout), stores have to limit people as far as I understand.  More cases showing up.  It's reached everywhere, pretty much, but Oregon doesn't have the labs for testing those that need testing, only doing those in hospitals.  Very insufficient.  I hope I have enough food to last, I know I'll run out of produce.  I'd just cleaned out my cupboard for my health so nothing to eat even if bad for me.  Only produce which I'm getting low on this week and frozen meat.  I'll live even if I have to ration myself.  No spare puppyfood for Kodie and buying any at Costco looks nigh impossible even if they had some, which IDK because they won't answer the phone and quit carrying it on line.

It 's a mess.  But we've all already lived through the unthinkable, right?!  We'll get through this too.  Gwen, I love your parting statement.  

[Kieron]

It's dawned on me that if this had happened exactly three years ago, Mark's rehab center would have been in lockdown and I wouldn't have been able to visit, at least not without a thorough screening.

I'm so glad we're spared this ordeal.  As bad as the situation was then, it would be unbearable today.

[Gwenivere]

I saw Costco was limiting entrance because of how many people can be in any place. Seattle just closed all small businesses, restaurants, bars, yoga studios and any place people gather.  St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow won’t have any bars open.  They are releasing people from jail for misdemeanors and low bail.  

I had a bad night.  A dream about Steve and he didn’t want anything to do with me.  I needed help with my legs as my toes were turning black.  He didn’t seem concerned.  Was working on something with his mother.  I woke up devastated.  My depression kicked in so fast I couldn’t even really use the 10 snooze to do the usual get prepared for walking pain.  I have no idea what prompted that unless it’s the added isolation this d*mned virus is creating.  Every time I turn around something else is cancelled.  All my therapy is by phone for weeks to come.  Days are frustration with insurance, taxes and trying to get medical help.  The vascular places first appointment is late April.  Over a month hoping I can live in this pain.  Anyway, the dream was really a nightmare.  I was so close to him.  I’ve never had a dream like that.  We are usually free and happy and what I don’t want to wake from.  

I bought some new KIND treats.  They make awesome healthy snack bars and came out with a bark type snack.  I bought an extra bag for my Sunday 'friend' for a treat while everyone is in self quarantine.  When I dropped it off she said thanks but I could tell she wanted me to leave.  I didn’t go inside as I knew they were going to have dinner and one of her dogs loves me too much she hurts me.  What hurt me was she quickly said she had to get dinner on the table.  It’s hard to describe, but I knew she wanted me to go away.  I had called first and she said I could drop the treats off.  Maybe it’s just me, but I barely took up 2 minutes of her time before she was shutting the door in my face.  I could see if I was forcing her to converse for a long time.  It isn’t the first time she’s hurt me and my counselor says I should know better but I guess I keep hoping she would care more.  She really came thru with my dogs when I was hospitalized, but I think she likes them more than me.  In fact, I know she does.  She’s always worried about them and often questions my decisions.  It was just hard to take as we are in this lock down.  Guess because I would appreciate someone thinking of me being alone.  But she has her wife and packed life.  I get maybe an hour a week.  What’s worse, I’m so desperate for human contact I accept it.  

 

 

 

[kayc]

Costco was allowing 50 people at a time in the store.  Our governor just made an executive order, only 25 people at a time/public place, 10 at a private gathering.  Misdemeanor if violated.  I don't know how we'll get through this but we have no choice.  I need hand sanitizer but none to buy.  I placed an order on Amazon four days ago, they give no updates, it hasn't shipped, don't know when it will.  No food to buy at the stores.  Right now my concern about the Corona-virus for me is secondary to being able to eat.  On my diet, I can only have meat/eggs/cheese and non-starchy vegetables.  I'd cleaned my cupboards out of everything else so nothing to fall back on if I get desperate.  I don't want to undo everything I've worked so hard at in the last three months anyway!  

Gwen, I don't begin to have the frustration you are going through but in the last eight days I have spent countless hours on the phone trying to straighten things out, CVS Caremark, Century Link, 1st Tech FCU, Petsmart, but mostly CVS.  I've had to call them 13 times and have spent HOURS every day on the phone with them.  I told them that is 11 times too many.  They don't listen or do what they should do.  This should be routine, folks!  I can't give up because I need my medications and they're overdue.  When I was working I always did my job and was ALWAYS courteous to the public.  No excuse for how things are today.  I feel like now that it's OUR turn, we're getting cheated.

On 3/17/2020 at 12:46 AM, Gwenivere said:

 It isn’t the first time she’s hurt me and my counselor says I should know better but I guess I keep hoping she would care more.

People don't understand what it's like to live in isolation.  I'm facing that now too.  I can't even go see my sister here in town because they foolishly went to the casino, coming back just four days ago and this has a two week incubation period.  If she has contracted it, it will likely kill her, she is NOT in good physical shape, barely breathes, heavy smoker.  So on top of worrying about her, I can't even help her.  At least she has her husband.  I honestly wouldn't mind going to the afterlife right now...except I have Kodie to take care of.  I have to stay alive for him.  He's the sweetest little puppy, just starting his life out, he deserves to be able to live it.  I don't know what I'll do if things don't settle down and allow us to get our food/puppy chow.  Trying to stay in "one day at a time."  At least I have electricity, heat, and water!  I'm sorry you were treated like that, Gwen.  I know I've said this before but I truly wish I lived near you.

On 3/17/2020 at 12:46 AM, Gwenivere said:

What’s worse, I’m so desperate for human contact I accept it.

It's not that you don't value yourself, you know you're worth better treatment, but you're right, in these circumstances we take what we wouldn't normally take.  You mean so much to all of us here and I've seen you, in the worst times of your life, encouraging others.  You're a good person.

[Kieron]

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

What’s worse, I’m so desperate for human contact I accept it.  

I can understand that.  I recall classroom discussions of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which states that human contact is as much a need as food and shelter.  Maybe it's not as essential as air and water are for immediate survival, but going without food, shelter and human touch is just a slower death.

[Gwenivere]

OK, cover your 'eyes' as I have to do this.

I CANT STAND HEARING MORE  EVERY DAY ABOUT COVID!  

whew.  Every friggin day I get one or more emails about more closed things.  Latest was the gas company.  I appreciate they are not assessing late fees and such but this constant barrage of more and more warnings and fears is getting to me.  Now I’m supposed to change my clothes every time I’ve been in a store?  Wash them in hot water then dry?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for not getting or giving it to others, but I guess I don’t mentally know how to control it being so consuming when I live in depression.  even if it’s not about the physical side it’s hitting politics and a certain person is using it to now foster ethnic prejudice.  I find myself just wanting to cry every day.  It SO makes me miss Steve to have someone to talk to about it to grasp perspective and think of doing other things as we are being terrified to venture out.  After my hospital and rehab stay, I am at high risk but I take it because sitting in this house all day is worse to me.  

On 3/17/2020 at 7:36 AM, Kieron said:

going without food, shelter and human touch is just a slower death.

That is how I feel. Like I am dying inside.  This has so ramped up the grief.  I hear from others I know and how they and their partners are spending the time.  Stuff they didn’t have much time for like tasks around the house, yard, repairs.  Getting more time together.  They hate the restrictions but love  this chance in their normally too busy lives.  

When I do go out, there are so few places to go.  I can’t see my counselors in person or visit the nursing home.  I can go to grocery, drug and the dollar store.  I wanted to get my hair cut yesterday and those places are shut down.  I make it my 'huge' trek of the day and go to farther away grocers to buy some apples.  To kill time but then I see all the empty parking lots and closed businesses.  So a Catch 22.  I only feel slightly better when I get home because it is late enough I should be home.  I look at my calendar and see scheduled things but they are all medical.  This for a person who barely wants to be here anymore so not exactly motivating.  I’ve been trying to find the source of my leg swelling for months to no avail.  Then there’s the back and hips calling for surgery and even more isolation to recover. 

I feel sick to my stomach most of the time.  Can’t concentrate.  Just a hopelessness as it so pushes the knife deeper of being alone and how that won’t change when life outside resumes to normal.  I was struggling with that before this virus and now I really wonder if I can make it.  I hate living on the phone and email pretty exclusively now.  I drive around feeling like I don’t really exist.  Dogs keep me getting up, but then I have to see my elder struggling with age and know she will leave me too.  

Had to get it out.

[KarenK]

Gwen, I don't watch the news, but do read a bit on the Internet. Before all this nonsense, never a day went by without a murder or two staring at you. Now it's a different kind of murder, that of our common sense. The general public has become like lemmings following others as they blindly jump off the cliff. The food hoarding situation scares me the most. When Ron was here, he always bought in bulk when we were flush money to cover the times when we were short. Growing up, he went hungry a lot. I have never been hungry so just buy what we need for the week. I have a large freezer that used to be packed full, now very little. I watch a lot of those crazy apocalyptic type movies. Who ever thought we might be approaching the land of Mad Max?

I know you can't stand staying in the house, but the Mother Hen in me worries for you being out in public a lot. Please don't be mad at me for saying that. Just be extra careful!

[Margm]

Gwen, guess it is not the same up in Seattle.  We are supposed to isolate, but we have to hit the stores to get something as simple, and necessary as toilet paper.  I still cannot understand people standing around in grocery stores fighting over toilet and towel paper.  They say the virus is human/animal mix, so they all seem to be affected by "mad cow disease."  That is all I can figure.  They cannot eat toilet paper.  It does not affect the intestinal machinations that would require more toilet paper.  Even the Tylenol was gone off Walmart shelves (because we have been warned against any of the non-steroidal's.  Plenty of ibuprofen.  I can't take anything but Tylenol anyhow so I have plenty.  I cannot get out of my mind that little elderly woman fighting with people to leave her shopping cart alone.  Toilet paper.  Now, it is a very big necessity for me but should just be a regular thing for families like buying trash bags.  I cannot wrap my head around these crazy people.  

Reminds me of the little woman who came into the ER to speak to psychiatrists between 11-7 night shift.  One psychiatrist was going with the other psychiatrist's wife and they started a fist fight in front of the elderly woman needing help.  She went out the door very fast saying "I'm getting out of here, they crazier than I is."   My sentiments exactly with the hoarding of toilet paper.  

[KarenK]

May not help at all, but I'd be buying orange juice(if there was any) and vitamin c. That's the first thing I grab when I'm sick. Fortunately, I had just bought TP before all this.

[Gwenivere]

Marg, you gotta get a hold of this TP fixation.  You’re driving yourself nuts!  🤪

karen, I agree wholeheartedly with your post.  Common sense is diminishing as the days pass.  Even my own going out like I do.  But it’s that or go bonkers.

Unfortunately today I had to take Ally to the emergency vet.  She was fine Wednesday and bam.  I couldn’t even see driving home I was so blinded with tears.  I couldn’t breathe.  She’s my baby, my rock since Steve died. Basically, I don’t know if she will be coming home.  She has a very high temp and staying overnight.  She couldn’t stay stable on her hind legs.  I cut out the novel I wrote about the details.  I was asked if I wanted CPR if something happened and said no.  That was a punch in the gut.  Talk to the vet in the morning.  I could barely see driving home I was so hysterical.  Talked to a dog buddy and cousin and they said I made the right decision on the CPR as it hurts them.  She is the most social dog I’ve ever known.  My fear is she may never come home.

I’m a mess.  Functioning in shock right now tho I knew a crisis would eventually happen, but I never had to do this alone.  

Now I am in horrid pain from having to load her as she fell a lot trying to get in the car.  Tag on this frigging virus restrictions.  I couldn’t even be with her for the exam.  No one allowed in, all done by cell phone.  

More stuff happened today that was depressing but nothing more painful as this.

[Margm]

Did I write that I found it?  I went around probably hundreds of sick people to do it.  But, I have 8 rolls and 8 rolls of towel paper.  They were limiting, this was two stores.  Hey, I was getting serious about buying that Romaine lettuce or dryer sheets if I could not find it.  Plenty of Kleenex though.  

I can do without a lot of things, but toilet paper is not one of them.  

Now I read about your Ally.  Oh, I hope everything is okay.  I'm so sorry Gwen.  Please let us know how she is doing.  I'm so sorry.  

[widow'15]

Gwen:  Oh No.  I am so sad to hear about Ally.  This is got to be so painful for you to have to go through this.  My heart breaks for you reading you could not be with her.  Keeping you and Ally in my thoughts.  Hugs to you and your Sweet Ally.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

Thank you, Marg and Dee.  Trying to keep the dark thoughts away but I can’t.  I can barely walk for how hard it was to get Ally into the car.  I’m not repeating that for pity, but because it showed me how I might have let her down getting help.  Sleep is going to be hard.