My Sanity Needed Vents

[Gwenivere]

    

7 hours ago, KarenK said:

Gwen, you are not a misfit nor a criminal! I don't understand her thinking you would be a danger to others if you don't have the virus.

Ally being elderly and ill, it's possible she would be hard to rehome even in the best of times. There are still people out there with compassion, I would hope.

Do you leave the house to be in the vicinity of humans or just to get away from the reminders and dark thoughts? You can't run away from yourself.

If it's a need for people, I wouldn't know exactly what to do. I would be wary.

The thing is we may not know we are infected.  Takes days to incubate.  I haven’t had any contact with actual people, just things that have been touched.  

Ally would be hard to rehome but I did talk to my Sunday friend and give her permission to make decisions about Ally should anything happen to me.  I also called our music buddy to ask if he would take Melody.  Thankfully he and his wife said absolutely yes.  A great relief to me.  She knows him so I know she would be safe as they went thru hell with thier last dog.  Very loving people.

I leave the house to be around living people and escape dark, very dark, thoughts.  I know it is only temporary.  I learned a long time ago this can’t be outrun.  It’s like a switch gets flipped when I walk in the door.  I’m back in the suffocating loneliness and physical limitations that frustrate me because there are so many things I would do to feel more content here.  I’d love to bruh Ally as she is a shedding machine.  There are little fix it jobs all over.  Things I’d like to rearrange.  But I sit and do so little from this aging body.  Can’t even sleep or shower that is enjoyable.  They are chores now.  I’m so tired of being old at 64.  Watching people older doing so much more even in pain, but it’s tolerable still.  My counselor is 78 and walks and works in her garden. Takes lots of breaks, but she still can.  They say depression is anger turned inward.  I think that is me.  My shrink called last night and said I sounded better than I have in a long time.  He caught me in the midst of miracle Vicodin.

 I’m being as careful as I can. Taking a chance on exposure is equal to being isolated all day to my mental state.  If only Steve were here, it would be so different.  It would cure both needs that put me out there.  It would definitely get to us eventually as we were not homebodies except at night as we aged.  Better to weather these strange and scary times with someone.  I know you must miss your husband and daughter so much.  I know we all miss our partners.  To go thru this unprecedented time without them makes it so much worse.

2 hours ago, Marg M said:

  If this is a "friend" Gwen, please find a new one...........after we are allowed out of our houses. 

Is this woman one of your therapists, or is she just an acquaintance?  I

Love you Gwen.  I know your not gonna let that bully push you around.  We are actually better friends to ourselves than some other people would be.

Very wise words at the end there, Marg.  And so true.

this woman (and another) are acquaintances in my book.  A friend would never just spit out their opinions or judgments without thought of how the recipient would feel.  

I need to know I have the freedom to leave as long as I do my best to protect myself and others.  Mental health is just as important if staying in when it could push you over the edge.  Drives do me good and they threaten no one.  I so miss chatting with strangers when shopping or waiting in line.  I’m amazed it’s been over 3 months since I’ve volunteered.  I miss the residents so much.  Talk about really being prisoners.  Their own families can’t even visit.  I saw one trendy grocery store with a line to get in as it is small so limiting those inside.  They have cool stuff and I outdoor have loved to get some, but I couldn’t handle the line and standing that long.  

Nope, no more bullying for me.  These are my shoes and no one knows how they feel no matter how many comparisons they make.  Thatvis all they are.  If only they could truly feel the true fit.

love ya, lady!  💖

 

[kayc]

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I forget to thank you for saying I did well handling Ally, Kay.  We pet parents ruse when needed like 2nd nature.  Had I had to think about it I would have been paralyzed.  She’s still doing better, BTW.  More tail wagging and moving around.  Had I had that woman’s attitude I wrote about, I would have killed my baby who is still enjoying life.  

I'm so glad to hear this!  I've been praying for Ally. 

I could never give up on mine prematurely, I fought like crazy to keep Arlie alive as long as I could w/o him suffering too much.  Yesterday I was holding Arlie's coat and sobbing and Kodie came up and looked concerned and tried to comfort me.  He really is a sweetie.  Last night he laid on the couch the same way Arlie did, only he just took up the end of it instead of the whole thing.  He rested his head the same, smiled the same.

 

[kayc]

6 hours ago, Marg M said:

we have guards over toilet paper and towel paper.

We haven't had any T-paper on the shelves anywhere for two weeks!  Who'd have ever thought we'd live to see the day where they'd guard T-paper!

[kayc]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Their own families can’t even visit.

I'm glad this didn't happen in my mom's lifetime.  To not be able to visit her in the dementia care facility would have been torture as I'd feel like I was abandoning her to feel lost and scared.

We're all getting through this as best as we can...a week down, probably 12 weeks to go....

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

We haven't had any T-paper on the shelves anywhere for two weeks!  Who'd have ever thought we'd live to see the day where they'd guard T-paper!

Just shows the greedy nature of some people.   People are sneaky regarding rules.  A parent with a couple of old enough kids could send each to a different self check and get 3 times the limit and deprive others.

I was reading an article about why TP is such a focus and they say it’s the quarantine.  During snow storms, people stock batteries, flashlights and other things.  As there is no predicted end to this isolation we are so adapted now to feeling clean and have not known any other way, nor would we want to go to other methods.  And how many people do you know have a bidet?   I know I would be panicked without the stuff.  I’m seeing a lot of interesting human behavior thru this including my own.  I wonder if after this there will be more appreciation for all we have so easily or we will fall back into taking for granted.  People being rude to checkers because THIER brand was out.  Stuff like that.  

This is going to be studied and talked about for a very long time.  The 21st century’s reaction to crisis just like the Twin Towers devastation and how that changed flying.  I just wish I were younger so I could do more in and around the house.  Really a challenge with so much time but limited abilities.  

[Margm]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

We haven't had any T-paper on the shelves anywhere for two weeks!  Who'd have ever thought we'd live to see the day where they'd guard T-paper!

Brianna thought people would eat the corn off corn on the cob and then use the cob.  She was evermore aghast at the spread of germs.  I remember running the mobile one in the kitchen at my Grandma's and loved churning and everything but slopping the hogs.  I drew the line at that.  I explained to her the corn was allowed to dry and then put through the process to get the dried corn off the dried cob.  Well, that was some better for her.  But still.............  It just got worse when I read her what people used to use and finally we had to quit googling, she wanted to hear no more.  

"Before Toilet Paper:  Leaves, rags, moss and rags were some of the less-painful (and probably more sanitary) options. ... In the late 15th century, paper became readily available, so newspaper was commonly used as toilet paper. In more modern times, Americans used the Sears & Roebuck catalog and The Old Farmer's Almanac.Dec 12, 2018"

I can remember the Sears catalog slung across a wire coat hanger in my country grandma's.  They had a bathroom soon after though. 

They dug a well and had running water that (the land was called Red Land) and the soil was so red there had to be lots of iron in it.  It would stain everything.  I got a lot of my ways from Grandma (but I wanted my sweet, gentle, small, good smelling mammaw's ways), oh well, it is what it is.  My grandma was a tough ole gal.  Riding those five miles home from night service at the  "local" Baptist revival, I said "Grandma, you only have your parking lights on."  She informed me she knew how to drive but kept commenting on it being a dark night.  As she went in front of her car, when we got home, while she said "well, I did have my parking lights on" and I was kissing the ground, happy we had made it.  Stubborn ole gal.  They called that part of Louisiana the Ozark foothills, and it was as close to mountains I would get until I married.  Her and her dad both rode down the center of those dirt hill roads with their horn blowing meaning "get out of my way."   

[KarenK]

Marg, where Ron's folks lived in W. Va., the roads are mountainous and very narrow with a lot of blind curves, cliff on one side and river on the other. He would honk every time we went around a curve to alert oncoming traffic. A whole new concept for me. He said if you met a huge coal truck, you would back down looking for a wide spot to get out of it's way. Fortunately didn't happen when I visited.

[Gwenivere]

Just got the results of my spine MRI on my health portal.  It’s very hard to make sense of.  Something I read sounds very bad and then something sounds like it is not so bad.  All I know is my pain is becoming intolerable.  I know there are vascular issues as well.  I have a phone appointment with the neurosurgeon Wednesday.  I’ll be asking him if the hospital stay contributed with their horrid beds.  Loading ally in the car last week in crisis made things worse too.  

Covid testing us opening up to the general public in a few days at drive thru locations if you have a doctor OK. I figure the over month stay in the hospital getting over pneumonia, being over 60 and having bronchiectasis and on oxygen meet the criteria.  I know there’s no cure, but I want to know.  I’m hoping it could relieve a smidgoen of anxiety which is my constant companion in this lockdown but I have been out a lot.  Might be dumb as I still have to get out but I would stick to drives and drive thrus as I am so stocked on food.  

Signed,

not sleepless in Seattle, going slowly insane in Seattle.  Waking up is my nightmare.

[KarenK]

Medical results are the worst to interpret. I'm glad your appt. Is soon so you can hear it in English.

You and I seem to be the only crazy ones awake in the middle of the night. Either I can't shut my brain off or I have have weird scary nightmares that wake me up. I have to be falling down exhausted to stay asleep. I usually sleep in the daytime.

The governor has the National Guard stocking the grocery stores now. Hopefully we'll be able to get some of the basics this week.

As long as I'm not sick, I won't mess with the testing. I don't leave the house anyway so should be safe. I wonder how long this virus lives on things. How long before it will be safe to touch things. Maybe no one knows, so we can live in fear for the rest of our lives.

[kayc]

4 hours ago, KarenK said:

The governor has the National Guard stocking the grocery stores now

Wow, our governor hasn't done anything except order us to stay home.  Most people can't go to work.  The grocery stores have had to add temps on to deal with it all.

18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

And how many people do you know have a bidet?

My friend Jim told me they sell them to put on your toilet for $70, but that'd be unnecessary shopping for me so I'll make do.  I think this shopping hoard will slow down as they will run out of room to put it or $ to pay for it.  Esp. as so many have lost their jobs.

17 hours ago, Marg M said:

newspaper was commonly used as toilet paper

Thank you for bringing that up...it IS an option.  I have the e-edition but still have newspapers from back when.  Takes six weeks to decompose , which is way longer than T-paper.

 

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Just got the results of my spine MRI on my health portal.  It’s very hard to make sense of.  Something I read sounds very bad and then something sounds like it is not so bad.

It seems tortuous to have to wait until tomorrow to find out, too bad they can't call you and talk to you in person rather than sending them.  Part of my problem over the years with Diabetes has been the doctors don't tell us anything, give sound advice, nothing.  I've learned more from my Diabetic group/George than classes I took years ago or doctors.  There's a lot of different info out there but I go with what works and will stick to that.

I just wish all this had been known in time to help Rose Anne and my George. 

[Gwenivere]

The doctor that ordered the MRI is calling tomorrow.  I just know, gut and back wise, it’s going to be the recommended surgery and that has been haunting me for over a year.   Today I’m limping as usual, just a variation from sleeping differently.  I know it’s bad, I live in this body.  I have a phone counseling session today.  Gawd, I need some face to face contact with another human being!  

Karen, it’s not craziness.  Steve and I always kept late hours.  Musicians are like that and I’ve always been a night owl.   I get up at noon, bed at 4:30am.  That’s where my clock is set right now and has been for decades.  I thought about backing it up a couple times but couldn’t think of any good reasons except more flexible for doctors appointments.  That is a pain, but not motivation enough.  It’s one of the leftovers of our life too.  It may be lonely as I am totally alone, but what I’ve known.  Never been impressed by early morning anyway.  Now that we are in lock down, makes more sense to me to be awake at night when one normally would rather than missing out on day stuff I can’t do.  I only had my volunteering and that’s been cancelled for months, not that I could anyway with my back.  

But if you like the label, slap one on me too!  🙂

[Gwenivere]

Kay, glad you got at least some supplies.  I hope enough to last a couple of weeks.  Ths is such craziness to be added to an already bad situation.  The social distancing is very hard to maintain tho I do see people trying.  Most stores are now putting tape down as reminders to not get too close.  It’s all no unnatural.  Before everyone knew about it, it was saying excuse me and reaching for something someone may be blocking.  This isn’t normal human behavior and seeing people deliberately moving away from you to pass.  Being with people but being avoided.  I understand the need but it’s creepy.  One positive thing I read is you can’t get the virus from packaging as it isn’t the right surface it can live on.  It’s totaly air borne.  Hence the distance plus not touching your face which is hard.  My skin is raw from washing and sanitizer. Not even lotion helps.  There are actual police officers at our hospitals to prevent people from entering.  I’m trying to make an appointment for a drive thru testing because of my age, lung condition and long hospital stay and having been out.  I just want to know.  Tho since I am not having any symptoms beyond shortness of breath and a slight sore throat.  I know there is no cure, but the media has gotten to me and being alone makes it worse.   So far it’s been one obstacle after another.   They tell us to be proactive yet make it so hard.  

I just got an appointment for Thursday.  Hope I mentally make til then.  Have 2 phone for appointments tomorrow and hold on sanity is slipping.  

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I get up at noon, bed at 4:30am.

Ha, I get up when you go to bed!  I like nighttime, it's beautiful and quiet, used to be up until 11, but then I like early morning too for the same reason.  Now that I'm older, if I want enough sleep, I'm more likely to get it the earlier I go to bed, so usually 8-9.  Kodie's bedtime is 8 and I get him up at 6.

I definitely have enough to last me a couple of weeks...but I have two doctor's appointments 4/6 and not sure I will have time for groceries afterwards.  Maybe they'll cancel.

They are saying a Malaria drug helps but there's mixed reviews out on that and they haven't had time to test it factually yet.  I'd try it if need be, beats nothing and worth a shot!

I can't stay glued to the t.v., hard to maintain mental state with corona-virus dominating it all, it's over-saturation.  

[KarenK]

Kay, be wary of the medicine. Chloroquine has been used to treat malaria since the 1940's under a doctor's supervision. Evidently, the President was in error when he stated it was approved for the virus. Some have died taking it. It's also an ingredient in other products. A couple here took Chloroquine Phosphate thinking it was safe. They mixed it in liquid. They were actually drinking aquarium cleaner. Couldn't they read the bottle?! He died and she managed to throw hers up and is hospitalized.

[Gwenivere]

This is a time of snake oil peddling.  I saw an on TV by Jim Baker for some potion that will have desperate people sending them $80 for it when it has no FDA backing.  The ways some people immorally prey on fear is disgusting to me.  The media over saturation is getting people more worried than conveying common sense.  Having read this could last months, I don’t know how people will handle it.  Those not alone will do better, but for how long?  As I feared, domestic violence victims are being impacted with no place to go.  I think we that are grief ridden are particularly more snsitive to this stuff.  How greatvit would be if we could talk to our partners during this unprecedented experience.

[Gwenivere]

Had my phone appointment with the back neurosurgeon.  Says surgery is the only way out of the pain which wasn’t a surprise.  He said it wasn’t really worse, but probably escalated changes from being in the hospital and rehab beds as they are notoriously bad.  Now I’m in a decision place as it is getting to painful to function.  I do not want to do this and it is further complicated because I can’t come home alone.  I will NOT do a rehab center again.  Even in home care bothers me being strangers.  There’s a lot more to it, but basically I can’t find a reason to do this.  Yeah, less physical pain but a long journey to get there to continue this existence that has no meaning to me.  I know I’m speaking from a very depressed mind.  That I can’t iagine any light in the future.  A lot hinges on there are 3 other conditions that need treatment too.  At some point I will lose Ally.  To further the tsunami in my head is this pandemic.  This living in virtual reality and people avoiding each other.  I got groceries today and everyone was making wide sweeps around each other.  No chit chat with each other, tape lines on the floor for 6 foot increments, empty shelves and reminders everywhere about sneezing and coughing.  People alone in crowds.  Like robots.  I heard this could continue for months.  It’s one thing if you choose to be alone, totally another when it is created from fear of your fellow man.  

So I sit at night wondering.  Quality vs quantity.  For me, I see no future scenarios I play out.  Take care of the back and then which malady next that will involve more complicated medical intervention?  All the while searching for a meaning I have yet to find.  2 conditions will never be cured.  I look at this calendar and the days are filled with calls or tests.  I think how Steve fought his cancer and how similar the days were booked, but he had a reason to fight.  He had his family to live for.  To at least try.  And that he did.  I’m pulled back to those memories and how he braved the poisons to kill the cancer he went thru and all the times I had to run him to the ER in distress.  When the meds and cancer made their way to his brain and he confused reality with thoughts of former times.  Being confused why I was serving dinner when we had reservations that didn’t exist.  Asking me countless times the same question.  Wandering outside naked and telling me  I was lying that he was.  Sleeping always hearing every little sound in case it was him needing help.  Finding him standing over me with a blank look in his eyes.  I fell once and he didn’t comprehend it.  Sorry, word salad and a depressing one I hope doesn’t trigger too much pain in others memories.  

i was looking over my insurance and it looks like I will be responsible for 30% of my 35 day hospital stay.  I, like many with investments or savings, are seeing them shrink away.  My property taxes are outrageous but there are appeals.  One needs energy tho.  This is something I’d normally pursue with a vengeance.  I don’t know how I will pay for the hospital if that kind of bill comes in.  I and we have not lived in debt for decades.  Just another thing to add to the heap.  

Love you all.  Thanks, Marty, for this place to feel safe in such a scary world it is now.  We already had loneliness from grief and now we have more from the virus.  I’ve stopped reading or watching much about it.  I don’t even like seeing the word.  

 

 

[KarenK]

Gwen, my heart just breaks for you as you have so much hanging over your head at once.

What does the surgery entail and what is the recovery time? Is it safe for you with breathing problems? Will it eliminate your pain? What will eventually happen if you don't have it? What level of home care will you require? You must weigh the pros and cons. Unfortunately, the decision is yours alone. Disliking hospitals and doctors, I can't honestly say what I would do.

Some hospitals will write off part of a balance. It may be based on your income. You might check into that. Same with property taxes for widows in some states. I know these things take time and effort, but might save you a few dollars. Perhaps your accountant could help.

I'm sending you a hug. I wish I could tell you everything will be alright, but I can't. I can only hope for better days ahead for you.

Love ya

[MartyT]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Thanks, Marty, for this place to feel safe in such a scary world it is now.

I wish with all my heart that we had more to offer you, Gwen.   You are in our hearts. ❤️

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

My property taxes are outrageous but there are appeals.

Can you defer your taxes?  I have kids to leave mine to (not worth much) so I haven't deferred but if I didn't have kids I would have when I was 62. We have so called appeals too but they never find in our favor.  

My IRA went down 23.5% so far, hoping it will rebound before I have to start drawing out of it.

Ditto to Karen and Marty's responses!

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know what you mean by deferred.  As in putting them off?  I’ve done my IRS ones. I contacted my CPA and funancial advisor about the property ones.  No one seems to know as the state is not clear about income.  IRS statement or if you have to count in investments.  All I know is I have a headache thinking about it.  Now worried I’ll have to pay 30% of my hospital bill.  My portfolio lost a dramatic amount of money.  It’s downright scary.

[Margm]

It all scares me.  If we get "it" or if we require surgery or a hospital stay we are in the position that some of us are in anyhow, only, they will not let anyone in with you.

I've got a six month appointment on the 3rd, and specifically, it is to get the Xanax renewed for six months, but I have three other prescriptions that are renewed at the same time.  My daughter was/is going with me.  Never know.  Then she starts listing all the places we "need to go" and in normal times, we could.  These are not normal times.  I'm just hoping I get seen.  I won't let them touch me medically (nothing they can do for me), so it is just officially a six month renewal for meds.  I'm not sick, at least not yet.  

Gwen, I wish the best for you.  It seems "going it alone" is our only possible choice.  

Some of you will remember the late 40's and early 50's when we were vaccinated for smallpox and will remember our parents fears of the polio virus.  I know I took the "cure" for the polio virus and back  then we were not as far advanced scientifically as we are now, but Jonas Salk somehow helped cure polio, and have not read about the smallpox, was never afraid about it, but the little blister that came up after the vaccination always stayed on top of my arm rather than being a scar, like the other kids.  When I started work at the big hospital, we still had patients in "iron lungs" that were farmed out to nursing homes.  One look at the head to toe iron lung patient should have thrown horror into all our nightmares.  

We are home bound.  Regular allergy symptoms, no high fever, and my sister is so afraid that she used her winter gloves to pick up a few groceries this morning.  I have not talked to her yet.  One woman, middle aged, passed away here in town from the virus, but she had been exposed at a convention in New Orleans, where most of our cases came from, all the crowds of Mardi Gras.  I worry about Scott at the VA Hospital working, but he tells me he is safer there more than all of us on the outside.  

Stay safe y'all.  I was going to go out for a ride in the country by myself but remembered I cannot get far away from my "necessity."  And yes, I was allowed to buy a big pack of toilet paper, and it should suffice until all the corn cobs are dried out enough. 

ADDENDUM:  Not 100% sure about those vaccinations, but if you google them, they are pretty interesting to read.  I'm putting this on after I had put the wrong vaccination on FB and my cousin corrected me.  Made me not trust my memory and go searching for facts.  And, it was interesting.  If they could do all that back 60 years ago, if they are given the freedom, then perhaps they can still cure the incurable.   We don't talk politics and I don't know enough to talk about it anyhow, but if given the freedom to search for a cure, maybe it is possible.  I know we have enough fear.  

 

[KarenK]

I believe I got the smallpox vac when I was a baby. Had a scar on the back of my arm. Polio vacs were in grade school, 2 or 3 of them(one a liquid). I remember the horrid iron lungs too. My oldest aunt had polio and walked with a limp and a brace. Great strides in medicine for sure, but still so many things that outrun it.

Need to go to the dentist. Of my few remaining teeth, the one that anchors my top denture has broken off in the back and another has lost it's filling. Don't even know if he's open. He's older than I am. Not in pain for now, so will hold off as long as I can. Just don't want the anchor tooth to break off completely. This is a drop in the bucket, of course. Just something to rant about.

Still no TP readily available here. Will need some next week. Maybe..........      Pain in the butt for Robert to have to shop several places and still not get everything. He found 1 roast in Albertsons. It was $50. Still there unless some fool bought it. No pork chops, only chicken and hamburger. Being on food stamps, we try to be economical. Ain't happening for now!

[Margm]

Karen, I went back up and put an addendum.  Some of the things I "remembered" needed to be quoted with more than my memory.  As a child I thought the land  beside my grandfather's house was a canyon.  Louisiana with a canyon?  Only in a kid's imagination. It was actually an ancient road that led to a schoolhouse way back in the woods.  Went by the last house we lived in from my being born until graduating.  I remembered it as huge with big porch and swing.  It was a tiny house, tiny porch and a swing.  We see things so different after we have traveled so long through life.  

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 My portfolio lost a dramatic amount of money.  It’s downright scary.

Gwen:  I am too afraid to even look at investments.  It will no doubt be a loss and at this point I can't do anything about it nor do I totally understand how they work when I try to read the statements even in good times. 

 

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m pulled back to those memories and how he braved the poisons to kill the cancer he went thru and all the times I had to run him to the ER in distress.  When the meds and cancer made their way to his brain and he confused reality with thoughts of former times.

Wish there could be some way you would not revisit how your dear Steve had to suffer.   But, I know how difficult to not return to those sad times as it is a part of who we are now

 

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Had my phone appointment with the back neurosurgeon.  Says surgery is the only way out of the pain which wasn’t a surprise.  He said it wasn’t really worse, but probably escalated changes from being in the hospital and rehab beds as they are notoriously bad.

Sorry to see you are possibly facing surgery.  There seems there is no easy solution for you and your pain.  Whatever you decide will be a hard decision.  Always keeping good thoughts going out to you.

I had my retina specialist appointment today.  Was instructed to not come early as patients would not be allowed in until their appointment time.  Once there, my temperature was taken, a list of questions regarding how I have been feeling, had I been around anyone with the virus, etc., etc.  Then was given a pager and told to return to the car (my son's girlfriend drove me, she works in a doctor's office that is now closed until May) -  shortly after the pager went off,  I returned back to the office where my eyes were scanned, then into another waiting room with two other patients sitting well over 6 feet apart.  There was only one doctor working in the office, where usually there are three.  After another wait I was taken into the room where I received my injections.  The good news is the new drug he used at the last visit has shown improvement in my vision.  Now don't have to return for another 8 weeks instead of the 6 weeks.

Hoping all are doing well as we can and continue to stay well and virus free.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

I have the polio mark on my arm but it is so low as I grew to be almost 6 feet tall.  Started at just below my shoulder.  I had a cousin with it and Steve’s brother got and walks with braces.  I remember aunt crying as the vaccine came out a year after my cousin contracted it.

i don’t even want to think about back surgery for awhile tho the pain is a constant reminder.  Already wrote this will be a big decision if it’s worth it.  

Actually talked to a woman at the grocery waiting line.  She was dying to talk to a person too since most people are so standofish.  Some smiles for a change.  Picking up a drive thru RX I got to chat a bit with the tech. Had my virus scan and it really is tough.  Much worse than usual flu swabs.  Now I wait up to 3 days.

so glad you got in, Dee.  And are free for 2 months.  Maybe it won’t be so strict then.  We can hope.  

Marg, good luck on you Xanax run.  I consider that an essential.  That is the concern here in Washington.  So grocery and drug stores are staying open.  I truly feel for all the people out of work from small businesses.  Our unemployment requests have jumped 800% in the last 2 weeks.  The stimulus checks will help if they get them out soon, but it won’t be enough.  Fortunately utilities and loans are doing moratoriums on some payments and suspending penalties and interest.

as the woman at the store said to me, maybe there will be a silver lining and people will appreciate others more after this.  I hope so as kindness would be a wonderful thing for many to learn.