My Sanity Needed Vents

[Gwenivere]

Woke up to another problem.  Nina is not sure she wants to pick up another bird for me.  Thinks there is a bigger story  beyond  Dee thinks that this one might kill a new one.  I know they were fighting, but it was dark and she fell and was sick as she was puffed up a lot and not eating very much.  so we are going to talk about it Tuesday.  She said she would get the bird probably.   Just don’t want to lose more life around here.  
 

I was on hold for about an hour and only told to call the 3 credit reporting agencies plus it was to put fraud alerts on them.  That was harder to do. Free with 2, ,1 wanted $20 a month.  Passed on that.  I did all I could.  Scammers are going to want to move fast for credit cards and loans.  
 

Yesterday I slept the whole night without waking til the alarm went off.  Normally that would be cool, ut I hadn’t moved at all.  I’m so tired of taking a handful of pills going to and getting up plus 3 other times of day, but less amount.  It makes me feel so old.  
 

It's so strange to feel you don’t belong anywhere.  To come from such a full and happy one.  This house is changed.  Who is this woman who dwells here now?  Wh is it full of medical stuff?  Why isn’t just messy like it got before?  Maybe crumbs on the counters or clothes left on the floor?  Nothing that would be life endangering if the power went ut like oxygen?  Steve shabbily make his side of the bed?  

 

 

 

[kayc]

I pay $60/year for Equifax, enrolled when John's EK GF stole my credit back in 2006.  Have TU and Experian for free, not full access like controlling info but I get reports from them regularly.  $20/mo. seems exhorbitant!  I'd pass too.

This is winter time, I'm constantly picking up outdoor debris on the floor, can't vacuum every day!  Too busy shoveling snow, hauling firewood, walking Kodie.  Still my BS was 114 this morning after a simple low carb dinner last night.  Sometimes it's having a mind of its own angers me.  I do my best, can't worry about it.  I have to remember I do have this throat/tongue issue going on and it affects it.  Sometimes I think I'm normal, nope.

Not going to be able to get groceries for quite some time, it's been two weeks already.  Guess I'll eat Carnivore when I run out of vegetables.   Not my preference but I'll live.  You can tell I'm in survival mode.  Hoping for a decent summer next time, last year's we got gypped by the fire/smoke!

I hope you get your bird, Gwen.  So hard to be house bound and dependent on other's whims!  They should just get it, no argument.  Not up to them, up to you!  JMO...

Sending you big hugs.

Karen, I hope you're here with us, I like your weighing in.

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Rainy, dark and snowing yesterday.  Never have had snow this early in the year.  Have another-convergence set up in a couple days to do the same.  Adds to the general depression that looms here.  Makes me miss the bird we just lost.

Heard back from the surgeon's office.  Set up a Zoom call for a week from today.  I need an answer on the fractured vertebrae.  Told to walk, but that and bending could be causing it.  I don’t know what they want me to do or not do.  I’m not sure if I will get enough pain meds prescribed next week.  Yup, the ones I hate.

My satellite dish is covered in snow so no live TV.  This could be days of problem.  I have stuff recorded, but not. Enough for half amount of time.  Barely going to break freezing for. awhile.  I’m not a mu sic or silence person.  Have to record stuff during the day if it slides off before more.  

Game time and the sleep time.  

[kayc]

I hope your weather warms up enough to let the snow slide off.  My receiver has been freezing up, takes about 7-10 min. to reset, even if the tv isn't on, causing me to lose recordings when I am not aware of it.  They force you to use a hopper, more $ and new agreement, not sure I want to.  

Getting lots of snow in tonight/tomorrow/etc.  Did I say I hate this time of year?  It causes a lot of hardship.  Living alone in this is hard.

Gwen, the responses you get from doctors amazes me.  Are they clueless in their offices?

[Gwenivere]

I n absolutely at a loss of what to make of everything I’ve been told.  I really need to be seen in person and it overwhelms me what it takes to do that.  Of course it would get to the worst with the harshest weather.  
 

Talked to my insurance company yesterday and now I have to file an appeal for an August charge.  Been fighting this for months.  No one knows what it’s for.  All I have is a code and a name.  I don’t understand why my insurance can’t track this down.  Almighty dollar.  Better me than them pay it is my best guess?

Spent a lot of the afternoon sitting in that depression that has been wrapping around me more every day.  A lot is having to do appeals and other things that require skills I am losing.  Or why fall on me.

Another fight with Dee.  Not worth going into details as she has really gone off the deep end.  This is a tough one and might cause her to ruin everything.  Just a ew hours she was thanking me for caring so much about her.  Settled for now.  She admitted she overreacted.

Didn't lose satellite last night.  Made things much easier.  Getting lots of beeps from batteries but that I can live with.  Sleeping on a different side tonight.  Want to stay off my eye and ear.  Kay and Dee, I know your in this abnormal cold for here.  Kevin is a veteran and probably laughing at us.  
 

  

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

Gwen, so glad you didn't lose your satellite, mine has been rebooting, drives me nuts, but I hate being forced to get a hopper.  Just found out Chrome is no longer updating Windows 7, again, I hate it to force me to make changes.  I like 7, don't like 10, did it for two years until Microsoft forced updates on us, I'd found a work around and they caught on and stopped it.  The thing is they're a data hog!  Up here in the mountains I have slow speed and limited data, they use it all so I went back to 7.  I don't know if my syncing will work or not when they quit updating.

I managed to get my groceries yesterday, left at 8:30 and got home about 12:10, record time!  We had a wind storm while I was gone, lots of downed branches, got them picked up, firewood in, groceries put away, and Kodie to his play date, car back in garage.  Got snow last night, more coming today, etc.

I''m so sorry, Gwen about her outbursts.  I wish there was a way you could tune your ears out, keep watching t.v. or something, but I know it's unnerving.  A doctor needs to come to you!

[Widow2015]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 Kay and Dee, I know your in this abnormal cold for here.  Kevin is a veteran and probably laughing at us.  

Gwen: Yes, been watching the snow fall here and hoping not to lose power.  The lights have flickered a couple of times but so far so good.  The tall snow-covered fir trees are beautiful until the limbs fall on the power lines.  The temperature is 30 degrees right now and hoping this ends soon.  Kevin's weather report doesn't sound like fun, BRRRR!

I won't be able to get out for a few days until I feel comfortable to drive in this.  I do have family close by fortunately so can wait for my need to get in my car.  I so wish you had someone who would be looking out for you, Gwen on a consistent basis.  Your friend, Dee, doesn't seem to be able to give you that comfortable support we need like a family member, nor our beloved partner once did.  Always hoping something will change for the better for you.  Take care, Dee 

[KarenK]

Not to make you all too jealous, but still in the 70's here with slight rain chance. Not holding my breath. Bet the snow is beautiful though.

[Margm]

15 hours ago, KarenK said:

Not to make you all too jealous

My sister would have breathed lots better in that dry climate.  It had to be wet for me.  Today, I don't know the high, but I was in short sleeve shirt.  It is 46 right now, cool, 41 low, 67 high tomorrow.  But remember, we were under tornado watch a few days ago.  It above us and below us.  I was looking where Kevin lived and I'd like a magic portal and three buffalo robes just to see Banff.  I've heard how beautiful.  New Orleans is magic, my sister lived for years in the middle of the French Quarter.  Had bananas growing in the courtyard behind her apartment.  Yet, she had to move her car twice a day for the street cleaners and people walking their dogs, visiting wonderful New Orleans left reminders all along the streets.  We felt we were in a tropical country, my sister's "home" and she loves it.  She tolerates North Louisiana and I just love it.  I don't hunt, criticized the hunting (Billy had quit), and he asked me if I knew those worms I jerked the guts out of and the fish I gutted, they had feelings too, so that was the last of my fishing.  Never even considered it.  I can be the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I saw the picture where Billy and the "Bridge Sitters" (a group of teenage boys) used to go and do their summer swimming.  Kelli  jumped off of it too.  I will find it and post it.  No reason.  Just memories of Billy as a kid.

[Margm]

19 minutes ago, Margm said:

My sister would have breathed lots better in that dry climate.  It had to be wet for me.  Today, I don't know the high, but I was in short sleeve shirt.  It is 46 right now, cool, 41 low, 67 high tomorrow.  But remember, we were under tornado watch a few days ago.  It above us and below us.  I was looking where Kevin lived and I'd like a magic portal and three buffalo robes just to see Banff.  I've heard how beautiful.  New Orleans is magic, my sister lived for years in the middle of the French Quarter.  Had bananas growing in the courtyard behind her apartment.  Yet, she had two move her car twice a day for the street cleaners and people walking their dogs, visiting wonderful New Orleans left reminders all along the streets.  We felt we were in a tropical country, my sister's "home" and she loves it.  She tolerates North Louisiana and I just love it.  I don't hunt, criticized the hunting (Billy had quit), and he asked me if I knew those worms I jerked the guts out of and the fish I gutted, they had feelings too, so that was the last of my fishing.  Never even considered it.  I can be the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I saw the picture where Billy and the "Bridge Sitters" (a group of teenage boys) used to go and do their summer swimming.  Kelli  jumped off of it too.  I will find it and post it.  No reason.  Just memories of Billy as a kid.

 

[Margm]

I often open my cabinets to put refrigerator stuff in.  I'm watching things.  If I find food in the cabinet that belongs in the refrigerator............I'm not gonna tell y'all.  

[KarenK]

Marg, did you run into many gators and snakes growing up? Your beautiful country looks like a prime place for them.

[Gwenivere]

 I wish I could et a doctor to come here.  Most you can get is a nurse or PA.   Got a nurse who said  moisturizer, not vaseline like my doc.  Said I didn’t need a hip bandage, but the cream would stain.  Pick whatever side to sleep on.  These are my fun options of the day.  
 

Snow supposed to start again tonight.  Someone just coming in or out sends massive cld in here.  Not going to complain and so grateful I don’t rely on wood like you, Kay.  
 

Had counseling and Dee was home.  Shut the door between the bedrooms and living room.  A lot was about her.  How to handle these repetitive things that come up in new angers.   Told my counselor it doesn’t work saying I won’t do them again with the new stuff.  Even if it is decades ago and not fair, not hers to judge.  I can refuse to not respond but it adds fuel.  She just doesn’t fight i'd prefer discuss) fair.
 

Don’t know if I’m getting a shower today.  Left a message with my friend.  I need to know ASAP after I get up to know if I eat or put it off.  Change’s how much lunch I eat and when.and when.  

Here's to slee and maybe seeing someone I love.  Reality is long enough everyday.  
 

Marg, I can’t imagine what you’d find in your cabinets that belong in your fridge.  Thinking about places that have snakes and gators is no where I’d want to be!  Mean possums are more than enough.  
 

 

[kayc]

The recommendation for my heel was Eucerin so got some at WalMart.com.  Vaseline was also a recommendation but I opted not for that as I don't see how it can heal without air, also got some Colloidal Silver Gel for where it was red, put it on after the Eucerin and then clean cotton socks.  It's got to be hard doing your back!

Woke up at 1 am and it is 20 outside, they'd predicted 24 at 2 and 22 at 3, so got colder earlier.  Shoveled my way out to the storage room and turned the heater onto the pipes/tank.  Never a dull moment.  Never got back to sleep so 5 hours it was but laid there two hours before getting up.

Kodie and Panther were so cute...he was out in his yard and came up to the fence when Panther was there and he spun for him, and Panther spun back!  I wish I had a video of it but alas these things occur when you least expect them.

Marg, my little sister used to live in New Orleans LA, I'm so glad she moved back before Katrina hit!

[Margm]

No, I stay away from the water now.  When young, never saw them except on TV or pictures in the newspapers (when we had them.)  When we lived on the lake we did not see them, but could hear a beating at night Billy said was them.  We let our cat out once and figure one might have got her.  There were snakes, that I am so frightened of, but in Arkansas they were everywhere.  No alligators in central Arkansas though.  Scott had one knock against his boat, and he quit fishing that bayou.  But they are here, close to the bayous, come into people's yards, are seen crossing the roads.  In my younger years I was left alone on the bank fishing, rode in boats fishing often, and never saw an alligator.  Did see snakes.  Do not live within a few miles of any waterways now.  

I guess every beautiful place has its drawbacks.  We want clean water, we need clean water.  I do not like to get reminders to boil our water.  I use a water filter.  Do not know if it is the best thing to use, but I do not know where the water comes from in the bottles either.  Cannot lift them anymore and keep thinking about the sea creatures being trapped by our plastic waste, and know one person cannot do it alone.  

Hope everyone feels better and those with the problems that make us hate to turn over in bed, hope a solution is found.  There will be a time I need a doc, probably sooner than later, but so far he just takes my vitals and blood work and seems satisfied.  If he is, I am.  Do not want to take anymore pills.  I wish you peace in your life, as much as we can have at this point in time.  As much as can be manipulated.  

 

[Gwenivere]

Very bad sleeping night Thursday.  Couldn’t eat as waiting  for the bath aid and will have a new housekeeper later in the day.   Bad headache and don’t know if I’ll get my hair cut.  It’s bad enough so many things are changing, but so many at once really overwhelms me.  A different housekeeper.  Took a lot of time to tell her what did and didn’t need to e done.  I wanted to get my hair trimmed, but it was a CCenter day for Dee and think it will be better today when she’s not drained from her running around.  
 

TV. out again with snow covered dish.  More snow than the other night.  Have to write myself a note to record fore nights like  this.  
 

Shower and different housekeeper yesterday.  So so meal from the  community center.  Excellent dark chocolate after.  
 

Off to slumber.  I’m even boring myself right now.   
 

 

 

[kayc]

It was 20 yesterday morning, it got to a whopping high of 29-30.  I sat out in the freezing cold watching Kodie and Jazzy, as soon as the clock struck, I was ready to be gone!  So cold, even in the house I feel it.  Must be part of getting old.

Gwen, hopefully your new housekeeper will soon be a pro at it.  I hate change.  I really do.  Why I still have Windows 7, that and the fact that Microsoft updates are data hogs to my limited data.  Now Chrome says they'll no longer update.  So long as syncing still works...

It's also why I don't have Dish hopper, I hate learning technology, I just like everything to stay the same.  But my receiver keeps freezing up, does it about once/day now, so I know the hopper is coming, ugh.  Either that or something else entirely.  Don't want to spend more though and they'll require it.

[kayc]

Not usual to not see a post from you here, Gwen!  I hope you're okay!  Esp. with a winter weather alert and an "unbalanced roommate."  Thinking of you and saying a prayer!

[KarenK]

No sleep for me...maybe later. I hate the blasted nightmares. I don't know if it's worse to dream of the early years when we were so happy or the later ones after we'd kicked enough sand in each other's faces to destroy the sandcastle. Both hurt.

[Margm]

On 12/3/2022 at 6:24 AM, kayc said:

I hate learning technology,

I've always been uptight about new programs when I was working.  Out of frustration I told Al, who was our new programs instructor to write me a list with #1 being "turn computer on" and #2 on down the list.  It seems I was not the only one afraid of this new technology, they used my list to train everyone.  Kelli gave me her "uptown" computer with a lot of things that I do not need.  First thing I do is irretrievably lose my Yahoo account.  Still cannot get it back without going through a lot of things with people they hire for less than they will make/take here.  When I was getting paid 10 cents a line, they switched to foreign shores for 2 cents a line.  At one time a person blackmailed a USA patient for a psychiatry file.  Of course it was handled quietly.  Then they came up with voice recognition, and that was hilarious, but  they now have people "in house" to skim for mistakes.  I still wish I had quit and left "bull flatus" which the computer "heard" but the doc was saying "parenthesis."  I hated to correct that or the "K-Mart disease" diagnoses.  Computers make lots of mistakes in voice recognition, as you will sometimes read on the bottom of a TV program if you have titles written.  I preferred my IBM Selectric with lots of copies to use the different colors "white out" to correct.  I definitely am not in favor of some areas of advancement.  But love a simple computer.  I have so many people I have to call and they tell me they will text something.  I am not in that level of smart phones.  I still use a flip phone, and it is new.  I have heard a lot of people are going back to the flip phone.  I only use it to talk on.  

My sister is getting worse.  The chemo gives her a "chemo-brain" and she gets angry that I question her.  Her computer is up and running.  It took Scott paying for back bills and me paying a real computer fellow (geek) to get her on line again, but the chemo-brain confuses her.  She goes for another PET scan on the 12th.  The best Christmas present we could have would be a clear one.  She hates putting up with the stoma, but  even after nine years (nearly), I ate some white chocolate.  My son told me "Mama, it is still chocolate."  It was.  I have been unable to leave the house for any length of time.  

I read in a "Dear Abby" sort of forum someone talking about their mom in assisted living.  She is 84, their dad, her husband passed away after 70+ years of marriage.  Child bride.  She had met a man at the assisted living and they talked all the time, ate dinner together and he would walk her back to her room.  He had lost his wife and was in his early 90's.  They were friends, and talked of their mates and children.  Perfectly innocent.  I was thinking, there is hope for everyone finding someone to talk to and share companionship.  It made my heart feel good.  The man's daughters did not like it, but with the help of the pastor and counselors at the facility, the woman's children saw it made their mother happier.  I think happiness is something just out of reach, but it seems some can find it, and I admire them for it.  
:

[Gwenivere]

I know I’m going to be forced into changes in the future.  If Steve was here we’d have the latest and greatest already.  He loved that stuff.  I’d know how to use it as he would have taught me.  More of the ways we find to miss them. 
 

Sitting here Saturday afternoon so sad and down.  Dee’s going thru treasures she’s just gotten back after years.  Her depression lifted til she accidentally trashed her favorite picture of her partner.   I had to switch to another TV show as the one I was watching was too cute.  Made it feel worse.  Put on a L&O spin-off.  Not happy happy like Toy Story.  I don’t know why I think I can watch those when I’m really down. 
 

Of course Dee had to have a meltdown.  I it’s r required per da y.  I’ve never met anyone that is so out of touch sense of humor wise.  I was watching Judge Judy and shushed her like Judy does and she blew a gasket that I did it  to be mean.  I saw it as obvious I was imitating.  
 

Watched a movie last night that was one long car chase.  
 

Wow, so tired last night and weird stuff with Dee I forgot to post this.

 I get to do another today.  More to blur your eyes.

[KarenK]

Computers are beneficial in many ways, but they aren't perfect. I read a lot. I would have been an excellent proofreader, a profession which has undoubtedly been replaced by a computer. Computers don't understand the context of a word in a sentence. If it passes the "spell test", the computer inserts it whether it makes sense or not. It's this way in every book I read. I spend a fair amount of time interpreting, really quite irritating.

Computers are one reason my mother retired at age 85. She was an excellent secretary, a whiz at shorthand, typing, etc, but couldn't get the hang of computers. I don't understand them either. I just muddle through.

[Margm]

3 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Of course Dee had to have a meltdown.  I it’s r required per da y.  I’ve never met anyone that is so out of touch sense of humor wise.  I was watching Judge Judy and shushed her like Judy does and she blew a gasket that I did it  to be mean.  I saw it as obvious I was imitating.  

Gwen, I sometimes think "why don't she just get rid of her" but then I read something like this and I think, though it is wild, that she actually brings some amusement and irritation to you that makes your day at least more "entertaining" than being totally alone.  Almost like having a pet that aggravates you, sometimes more than your comfortable with.  

I'm hoping you are able to do more for yourself, I know that is what you want.  I wish for you less pain.  Less trouble with the medical help, and a much better New Year.  

[Margm]

26 minutes ago, KarenK said:

t. I would have been an excellent proofreader, a profession which has undoubtedly been replaced by a computer.

Karen, they hire proofreaders.  My job turned into one called an "editor" being someone who went over and corrected all the mistakes the computer made.  I hated it.  I loved transcription, but I felt I was cleaning crap out of the barn having to clean up the junk the computer "heard."  They explained we could make more money than transcribing the faster we learned to "edit."  I was no good at it, I knew I could do a better job than the computer, so after about 42 years of a hobby job, I just quit.  Had retired from two different hospitals.  Too old to put up with it now.  My "last supervisor" is head of the department I worked for and I enjoyed it so much, and she is still working into her 70's and is still fast.  We keep in touch.  Unless they just let things go, they still need proofreaders.  

[KarenK]

I just thought maybe that job had been absorbed by computers like so many others. Evidently the ones hired by book publishers don't have much grasp of the English language.