My Sanity Needed Vents

[KarenK]

100 were arrested in Phoenix and 12 in Scottsdale last night. Don't know the charges in Phoenix, but Scottsdale's were "unlawful assembly". I guess that's better than nothing. You're right Gwen, these acts of destruction completely overshadow the purpose of peaceful demonstrations. What is the purpose of looting Crate & Barrel, Neiman Marcus, or PF Chang's as was done here.. Stupidity! We now have an 8pm curfew statewide. Martial law is here, tension is high, and guns don't ask questions. Is this what they really wanted?

 

[Margm]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Marg, I love this innocence.

I loved it too.  Tom Wolfe was correct, "you can't go home again."  I was on a FB site for my tiny home town, probably less than 30 miles from where I am now.  Where we walked, at night, without fear.  The government housing unit and some place I had never heard of were reported to the police so much I had to get off of the forum.  It was actually for the whole parish (county).  We had a woman shot in the apartments Billy and I used to live in, "drive by shooting."  Hard to catch when most people are asleep at 2:00 a.m.  We did not know of, (or have?) government housing when we first married nearly 59 years ago.  

Lots of "moonshining" went on back in my granddad's day.  Stills back in the woods, Grandma does not mention it in her "book."  Don't know if my Bible belt family  bought from them, but as far back in the woods as they all lived, I would not be surprised.  Now it is homemade "meth" and places blown up and children with it in their blood samples maybe from smelling the fumes.  We have too many meth houses, too much on the streets, my grandson, after rehab, said he did not want to give it up.  I see his dad (my son) with the same expressions of worry that I saw in my dad.  Not for the same reasons, but when my dad would worry his voice got deep and he said nothing unless spoke to.  He worries about a son on the Pacific Coast that he has gone numerous times with rehab bed opened for him, would have to look in the drug jungles that the police warned him not to go into.  One time when he found  him he gave him his new tent and sleeping bag, which I am sure were traded for drugs.  He worries.  He could not save him.  Even the jail won't keep him.  So "today" hits home in my family.  I am so glad we were able to help my son get off the  drugs, but it came at a high cost for him.  The TB marker in his blood work possibly comes from one of the  drugs to treat his hep-C about 6-7 years ago.  He did not come out without scars. 

I'm afraid for our children and grandchildren.  I'm not afraid for myself, although fear is a big part of my life, and it is the fear that C.S. Lewis wrote about.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.  At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” C.S. Lewis

 

  

 

[kevin]

The Riots and destruction drives the local businesses out, and drives down the inner city(Everyone Loses)...Nothing to do with Michigan...Misuse of force by Police is seldom prosecuted but since the cameras are everywhere now , Any abuse is more visible..... Good news is there is less Police abuse now than 20 years ago, and less now than 5 years ago...Problem is more headlines..I pray things will calm down...

[Gwenivere]

Another cold yucky day.  Waiting on Direct TV to hook me up the internet.  Said it takes hours to do and then I guess I’ll have to figure out how to get Netflix going.  Ugh, where the hell is Steve?  This is soooo not my job.   Well, he came and went.  My DVR can’t be connected to the internet and work correctly.  Had to buy a fire stick (?) the tech said could get me streaming Netflix, Hulu and a few others.  I did that and waiting to hear when he can stop by and install it.  Will do the upgrade box switch when I’ve depleted my recordings.

had a dream about my long passed cousin/brother last night.  Don’t remember much except he was taller than usual but I was so overjoyed to see him and we hugged tightly for a long time.  It felt so good.  To see his face, hear his voice, feel his embrace made me want to stay there forever.  It was a moment that I felt safe and things would be OK.  Don’t know why he popped up.  Lost him just before Steve was diagnosed in 2009.  

Going out today was very hard.  Always the pain and emptiness.  Had a Zoom visit with a buddy.  Then she had to go make dinner for them.  I came home and rearranged snacks by date.  It gets that pathetic around here.  News was running reaction to yesterday’s riots saying it was gangs that took advantage of the protests to get in.  Was happening in an adjoining city across the lake except this time the police were prepared as they stormed a mall to loot it.  Grabbing people as they came out with clothes still on hangers or attempting to go in with garbage bags to fill.  It never entered my mind to plan on looting today.

 I’m perpetually amazed how days can get lonelier as they pass.  Supposed to go to the pain clinic tomorrow and hope I can make it in because I’m in too much pain.  Begins another week with places open so wondering what will be the challenges this one.  Got mail last week about Medicare.  Just what I want to think about.  I keep thinking back to our 40’s and mid 50's when life was nice and finally settled.  How we lived a good a good one.  I’m trying to think of hard things we had to fight and don’t remember anything.  We were still building our life with more new things.  A big catastrophe might be maybe running out of propane during a BBQ night.  Dogs running about in youth and delight.  Packages that came because Steve was an Amazon junkie.  I still get my candles, but now nicotine upplies because we smoked and I miss after dinner or reward cigs when working around here.  I didn’t have this tablet because I didn’t need it.  My hooks and fav shows were fulfilling enough.  I’m beginning to think loneliness is life threatening.  How long can you live as a shell and no reason.  5 years and nothing tio look forward to.  Now I want those things Steve would have upgraded to learn how to use.  New DR.  Streaming.   Even Zoom conferencing to start on my own with people that still were here.  Who knows, by now he he nay have talked me into a smart phone so we could see each other on check ins or when I was shopping so I could show him things.  

I just want to go to bed and wake up with him again.  The rest would fill in itself. 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

what about the othe cops that were there?

They should all be arrested, they were complicit by allowing it.  And I completely agree with your assessment.  There's a bad seed in any vocation/people, we've seen that but it doesn't make the whole lot of them bad.  I think being a policeman is hard and it takes fighting against the us & them thinking, although that comes into play sometimes, on the whole most of them are trying to make the world a better place, safe for us all, and you see their acts of kindness as well.  In the Eugene rioting the pictures shown have many of them unmasked so perhaps they'll be caught, they have a lot of video footage from those there with their cellphones.  They can take them frame by frame if need be to catch the perpetrators.

Marg, your quote from CS Lewis...it's profound.  You can tell he knows the grief he speaks of...he's walked it.

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

How long can you live as a shell and no reason.  5 years and nothing tio look forward to.

Uh-huh.  I miss George more than ever, the feeling of being in this with someone.  Someone to say, "Hey, let's go for a drive!"  I miss his spontaneity.  The connectedness.  Last night a friend called and she kept talking to her husband, it was annoying to feel she wasn't in our conversation...I felt like hanging up and letting her go be with him.  I didn't want to be rude but yet was putting up with the epitome of rudeness.

[Gwenivere]

On 5/31/2020 at 3:44 PM, Marg M said:

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.  At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” C.S. Lewis

That so perfectly describe how this feels.  There is some kind of barrier now between me and the world.  Times I know I should care much more than I do about others.  But I can’t break thru this 'blanket'.  I know it’s not of my own doing because inside I am dying to connect with people fully.  Thee is alway a part of me withheld in my own pain no matter what the circumstance.  Whether it’s dreading when something is actually said about what they are doing or I actually see it.  Even watching my new neighbors work the yard together or sit by a little fire having a beer together.  Seeing deliveries of food to my others and knowing they are cooking dinner together.  That’s the key word.  Together.  I just got the mail today and there was a MasterCard for Steve from PayPal.  5 years he’s gone and he gets a credit card on an account that has lain dormant all that time.  Now I must dispose of it.  Simple to physically do, not in my heart tho.  I should be thinking do I tell him about this or save him from himself in jest?  I also know well that feeling of not comprehending what someone is telling me fully.  I often have to have people repeat things.  Echo back what they said to see if I got it.  It’s very hard to navigate a world you don’t feel your are totally in anymore and also being treated like you are but feel impotent inside.  I so often have to tell people I’m just so 'tired' to easily cover something they wouldn’t understand.  Blame it on something else.

Fortunately, Kay, I’ve not run into that situation much.  Maybe dogs barking, that’s OK.  But I have had people have to go because of commitments with their partners.  Every Sunday my Zoom buddy ends with she has to go make their dinner.  Sometimes our buddy that comes up to do chores for  me just says he needs to run it past his wife if she has plans for him.  I don’t think I could handle hearing conversations. Tha falls into the Lewis quote above.  I’ve felt pinches of it when around people and they get a cell call from spouse or kid. I do think it is rude what you described,

This is forced hermitude.  Not only grief but the pandemic and very hard mentally.  It’s changing me from not wanting to be around people anymore as it’s too much a reminder of that aloneness.  My physical pain is doing that too.  Keeping me from things that might bridge some of the disconnection.  So much so that walking from the front of the house to the back is a dreaded action.  It’s a perfect mix for emotional distress.  As I have felt before, I don’t know where that old me has gone.  The biggest and most horrible fate is her never coming back and as I look around at my future and options, I don’t see how she can.  So is this existence worth enduring?  That’s my question to myself everyday.  

[Kieron]

I don't really like to say too much about myself in some ways, but i thought you all might be a bit startled to learn that I live about a mile from the murder that started it all, one week ago today.  Since then the city has been rocked and shaken by peaceful protests that were later infiltrated, it appears, by outsiders who came to loot, smash and incite riot the following night.  The smoke, shots fired, chemical odors from burning buildings and cars, was all around us 2 nights later, and it spread the 3rd night to a location even closer, before the National Guard finally showed up the fourth night and dispersed rioters and people out past curfew.

So I'm now experiencing a kind of grief watching my city burn and seeing landmarks, businesses and things that have always been here for the 20+ years I've lived here, burned to the ground or smoke-damaged, boarded up etc.  it's horrific. 

Last night was quieter but still some arson in other parts of town toward black-owned businesses, so we know it's outsiders trying to stir things up.  And night is coming again and we'll all wonder if it will start again.

I have a beginning of a sense of empathy for people in a war zone.  ☹️

[Kieron]

On 5/31/2020 at 5:44 PM, Marg M said:

C.S. Lewis wrote about.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.  At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” C.S. Lewis

I am definitely more afraid than I used to be.  I don't like it one bit.

[Gin]

Kieran,. I feel the same way.  My city, Chicago, was shaken the last 3 nights and I wonder what tonight will bring.  So sad.  Restaurants were supposed to open on Wednesday for outdoor dining.  These places were destroyed.  Hope it all stops soon.  Grief, the virus, and now  this!  Too much.  Gin

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Kieron said:

I have a beginning of a sense of empathy for people in a war zone.  ☹️

Darn right you do.  I'm so sorry.  The quarantine, the infighting/protesting.  I'm so sorry.  

[Gwenivere]

Seattle and all surrounding cities in curfew tonight.  As Kieron and Gin said, we are watching our beloved cities crumble before us.  All under the stress of a pandemic unlike ever seen in modern history.  So the view is an ending of the world we knew and uncertainty of what will remain and be rebuilt.  War zone is right physically and mentally.  We don’t even have to wait for post traumatic stress, it’s here right now.

[Margm]

3 hours ago, Kieron said:

I don't really like to say too much about myself in some ways

Kieron, sometimes I say too much (you'd be surprised, sometimes I say more than I leave on here).  I think that was why my psychiatrist and I got along so well together and I only left her after I retired work and started RVing.  She's retired now and either I wore her out or she could not find anyone that "let it all hang out" like I do.  So, say what you want to.  We really aren't supposed to talk religion or poly-ticks, but we manage sometimes to tuck in a few words about religion.  You can be yourself here.  We have lost some of our people.  We had a woman, I think in Brussels (I liked her).  I think we have even had some from Africa and maybe Australia.  We have one little ole gal that I think lives in Spain, and I like it when she gets on.  So, just be yourself.  

[kayc]

I think as long as no one is disrespectful or shoving something down someone's throat or telling them what to do, Marty has let a comment or two slide, religion is very much a part of some people's lives, but I don't like it when people are pushy with it, happens more on my other site and I will report it as it doesn't have a place there.  Seems a difference talking from our own experience than telling someone else what to do.  We have to realize there are other beliefs represented here!

And politics, esp. nowadays, is too divisive.  I can't even talk politics in my family, we're half and half.  My DIL likes to LOUDLY make statements she knows I disagree with and I don't appreciate it.  My son will say to her, "Can we not talk politics here?!"  I know it's said for her benefit as I don't say anything but oh God it's hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes!  If she weren't in charge of my grandchildren...  She truly can be my thorn in the flesh.

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Not only grief but the pandemic and very hard mentally.  It’s changing me from not wanting to be around people anymore as it’s too much a reminder of that aloneness.  My physical pain is doing that too.

It sounds like the pandemic is making subtle changes in us and how we deal...I'm feeling that too.  Whereas before I enjoyed being around people as it was an escape from my aloneness.  I hate to say it, but I've gotten more used to this, even though I'd love to have my life back as it was.  Even things as simple as going to Carl's Jr. when I go to the valley to get groceries, now I don't eat down there, just skip lunch altogether.  II don't relish sitting in my car for an hour to go through the drive thru and not aware of what places are open with seating or if I feel comfortable trusting them to be safe.  The places I liked are no more.  Don't know where my family can go to meet together from all over the state.  I miss my sisters.  Yesterday was Peggy and Bert's 50th anniversary and I tried to get them flowers to take to them, the only place was closed, wasn't expecting that on a Monday.  So I got them barbecued meals instead and dropped it off on their porch.  I'd already brought a handmade card by.  So sad that that was their only "celebration."

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Kieron said:

have a beginning of a sense of empathy for people in a war zone.  ☹️

I'm so sorry.  This is all so wrong.  They are further victimizing innocent people the way they are doing this and if you ask me that's HURTING not helping their cause.  None of us thinks police brutality is right, even the police themselves as it causes THEM a lot of personal heartache and disgrace when all they are doing is trying to protect people.  They can't prosecute the police involved fast enough or harsh enough in my way of thinking, but even that won't suffice for all the unrest it's brought on everyone.

Gin, I'm sorry for what it's doing to your area as well.  So wrong!

[Gwenivere]

It came to light here that the rioters and vandals were not associated with the paceful protesters.  These were all gangs and people that saw an opportunity to loot stores while the public and police were distracted.  As they did it again the next night the police wised up andwas prepared last night when they showed up at various malls attempting to do the same thing and were arrested.  Unfortunately the curfew stays in effect until this is under control.  This will threaten attempts to reopen parts of city services.  How selfish people can be.  I don’t know how these people think, of maybe that’s the point.....they don’t.  Not beyond themselves.  Why people think they deserve unpaid for goods eludes me.  That they see no ethical standard for a civilized society.  

[Gwenivere]

Well, another night of a take out sub sandwich,way too many potato chips and dark chocolate.  Butt parked in the couch counting the hours to bed so I can sleep and do it all over again.  Did some reading on the treatments I’ve been offered for my escalating pain.  Not very encouraging.  Tooth cleaning today if I can take the chair.  Want to hit the grocery but not sure how my leg will be.  Been watching my dog just stare out the door.  She has trouble walking too.  We look a each other with a knowing look of how we both feel.  Long for the days we could play or relax with ease. Not necessity.   So wish Steve was here so this structure I’ve created could be more flexible. I  find myself doing tasks in the wee hours because I’m lost and no anchor anymore.  Things I would do that can wait like filling pill boxes.  Usually lay out 2 weeks worth but now every 5 days or so.   I’m always afraid I won’t feel like doing it later as I get sadder every day and don’t want to have anything hanging over me I’d have to make an effort to do.  It’s so ironic that I do so little energy wise but I’m so very tired.  Guess it’s tired of being alone.  Tired of this reality.  Tired of wanting to talk to him and he’s nowhere to be found.   

[kayc]

Awake at 2, gave up going back to sleep at 3:30, that's long enough to lay real still with the hopes of returning to sleep.  Will have to get by on the little I got today.  Hopefully will sleep better tonight.  Allergies are plaguing me today.

Eugene made 11 arrests regarding the rioting, mostly locals from Eugene/Springfield, a few didn't give addresses.  Maybe there'll be more to come.  Haven't heard of further rioting there.  Our governor refused the National Guard option for Portland, which is of course always bigger scale.

Heading to the valley today to get groceries, drop off my sewing machine.  I put in new florescent bulbs in my kitchen and they don't work so will take them back to WM where I got them, they won't give my $ back but they can dispose of them!  Put the old ones back, they're flickering but at least it's some light.  Will have to buy new bulbs and try again.  Hope it's not the ballast as I have no clue about changing that.  Always something.

Ahh, poor Ally...you do understand what each other are going through.  Dogs seem telepathic anyway.  Kodie does this licking/nibbling thing on my hand when it's numb/hurting real bad.  I swear it helps.

Hoping we are going to phase 2 Friday, if so I can go to church Sunday, it'll be 12 weeks!  We meet the criteria so here's hoping it doesn't bring a setback.  Still nervous.

Gwen you're not alone with your feelings, it's been hitting me harder lately with George being gone...even though I'd thought I was pretty used to it at 15 years, this has taken me back to the beginning...

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Gwen you're not alone with your feelings, it's been hitting me harder lately with George being gone...even though I'd thought I was pretty used to it at 15 years, this has taken me back to the beginning...

I just read an article about going back.  Some find relief there.  They are the people with full lives they want to get back to and never had so much time to revisit and feel the bad times or waiting on good times to return.  They do talk about anxiety and depression.  Grief about what may be lost forever.  I know we are all adjusting to pandemic rules, but we are no strangers to being extranged from human contact and mattering to a special someone.  We have lived in that world for a very long time.  I still weary of hearing from others how hard it is, these last 3 months.  I know it is to them, but repeatedly hearing it and how they now feel like snapping is what I have felt for years.  It’s hard to be sympathetic.  I only we could organize a protest about grief and take that somewhere and be with like minded people.  

This really does make sense for us.  We are being bombarded with info on change (tho it be about daily living with a virus), but it’s change nonetheless and we’ve had our fill of it and now have to endure more.  And like grief, no answers for how long.  Tho we know it won’t go away ever as some of this other change won’t either, but people will be able to reconnect.  All those people missing hugs from those they are separated from will get that back.  We won’t.  

Since Steve and I never had kids and lost our parents, I was ill prepared for utter loneliness.  I lost his sister and my closest relative as well.  Then 4 close friends.  What I have now are shadows of being connected to life.  If it wasn’t for the people here and a couple of limited buddies in person, I’d be totally invisible.  Marg talked about those woods she went to after Billy died.  I’m in them now wandering around.  No one needing or wanting me.  Can’t find my disappearing created much, if any, ripples.  It’s pretty dense and dark in here.  Sorry, just have to get it out.  My counselors help, but I’m on the clock with them.  

[Gwenivere]

Oh, here’s the link to that article fo those interested.....

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/old-memories-cope-uncertainty_l_5ed67cfbc5b6a38a5c638c28  

 

[Margm]

26 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Can’t find my disappearing created much, if any, ripples.  It’s pretty dense and dark in here.  Sorry, just have to get it out.

I depended on Billy.  I thought I was insignificant, but the only person I was insignificant to was myself.  You are doing the same thing.  You are significant to everyone on here.  We are only virtual friends, but sometimes that is all I want is virtual friends.  (Something missing in my personality makeup).  The loss of you would make very many vibrations in our life.  It would be a big hole left in our life..  It might be a virtual life, but at this time, that is all we have, a virtual life.  Hopefully, we will be able to get out and be with friends that are not virtual.  And, I can hear you saying "I don't have any friends, I don't want any friends" but in all your notes I have read, I hear someone possibly wanting human closeness.  I know Steve is your only closeness that you want, but you have music in your life.  I have minor sports in my life, and I cannot do them, if I visit them I know it would bring Billy to mind more than anything and make me very unhappy and more depressed.

Possibly having dinner with someone/a friend/a new friend, if your health allows, joining a group (which I am sure sounds terrible to both of us), but I do have family..  If they all leave me, then I will be in a very dark  place.

I saw my friend pass away in April.  I know how much she missed her husband and how much her family depended on her (she and I commiserated together), and I know she is missed.  But, in my mind, and I know how long she has suffered, and I have to bring my Bible verses into this "you will know as you are known" and I don't know what that means, but I feel a peace more than sadness that she is with her husband.  Now my other friend, her family ignored her, put her away where they did not have to see her, she died alone.  She was so vivacious, she was so happy all the time, she always had the most energy to start a party, but she died totally alone.  Her family was too  busy.  A story is behind all that.  

I have no answers except finding a reason to live.  We have reasons to die.  Why can't we find a reason to live.  My second friend, her mind was gone.  Like my mom's.  

I know we would miss you.  I could have said that in one line.

[Gwenivere]

Thank you, Marg.  It has been a very bad day with a complication I didn’t anticipate among my worries.   Always get new surprises and not welcome ones.  Yesterday was most embarrassing so I’ll not share any details.  It just adds another thing I had to Google and get freaked out about.  Thank you for validating my worth.  It is something we should be able to do for ourselves, but some days it’s out of reach.  

[Kieron]

On 6/1/2020 at 4:03 PM, Gwenivere said:

 It’s changing me from not wanting to be around people anymore as it’s too much a reminder of that aloneness.

This struck me as being true for me also.  I can manage it for work-purposes and one-on-one interactions but as soon as it's 3 or more people (not that this happens much anymore), I am uneasy, feeling cornered, waiting for what, exactly... I don't know.  I noticed it in the days after Mark's passing.   It hasn't improved.  Maybe it's just how I am, already an introvert but it's been made more pronounced or significant or something.

On 6/2/2020 at 11:05 AM, kayc said:

I hate to say it, but I've gotten more used to this, even though I'd love to have my life back as it was.

Maybe because we know the interaction is, by nature, fleeting, and it's going to be over soon and therefore why get too involved or attached, in some way?  Like the post-party letdown. Something like that.

[kayc]

Perhaps it's that life ISN'T going to be back like it was, not for a LONG time and perhaps never, and it's that altered life I have a hard time with.

Had a hard day yesterday, the next two don't look to be much better.  Going to town was a day in hell, returning bottles I had to stand in line an hour and they said that was a light day!  Not worth it for the $10.70 I got, their carts hold maybe $2 worth, the rest in bags on my arthritic fingers, it was excruciating.  Trouble everywhere I went, came home, CVS Caremark sent my Rxs but the wrong test strips, took me 2 hours 45 min. to straighten out.  IF it's straightened out.  Got disconnected several times after long holds, ugh.  

The dermatologist changed my appt for the fourth time...that's five different appts they made, I have to go in early tomorrow morning, dreading it, I already don't like their office, I want Peacehealth back.  Got someone nasty yesterday, I hope that's not indicative of what's to come.  I'm dreading it but will be glad when tomorrow night comes and the day is behind me.  Dropped my sewing machine off for repair, said they can't get parts and can't work on it for two weeks, this after telling me the day before they try to turn around same day for people as far away as I am.  I hope some adjusting, etc. does the trick.  I couldn't get it to sew right with new needles and no matter how I adjusted the tension.  They did sell me size 16 needles, cost me $15 at Joann's to get one because I had to buy a variety pack I didn't need to get that size...only $2..99/pk, bought the last two!  Now to get my machine working, hopefully!

Store still out of many staples but making do.  Didn't even look for T-paper this time, my sister and daughter sent me some and I gave some to my other sister, we're taking care of each other, I've sent masks to my family, can't get any more now.  One sister sent everyone gloves.

Busy day today, still taking stuff to the garage sale, purses with the tags on them I've never used, coats.  It's good to get rid of some stuff.  My closet is organized and nice now!

 

 

[Gwenivere]

13 hours ago, kayc said:

Perhaps it's that life ISN'T going to be back like it was, not for a LONG time and perhaps never, and it's that altered life I have a hard time with.

Same here.  I really don’t se how things can go back to what we knew.  This has been too life altering and created more ways for people to be disconnected and rely on technology.  Tech is great, but something that I feel we need to temper with our primal selves.  All in all, it’s really not how we ever functioned until this small sliver in time.  Every day I’m confronted by the lack of human contact.  I wouldn’t want to lose places like this or having a cell phone for emergencies.  Access to information gets confusing tho.  But making friends I’d never have known is a plus.  I use this tablet so much for any idle moment.  Been forcing myself to at least read magazines.  I’d watch the news but the protests are distressing and ther local stuff is glossed over. 

Grass looking greener always, I’m amazed at all you do in a day.  I can barely walk from the front of the house to the back.  Going out for chores is a major endeavor now.  

I had a very odd experience at the Dollar Tree.  An item got scanned accidentally 3 times when I only had 2.  I went back in and a manager came over then went back to checking people out.  I raised my voice a bit to be heard asking what are they going to do?  A woman that had just checked out got angry at me and shoved a dollar bill in my hand.  I told her I didn’t want her dollar and she ranted on about it seemed that was all I cared about and I would be holding up other people trying to pay and leave.  I told her this was their mistake, I’m just trying to fix it.  Granted, this was merely a dollar.  Finally the manager scans the item and has me sign some voucher but doesn’t give me any money, mumbled something about exchanges or get another one which they were out of.  I said why do I feel like the bad guy?  You guys gave me nothing so the store got money for nothing.  So I left with this crazed woman’s dollar and screamed profanities all the way home.  (No one can tell me now this pandemic isn’t getting to people). In hindsight I should have stood my ground but I was so tired and fed up and thought about that woman thinking I was a nut job.  I guess it wouldn’t bother her if she got overcharged.  Or maybe I am a nut job, it was just a buck!  This isn’t (never is) to get caught up with angry people.  It’s contagious as I proved to myself driving home.  Absolutely crazy for such a little thing and I got caught up in it.  Now I’m sitting home in the usual depression with that added.