My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

It could be that some of the rioting, etc. that is going on is a distraction to the coronavirus right now.  That said, I hope it does not mean they're not working on it but it could take a while to develop.

[KarenK]

To me, this is becoming more unbelievable every day. A couple of weeks ago, 2400 tested in one day with the virus.....last week another 3200 in one day. How is it possible to test that many in one day? Where are those people? How many of them actually got sick and died? You don't hear any of that stuff. Masks don't prevent this. They are for dust and air pollution. Our governor allowed each city to determine mask requirements. Some said the choice was up to the individual. Our county didn't like that so they mandated the whole county. It's turned into nothing but a power struggle. I don't see an end in sight, much less a happy one.

[Gin]

They are opening up Chicago slowly.  I really worry the numbers will spike and they will have to close it again.  I need to go to the foot doc, cardiologist  and lawyer.  Eventually.   Gin

[Gwenivere]

Masks only work one way, to protect others from you unless you have the super duper ones that have a filter in it.  You are not protected from others with a regular mask.  Both people have to be wearing one.  That is why I get angry at people in stores that don’t wear one.  Yes, they are suffocating but much needed.  I haven’t heard stat numbers, Karen, even for the country as a whole so that confuses me too.  My state is considerably lower, maybe 100 a day max?   I do pay attention to my state daily.  I want to keep up with if things are getting worse, leveled or improving.  They’ve been experimenting with phase 2 which allowed restaurants and salons to open.  Numbers went up as many thought it was safer and got lax.  Personally, I wouldn’t go out to eat til this bug is gone. They’re not perfect, but they do make a difference.  Many have it backward thinking they are protected by them.  I’m sure that’s why cyclists and walkers are doing a lot of that, besides cabin fever, cause you don’t need them then.  Just wide berth if passing others.  

[Margm]

"Supposedly" my wearing a mask protects other people.  My sister has a cough (emphysema) and she wears a special mask.  People are afraid of her if she is out in public.  I do not like wearing one, but if it makes someone else feel better, I'm okay with it.  All the checkers wear the kind I wear.  Perhaps if the virus is hovering around my nose or mouth, it will slow it down before it reaches the other people, and vice versa.  

I have a lot of questions.  Jonas Salk made a vaccine for polio.  Maurice Hilleman's research helped make successful vaccines for prevention of measles, mumps, chicken pox, meningitis, pneumonia, hepatitis A and B.  Not only that, he called a drug company and told them what to do.  Have you ever heard of Maurice Hilleman?  Not till I started reading up on this stuff, he is gone now and obviously no one is left that is as intelligent as this man was.  

 "Eradication of many diseases is feasible, but requires political support for resources, vaccine development and harmonization of vaccination policies, to be achievable." (taken from Google)  Might have something to do with this.

I stay at home mostly I keep the extra face masks in the sun.  Might not help, just read that the sun did something.  I'm missing my sports.  Just made it seem like something Billy would miss too.  

 

[Gwenivere]

When I got the mail today there were about 30 EOB's from my insurance.  I had been getting 5 or more several times.  This was overwhelming.  Seems the system caught up on my hospital and rehab stay, but in bits and pieces.  It’s not all there.  I spent over 3 hours opening, sorting and finally calling my insurance for the 5 that had payments due.  2 needed pre auths and I have no power to do that. The rep also found a couple with codes she didn’t recognized. It was a huge project but I think I have it back in their and doctors hands. I probably won’t be that lucky.  It was getting close to 5pm and I needed an escape so went to Target for some much needed shorts.  Expecting a heatwave this week and more later.  Messaged my down south music buddy to implore his help getting my portable AC set up which is pretty easy, just takes strength I don’t have anymore.  Don’t want to chance standing on a chair to hang a sheet between the living room and kitchen either.  I told him no hurry tho, it’s a long trek up here.  

I get so depressed when I see what my life has become.  I always did the insurance stuff, but it wasn’t a full time job.  When I was in Target, it was quickly from being in pain.  I used to go there to buy lipstick, Coke’s for Steve, work out pants, nightgowns, candy....fun stuff.  Always get my glasses there.  Enjoyed looking around at new stuff. Buy a pair of shoes just because it was fun, not needed.  Now it takes everything I have to buy essentials.  No interest in browsing.  I’ve heard about people wanting to look good themselves.   I’m not one anymore.  Who can see lipstick behind  a mask?  What’s fun about a sexy nightgown?  I need sensible shoes now because I’m swollen.  My lounge/workout clothes will last forever since I basically sit most of the time.  I keep my hair pinned up day and night because 'he' isn’t here to like the effort. Even if he were here, I couldn’t cuddle with Steve anymore.  When did Aspercreme become essential?   Throwing out hair streaking kits?  All my eye makeup dry up?  Not cleaning up everything all the time or even needing to.  Sorrow every time I use the washer or dishwasher?  Where’s Steve’s stuff?  Where are the packages of his toys?  Where are the surprise gifts of stuff that caught my eye but didn’t buy for myself?  

Went by the dog park on my way home.  Years of memories seeing all the people and dogs hanging out.  Bigger question,....why did I do that?  Just wanted to see if anything from my past still existed. It does, just without me and my lost kids and Ally can’t do.  Time fir her 3rd pain pill.  My former running maniac.  We both struggle on the 6 steps into the house.  Now we go to bed and moan about getting up.  I know she’s depressed too.  Head is pounding from all the crap today.  When did I stop really enjoying my glass of wine?  Oh yeah, when I lost Stevie having his.

[kayc]

16 hours ago, KarenK said:

Masks don't prevent this.

From what I've read, it doesn't protect us from contracting it, it protects the other person if we sneeze or cough so that the droplets do not get on them.  So if others do not wear masks, we are vulnerable.  That's why they're mandating it.  Some don't care about the next person and some think this is all a hoax.  Thus the gov't legislates people from doing us all in!

16 hours ago, KarenK said:

I don't see an end in sight, much less a happy one.

No, alas, neither do I.  If they come up with a vaccine perhaps but since it's mutating and there can always be a new virus hit, I don't know, perhaps our days of innocence are over.

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

unless you have the super duper ones that have a filter in it.

I have one with N95 filter in it and it is washable.  I feel very fortunate to have it.

Of the numbers tested, a low amount comes out positive.  Of course none of us know how accurate their findings are.

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

When I got the mail today there were about 30 EOB's from my insurance.

That would do me in!  30 at once?!  And I'm the kind of person that would have to open them all immediately, throw away the tons of pages of other languages.  Cut to the chase, so to speak.  I am amazed/in awe/proud of you for getting so far with it all in one day!  What a nightmare!  I'd still be on hold with my insurance!  Way to go!  Even though I don't drink, that'd be enough to spark it!

[Margm]

"In the US, young people are testing positive in the South and West as Americans fail to heed mask-wearing and social distancing guidelines." (CNN News)

We cannot move into "phase 3" because "phase 2" caused so much rise in the number of cases.  We read about the severity of all this but we do not read about anyone trying to do anything but "masks."  I know I cannot understand the scientific implications of finding a vaccine, but somehow, all I am reading is trying to prevent it, nothing about trying to rid us of it.

Just heard on TV "wearing a mask will help keep Texas open."  "I didn't think it was going to happen that quickly," etc.  Sure would like to hear they have the best minds working on a vaccine.  

[KarenK]

Today we have a record high of 3,591 new cases and 42 deaths reported since Monday. President Trump is visiting today and supposedly not worried at all about the number of cases. The mask mandate will NOT be enforced at his rally although the mayor of Phoenix urges him to wear one. What kind of game are they playing?

[Gwenivere]

A dangerous one, just like in Tulsa.  Can’t say more than than that without this becoming political which is a no no.  I just hope none of those people get this nor their families so they end up in grief when they had a choice and we didn’t.  

[Gwenivere]

What concerns me is I am getting too messed up by the isolation and personal physical limits I don’t have any drive to do much or care.  I finally called the yard people to come out when they can to make this place look like I care and stop the debris being drug in by the dogs. Now I have to bargain with my back to brush them for the extreme shedding as temps go up.  Yup, give me late nights where I can sit in the pain and not have to deal it’s the world I feel cast out of.  I can’t even get my back fixed without more problems down the line and no one to take care of my elder dog.  Tho I’m too afraid of surgery and the recovery.  I’m trying to figure out how one lives feeling trapped day after day.  Every time I go out I’m afraid my legs will give out.  Just brushed the kids and it was such an effort.  Ally hates standing, my back aches and Melody is ful of glee making her hard to get a hold of.  This was once such a simple, enjoyable task.  

I made the mistake of going on Amazon to look at masks now that it mandated here in public.  Realized I have a seat full in my car.  The blue paper ones.  Hope they are reusable because that is what I do.  I’m all for protecting other people, but it seems all I buy are medical stuff.  Their ad on TV is delivering smiles.  I’m still waiting  on one.  Have a counseling session and want to buy some wine from the drug store that is closing which is another significant death in my world.  They had everything I needed and now have to scout out other sources.  There’s alway Walgreens but I use them strictly for RX's usually.  

Is it just me, or is time all out of sync for others?  I woke up this morning thinking it was pre dinner naptime, tho I had been up a couple times to let the kids out and get some tums.   

I’m getting these pin prick pains all over my skull which is absolutely annoying.  I had rummaged thru cracker stock last night which meant bending over and I pay for anything I do.  Always watching Ally for sugns of distress and that she can walk.  

Marg had belittled that 'golden years' crap for what it is.  This isn’t golden.  This is rust.  At least forvsome of us.  I see people older than me doing so much more.  Then I get angry which serves no purpose except forcing me into radical acceptance.  Making me wonder how long I can take care of my home and self.  Ever be of any use to anyone.  

Vent over, now to vent to my counselor.  I get to pay for hat one.  I used to feel bad, but I do need the contact and no fake 'I’m OK' face.

[Kieron]

Time is definitely weird.  The days fly by for me but yet each week feels like a month, and each month a year.  Tomorrow is Thursday already, soon it'll be the weekend which is hardly much different than a weekday nowadays.

I find I am thinking a lot back to the second summer by myself--which would have been the 18 month point--when it all really sank in and I was really miserable.  That time itself is now 18 months ago, and so I feel like I'm back at square one, only I've got a different perspective this time (and not a better one).

Edit: well, my math is off now that I think about it but I still say time is running weird!

[Gwenivere]

I don’t listen to the radio.  I only use it for alarms twice a day.  I’m trying to figure out how the station I have tuned in manages to play the same song when they go off every single day.  I keep waiting for it to drop on the country charts so I quit having that Groundhog Day thing on the Sonny and Cher song.  I had a lot to vent, but it’s late and I praying to the karma gods that I’m not in excruciating pain in the morning.  I did a lot physically and talked myself out of more in the evening to see if I could stand lonely down time.  I’m still wanting to do something, but I’d never make it to bed in time.  Supposed to be hot for here for the next 2 days.  That’s going to be miserable.  High 80’s and humid.  I talked my-cousin in NM where it’s in the 90’s, but dry.  Still too hot, but not suffocating.  She was cooking tacos!  I wouldn’t turn on any heat generating device here.  It would be BBQ nights for sure.  The stores are selling out of charcoal.  Gas is great, but the old fashioned always smells so good.  My neighbors often gril and it’s torture while I’m microwaving dinner.  I did eat off a real plate for the first time in a week tho.  That’s a step up!  

[kayc]

When I run out of propane for my barbecue I may have to use my small charcoal grill (if I still have it) and lighter fluid (if I can find it) as I can't lift the propane tank.  Growing old alone sucks.  We counted on each other for so many things.

[Gwenivere]

As I suspected, I guess I did too much yesterday and again today in the heat.  It didn’t seem like much old standards.  Just dropped off some goodies for a resident I know where I volunteer, picked up some printer paper and some liquid vitamin D.  Took a shower and noticed I feel suffocated whenever I do anything and my heart rate is staying in the high 90’s.  It’s scary, tho the web said that can be normal for several reasons.  Still doesn’t reduce the worry.  

Have a visit with my doc tomorrow.  I just feel I’m falling apart with so many ailments of which none have been solved.  How dies one prioritize one when some can overlap because making more than one change complicates what is working or not?  Rhetorical.  My back and thyroid are the biggies and require different treatment.  Unless the vein scan revealed something.  Guess I’ll find out.  

It was a depressing day as always and has a long way to go.  I look down the road and see aside from getting my AC set up and the brief Sunday woman chat I have nothing but counseling.  I know it’s not just me. Many people are cut off in this frigging pandemic.  But I do know it’s harder alone.  Saw Kevin Bacon on Fallon last night and he even said he feels for people doing this alone.  All my neighbors have people with them.  Kills me hearing them laugh or BBQ.  My delight tonight is a single serve MW pizza.  The heat has killed my appetite so it’s purely fuel.  But the kids will be excited about their canned chicken.  

I know this is all redundant, but so are the days.  I don’t know how each of you feel waking up, but each day feels harder.  Knowing it’s going to continue this unknown length of so much closed down.  Hearing how many more cases and deaths there are.  Living in a world that looks like a surgery suite.  The smell of sanitizer more common than anything.  Nothing is 'right' at home or out there.  Muscles are breaking Don from lack of exercise.  So frustrating thinking of things that I used to do and wish I could get done now.  Going from my kitchen to my garage freezer is as intense as walking a huge Costco and parking miles away.  

Even tho my bed isn’t all that comfortable most of the time, it’s my favorite place to be.  It’s like another layer of protection from this crazy world. Ally doesn’t leave anymore like she used to.  I think she is as sick of being limited and not living like we did, on the go.  I know she preferred being brushed at the groomers as they were a social outlet.  She’s such an extrovert like me wecare both withering inside.

ah, 3 hours to go til another day begins with no answers of a light in the tunnel.  I’ll wake up with so much to want to talk to Steve about as always.  See what he had to deal with with these ramblings?  I miss his too.

[KarenK]

Gwen, you mentioned setting up an air conditioner. Is it a window unit? Do homes in your area not have HVAC or refrigeration units? They are a must here. I have a refrigeration unit on my roof and also a furnace. My daughter's home in Kentucky had upstairs and downstairs HVAC units. Our humidity is nothing like yours, but the extreme heat makes up for it.

My trusty, very old $50 Eureka vacuum cleaner finally bit the dust. My son will have to take over the vacuuming now as my Hoover is too heavy for me to handle. I have a brand new(still in the box) bagless Sharp I'll have to open one of these days. My son or grandson helps me change my sheets as the double pillow top mattress is just too heavy for me to lift. Still, like you experience, it is heartbreaking to lose the ability to do those things I've done all my life. I don't like feeling useless or having to ask for help while cooking dinner because I'm feeling dizzy. After all, I'm the Mom. But it is what it is.

Hope you get some good news from the doctor. Take care.

[kayc]

Gwen, your last couple of sentences reminded me of when George was gazing lovingly at me one time and said, "I could just listen to you forever..." dreamily.  He really had it bad (for me)!

I loved it, every minute we shared.  So opposite from my kids' dad that told me when he was divorcing me that he used to wait and wait for me to shut up and I never would!  Ha!  I was pouring out my heart to him and that's what he was thinking?!  In contrast, he never did open up and share his heart with me.  And that's my love language.  Lucky I had it with George!

When you have the right one it has that positive response...

Karen, it can be hot here in the summer too but I've never had an A/C.  In this old mobile home I'd be afraid of paying for cooling off the whole town as it's built like junk.

I live here for the property, the view, nature, not the building.

[Margm]

9 hours ago, KarenK said:

I don't like feeling useless or having to ask for help while cooking dinner because I'm feeling dizzy. After all, I'm the Mom. But it is what it is.

Karen, I talk about my mom's mother, and I called her Grandma.  In her late 20's she had had her 7th child, (7 in 10 years) from the time she was 15.  A country woman, the little country mouse.  The nearest town was a "city" to her and probably was less than 2,000 people.  She writes about them all going to the "picture show."  The last child was stillborn and the cancer was discovered, radiation followed, sepsis from an instrument or sponge left in after surgery, they called the family in as she was dying.  Six babies left behind.  My grandfather cursed God the whole probably 30 miles to the hospital.  At least he was acknowledging God and somehow she rallied.  On the farm she was the cook for all the field hands that worked their farm.  Children not old enough to help except to gather themselves around her and Mama said she shook so bad while she was cooking.  She did have the luxury of having a "nervous breakdown" and back in the hospital.  Must have rested up because she outlived my grandfather about 30 years.  My grandfather loved her so much, but life had to go on.  He bought her the most fashionable high heels when he went to "town."  She went to the chopping block, chopped off those heels and then slopped the pigs..  She was always so practical.  She left double digits land to each child and also a few thousand dollars to each child.  They put the slips of paper in a hat to decide who got what.  In her Big Chief tablet in her #2 pencil her will had this written "please don't fuss" and of course they did.  She did this from a tiny, crossroads country store.  She was a reader and when she had age related cataracts she thought she was going blind and if she could not read, she did not want to live.  All kids gone, son lived next door to her by now.  City daughter took her to have cataracts removed and she was happy.  Our ancestors did not know what A/C was, only fireplaces and big porches under trees, screened windows.  

Yesterday my son Scott was 58.  July 3rd we would have been married 59 years.  He came along eight days before our first anniversary.  Billy said he had had mumps and could not have children.  He couldn't, but I sure could.  

Summer months bring back such bittersweet memories.  July was anniversary, Billy's, Kelli's and Brianna's birthdays.  August was/is mine.  And I have to go out today.  I have not filled my gas tank since April.  Little Ferris Yaris does not take much gas and I get good mileage, but just have been unable to really get out.  We are on season 9, episode 5 of "Bones."  Only three more seasons to go.  Each one is about an hour long (each episode).  I went to bed this morning at 5:00 a.m.  Had to wait for the mean guy to get killed.  (I hope he stays dead).  

I have had to almost completely quit cooking.  It hurts my back too bad to stand for long periods.  I'm sure the weight of my hips with my back having to hold them up does not help.  

[Gwenivere]

Karen, my AC is a portable unit.  Kinda looks like a droid from Star Wars.  I want to get a window unit as this takes up space and a hassle moving in and out.  But as with most things, the motivation has been drained significantly.  Would have to involve the alarm company for the best window to put it in.  Most homes here have window units.  A buddy got a new furnace that keeps their house at whatever temp they set but not officially with AC.  She doesn’t know how it does it.  That cost them 17 grand tho.  I used to be able to turn my furnace on to just blow air, but it didn’t help.  

I hear ya on vacuuming and changing beds.  Mine’s a king so it’s trips around it many times for each layer.  Huge sheets that were just dandy a few years ago.  

I got a nice surprise this morning.  My elder dog has been unknowingly pooping in her sleep.  Usually easy to pick up and toss in the toilet.  This morning it was loose and my oxygen tube was In it.  Had to clean that up before going back to sleep.  

Time to prepare for my doctor video visit.  I already know it’s not going to be very productive for the big stuff.  But I need some refills and test results explained.  Then I want to get out and get weekend traditional fare.  Maybe Taco Bell for tonight and a sub for the weekend.  Safeway is supposed to have neat loaves on sale, but they always run out.  Gonna call first this time.  They won’t give rain checks because of the pandemic.  Don’t really get that.  But, as you said, it is what it is.  

[MartyT]

On 6/23/2020 at 1:27 PM, Marg M said:

Sure would like to hear they have the best minds working on a vaccine.  

I want to share with all  of you a recent article that features Dr. David Fajgenbaum ~ a remarkable young doctor whom I met online several years ago when he was a young college student mourning the death of his mother. David eventually went on to found Actively Moving Forward®,  which today has grown to become a nationwide grief support network of young adults, for young adults and college students ages 18-25 years old.

Having been diagnosed with Castleman disease, a rare condition that nearly cost him his life five times over (!), David has since graduated medical school and is now an associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine, where he leads the school's Center for Cytokine Storm Treatment & Laboratory. For the last few years, he has dedicated his life to studying the disease that almost killed him. He tells his story in his book Chasing My Cure: A Doctor's Race to Turn Hope into Action; A Memoir ~ and now he has focused his skills and attention to researching and finding a treatment for COVID-19.

I'm hoping this article will reassure you that there really ARE some of the best medical minds working on COVID-19! See After saving his own life with a repurposed drug, a professor reviews every drug being tried against Covid-19. Here's what he's found  ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Doc visit leading to more specialist visits.  A med change also.  Another morning of usual pain and some extra from added bending last night.  Woke up thinking again......why and where the hell is Steve?  Just got the latest Psychology Today and it’s all about grief. I’m sure a lot has to do with the pandemic, but I certainly plan on scouring it for any wisdom.  I was watching an interview with Gwyeth Paltrow on Fallon last night and she was talking about weeks she went in despair until finding that we are living in a time that will go down in history no one had ever seen.  Feeling alone and bitterly sarcastic, I was yeah, I know but you are with your husband and kids and Skyping  with all your close friends.   Feeling sorry for myself?  You betcha.  I’m tired of keeping that inside like it is something bad.  Who made that rule?  Adding pressure not to acknowledge it.  I sometimes feel a relief valve, even if small, when I allow myself that indulgence.  We can’t be strong all the time.  I couldn’t do it before my life was turned upside down and younger, why would I be able to now?  I’m so sick of pretending so much.  I vent here and to my counselors.  I get tired of being told I’m stronger than I feel anymore from peers so I don’t talk about it.  Maybe I would feel more that way if it wasn’t so taboo.  

I don’t know if any of you experience that.  All I know is not being able to be who I am in the moment has been twisting me in knots.  I have good and bad times and the outside doesn’t like the bad so I have to stuff it down making it worse.  This is like an epiphany.  I don’t think it’s natural for everyone, I don’t care if we are much older, to be wiser and accepting all the time.  But try and talk about it and I, at least, see people faces saying...another whiner.  I don’t do it all the time.  I talked to a nursing home buddy last night and it was really nice.  I don’t approach the world as a Debbie Downer, but I have to acknowledge my limits.  Like walkinglong distances or fear about an aging dog I’ll have to go thru alone.b these are valid.  They are parts of me. I can still congratulate my buddy who is getting a puppy, or someone that takes time to chat.  

Well, it began asthe usual blah day and went steadily downhill.  At least the AC is set up and the dog pod bin filled.  It was good to see our buddy.  It had been almost a month.  After he left life went back to its challenges.  Nasty day too.  Looking foward to my nap.

I found this article I’m failing miserably at....but it makes sense.  Something I seem to be lacking.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-is-radical-acceptance-how-it-helps-pandemic_l_5eda9f83c5b640424ef71891  

 

[Margm]

6 hours ago, MartyT said:

I'm hoping this article will reassure you that there really ARE some of the best medical minds working on COVID-19!

I'm reading this.  I hope no one gets in their way.  Why anyone would do that, I don't know.  (I'm currently on Season 9, episode 16 of "Bones."  I've finished all of "Criminal Minds.")  We used to have to put the words together in medical terminology with studying the anatomy, suffixes and prefixes.  Same with drugs.  We had nothing but an eight year old PDR and a Dorland's that had to be written in the 19th Century (if it went back that far, we were a financially strapped state hospital).  My mind was sharp, I loved doing these  minor things and learning them every day.  

This young man has experience both from a young brain and his own disease.  I try to read it and things I used to have sense enough to look up meanings, they are way over my head.  I know that Maurice Hilleman and Jonas Salk were not the only men who could save us, I just wish we could see the sun coming up sometimes in the news about "hope."  This young man offers hope (if no one holds him down).  Do you think I have become very cynical in the past few years?  

I really have become dumbed down.  

Thank you, I've got some hopeful reading to do.

[kayc]

Marty and Gwen, thank you for sharing those articles, my goal is to read/watch them before today is over!  It's 2:00 and all I've accomplished today is going to church, praise team practice and treasury duties, and walking Kodie x2.  It's rainy and cold but a welcome respite to hot.

Gwen, that was a rude awakening to find for the beginning of your day!    I hope the day went better from there.  I'm glad you have your "weekend runs" for food, gives you something to look forward to.  We don't have anyplace locally to do that, not many places left to eat and the DQ drive through has an hour wait in your car, not worth it to me, but then I couldn't find anything to eat there in fitting with my diet except salad and I do a better job making my own.  

This morning we had a couple of people share with us they are starting a Celebrate Recovery, sounds like a good program, will start in the Fall.  Saved a quote from the pastor this morning, something I need to remember: "You don't need to hear my opinion, you need to hear God's Word and how it applies to you."  Yep, my quote of the day if I remember nothing else.

Marg, I can tell you are intelligent, and I love the quotes you come up with from people, I hear and forget as quickly as it came, wish I had half your mind!

[Gwenivere]

That’s ALL you got accomplished by 2pm, Kay?  I have to laugh because I’d be wiped out for the day.  I start at noon tho, so maybe it’s just the timing.  It’s 2 now and all I’ve done is dress, feed us and post a few replies.  Oh,I threw the ball for Melody.  Just planning on getting a paper and food donation in.  Then a shower.  I did too much yesterday so pain levels are way high.  I’m wondering how I wil make a doc appointment for my knee Tuesday.  Something is going goofy as I get lightheaded way too much.  Haven’t changed anything so natural concern is something new in the mix.  Or I’m just too stressed out.  I mentioned (so my fault as I walked right into it) Ally pooping in the house to my Sunday companion and she shot back if I was thinking of putting her down ( I abhor that term).  Gosh, I say sarcastically to myself, I never think about that day coming when she is over 15!  Why this woman can’t just say something like 'I’m sorry to hear that' or 'what a mess' and leave it at that.  I don’t know how I’ll pull off our Zoom chat this afternoon as I don’t want to argue semantics and get more stressed and talking itself will be regarding anything.  I wish I wasn’t dependent on her for dog care if something happens to me.  I really wish I could have a long cry or scream just to unload.

Youre definitely used to your community like I am mine.  I want the big stores within a few minutes drive and will put up with the traffic.  Wait in line at fast food for an hour?  No thanks, but we have tons of them so it isn’t a problem.  I can see how  it would not help with your food restrictions tho.  

I agree about Marg.  Sharp mind tho she denies it.  Marg, you are a gem!  Quick too!  This from a person that took hours looking for a pill,bottle and found it in the washer by accident.  Had I not added something I never would have found it til it was too late. Fell in while I was loading something else and must have set it down on the side.

I have no choices but to accept how hard it is to walk now.  My life would be so much easier if I could at least move somewhere close to a normal person.  I use a cart to my car often with one item just to lean on.  It’s a real self esteem killer.  

 

 

[Margm]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I agree about Marg.  Sharp mind tho she denies it.  Marg, you are a gem!  Quick too!  

OMGosh, I needed that shoring up.  I went to sleep with my Kindle on, watching country music on You Tube.  Brianna woke me up at 4:00 a.m. just laughing.  I had gone to sleep with the Kindle on my belly or my chest and Kelli called Brianna telling her I had video called her and she could not get me to say anything.  Bri came in and informed me Kelli was on video, and there she was.  Some old woman was up in the corner of the screen.  I didn't know her.  Also, I have no idea how to make a video call.  I certainly am glad it was Kelli, instead of one of my other friends because Kelli is always awake at that time.  That old woman in the corner was me.  Really????

Thank you Gwen, that was sweet.  I needed that.  Seems like sometimes people know just the right thing to say.