My Sanity Needed Vents

[Margm]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I can only imagine how much more crowded it is now like every other big city has become.  

Alas, I will go to Albuquerque no more.  Billy's sister moved to the valley, down to Bosque Farms where she can "grow" things.  One of my best friends lives up on the East Mountain side of Albuquerque.  I get confused when I go to her house. (will never go again, I'm sorry to say).  Her house front yard is only a few feet from a main street, no where to turn into her house so you go into an alley and her driveway is in the alley.  Beautiful view, big beautiful house, good neighborhood (and now in Albuquerque, that is important).  The west valley is a den of murder and bad things.  Billy and I went once a year from 1969 until the 1980's.  Loved it.  I sat on the floor of that thing that took you up in the air to the top of the mountain and would not go back down it.  One of the most beautiful views anywhere though.  I went on business in about 2010, Kelli took me.  Billy stayed in Arkansas with Brianna for school.  I was so miserable without him with me and I cannot imagine ever even going past the Texas/Louisiana line ever again.  

Some things we have to do by  ourselves (as you are doing now), and other things, if you have a choice, we cannot do or go without them.  I have my memories and even those still hurt.  I look forward to memories being sweet, but I don't think I will live that long.  

Again, my heart is with you Gwen.  You and your roommate shared conversations and obviously faced things alone.  I am so sorry.  Our being with you in spirit, well, that is only words typed into a formed box on the page.  Still thinking about you.  Sounds like you might ought to invest in a lot of bacterial cleaning solutions with this new virus going around and your home might be your safest place.  

[Gwenivere]

No change in meds.  The pain is from this bed and the minimal amount of exercise.  I’d like to get in more but can’t use the walker and pull this air tank.  I haven’t had more than 3/4 hours sleep in a row since being here.  At the hospital I slept better.  I know part of it is the flu aftermath too.  I so hate being so limited.  I’m angry I’m in more pain from being here.  My anxiety meds zone me out from being so tired but I feel panic symptoms without them.  It’s a Catch 22.  They have me doing exercises to fix the pain they are causing.  I spend a lot  time in bed because it doesn’t hurt when it is inclined. One of the physical therapists was on me about not standing straight.  Uh, that’s a bit tough when your spine is all messed up you can’t even lay flat on you back. I’ve lost 2 inches in height in the last 5 years.  I just want to curl up in my own bed, pain or not, and sleep.  I wish I could erase the all the effects of the past 4 plus weeks.  I might as well dream big, change the course of the last decade from the day Steve sat me down at the kitchen table and said those words that crumbled our world - I have cancer.  He withheld it was incurable for 2 years after the surgery to spare me some anguish.  That was an act of love to carry that alone, but got too heavy for him.  Life has been viewed thru devastated eyes for so long now, always will be.  

I’m so grateful I can talk here.  What I wouldn’t give to talk to him as I wouldn’t be in rehab.  But if I was, I’d love to call home and hear that voice.  I know we all want to hear that loving voice that may not be able to fix things, but truly made them more tolerable and worth fighting thru to get back to our life together.  There isn’t a moment I spend he is not on my mind consciously or not. There was a time when I was free of him being there all the time.  When I could do things I could take accomplishment in.  Then I’d miss him.  Now it seems every little thing I’m desperate to share with him.  Times I really need him.  No one else will do, so you suffer thru it.  It gets harder and harder each time.  This is the curse of no family or friends in person. Its so hard to be In love alone.  I keep bumping into that wall.

Marg, that was the tram from the foot of the Rockies to the summit, longest in the US.   Took it any times for dinner at the restaurant at the peak.  It got stuck once and that was a trial of patience.  Always were good and bad areas.  The conflict there was the Mexicans and the causations.  Luckily I grew up in a very safe area.  The conflict areas were actually small and easy to avoid.  

 

[Margm]

It being "New" Mexico, I always felt like I was a visitor (which I was) and the natives were the ones who belonged there like our Native Americans.  Was so disappointed I had no Native American blood in my DNA, but less than 1% was from the Congo region, so maybe I had some "native tribe" in my blood after all.  

[kayc]

Gwen, my sister's walker has a storage place to carry oxygen, maybe you can look into one of those?  I don't know how heavy your tank is as they come in all sizes but they have backpacks for them too if they aren't too big.  Shouldn't have to choose between breathing and walking!

Marg, I don't have Native American in my blood, I married it...George was Takelma, the gov't didn't "recognize" it, as if it's their place to decide who counts and who doesn't!  That always inflamed me.  But he has a rich heritage and I have a thick file on it.

[Gwenivere]

Kay, I don’t want to use a walker in stores.  I’ll experiment with putting my portable (I bought one of the Immogen ones that are about the size of a purse) in a cart and lean on that.  At home I have a generator and it has tubing that covers the whole house.  I haven’t had any opportunities to walk here except in my room with out a walker so it will be getting into the store that will be the experiment.  I’m going to have to hit bottom of depression about this before I try.  I have so much to decompress about when I get home plus feeling alone again, cut off.  Didn’t have that before I got laid up. I’ve gotten used to being in a bed most of the day.  Except that it stops my back pain, it isn’t a good habit.  Will have to get used to sitting in the living room and getting my own water and tending to the dogs.  

My walker got delivered and I took it for a test 'drive'.  It’s so disheartening I need one.  I hate it and what it represents.  I’ve lost any grace about any of this.  This isn’t even about aging.  It’s about over a month of bad luck.  Another 'why me?' phase in this now seemingly endless journey.  As much as I dread the loneliness of my home, I will have the privacy to scream and cry.  Wonder how to find more motivation now to keep doing this again.  Was there some lesson to learn from this?  Can’t imagine what it would be.  I read about everyone’s struggles and wonder how we are supposed to keep pressing forward.  Those of us that are so alone.  Why, why, why did I have to lose my lonely independence that at least kept me sanely socialized?  Just a couple or more hours a day worked.  I look back at what an extrovert I was and now forced into this introverted existence that grew like crazy since Steve died.  The odd coincidences of everyone I knew disappearing.  I had no say about any of it.  None of this was my choice.  I couldn’t stop people from moving, dying or just plain disappearing.  I reached out in attempts to connect with new people to no avail.  My closest friends are all long distance.  I know  2 people that relish this kind of life but you can’t change who you are, always was.  I used to hide by choice as there were so many expectations of me.  Within a few days I’d be back.  I need people!  I don’t know how to 'join' things.  Never had to and can’t think of anything that is organized I would want to.  Life took mine, tossed apart a completed crossword puzzle and when the pieces came down too any were missing.  I can’t redo it.  I’ve tried others, but they are incomplete too.  

I may check out a new book I saw on Amazon called It’s OK That You’re Not OK.  The reviews are excellent and address many of these issues plus how the world doesn’t get it.  How grief is something to hide and downplay to our own detriment.  Written by a therapist that said she felt she needed to apologize to all her clients she had counseled til it happened to her.  Funny how that touch with the real thing changes everything.

[Margm]

40 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 Funny how that touch with the real thing changes everything.

I've always said/felt that talking about this with someone, it cannot be treated/advice given, unless their feet have touched the coals also.  (To me), it takes a special Angel that works  at hospices, visits dying patients regularly, and ministers to families.  Your feet have been held to the coals all those years you visited nursing home patients.  I just feel you have a purpose my friend.  If you don't find it, it will find you.

And, (being so  computer intelligent,) I think I have done something with this post.  Don't know what I did, but I own it.

[Gwenivere]

It always happened that way in the past.  I have doubts as time grows shorter.  The opportunities just aren’t as many due to limitations of the body and carrying more emotional sadness.  But thank you for reminding me of all the years I did have meeting some incredible people.  People so often assume older adults were always old.  I saw pictures of them in their youth and they looked like we did.  Their whole lives in front of them.  Some unrecognizable.  It is always interesting how people lived without computers and all the things we couldn’t imagine not having.  Waiting days to weeks for letters.  Paying with actual cash.  Phones being a luxury.  No short cuts, you actually had to cook. Paper maps.  And somehow, they survived!  My early life had so little we have now.  Sometimes I wonder at the grocery stores just how many more things they will invent we come to think we can’t do without or say.....why didn’t someone think of this sooner?  My fav is precooked pasta now.  1 minute in the microwave and no cleanup.  🙂

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

It’s OK That You’re Not OK

That is one of my pastor's favorite books.  He quotes from it frequently.  He's a very down to earth person, human like the rest of us, with his own struggles, anxiety, etc.  I feel like he understands and gets it because his life is similar, not perfect or "up there."  I think that'd be a good choice.  

I thought about you first thing this morning, today is the day you come home.  I pray your adjustment won't be as great as you fear, or that at least being at home with your dogs will make up for it.  I agree that your getting used to sitting up and being up and down will be better for your road to recovering that constantly lying down.

I hadn't heard of Immogen walkers, I'll have to look it up.  My sister can't walk w/o a walker anymore but she can substitute the grocery cart in the store.  She walks every day but Sunday in the store as her house is too small.  My BIL's idea, it was a great one that has helped her tremendously.

I've never heard of precooked pasta but then I never was one to use mixes.  I grew up cutting up deer and later on elk or gutting fish (before I was allergic) and we just always did everything from scratch.  The "no cleanuip" sounds good though!  I think I could live w/o modern conveniences except computers and phones.  Nowadays we'd be in isolation without them, besides, I pay my bills on line.  

You say you're "not a joiner"...l'd be up the creek without my church.  It gives me so many contacts that I don't feel as alone as I would otherwise...of course those people don't come home with me so I'm still alone, but that's where Kodie fills in.  I am so thankful I have Kodie in my life!  It'd be easy to not allow myself this for fear of being disloyal to Arlie, but I realize I can't compare, they aren't in competition and Arlie would just be glad for any happiness my way...Kodie wormed his way into my life in a way I can't resist.  He really is the best little puppy anyone could ask for and has all the qualities I'd ever want...he is very much like Arlie in that he's fun, sweet, cute, and helps me get exercise.  It remains to be seen if he's as smart.  Arlie will always hold number one spot but I think Kodie has the potential for sharing it with him someday...something I never thought I could say.

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Marg M said:

it takes a special Angel that works  at hospices, visits dying patients regularly, and ministers to families.  Your feet have been held to the coals all those years you visited nursing home patients.  I just feel you have a purpose my friend. 

Amen to that!

[KarenK]

Kay,

 "Inogen" is not the walker. It is a small portable oxygen concentrator easily carried as opposed to dragging a tank behind you on a cart. For some reason, Medicare & United Healthcare would not cover one for Ron. It was very difficult for us to go anywhere. By the time I got him, the tank and cart up into the truck and the wheelchair loaded into the truck bed, I was exhausted. I am a small person, like you and it wasn't easy. Pushing a wheelchair while trying to pull that tank wasn't easy either. Ron tried to help, but he had no strength. We fell a couple of times while trying to help him into the truck. Having that small tank would have helped a lot. A little off topic here, but it makes me angry to remember calling 911 to get help picking him up off the street. He fell on top of me and once I got up, there were no neighbors around. Two cops came and one smart ass asked him if he'd been drinking. I'd told them he had cancer and we were trying to get to a doctor appt.  Another time, he made it in the truck, but fell between the seat and the dashboard. I was able to flag down a passing stranger who helped.

Anything to help make things easier for those trips would have been nice.

[Margm]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I've never heard of precooked pasta but then I never was one to use mixes.  I grew up cutting up deer and later on elk or gutting fish (before I was allergic) and we just always did everything from scratch.  The "no cleanuip" sounds good though!  I think I could live w/o modern conveniences except computers and phones.  Nowadays we'd be in isolation without them, besides, I pay my bills on line.  

If it isn't "instant" I don't want to fool with it.  Hurts my back too bad to stand up cooking.  Only short cut I leave out is peeling potatoes, no instant potatoes.  

Karen, I know that must have been so hard on you.  I'm afraid I would be in jail still from cutting that cop down to size.  Sometimes I think I am a sweet old lady, but talking to those robot callers got to be such a drag.  Sometimes 10 calls a day.  Thought about removing the phone.  Finally got a hold of same person twice.  I have even called Apple (who they  say they represent) and told them the foreign calls were losing them money.  Then I had the idea of being a little old woman who never heard from her kids and they were the only people I ever got to talk to.  I had my own self almost crying. I was pitiful.. I begged them to not quit calling, their voice was my only touch with outside world.  My voice has been affected by the tremor (not Parkinson's) and he hung up on me twice.  Cold hearted people.  No more calls.  I think they can take your name off a list as fast as they can call you.  Reminded of Uncle Remus tales: "The helpless, but cunning, Br'er Rabbit pleads, "Please don't throw me in the briar patch," prompting Fox to do exactly that. Guess fairy tales help sometimes.  I saw where some government office was attacking six of our phone companies for letting foreign calls come through.  

Hope everyone has a good Sunday.  I somehow got the feeling that the hospital felt like a routine to you "Gwen" and you are good at adapting, though you don't want to be.  I think if there is a way to be found around your troubles right now, that excellent, inventive, tolerating mind that you have in bushels, I think you are going to find the most comforting way.  It won't be easy, but you will adapt, just like you were adapting to your medical routine.  I wish that for you anyhow.  

[Gwenivere]

I’m sitting here waiting on all the craziness it will be to get out of here.  I really can’t get the fear of going home out of my head.  But, I have no choice in this.  Still have to pick up food on the way.  A bigger part of me just wants to get home and break down.  

The thing that really sucks is once upon a time I would love to be going home.  Steve, my kids, not disabled.  I’ve seen people leave Foss, the hospital and here so happy to get.back to their families.  Their normal lives.  This would be helped if I weren’t tied to oxygen.  I’ve never felt so dependent/helpless ever and being sent home to deal with it on my own.  Can call care givers but they are for therapy, not help with settling in unless I cough up the money myself.

so much for an easy discharge.  The socail worker didn’t set up portable oxygen to go home so I was going to have to take a huge tank.  Called my ride and asked her to grab the portable from my car.  I’m fed up with bearacracy (sp).   Gotta go.  Check in later.

[kayc]

Karen, thanks for clearing that up...and I'm so sorry for your experience with that policeman, people shouldn't assume.  It reminds me when my sister and I went to Disney on Ice in Portland years ago...she had a baby born w/o a brain (just had the stem that controls reflexes but no cognitive ability, no thoughts) and she always dressed her cute and someone behind us said in a loud voice how horrible it was that people pierce their baby's ears, they should be able to make up their mind for themselves when they grow up.  Julie, who is usually so chill, turned around and gave her a piece of her mind, told her she was born w/o a brain and wouldn't grow up!  That shut the old bitty up!  

Gwen, I'm sorry, I hope by now you're home with your dogs and have something to eat.  And portable oxygen in place.  I honestly think a letter to someone about this facility...but you have more important things to do right now.  Praying you're getting through it.

[Gwenivere]

I am home now.  It’s been very hard.  Being who I am, I didn’t take it very easy.  The dog sitter may have been good with the dogs but the state of the house annoyed me. A mirror taken down in the bathroom, my kitchen counters and sink a mess, my bed comforter missing, Melody's fav chew toy gone from a shelf, my washer moved from an unbalanced spin, drank all my bottled water but didn’t restock it.  Both dogs look they’ve gained at least 5 pounds. It took a lot out of me to just get the place the way I left it.  There are just some things you gotta have right to feel somewhat settled.  I overdid it.  But I had lots of time to kill and I’m not exactly a speed racer.  None of the rehab prepared me for what I needed here.  Trying to adapt to the loneliness and knowing I’ll be stuck in here for a few days.  One thing that did feel good was my own bed.  I took a short nap.  Have a horrid headache as I’ve been getting every night from tension.  It dawned on me that the money I paid out thru my contact for the dog care needs to be detailed for me.  Lots of stuff to do, like the broken sliding door lock, but housebound is gonna be a true test.  Lots to do, but no balance with the outside.  Did pick up some groceries, but barely made it thru the store.  My roomie warned me as she went thru the same thing.  Still is.  Have to decide if I want someone in for help.  The only thing I haven’t tackled is a shower and that won’t be needed for a couple of days.  I don’t know if I try and see if I need help or start with help.  Maybe sleep will help now that a lot of big stuff is done.  As always....if steevwould have been here..........the gal that brought me home kinda dumped me.  I wasn’t surprised.  At least she helped me put the bed back together.  The sitter left off the blanket. Good thing I had another spread.  The search will continue for the other one.  I think sh broke the door lock too.  No one can care.for your home but the people it matters to.  

[kayc]

Oh Gwen, as soon as I saw what time you posted (2 am) I knew it was bad.  Sounds worse that one could anticipate.  I'm so sorry.  Sounds like pet sitter is irresponsible or uncaring. 

You did a LOT!  You should be proud of yourself.  I'm wondering your dogs' reactions to you coming home!  I'm sorry they gained weight.  That can be lost.  Arlie was 30 lbs overweight and we got it off through controlled diet.  I wonder if there's a neighborhood kid would like a dog-walking job.  I walk Joe for free every day, I rather enjoy our time together.  He sees me as the highlight of his life as I'm only there for him and it's something fun for him.  His owners are wonderful people but she has her hands full with 2 sheep, chickens, 3 dogs, 2 children 3 and under plus one on the way, and her husband has a long work commute.  They appreciate it.  We used to have a teen here would walk dogs for $5 and probably wouldn't have charged extra for small dogs on a splitter, she gave discounts for ongoing walking by the months, etc.

I think it's through senior services my mom was offered 6 hours a week help for free...she wouldn't take it because she only wanted my daughter and I said NO!  My mom was way too difficult for me to want Melissa in that arrangement.  If she'd have been normal it would have been great.  I don't know if it's income-based or if it's regardless of income.  I never qualify for anything but my mom was in better shape as she didn't have a house payment, car payment, etc.  

I'm glad you've been in touch with your roomie, helped prepare you for the shock, but not sure as you can truly prepare for that.  It's unbelievable to me that she'd take your comforter off the bed and some of the other things she did!  I am so proud of you though!  I knew you'd be determined and that's what's needed, but you far exceeded what I thought and on your first night home!  Now I hope you can sleep!

[widow'15]

Gwen:  Happy you're back home with Melody and Ally but so sorry your homecoming wasn't the best it could have been.  I am truly amazed you were able to go grocery shopping on your way home.  You are one strong lady in spite of just being released from a month long hospitalization/recuperation process.  I can imagine how you felt when you crawled into your bed and felt how good it was to be home again - and now you will find your new routine so you will be able to stay where you belong.

Do take it slow and don't push too hard so you don't have to repeat this past month.  I sound like your Mother trying to tell you what to do, "Right"?  But, like my 51 year old daughter tells me, "I know, Mom", then does what she wants anyway.   Hugs, Dee.

 

[Margm]

1 hour ago, widow'15 said:

"I know, Mom", then does what she wants anyway.

That's my Kelli.  But high fever has kept her in the house, doc explains that giving platelets sometimes is like a transplant as they were someone else's before they gave them to her.  She has minded me for a week now and they did not give her a new dose this morning because of the fever.  

Gwen, maybe you can keep in touch with your former roommate and you can see how she is tolerating being at home.  I'm positive it is frightening, but having to depend on the undependable was frightening also.  I hope the kinks smooth out.  My heart is with you.  I do not "know you" like being kin or living next door, but somehow I feel I do know you, and if they have corrected anything you were going to the ER for, if life goes back to even "humdrum," then perhaps that will help.  Not sure I trust more than 75% of professional medical caregivers.  Life or death situations, I have to.  Please take care.  I think I finally have my shower 77-year-old 5 foot fluffy woman fixed, so that is better now.  (They have my tub up so high it scared me).  A lot of "PTA" baths, and I will let your imagination figure out what PTA is.

You got this gal.  

[widow'15]

Marg:  Being a 78 year old, I understand the meaning of your "PTA".  You can always make us feel like a smile and a giggle.  Sorry your daughter is going through treatments.  Do hope she is feeling stronger now.   Keeping both of you in my thoughts.  Dee 

[Gin]

Marg and Dee....  this 80 yr. old also knows!   Gin

[Margm]

My apartment manager did not know.  I hated to say the words and she almost fell out of her chair when I did.  Not only that, she had me repeat it over and over.  Hey, us girls have to keep clean and that darn tub scared me to death.  My legs are short anyhow.  

I hope your shower taking is uneventful Gwen, and I hope you have as good a night sleeping in your own bed, as you can.  

I hope things run smoother than  they have in the past few nights.  I don't know if it was Medicare that sent people out to keep check on Billy, but they came twice a week.  I don't know how close you are to Medicare age, and maybe I am like Cinderella and think the people were magically called upon and the mice turned into people that helped.  My friend's sister was my classmate and a caretaker of all her family.  Now they are having to take care of her and it made me realize our golden years are sometimes, most times, just rust years.  Still we gingerly tread ahead, slower and slower, but just making the steps get to where  they matter and seem like accomplishments.

Say a prayer for me tomorrow.  I take my sister for her first cataract removal in the "big city."  I love my sister dearly, but she is the "back seat driver" from hell.  I can easily get to the place by hitting I-220 and going around that way, but no, I have got to go down a busy street for miles and miles, traffic light after traffic light.  And I just bitch and bitch.  

[KarenK]

Marg, I love it! I certainly feel more "rusty" than "golden" most days. Dodged a bullet for jury service. Didn't have to fall asleep in my chair. Told the judge I was having trouble hearing the proceedings so they provided me with a listening device which worked great, but I was having shortness of breath after long trek to his courtroom down hallways and up and down escalators. I don't do fast escalators well. Anyway, I was not one of the "chosen". Interesting experience though.

Hope all goes well with your sister's surgery. They say it makes a world of difference.

Gwen, how lousy that the sitter left your home in the state she did. Some people have absolutely no thought for others. My BIL used to watch the house and animals when we went on vacations and I always returned to sticky counters and a mess. YUCK! I hope you'll soon get things in order and find your new "normal". Change is so very hard.

Thinking of you........

[Gwenivere]

Yup, I don’t know where they came up with 'golden years'.  Rust is more accurate.  Took my 1st shower with a stool.  Was easier yet awkward.  Different.  I was motivated as a nurse is coming by today and will want to know how I am doing by myself.  Not looking forward to this. So tired of med people.  She’s from PT, not one that could help with tasks or suggestions.  I have been talking to my old roomie pretty much every day.  She has a couple neighbors that stop by, but don’t do much and hired someone to come in and do tasks like cooking.  She’s stuck downstairs in her townhouse.  Stairs are tough on anyone with them.  I tried to do poop patrol, but when I saw all the piles in the river rocks I admitted defeat.  Too hard to pick up like the upper level which is just gravel.  Have to check their paws for poop.  i went to the PO and only had junk mail after a month so I closed that.  That is depressing, it was ours for about 20 years from when Steve was in business for himself.  Think I’ll keep our keys tho.  One of those little things that I would miss from our life together.  

when I got back I tried to open the garage to get out some spare portable oxygen.  The door went partially up then dropped like a rock while the motor was still runnng.  I’m sure a cable broke.  My back door is still broken with repair scheduled for Weds.  again, what are the odds?  I didn’t even have the energy to get all that upset.  Just went into fix it mode and hope it won’t take ordering parts and another trip. Was on the phone another afternoon for more crap that came up. Untangle one knot and another forms.  I almost feel like I had more freedom in rehab.   I just don’t get why so many things are going wrong now.  I’m trying to figure out how to get actual rest like people do recovering.  The sleep goes by too fast.  Seems I just lay down and it’s time to rediscover how far I’ve been pushed down.  At,east I get a glass of wine before bed again.  I didn’t miss it in rehab, but it’s nice to have the option.  

Thank you everyone.  Yes, Karen, change is so very hard.  I’m in the familiar but it’s so very different.  

[Margm]

[Margm]

I'm off to the "big city" and we have floods everywhere.  I cannot take a Xanax or I will end up in the Red River for sure.  Here goes nothing.  Maybe my sister will be too afraid to backseat drive.  Nah, that won't stop her.  I remember my mom taking my dad emergently to doctor.  He was back seat driving terribly much and at the time I thought what she said was cruel, but it was to save her sanity.  (And that was iffy).  She told him to "shut up or I'm gonna put you in the nursing home."  He shut up.  Hmmmm

[kayc]

20 hours ago, widow'15 said:

You are one strong lady in spite of just being released from a month long hospitalization/recuperation process.

I second that.

Marg, all of my friends who've had cataract surgery said it was a piece of cake, recovery quick.  I hope this is the case for your sister.  Be careful with those floods, not worth getting stuck.  We're having them in Pendleton and people's homes are ruined, it breaks my heart for them.

Karen, I'm glad you didn't have to do jury duty after all, SOB is no fun!  My sister is w/o her Advair Diskus for her COPD, hasn't been taking it for a month or two, she can't talk w/o horrible coughing fits and you can't make out what she's trying to say.  Her doctor or insurance screwed up and she didn't stay on top of it.  I'm about to get involved.  Her ins. won't talk with me of course, but I can have a say at the doctor's office!  I offered her one of mine (much lower dosage) but she wouldn't take me up on it.

Gwen, OMG, I can't believe your garage door quit just now!  Yes Murphy's Law.    I wouldn't begin to know how to fix it.  Right now I'm trying to get someone out to re-set my gutter and he won't even call me back.    George would have had it done already.  Workmen are not high on my list, so hard to get someone decent.  My other sister used to have a glass of wine at dinner and before bed but had to quit because of her Diabetes.  We all have it to a greater or lesser degree except my brother, he's still really young, my younger sister is Pre-Diabetic but will likely have the same issue the rest of us have.  No wine for me.