My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

On 8/29/2020 at 1:07 PM, Kacy said:

I thought the insurance companies were required by law to notify you in the Fall about any changes.

I don't know the law, only that they do not do it.

[kayc]

17 hours ago, KarenK said:

I remember taking his death certificate to the SS office probably to authorize the change.

When George died I was 52 so still working.  I took his death cert. to SS office back then and then when I retired I filed soc. sec. and they set it up then, all done by phone.  Got a really nice, helpful employee.

[Gwenivere]

I’ll have to call and see if my 'survivor' benefits are actually his SS benefits as I filed for them at 60, the earliest.  Know I had to wait a year as I was barely 59 when he died.  I do recall going to the office withhis death,our birth and marriage certicates.  Just hoping that’s all on record so I don’t have to physically go in again.  Thanks for the number, Kay.

[kayc]

Good luck!  And I did my filing on a Monday morning, the wait wasn't too bad, don't know how it is right now.

[shebert56]

Just to add my experience with SS.  When Stephen crossed the veil two years ago, I opted to begin at age 62 drawing on my social security.  When I reach 66, which is the full benefits age for me, I can then switch to Stephen's full benefits which are considerably more than mine.  

I was given the option by SS to go on widow's benefits, but that would have been much less than Stephen's (when I reach 66), and if I chose widow's benefits, I would have been locked into that permanently with no option to switch at age 66.  

I was fortunate that I am able to do it this way.

~Shirley

 

[Gwenivere]

You were, Shirley.  My survivor benefits are actually Steve’s SS.  They didn’t make that clear when I was 60.  Now I am locked into the amount forever.  I needed the money earlier than 65/66 so grateful I got at least 75%.  Now my Medicare will be pulled from it automatically so it will be less in my account, but I’d have to pay for it anyway.  

I spent 70 minutes on hold to find out I am locked in.  I do get to cancel my dental as that is in my new supplement.  Vision too that I never had before. My dentist isn’t in the new network, but I may be able to get his services covered at 75%.  Fortunately I can change my supplemental at anytime once I really start using it.

one thing is a certainty.  Getting older costs a lot!

[kayc]

I had dental my first year of Medicare Advantage but it was crap, seriously, one trip there and never again!  Their hygienist spent ten minutes on my teeth!  My own dental place takes an hour, I've had them take 1 1/2 hours even, they're very thorough.  I choose to pay out of pocket for my own dentist, just so worth it and not to have to jump through all their stupid hoops.

I'm sorry they didn't explain everything thoroughly to you the first time, Gwen.  I didn't realize those things as I retired on my own soc. sec. but I retired a year shy of full benefits so that penalty is forever.  I should have filed disability due to my vision but they fight you on it for a couple of years and meanwhile nothing to live on!

[Gwenivere]

They may have explained things thoroughly back in 2015, but I was in the throws of very early grief.  I barely remember beyond going to the office and  having to get a duplicate marriage license from Nevada as ours had white out on it from the place making a mistake and was not acceptable.

 I’m hoping this transition goes smoothly as I am burned out thinking, calling, hearing and talking about it with the outside world.  

M hopes of a day without hassles are again dashed.  A financial change I made was rejected crating more paperwork.  My advisor is going to look into fixing it, but I know papers will have to be redone.  Finding out my next dental cleaning was at a time that is inconvenient and with the new insurance how it will get paid is unknown.  Trying to get Amazon to leave packages at my door so I don’t have to muscle them up stairs and my usual  excruciating pain from sitting to make all the phone calls.  Walking is supposed to help the pain and sometimes does but needing oxygen makes that hard doing tasks in the world.  I’m supposed to stand up straight which is impossible.  I had my hair washed and trimmed yesterday and could barely make it thru having it washed.  The sciatic pain creates come and go numbness.  Stenosis messes with going to the bathroom.  It’s so hard to be controlled by your body rather than the other way around.

Now I need to call UPS and USPS and find out if I can set up all package deliveries to my door.  

Life used to be so simple as we all know.  Age creates problems, but damn....I wanted to go thru them with Steve.  

And to top it off.....my poor dog just wants to chase her ball not knowing or caring how hard that is for me and breaks my heart I can’t do it more so we both could enjoy it.

[kayc]

I know, I feel for Kodie getting someone like me instead of someone younger that could play with him way into the evening.  I can only throw the ball so much with these hands in constant pain.

UPS and USPS both leave their packages at my back door where it's not visible from the street and covered by a roof, have been for years, they should comply for you!  I had problems with Fed Ex when Arlie was alive, throwing open the front gate where he could escape, they'd waltz right by my sign that said "BEWARE OF DOG! USE BACK DOOR" with an arrow pointing to the ramp leading to the back.  For one thing, I don't shovel snow in the front because it's gravel, the back has a ramp that is kept shoveled.  I can't count how many times I had to call and complain (at an hour a whack) about their drivers not being able to read!

Your insurance should be able to tell you about the coverage for your dental hygienist.  I've learned to get a reference number but they have a disclaimer on everything they tell you so not sure what good it is to prove anything.  What happened to customer service and people standing by what they tell you!

I'm sorry you had such a rough day yesterday, I hope today goes a little better.  I hope it feels better getting your hair cut!
 

[Margm]

Billy always had time for his pups.  He would take Briar walking in the mountains, to the top of the ridge we lived below.  He had to keep him in a fence though.  Briar was a German Longhaired Pointer.  He was beautiful.  Not suited for being closed up in a house.  "They only make good pets when properly exercised, as they need a "job" to do, and do not adapt well to a sedentary life."  A friend had a 40 acre farm, off the main road with a big barn.  His (the friend) had just lost his longtime dog companion.  Billy was getting where he could not climb the mountains.  Briar stood on the back of the friends truck and never looked back at us.  He was sweet and affectionate and the commercials would show dogs that looked like Briar.  He gave him up for the better good for Briar but it broke Billy's heart to do it.  He would let him run in our woods but the highway was too close.  He was "born to run" and Billy could not keep up with him.  He was sweet, not aggressive, but he was a hunting dog and went to a home with a big pond and big barn and a man that was young enough to run with him.  It was Billy's last dog.  

[Gwenivere]

I suppose they assign case numbers for their reference.  I’ve heard them read from notes in follow up calls.  My insurance says there is a way to appeal the dentist.  I asked my dentists office and they said they’d just submit a bill and let the entities fight it out.  I’m done making calls about it.

I have a televisit with my doc this Friday.  Biggest change beside the pain getting worse is putting me on iron.  I’ve tried 2 types that are supposed to be easy on your stomach but when it comes time to eat I feel awful.  I don’t like that they have messed with potty time.   Worry about being caught off guard and no where to go.  BTDT.  It was humiliating.  Even when it happened at home I felt that way.  

I do as much as I can for Melody.  If she would come in the car she would have so much more action in her life.  Ally got a good smell and sight of the world she would be ready to zonk out when we got home.  This little one is ramped up.

i had no luck connecting with UPS or USPS for deliveries.  Cants even find a good spot to put a note for them to ignore.  I did find once I have a tracking number I can put in delivery instructions for UPS.  

I’m so sorry Billy had to lose his dog.  I’d say at least you had each other, Marg, but dogs are so invaluable for a different connection.  They give us a way to be in the here and now.  No past, no future.  It’s very grounding.  I know we depended on our dogs without realizing it for that as we had thoughts in all directions.  

Off to vid counseling.  It dawned on me in this utter loneliness I am worth more dead than alive for beneficiaries.  That’s kinda sobering.  Guess that is what happens when you have no one at all in your life anymore.  Just minor acquaintances.  Really minor.  Without anyone you are invisible in the world.  Doesn’t matter what you do, don’t do and when.  It affects no one.  I’m sure I’ll get a pep talk about finding meaning in myself that has so far failed as I need people.  And as I’ve said, can’t order those anywhere and the few people I thought might become part of my life have fallen thru.  Hard to keep trying especially with all the virus restrictions.  I recently met one woman I run into Friday thru Sunday  evenings getting meals, but the conversations are always about her and anything I say she one ups.  And always how busy she is with a multitude of people.  I don’t think I could talk to her about my inner feelings either.  It’s a gut feeling I’m sure many have felt when meeting someone new.

Hope all are having tolerable if not maybe good days!  

[Gwenivere]

Counseling helped today.  Validated I am not alone feeling I was better off dead than existing.  When I get dark thoughts like that it is invaluable to know you aren’t alone having that kind of stuff pop into your head.  

I hobbled into Target to have some glasses fixed from a fall a while back.  They got them wearable again.  They are my favorite between my back up pair.  I made an appointment for an eye exam in 2 weeks.  Hope I can make it as it’s getting harder to read.  Distance feels fine.  I may request they don’t change that as I’m not spry enough to keep going back.

i had Steve’s buddy put away my portable AC.  Now we are looking at record breaking high 80’s next week.  As I’m sure Dee knows, this is quite abnormal for this area.  This should be the 'tween' time of real comfort before the cold, dark and rains set in til next April or May.  Also that darned daylight savings will hit.  I hate the going back for setting the clocks that don’t automatically do it.  I wish Washington would opt out.  We’re whacky enough in light being so far north.

[widow'15]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

i had Steve’s buddy put away my portable AC.  Now we are looking at record breaking high 80’s next week.  As I’m sure Dee knows, this is quite abnormal for this area.  This should be the 'tween' time of real comfort before the cold, dark and rains set in til next April or May.  Also that darned daylight savings will hit.  I hate the going back for setting the clocks that don’t automatically do it.  I wish Washington would opt out.  We’re whacky enough in light being so far north.

Gwen:  Was wondering if you were going to be sorry to have your portable AC put away so soon.  I hope you have enough fans within reach.  This next week looks pretty warm.  In addition, the weatherman was predicting we will be experiencing some wildfire smoke from California.  I agree with you that Washington should opt out of daylight savings.  Since I don't drive at night, early darkness restricts me even more.

Good to see you had a helpful counseling session.  Stay cool.  Dee

[Kieron]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Biggest change beside the pain getting worse is putting me on iron.  I’ve tried 2 types that are supposed to be easy on your stomach but when it comes time to eat I feel awful.

Is it possible for you to cook with cast iron?  I think you said you don;'t cook much, but I do know cast iron is one way to get iron in the diet, as iron molecules naturally become incorporated into the food.  Mark was able to go off iron pills for a good long time after I started messing with cast iron cookware.  I still have way more such pans and skillets than I need.  Wish I could push one through the screen to you!  😆

Edit: there are really little skillets that are like 4 or 5 inches across, very light and easy to handle.  A possibility anyway.

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

i had no luck connecting with UPS or USPS for deliveries.

Fed Ex and UPS both have a place to put it in their delivery notes permanently so that any driver dropping off a package sees your instructions.  With the mail it's usually the same carrier and they should be able to remember...have you called your local post office?  I get good results with mine.  Can also leave a note on your mailbox for the carrier if you don't want to call.

Going to be in the 90s here all week and beyond, possibly 100+...I will head to my son's to take care of the kids for a few days while they ready their place for sale (neighboring property is planning development and they'll be annexed into the city so he is going to by a 32 acre farm Lord willing).  I don't know I'll be much use, I can't even clean my own house right now!  But I'll do what I can to watch the kids for them.

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I am worth more dead than alive for beneficiaries.

Ahh, you're not to us!  Our value is not in what we're worth monetarily or can do for other people, it's much deeper than that.  My mom was of no earthly use to anyone her last few years but she was worth a LOT to me!!!  No price you can put on love.  Also your wisdom and life experience.  You mean a very great deal here to us, Gwen!

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

you aren’t alone having that kind of stuff pop into your head.

No you certainly are not alone in your thoughts.  Sometimes I wonder that too but I reckon I'm worth something to God or He wouldn't have created me and I'm definitely worth a whole lot to Kodie!  Mel cares about you and someone else would not be the same as a stand in to her.

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I wish Washington would opt out.

I feel the same, OR has spoken about staying on same time but waiting for others to do it first. ???  Hellooo, we were pace setters in vote by mail why can't we set the pace for daylight savings time not switching back and forth!  AZ stays on uniform time all year!

5 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Since I don't drive at night, early darkness restricts me even more.

Me too, we're losing daylight hours continually!  The days are getting shorter, it'd help me a lot to not cut that shorter at night!

@KieronI never thought about that but I've always used cast iron as preference, I don't like the coated pans and Teflon getting in my food, so have been cast iron all the way!  I love the heavy even heat and they clean so easy.

[Margm]

20 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m so sorry Billy had to lose his dog.  I’d say at least you had each other, Marg, but dogs are so invaluable for a different connection.

He mostly always had hunting dogs.  He didn't hunt, but he loved watching them in the woods get a scent and follow it.  He loved training dogs.  He was a gentle trainer.  He wanted one that would sit by the fireplace with him but most all of them were too much of a hunting dog and were not bred to be in enclosures.  After going through the heartbreak of losing pups over my life, I did not want a pet.  My daughter's pups were her heart and I had to spend my time helping her get over heartbreak.  I didn't want that for myself.  She has Nawlins, a white poodle, now.  She is old and has minor frailties.  I identify with her.  You talk to her, she knows what you say.  For all the reasons of love you all have for your fur babies, I have reasons for no more grief of losing one.  My aunt, no children except her fur babies, when the last one was put to sleep, she said, "no more."  She was in her late 70's then.  She lived a normal life, no dementia or too many frailties until she passed away suddenly at 91.  Like me, she suffered from severe depression and at age 91, most all family had gone, no children.  She passed away quietly.  We do what we have to do for ourselves.  Not selfish.  I see too many fur babies for adoption at age 10 and 11, who have lost their companion.  They suffer loss too.  

[Gwenivere]

I think I made progress with USPS yesterday on getting packages to the porch.  Next one will tell and that should be tomorrow.  

If Melody hadn’t known me, she couldn’t miss me.  She’s so different.  Kinda more in her world than our world.  Maybe she’s a regular dog and I’m used to having extraordinary ones.  I dunno.  I just get frustrated about all the stuff she is scared of.  My nightshirt hanging on the doorknob instead of out of sight, a fan I moved inside for the upcoming heat wave and she wouldn’t come lay during lunch because of it.  Running inside because the neighbors emptied ice into a chest.  

I’m sick of the iron issue.  Bad pun as it has made me so sick.  I’m not about to start cooking so a pan is out.  I’m tired of feeling tied to the bathroom too. Today I woke up in such back pain that is usually how I feel at the end of the day.  I have some errands planned but not sure if I can trust my legs.  Have to talk to my doc today and just want to scream at him about all the stuff he has put me thru.  The back thing isn’t his fault, but he glosses over that wanting me to get other invasive tests.

just got a call from a kewl nurse at palliative care.  She may be a good resource for just organizing priorities.  Off to my doc vid.  Glad it’s short today.  I’m more concerned about being able to get out of here for picking up dinner for later and gas in the car.  Can use good vibes my legs hold up.  Thanks!  ❤️

 

[kayc]

Sometimes you wonder how much is enough, I'm sorry you're going through so much, more invasive tests, just what you need!

I'm exhausted, cooking, dishes, taking care of two small children and our dogs all while my hands are killing me, not enough sleep.  There's more but enough said.  One more day.  I do enjoy my grandkids, I just wish I could do things with them besides read them books, I think I read all their books on their shelf!  Kodie and Bruno have had fun playing with each other, one huge, one small, quite the pair!  They're really cute to watch together.

Gwen, I had a dog that was scared of everything too, never could just relax around the house, nervous, never followed me from room to room like my other dogs.  She'd been abused as a puppy, I think that affected her along with her temperament.  She was very sweet and obedient but I sure wish she'd felt more comfortable in her own skin!

[Margm]

We had Jet, a German Shepherd when we were in the country before Kelli came along.  A Chihuahua ran her all the way down a country road one time and I think Billy let his sister have her.  You know that has been over 52 years ago and I cannot remember if it rained yesterday or today or both days.  Probably someone had been mean to her.  Billy never was purposefully mean to a dog until he was feeding his Chesapeake Bay Retriever once and the dog took a bite out of his hand.  He hit him in the head with a metal holder that holds weights.  He was a ferocious dog (we got him as a puppy) and we had to put him inside when the meter reader came in the fence.  He went straight to Kelli's room and took a huge poop into a brand new pair of expensive sneakers of Kelli's.  I had to carry a can of hair spray out with me to hang out clothes.  Then he took it away from me and he had to go.  He made the Chow look like sweet lab.  I guess dogs have mental issues too.  We bought him from a man that raised them so he might have been bred too close.  

 

[KarenK]

Our dogs bark at any and every noise outside. I have to look outside and tell them it's okay to shut them up. Great alarm system. They are both big and sound ferocious. In reality, they're not. Tatum is much more self assured, while Marley tends to hide behind me if someone drops by. I tend to count my fingers when hand feeding Tatum. She doesn't bite intentionally. She's just very exuberant as if it's her last bite of food. Marley takes the food very delicately from your fingers. They don't seem to be afraid of anything, but if it's dark, Marley will stand at the door and scope out the area before going outside. Tatum could care less.

Gwen, I wonder if certain noises hurt Mel's ears and that's why she avoids them. Did you get her as a puppy or could there be something in her past that frightens her?  When I brought Marley home, every time I reached to pet her, she would cower as if she was expecting to be hit. I thought she might have been mistreated. She would also stand and bark at the coffeemaker as it made coffee. Glad she got over that one.  lol

Hope your afternoon trip went well and you were able to get your meals. I went for gas and groceries. It was so hot! About 110. Was wiped out by the time I got home. Saw on the news that this had been the hottest August on record for Phoenix. Wonder if September is headed that way?

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Marg M said:

Chesapeake Bay Retriever

My sister & BIL had the sweetest gentlest Chesapeake Bay Retriever about 190 lbs, Willy.  When Willy died, they got another, Sam, but Sam was different, aggressive, almost bit Bert's lip off!  He had to be put down.  You can't have that in a dog and don;t want to pass it on to someone else so he hurts someone else.  it was very hard.
With Joe (Chow) I think he's in pain and the owners never take him to the vet so it is never addressed.  I've talked to her about it but nada.  I'm paying the price now. I hope the kids don't on down the road.  In my mind, you always protect your kids/babies first and foremost!  Even animals do the same.

5 hours ago, KarenK said:

She's just very exuberant as if it's her last bite of food.

That describes Arlie!  He was starving literally before I got him, you never get that out of them, they always think it's going to be their last bite/meal!  But he was a gentle giant and wouldn't ever hurt anyone.  Golden Retriever side of him...it's also the side that gave him cancer, unfortunately.

It's definitely hot here too, last year I had my wood stove going from September on, not this year, hottest Sept. so far!

[Gwenivere]

I have suspicions that the breeder did not socialize Mel’s litter.  These are daily, normal sounds in any neighborhood and she’s heard for 6 years.  I understand biggies like getting the deck power washed and expecting her to hide when they take a tree down this week as I’ll be hating that too.  She’s not affectionate like most dogs.  When Ally was here she cued off her to jump on me when the alarm went off.  I truly miss a more physically demonstrative dog.  But she’s a sweetheart.  Just not outgoing which I am used to my whole life.   I tried introducing her to social things when I got her but it was a no go.  I couldn’t take her to volunteer because she was too freaked out.   It’s hard to describe without volumes of words.  It’s kinda like having a dog but not.  You expect a companion,  I know I’m comparing but Ally was a huge presence and soooooo involved in everything.  Mel seems to just want to find a way to tolerate anything different and go off by herself.  Ally would have to be reminded to go away as she was so excited by new stuff.  I hated not being able to not take her for car trips.  Mel has to have a leash put on to get her out and she hides in the back of the car.  Not worth the effort and she’s not happy there.  I don’t mean to berate her in this, I just miss a close companion in the usual canine sense.

[kayc]

I had to ask my grandson to please turn off his "sword" that flashes lights and makes a loud noise, which terrifies Kodie.  I appreciated his compliance as we were just there for three days and then he can play with it again.  Kodie isn't scared of much.  He's scared of their vacuum cleaner, but mine he wants to bark and play with it!  
It could be the breed or it could be what they've experienced in the past...with Lucky it was both.  She took after the Whippet side of her, which we called Whimpet!  A friend went on his honeymoon for five days and when he came back, his Whippet was dead...separation anxiety.  Who would have thought it could be that extreme!

I get it, Gwen, it's kind of how it felt with Lucky.  She would be with me on my walks but the rest of the time always too nervous/scared to enjoy life.  I'm glad I was able to give her a good home, but it felt like Arlie was that perfect fit for my household.  Kodie's a lot more work but also very loving, entertaining, fun, and so adorable!   I still feel bad for Lucky all these years later, but I don't think there's a thing I could have done to have made her feel more at ease than I already did.

[Gwenivere]

Thanks Kay.  I really have tried everything I can think of and since she can’t tell me I don’t want to add more stress.  I posted in another topic how we got an invite to a dog play date, but 1) it will be very painful for me and 2) I’m not sure she will even like it and it has the car ride she hates.  A lot of negatives to find out if it even works.  Just adds to the depression.  If it were Ally I’d consider it as I know she’d love it.  I’m still struggling with that when these dog things come up.  I so miss her and her enthusiasm.  

[kayc]

Could your friend maybe bring her puppy to your place instead?  Do you have a fenced yard?  Maybe set a time frame, say 1/2 hour, so if Mel isn't into it, it doesn't drag on and on.   I'm going to check with my friend Iris and see if she can bring Bella over to play tonight as Kodie will be in his pen all day while I work at the church.  I do not feel like being gone all day but it has to be done.

I know you miss Ally, just as I do Arlie, nothing offsets that....nothing.