My Sanity Needed Vents

[Gwenivere]

I’m always interested reading your families stories, Marg.  You lived in a whole different world than I did.  I was so young when a lot of my family's dramas were playing out.  But I was involved in a few.  One hiding an aunt from my abusive uncle.  She got liquor delivered (she was an alcoholic like several of my relatives) somehow and was unresponsive one morning.  Had to call 911 and my cousins back east.  I was glad to get away from the drama.  Only stayed in contact with the sane members of my relatives.

Spent most of the afternoon on my insurance.  It was like playing whack-a-mole.  One call led to another.  No one person at the insurance or my bank (looks like my insurance was paid twice monthly for the year) could address my problems.  Credit card people couldn’t access checking info and vice versa.  So now I have to call my branch and try and sort it out.  I can’t believe Premera would keep double payments.  The bank couldn’t tell me what a new account was that was opened and I figured out it was my gas account as they changed account numbers. I found out my new insurance needs paperwork filled out to set up recurring payments.  This is the first time they told me.  I could have missed making my payments!  The ONLY thing that went right was my shrink is sending me 90 supply RX's for my anxiety meds.  That’s a major relief and I’ll have to get those to the mail order ASAP.  Have to call them again too as I have conflicting addresses.  Definitely sending that with proof of delivery.  

Had grief counseling on Zoom that was interrupted near the end by the phone.  Never got out today.  Feels awful.  Hoping to get to Safeway tomorrow for a sale on peanut butter and some wine.  Just be among the living if pain allows.

I’ve been eating Tums like candy for days. 

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

You lived in a whole different world than I did.

I think I live among a bunch of people who don't think about where we came from.  I did mention one of my friends read the book "Hillbilly Elegy" by a lawyer named C.D. Vance.  It is being made into a movie.  I just have a hard time with people getting so upset for people getting government assistance when I grew up in the time of "The Help."  It bothers me to hear people complain about helping these people, they consider lazy, when they probably never paid a cent into SS (for these people) for the many years they worked.  I did not go to mixed schools.  The "Hillbilly" is just a synonym for my class of people, just no hills.  I was lucky, my parents fed us, we never missed a meal and some of my clothes were made from flour sacks, and I was never ashamed of them.  Someone reminded me of that the other day.  If we were lucky enough for our mom to sew for us, we all wore them.  My dad was sober, my mom was a little crazy, but sober.  They took me to church every time the doors were open, in fact, we opened the doors. Some people had maids and after watching "The Help" and reading about people begrudging people public housing because they were too lazy to work got me to thinking that SS was never taken out when they were paid.  These people were not lazy.  And, I'm getting into politics, so I will quit..  I do not begrudge any of my taxes going to help them and wish I could do more.  I'm not ashamed of where I came from, nor where I've been, but I am ashamed of some of the people I used to know.  I might do some distancing, but in the time of Covid, it is not noticed.  

And, I am repeating myself.  I've noticed that often.

[Gwenivere]

See?  More examples of a whole different lifestyle.  I thought The Help was an excellent movie and was appalled how those women were treated.  In New Mexico I’m sure there were housekeepers, but it was Latino, not blacks.  Such different times.

I’ve noticed I repeat myself often too.

I've noticed I repeat myself often too. 

🤪

[Margm]

I loved "The Help" and also "Green Book" and think, that is how we treated people and Latino lives matter, hard to say Native Americans mattered, we just stomped them down.  I wanted to have Native American in my DNA so I would not feel so guilty for my ancestors.  Damn it, it was the ancestors, not me.  My granddaughter is totally "woke" and I still drag my 1940-50-60's behind around with me.  My people need to learn tolerance, but you know what?  They think they are right and everyone else is wrong.  I don't think that is just a problem for the "hillbilly" people though..  Lots of people have carried prejudice against so many people.  Wish the young people could make a better place.  If we don't ruin it for them.

 

 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I know you were going to a sooner than later assessment.  Did you get a possible surgery date?  

Still haven't been able to see them, Oct. 23 for eval.  I'm beyond angry at this point at their lack of concern.  Should not be doctors.

 

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

The ONLY thing that went right was my shrink is sending me 90 supply RX's for my anxiety meds.

I'm glad you got that, sounds like you need them to deal with all of the other things!

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m always interested reading your families stories, Marg.

If she was Native American, I'd think that was her role...Storyteller.  I had a Native American Storyteller living next door to me years ago, she was very interesting!  She had a totem pole in her living room.

[Gwenivere]

Spent most of another afternoon on bank and insurance issues.  Seems my insurance has been getting double payments for a long time, they just don’t know where a 2nd payment went.  They (somebody, but they were the named recipients) should owe me a substantial amount of money as the bank verified both payments always went thru.  So an investigation is started with the insurance company and hopefully there will be some answer end of next week.  

I got too worn out to ask how I set up a new account to them (this time just once each month).  Fortunately that can wait til the 20th.  

The back surgeon said no surgery since I have lymphodema.  Not that I wanted it, but oddly I wanted the option there and it be my decision.  I told the nurse that’s just dandy.  I get to limp along til I either do permanent nerve damage or possibly get unable to walk anymore, maybe paralyzed.  I talk to my doc tomorrow and tell him the OT is not doing much of anything.  Then we’ll have the thyroid med debate as well as the iron infusions.  If I could walk.....these would be something I would do to avoid the oral meds which make me feel so sick.  

I did make it to Safeway for some wine and peanut butter.  Had to use a huge cart instead of the mini ones which are taller to lean on.  Got home and unloaded stuff and did my other task of cleaning the air filters.  Figured while I had the canister vac out I’d get the carpet around the birds.

Every night is so redundant.  Talking to myself or Mel but never any replies.  I had a lot if reaction to the presidential debate and no one to bounce it off of.  Just a quick email to an acquaintance.  It’s so weird having so much to say and no one here anymore.  Just reading the pro's opinions.  

Jimmy kimmel said Halloween should be easy this year since we all start with masks.  I’m so sick of them.  I noticed all my lipsticks lay dormant as what’s the use anymore?  Not worth it around the house for Mel.  If Steve were here I could at least feel a bit more normal.  At least he’d notice.  

[kayc]

So hard to believe an insurance company can take double payments!  How many months have they been doing this?  I hope they refund it immediately!

I spent a couple hours renewing my driver's license, had the appt. since April!  They were behind and of course I had to wait over an hour.  The lady six ft. away from me, chatted with me, getting to know each other (nice lady!).  Some things haven't changed since first grade...we got in trouble for talking!

I spent the afternoon/evening yesterday trying to research/order a generlink & generator.  The generlink was the easy part, the generator not so much!  May not be able to get one for a couple of months, the prices were insane!  And the factors endless.  Wishing George were here, I know nothing about these things.  Talked to friends' husbands and a neighbor, still not sure what to buy.  Found out they won't ship the generlink for two months so I guess I have time to get the generator.  All it did was make my head hurt!

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

It’s so weird having so much to say and no one here anymore.

I know, me too, Gwen.  I wanted to talk with my sister Polly this week but she never has time.  I'm puzzled as I'm the one hauling Peggy around, being there for her, but my other sisters are too busy to talk?  They have husbands that help them, I don't.  I guess they must be too busy enjoying time with their husbands.  If only that were our option.  Peggy said she finally gets it, she realizes how alone we are.  A hard awakening for anyone.

Gwen, I think most of the country had strong reactions to the debate, the news is full of how they want to make some changes.  It was painful to watch.  I catch myself holding my breath sometimes.

I'm sorry they've taken even back surgery off of the table for you.  You may not have wanted it, but like you said, it was YOUR option to decide!  Now even this is taken away from you?!  Meanwhile, I'm getting more upset as my fingers show visible swelling in places, distortions from the inner damage in them, yet no doctor cares.  I'm left alone with my pain in my "wait" game.

Yesterday my neighbor's (Joe's mom) dog, Nikisha suddenly had a seizure and died.  Beautiful sweet Nikisha.  I would have taken her in a heartbeat.  I think they said they were the seventh owners.  I don't understand this, she was so beautiful & sweet!  Gentle loving soul.  I'm glad she got them for owners, it was her forever home, she never again had to be traded off like yesterday's leftovers.  But I, like her mom, am shocked.  We never expected this!

[Margm]

My brother-in-law went into the hospital where he soon passed away.  He was supposed to have a colonoscopy at the clinic the day he was admitted.  He had Parkinson's.  The colonoscopy was routine.  They charged for it anyhow and Medicare paid.  It is people, like me, that see these false charges and let things go.  We knew it was wrong to let it go, but we did let it go.  If this can happen once, how many other times can it happen?  I hope someone stands up for it.  This was 20 years ago.  Too late now. 

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Another frustrating day on the phone.  Bank and insurance as always.  I’m doing so much work for these customer service people it’s a joke to call them that.  A dispute I was told was being conducted was waiting on me to provide more info, but they didn’t tell me.  I then had a meeting with my doc and he’s adding more meds for my swelling.  The pharmacy left me a message saying one new one was related to something I had in the past I quit taking.  Probably going to drop OT as it has done nothing for the swelling and a long painful walk in and out.  I noticed when out  shopping how the slightest miss step thru me off balance.  Standing to rinse dishes, brush my teeth, anything with no movement are unbearably painful.  Getting up and down.  I don’t expect to be as I was 10 or more years ago.  I know a woman who is 5 years older can walk a neighborhood track and is using their body all day.  I don’t even remember just going to bed, pulling up the covers and drift off.  If it isn’t grief (and that’s always there) there’s how different age hits us al.  It's so frustrating being limited and running into people I could at least pass some time with and stay fit.   

I didn’t have any luck with my usual weekend sub, but where I was was selling bags of Hershey’s Kisses for a buck each!  I bought 3, 2 for others.  When Steve was here I would have bought a dozen for all the people he had fill the house for music. That would have been so much fun I had to pass on.  

[kayc]

I'm glad you got the deal on the Hershey's kisses...it's little things like that which we live for!  

Your back sounds like my hands...no position, pill, cream, etc. that helps, never quits hurting even if still.  No icing, soaking, spray, nothing helps.  CBD oil...waste of $.   It's getting harder and harder, distorting my fingers/hands.  I have the back, you have the hands, together we make a whole person!

I cried over Nikisha yesterday, it hit me, I'm really going to miss her, such a sweet dog!  If only my hands worked, I wish I could make them and my sister cards...

Today and Monday I have to work all day, training the new gal on month end today, quarter end Monday.  And sometime this month we need to begin working on the budget for next year.  Ugh, my heart isn't in this anymore but I just have to get through it.

[widow'15]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

Your back sounds like my hands...no position, pill, cream, etc. that helps, never quits hurting even if still.  No icing, soaking, spray, nothing helps.  CBD oil...waste of $.   It's getting harder and harder, distorting my fingers/hands.  I have the back, you have the hands, together we make a whole person!

kayc and Gwen:  Anyone want to trade a bad left leg/hip to this swap?  I was up at 2 am this morning, making toast and honey so I could take a couple of Tylenol in hopes of being able to go to sleep.........my stomach doesn't do well with pills on an empty stomach.  Finally dropped off to sleep once most of the pain subsided.  

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I don’t even remember just going to bed, pulling up the covers and drift off.  If it isn’t grief (and that’s always there) there’s how different age hits us al.

Gwen:  Every night when I go to bed I foolishly think, "maybe tonight I will sleep".  LOL

So sorry you two are dealing with your pain.  You two are probably 10 years younger than I.  I try to find humor in my situation, telling myself, if "I knew I would have lived so long, I would have taken better care of myself".

Great find on the Hershey kisses, though.  Wouldn't dare purchase even one bag, my downfall if they are in my house. 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

I cried over Nikisha yesterday, it hit me, I'm really going to miss her, such a sweet dog!

kayc: Am sorry to read about Nikisha.  Since losing my Maddie, I find I cry whenever I see a commercial on tv about dog food.  Animals bring us so much happiness it is sad they have to leave us as they do.  Just now received a text from my SIL in Portland, she is going to have to let her precious kitty go due to liver cancer.  Tears falling.     Dee   😭

[scba]

On 10/2/2020 at 10:32 AM, kayc said:

 but my other sisters are too busy to talk?  They have husbands that help them, I don't.  I guess they must be too busy enjoying time with their husbands.  If only that were our option.  Peggy said she finally gets it, she realizes how alone we are.  A hard awakening for anyone.

 

I understand this because it happens to me too. I'm the one who contacts my married-friends. It's hardly never the other way round. 

Shannen Doherty declared: "Why me? Why not? Ok if it's me. I don't wish this to anyone". 

[Gwenivere]

I really wish I could have brought home a bag full of Kisses.  Steve would have been amazed and I would have the anticipation of surprising people when they showed up.  Back when this place wasn’t like a haunted house that rarely anyone enters now.  

It’s too bad we can’t be a whole person, but we need two of us for our respective residences.  I understand your breaking down about Nakisha.  I’ve felt that way about others kids too.  Got to love them so much.  Cried with the parents.  

I hope you get thru the training.  I really get your heart not being in it.  Mine is into so little yet I have too many tasks to still complete to clear my overflowing plate.  I’m torn today about mailing in two RX's to the mail order pharmacy, as I want to get them in quickly, by dropping it in the mail or waiting til Monday and getting proof of delivery added.  The PO trip would mean standing in line that would cause sooooo much pain.  Plus I anticipate problems as my doc didn’t specify instructions.  The past week has me trained nothing goes smoothly that could.  Verified with the pharmacy they do need that so I was right.  

A friend is coming by today to check in.  Tommy was with me losing Ally and does little chores that come up.  I have a couple for him.  I’m just not that great of company.  I hope I can pull off being social.  It probably would be OK if I lost it about what is going on with me, but I miss regular conversations without drama.  MY drama on my mind so I’m not distracted trying to give my full attention to his life's goings on.  I hate this self consumption, but pain and stress do that.  They’re thieves.  

Should pick up RX's later.  Hate dreading any walking tho they have a drive up.  I don’t want my life to consist of ways to avoid using my legs.  But I want to take a shower too and know that will be a major endeavor.  All this trying to trade off to keep moving.  

Plus I can’t lose my awareness this should be date night.  Even after all these years.  Makes it a harder alone night.  

 

[Gwenivere]

Dee, I think I have the kegs and hips covered.  What else ya got?  Man, I am jealous Tylenol works well for you.  My body laughs at it.  

I never worry about sleeping, I hate that it goes by too fast and I don’t really have any fun dreams lately.  I’m sorry you have to face that.  It’s the only time of day I know I get to escape.  Even my short nap before dinner.  I’m surprised you aren’t exhausted getting ready for your move.  I do have the help of some wine and my anxiety meds.  But not at my nap.  I’m gone quickly.  

I’m such a salt person, Candy is pretty safe around here.  It’s chips that I see I way overdo those.  A bag has 8 or more servings?  I’m doing good at getting 3!   

I'm responding to commercials with dogs differently now.  Still love the Subaru commercials but all make me sad.  Chewy.com does and I cannot watch the SPCA ones that are 2 minutes of animals suffering.  I’m very drawn to dogs in public now too.  There’s the plus they are accepted to touch in this no touch world.  They’re better than a lot of people anyway.  🐕

[KarenK]

Sleep has not been my friend for many years now. I finally gave up on trying to be normal, whatever that is. I try to manage 7 or 8 hours in a 24 hour period, not necessarily all together. It's rare for me to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. It makes no difference when I sleep as I rarely go anywhere except grocery shopping. I manage to fix dinner for us each night and keep the house in order, but that's about it. I am beyond bored, but not sure I have the energy for anything else.

Gwen, what crappy news about your insurance payments! My checking acct. would not withstand an extra payment. Something would bounce. I have always carried overdraft protection, but dropped it this year when they initiated a yearly fee even if it was never used. So I'm real careful with my balance. They need to straighten that out for you immediately!

I'm with you on standing in line for any length of time. My back doesn't like it either. I got stuck behind a lady at the grocery deli today buying a ton of stuff for her daughter's outdoor wedding reception. One harried kid running the counter. After about 15 minutes, she asked him to help me(my half lb. of turkey) because she still needed a lot more stuff. I was so grateful to her.

While we're creating a broken down old lady, I don't have much to contribute except my shortness of breath which slows me down considerably and my ongoing exhaustion(probably from not getting enough rest). It wipes me out just to go to the store. Maybe we should take our good parts and make a healthy old lady.  lol

[kayc]

16 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Just now received a text from my SIL in Portland, she is going to have to let her precious kitty go due to liver cancer.  Tears falling.     Dee   😭

I'm so sorry, Dee.  This wasn't even my dog, but a neighbor's, and I loved her, I used to dog-sit for them before I got Kodie & Joe attacked him.
Mine isn't due to old age but injuries but old age is definitely lurking close behind!

Have you given thought to sleeping pills?  I take 50 mg Trazodone 1/2 hour before bed.  It allows me four hours sleep before waking up to go to the bathroom, but I usually get back to sleep afterwards without a problem.  Before taking these I would lie awake for hours in the middle of the night!  We need our sleep to function!

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

mailing in two RX's to the mail order pharmacy

Couldn't your doctor fax them in?  Mine does.  I have to stay on top of it though as they make mistakes between the doctor and CVS Pharmacy.  I hate dealing with them!  It takes them up to two days to "show receipt of" the Rxs. 

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I hate this self consumption, but pain and stress do that.

Oh don't I know!  I always considered myself high tolerance for pain threshold, but NOW I know pain!!!

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m doing good at getting 3!

I can relate.  It's been over nine months since I've had them!  My BS has been 10-20 pts. higher since diagnoses/death of Bert.  Discouraging but it's not how I'm eating, it's cortisol making the difference.  Hoping it comes down soon as it'll mess up my A1C that I'm due for soon.

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I think I have the kegs and hips covered.

Me too!  Although I did permanent damage to my knees in May 2017 when I fell at the vet.  I live with it.  Can't kneel anymore, gardening is out.

 

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m very drawn to dogs in public now too.  There’s the plus they are accepted to touch in this no touch world.  They’re better than a lot of people anyway.

Agreed!  I love dogs, always have, I think I appreciate them all the more the longer I live!

Worked training the new gal on the church books all day yesterday, it's a lot more work training someone than doing it yourself.  Have to work tomorrow too doing payroll tax reports, fun...not!

 

[Gwenivere]

9 hours ago, KarenK said:

It's rare for me to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.  

I am beyond bored, but not sure I have the energy for anything else.

Gwen, what crappy news about your insurance payments!

Maybe we should take our good parts and make a healthy old lady.  lol

 I don’t know how you do that kind of sleep thing.  You must be getting all the cycles or you’d be exhausted.  We’re all so different.  Some do fine on 5 hours, others broken up like you, I get 7 and could easily turn off the alarm and go for more.  I often wonder how long I could sleep but it would really muck up my day, such as it is, if I slept past noon.  

Im trying for bored at the moment after a week with a tally of about 15 hours of phone calls for various problems and Zoom meetings.  But I hate being bored too.  What the heck happened to normal daily life?  What a stupid question.  We all know.  Yet I ask it every day.

my very first call monday is about the double payments.  I’ve gathered all the information I can and they better fix it.  As the checks have been cashed, I don’t know what my bank can do.  I’m sure I asked, but it’s lost in the 15 hour brain beating.  Ah, I can get copies!  Hopefully the bank can fax them for me.  I’m tired of doing all the 'customer service' work.

Like your idea of making one whole person.  Back,legs, hands, wrists, breathing are needed.   Question is, are there enough parts among the group of us?  

 

[widow'15]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Have you given thought to sleeping pills?  I take 50 mg Trazodone 1/2 hour before bed.  It allows me four hours sleep before waking up to go to the bathroom, but I usually get back to sleep afterwards without a problem.  Before taking these I would lie awake for hours in the middle of the night!  We need our sleep to function!

kayc:  Yes, been seriously considering asking my doctor for sleeping pills that will work for me.  I woke up this morning at 11:30 am after tossing until 3 am, even with some Tylenol before heading to bed, I hate that the day is half over.  My old body must get enuf sleep since I don't seem to have the need to nap.  But, don't accomplish much anymore at all. 

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Like your idea of making one whole person.  Back,legs, hands, wrists, breathing are needed.   Question is, are there enough parts among the group of us?  

Gwen, KarenK : I will provide 20 pounds and a left hand for this new person. LOL

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m surprised you aren’t exhausted getting ready for your move.

Gwen:  Due to back logged county and state building inspections I am remaining in limbo on my upcoming move.  The mfg. home is placed on my son's property and waiting for the inspectors before anything further can happen.  Many inspectors have been furloughed due to pandemic.  Additionally, the inspectors who were working were not allowed to work during those days of the heavy smoke from fires south of us.  My son is going to have a stroke before all of this is over - he wants to call someone and yell at someone.  I told him "NO", it would probably put us further down the list. LOL.  We were hoping to be moved before the rains begin. 

I am slowly shuffling around purging the best I can.  Ain't life fun!

10 hours ago, KarenK said:

I'm with you on standing in line for any length of time. My back doesn't like it either. I got stuck behind a lady at the grocery deli today buying a ton of stuff for her daughter's outdoor wedding reception. One harried kid running the counter. After about 15 minutes, she asked him to help me(my half lb. of turkey) because she still needed a lot more stuff. I was so grateful to her.

Karen K:  So nice to read that the lady in front of you recognized you deserved to be served before she completed her order.  Heartwarming to know there are kind people out there.  You did well to stand in place for 15 minutes.  I would have probably walked away - back won't take it that long.

Take care, all.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

Kay, after a detailed reply that got wiped out and not restored by the editor I’ll do my best to address what stood out to me in your reply.

my shrink will not do fax, email or talk to insurance companies.  He will talk to pharmacies, he says, so I hope that is true as the mail order will be calling for daily dosage amounts he didn’t specify.  I don’t like the guy, but he is he only one who will prescribe my anxiety meds now.  Regular docs have been browbeaten to use SSRI's for anxiety for addiction reasons.  Well, SSRI's are the same but called 'dependency' even tho if stopped abruptly you can have fatal seizures.  Like Marg, we have been swept up in the opioid scare, not that you can get those either.  I’m at a level 8 on pain and can’t get them.  Not from the docs I have now.  The 2 I had previously prescribed all my meds as I have been taking them for years and not upping my need like an addict.  Unfortunately, SSRI's often do not effectively handle anxiety disorders alone.  Disorder being the key word.  Makes it hard to judge them on depression for me if I can’t get that controlled.  

My knees are shot to from nerve damage and swelling.  I couldn’t kneel if I wanted to.  Mel constantly gets her ball under the couch or coffee table and I have to sweep it out with a pick up stick.  If anything goes under a low side chair she’s out of luck.  I have the housekeeper check under there for cracker pieces she drops. 

I do know true pain now too.  The kind that doesn’t heal like a pull or sprain.  Makes living day to day very hard as you know.  I’d put mine at an 8.  That very much interferes with my ability to interact with the world.  Making these insurance or bank problems more infuriating.  I’m not my patient or nice self.  I try and apologize so as not to offend the reps, tho they do have me doing more leg work I feel is their job.  If it’s been hours I do get testy and gruff.  So much so that when they say have a good evening I say......really?  With all this still unsettled?  I know they’re trained, but good god, sound like you care.  

I don’t know much about diabetes but I know it’s different for everyone  I hope you can find  balance.  I deal with thyroid and that has me tearing my hair out.  I know people with diabetes and scary things happening with blood sugar.

i am so glad there are dogs in the world.  I cannot imagine life without their outlook to rein me in sometimes.  

 

[Kieron]

[Gwenivere]

Editor wiped everything out again.

Dee, hope you do get something to help you sleep.  And not some puny med.  I can’t see a dependency issue when maybe you just need your schedule reset amid the house stress.  They have so many good meds, but afraid to prescribe.  It’s nuts!  I’ve also always felt I’d rather be dependent on something that can make me functional when I am awake.  Beats being stressed and a zombie.  You did beat me getting up by half and hour tho!  🙂

as for your house there is that old saying.....the squeaky wheel gets the oil.  Sometimes being nice/patient isn’t the best.  Often they want to get rid of repeat disgruntled callers.  The nice ones are too easy to brush aside.  I don’t think we have to be mean, but firm and show we aren’t going away.  Let your son give it a try now that there are no more excuses.  Just my opinion which is worth zilch.

 

[Margm]

Kieron, I would love to put a "love" sign under that picture.

If I go to the doctor with any great pain, injury, or need for an opioid, I will die.  They will make it where I cannot go to the bathroom.  My insides (my heart is radiation free, I think), but anything else, if the very insignificant Tylenol won't cover it, well, I just hurt.  I kept a diary of the days that I need assistance from my strong arms to turn my big butt over in bed because my back will hurt so much.  I started back on my vitamin D gummies and it is not near as often..  

My son takes the trazodone.  I was familiar with it from years ago.  It also works as an antidepressant.  Sometimes your nose gets stuffy, but it is better than Ambien.  I took it (Ambien) before the Xanax.  It would last two hours, so I took another dose and it would last two hours, etc.  

I cannot take the propranolol for my essential tremor.  Guess what?  The metoprolol that I had been taking for years does the same thing.  The clonidine I take at night makes me so sleepy, I had to quit taking it in the daytime.  They said it was okay for night.  And wonder of wonders, it works on the essential tremor too.  I did not know that. Then, the Xanax is prescribed for the essential tremor also.  Does not always work good, but I figure at 78, I am doing as good as I can.  No blood anywhere, that is most important.  And no, I cannot go to church.  My gut not only makes constant noise, one side seems to know what the other side says and answers it.  I've long ago learned which organ is boss of my body.  Now, if my body cooperates (I have noticed slowing of the walk), my vocal cords are affected also.  I never could sing, but I have no up or down to my voice, just croak.  My aunt wished to die because of the aggravation of this neurological defect.  It has not bothered my brain too much though.  Maybe those legal prescriptions for biphetamines back in the 1970's, maybe they built a shell around my brain.  It does seem to rattle at times.  

 

[Gwenivere]

Marg, clonidine is interesting.  I did some reading on it and it’s used for ADHD and affecting the-brain regarding attention and impulsivity.  

I took my new diuretic Sunday and besides keeping me tied to the bathroom for a couple hours, it hit me out doing errands and I got extremely lightheaded.  I had a bad headache as it was after a night of increasing my thyroid med.  haven’t felt right since it kicked in hard.  Made driving home scary.  Wrote my doc saying I’m not taking any more til we talk.  My weight dropped almost 5lbs.  From what I could research, it may have caused a huge sodium drop which is dangerous.  Sure felt weird.  I took it without researching it first so as not to influence myself and had forgotten about it til I realized I couldn’t converse very well with the woman I see at the meal center.  Still have the horrid headache.  Had to take potassium with it too.  

My head is starting to clear a bit after 13 hours.  So d*mned frustrated with all this crap.  Can hardly walk and no one medically seems to care.  I don’t know how much longer I can live in level 8 pain day after day.  

Now to see what another day in paradise brings.  Hope all of you had much better days.  🦋

[Kieron]

Gwen, when editing your post, you might try pressing Ctrl-Z (which will often restore whatever was most recently deleted, or return you to whatever editing you just did, such as backspacing a line of text).  Hope that helps.