My Sanity Needed Vents

[nashreed]

That's very true. With my luck I'd be a vegetable or something instead of going quickly in my sleep. 

I just wish I saw a future. I only see a time when my Mom is gone (she's 84) and then me and brother are bitter, lonely old men together?- Fun. My family tends to live a long life. What is there to look forward to? I guess that's the goal of everyone- find a purpose. Without Annette, I have no identity. I was her husband and caregiver, and that was all I needed. Now I'm useless and hopeless. (I do try to do things around here to be productive, but it's not appreciated- so what's the point?)

One step at a time.... I'm supposed to be eligible to get my shot starting in a week. Get the vaccine and maybe I can see a glimmer of hope? But it doesn't change the world around me. 

[Gwenivere]

13 hours ago, Kieron said:

It was less the dialogue, which I don't remember, and more the image of seeing her father again, even if it was an illusion created by the alien technology.

I googled the plot.  All I could find is the entity took on a familiar form, her father, and location, a picture she drew as a child, to make it comfortable.  The discussion was about our becoming space traveling beings now as the message sent was instructions for the machine and a test.  So no big revelations on a personal level.  But the plot synopsis did say it was to emphasize what she and her father especially felt that if there were no other beings, it sure was a lot of space for just us.  In my understanding of the size of the universe from my college astronomy class, I have to believe there is life out there.  In what form, who knows.  I definitely don’t believe anything intelligent enough to master long term space travel comes here to abduct people and experiment on them tho.  I’m more an ET gal, science interest maybe. Or Trek's non interference policy unless they developed space travel which brings us back to Contact!

[Gwenivere]

Well, I thought it might be an easier day phone wise.  My insurance company call was only about half an hour.  I then called Sears to lodge a complaint about how a repair was handled.  I also needed to get Steve’s account cancelled.  I don’t know why we had 2.  That took a hour and a half between being transferred so many places and being dropped to start over.  Had to find his info so cue up a grief trigger.  Biggie his cell phone number I realized I didn’t know anymore.  Go t out a bit to come home to the silence.   Another day of existence, not life.  Another night of this lonely schedule.  

[nashreed]

I really shouldn't complain- I have my mother and my brother, but my brother, especially, annoys me a lot. He gets so chatty, always asks redundant questions to amuse, annoy? I don't know. Even my Mom gets annoyed with him sometimes. I should be happy I'm not alone, but it only makes me miss Annette more. I can't be who I was with her, with our lovey-dovey talk, in jokes, filthy no-filter banter. I have to be my teenage self. I'm not used to a three person dynamic, so I don't do much talking. I just kind of shut down and zone out. I can't be of use to anybody. 

[kayc]

Talked to my new upcoming health ins, got someone foreign with very thick accent, I could not understand her at all.  My new doctor is not listed in network but his PA is, makes no sense.  They wanted me to find another, I told them Hell No!  I explained I'll be 70 next year and tired of driving over an hour away for everything!  If they don't cover this clinic, I'll stay with my old ins.!  Called the clinic and told them, it was news to them!  Hoping they get it straightened out, otherwise I'll list the PA as I was told they'd cover the clinic that way.  Makes no sense as the doctor has to authorize whatever the PA does!  

Trying to figure out what caused my reaction Sun. night, called Johnsonville about the sausage links, nope, that's not it!  Didn't think so.  Maybe it's just in my system still so still reacting from last week.  Who knows!  It's getting old!

Gosh I'm glad we have the venting and hell threads here, may not help newcomers but it sure is a good outlet for those of us w/o our spouses trying to get through the hell in our everyday lives without our spouse to talk to.

A day w/o having to call companies sounds like a good day indeed, Gwen!  Wish we could have one!

Time to practice gratitude and appreciate what I have...a roof over my head, heat, food, even if I don't know if it's what's causing my pain.

 

[Gwenivere]

On 3/9/2021 at 6:56 AM, kayc said:

A day w/o having to call companies sounds like a good day indeed, Gwen!  Wish we could have one!

Tell me about it!  Today I get to finish what I forgot yesterday and add a new one since the mail got here.  I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out stuff like you are going thru with the new doc.  I’m surprised that being Medicare age has such restrictions on your choice considering you are so limited where you are located.  I’d definitely go with the PA.  They can prescribe too.  I deal with one for the back surgeon.  

On 3/9/2021 at 6:56 AM, kayc said:

Gosh I'm glad we have the venting and hell threads here, may not help newcomers but it sure is a good outlet for those of us w/o our spouses trying to get through the hell in our everyday lives without our spouse to talk to.

Yeah, I doubt they help newcomers, but I depend on them for the very names of the threads.  No one in real life but counselors to do that and it is scheduled.  I don’t break down or explode on schedule, tho I definitely have triggers.  But you never know, newcomers could see 'life' goes on and get a heads up to prepare for stuff we weren’t regarding being alone further down the line.  Maybe we can alleviate some pitfalls.  Sure would be nice if something positive came out if this.  I don’t like being a trailblazer in this context, but have no choice.  I used to relish that when life was fun.  Was.  Man, I’m so sick of past tense reflections.  

[kayc]

I've b een on the phone or filling out stuff on line since early this morning.  Can't do the medistats my doctor wants as it won't let me log in and won't send me a password reset.  It's ridiculous the hoops I'm going through just to go to the doctor!  No wonder people procrastinate!  I've given way too much of my life to this in the last 1 1/2 weeks!

Had a day from hell yesterday, went to get groceries and got a flat tire, took it to the tire place in town, they found a nail in it that we must have picked up going to/from my son's Sunday, fixed the tire but said I needed new ones asap, so ordered them and wheel alignment, $700.  Got home and it was snowing.  

Today learned they may take double ins. payments out of my soc sec the next couple of months as Medicare is slow to respond, no idea how/when they'll refund the overage.  Another $300.  Found out my new car ins. is going to cost me over $500 up front and my previous one took payments with no charges for it, so now we're at $1,500 and the stimulus check will only be $1,400 and it's gone already...and they haven't even voted on it yet!

Phone calls all day, I want to pull the plug on it!  It's 2:30 and I haven't gotten anything done that I wanted to today and nothing for dinner.

[nashreed]

Well, Kay, it passed! Even with that good news....I don't know. I feel so empty. Stories on the news about people getting hugs after a year. It's been about 10 months since I hugged Annette, except for one vivid dream. 

I honestly don't know how to carry on. If it's comparable to being in a waiting room, waiting to be able to see Annette- well, I'm sick of all the magazines and I don't want to wait anymore. I just don't feel like living anymore. It's selfish and terrible, but it's how I feel. I just don't have any reason to.

[Gwenivere]

I’m so sorry you had such a bad day, Kay.  I got caught up in phone calls too. My phone is messed up and I’m hoping they fix it by tomorrow night.  They wanted to do stuff tonight to bypass the 24 hour reset they can do.   I opted for the 24 hours as I’m sick of being on it and they wanted to call me on my cell and I am done for the night.  

Ive not heard of taking double payments. That doesn't’ sound legal!  If Medicare is slow, they should have to wait.  I’d be hopping mad and it would lead to........more phone calls which perpetuities the phone cycle.  

Bummer about the tires.  I can’t believe every time I seem to get ahead or settled, something comes up.  I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.  There was a time life just wasn’t this complicated.  A problem here and there, but not this relentless onslaught.  

This is when I want to crawl into bed and hope the world disappears.  At least for awhile.  

[kayc]

I'm trying my best to tackle things as they come but I was flat out angry yesterday...here I was dealing with everything for hours, then trying to make some yogurt to have some late brunch before Kodie's play date in 15 minutes and Healthnet calls!  Wanting to know why I'm canceling with them.  Believe me, I wanted to tell them why but no time at that moment (everything is always everyone ELSE'S convenience, not mine!) tried to hang up, my sister was on the line now.  I just hung up and took the phone off the hook, I needed OFF the phone!  She never understands it being a bad time and I NEEDED to eat, I was feeling hangry!  Finished making the yogurt and gobbled some down and barely got to Kodie's play date on time.  (Again, always at someone else's timetable, not mine!)  Got home and called sister back.  Sometimes we just can't take one more online demand or phone call!

The three appts today will take up my whole day.  Have to get Kodie up and walk him at 7 before leaving at 7:50 to go sit in the doctor's parking lot.  Ugh, will be glad when today is over!

Maybe today Biden will okay our checks, heard we might get it by the end of the month?  Who knows!  Haven't heard back on my taxes yet, it's been 2 1/2 weeks but they said she's backed up 2-3 weeks.  I'd kind of like to know where I'm at...my DIL keeps sending fundraiser requests, I don't have it!

[Gwenivere]

Stimulus checks were signed today.  Months end they say.  

I hear ya about the phone and others timetables.  I really get peeved about calls back east for the time difference.  Most days I’m not ready for the phone by 2.  But I’ve had to to contact some places.  

I spent some of my stimulus money in a new iPad yesterday.  Motivating factor was battery life in case I get hospitalized as it runs down too quick being 5 years old.  Pretty pathetic reason instead of wanting to upgrade because I deserve a little pampering.  Now I’m worried about the data transfer since my life is so (ahem) lucky these days.  I’m already trying to figure out a shower schedule to work around all my appointments next week as they are so intense to do.   Only have one big appointment each day from Monday thru Saturday.  But none I want to do, not even the covid shot.  I hate nothing to do days and what do fill mine.  Only counseling is helpful and I have to give one up as it’s too early for me to make sense and I’d have to delay lunch which would mess up the afternoon physically, plus, I’m useless on waking up to discuss anything.  It would be a waste of lots of money too as insurance doesn’t cover it.  Worst week for that to happen.   Have to zoom with my pulmonologist instead, blah.  

I get so many requests for donations and fundraisers I just tell people now take me off the list.  If I feel inclined, I’ll call.  Or better yet, no calls, send snail mail which I can immediately recycle.  Now just to get rid of spammers stealing peoples numbers that call many times a day.  Today was some woman’s private number pretending they were Amazon and some crazy fraud amount in the thousands.  

Think I’ll go change the birdcage. That seems reasonably sane to do while I figure out how to fill the rest of the afternoon.

 

[Gwenivere]

Went out for a couple things that turned into more as usual.  I’ve got to stop restocking what I have many times over.  It’s that frigging twilight zone about 4pm that I can’t stand being here.  It’s too early to change into my lounge stuff plus I’ve only been up 4 hours.  My days used to be so full way back when.   Heard that Washington May go to phase 3 and as much as I hate the pandemic, I think it’s too soon.  So many like me still waiting on their vaccines.  The country hasn’t even hit 25%.  A woman at the store, when I went by her and my cart snagged her purse a little (it was on the ground) got really snippy with me saying she couldn’t move anywhere.  There was a guy opposite her I got tired of waiting on so decided on a quick pass by.  The burnout from this is becoming more evident every day. I see it in myself when on the phone.  Check outs annoy me at stores.  I use the self check and something always messes up.  Or I have to wait as some places have the attendant do coupons.  I’m seeing more and more ads on TV for the suicide hotline.  More stories on the news.  Professionals saying they don’t know what the mental fallout will be for years possibly.  The people that lost others during this time is really messing people up.  This is a hellish combo.  For those experiencing it from the pandemic or triggers from the past.  I know it has made me more missing Steve than ever.  I don’t want to navigate this alone.  As many have said, to be able to be touched would ease some of the stress.  I just want a hug when I get home.

[KarenK]

I finally got around to watching the Oprah "Meghan & Harry" thing just to see what all the fuss was about. IMHO, I think she's got poor Harry bamboozled and she's less than truthful. Any intelligent person who is in a serious relationship with a "royal" is going to check out the family and it's dynamics and various protocols required. Yet she said that she hadn't done any of that. Give me a break! I found the interview less than entertaining. I doubt either of them spend much time worrying about where their next meal is coming from. lol

[kayc]

Good to hear from you Karen, it's been quiet here!

I have literally spent two weeks full-time switching doctors, health insurance, pharmacies, on the phone, online, paperwork, over and over again, the same repeated information!  Pretty burned out!  Got my car/truck ins. done and the agent put my address wrong so tried to correct but not showing up, another call to him and the company, ugh!  If it'll happen, it'll be on me!

Went to the doctor but have to come back in two weeks, registered with local pharmacy, can't register with the mail order one until 4/1 when the ins. changes.  Printed out everything I needed, no easy task as it involves taking everything off my desk drawer & moving it, pulling the printer cart out and fiddling with my printer to get it to do a job, it blinks orange lights at me, I have to turn it off and reset it twice before I can get it to print anything.  Can't afford a new one plus cartridges right now.  Scanner no longer works.  And of course people tell you they need you to print this or that all at different times so it means going through this several times a day!  Kodie tries to put his head in the printer when it's making noise & moving so I have to pull his head back so he doesn't screw up the paper being printed.  This is my life. 

I didn't watch Meghan and Harry, I haven't had time and don't trust what the media or film directors take liberty with.  The only ones who know for sure are the ones involved and most of us have our own perspectives.  I am glad Harry is standing by his wife, as he should, as most of us would want!  Even if she isn't mentally sound, she seemed to be before entering this glass fishbowl of a family, and few of us fully realize what we are getting into before entering a family, I sure couldn't foresee what I've been through!

Knowing where your next meal and roof over your head does not guarantee a life free of problems, we can all attest to that.  Having one doesn't detract from the problems of another.  I was homeless once when I was very young but I think we're more resilient then and less inclined to worry.  At least I was.

[Gwenivere]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

The only ones who know for sure are the ones involved and most of us have our own perspectives.  I am glad Harry is standing by his wife, as he should, as most of us would want! 

I’ve never understood why people care about the royal family.  Just never interested me.

having said that, I’m a bit surprised by comments here judging people.  Questioning her suicidal thoughts was brought up elsewhere here.  Made me stop and think how bad it would have to feel to consider that when they still had their husband and child.  We talk about wanting to have gone with our spouses.  So I can only think her despair must have been immense too.

i dunno.  I saw bits and pieces and thought it sounds like a messed up family like so many and, true or not about feeling suicidal, it can help others seek help as being a 'celebrity' often removes stigma.  

Sorry about your printer, Kay.   Thought mine was a pain, but you get the blue ribbon.    A splitter was my solution for probs.  Now I can switch between the phone and printer as I also have my headset plugged in too.  I’d have to drag it out to fax and fumble plugging in the phone line.  Now I have a cord plugged in, just have to change it at the splitter.  

I understand about the insurance med stuff.  I’m already getting care, but the charges and coding keep going wrong keeping me in the loop via phone and I’m fed up.  I thought maybe yours was such a small town and I know that contributes.  But being in Seattle and spending hours on this stuff shows the system is broken or badly injured.  Itvjust shouldn’t be so tough.  We already have to deal with being sick.  Then we have to fight the machine?  It’s discouraging to say the least.

 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

We already have to deal with being sick.  Then we have to fight the machine?  It’s discouraging to say the least.

This states it perfectly.  Still dealing with it all.  Had to fuss with new ins. last night about having the right PCP on my ID card....got one in the mail from them with the wrong one, I'd printed the card myself and it was correct, they told me over the phone it didn't have him, how can that be?  Their website would NOT work, tried different browsers, etc. nope!  I hope this is not a sampling of what is to come...

Celebrity families are no different than the rest of us.  Celebrities are no different either, they're people, they have emotions, real problems, families don't always get along, and although they may not struggle to pay rent/food, they have the additional problem thrown in of peeping toms called the press always invading, making up stories about them, etc.  I wouldn't want it for anything!  I love the country, nature, simple life (even if our system does invade that simplicity), wildlife coming to feed, no cameras!  I don't own a smart t.v. and rarely turn on my cellphone and the only "trackers" I have are when I shop for something on line and even that unnerves me!  I wish I was as smart as George (iPraiseHim) and knew how to prevent that.  I guess it doesn't do any harm for them to know what I looked at or bought, but still it never fails to stun me how much they know!

[Gwenivere]

Well, messed up start to daylight savings.  I thought I had everything covered.  Right down to my car clock when I got home last night.  The bedroom clocks are supposed to reset automatically.  They didn’t and I got up an hour late.  This is going to throw everything off schedule and med wise.  I did get an extra hours sleep, but the wrong way!  I was too bleary when the bathroom call hit, but did notice it was earlier than usual.  Wasn’t til I was up getting dressed I saw the time on the bathroom clock.  I wish I could find this humorous, but I’m so tired of things going wrong.  It makes me feel like I’m losing it.  Why didn’t I notice the time was wrong when I went to bed which was well after the 2am change?  It was still an hour early. Obvious things were off.  I know we’re not supposed to beat ourselves up, but I’m so tired of not feeling like my usual off kilter me. The past month or so things have just been too dark in my head.  Before I felt restless but could find things to calm it a bit.  Now I’m on edge all the time.  Nothing really works and I’m projecting into the future to much.  I feel I have to because I’m unsure about my health, ability to  stay independent and mostly...sane.  

I do feel better for the extra sleep, I knew I needed that.  I wanted to do it on my terms.  It’s a need for control when we have so little. Eons ago Steve and I missed it and laughed about it.  Found out trying to watch a show on TV that was over.  

Found this on HuffPost.  I could relate to a lot of it.  Not the craft stuff tho.  I can barely muster enthusiasm to change channels.  I know the pandemic factors into this too.  This is such a massive change I feel we sometimes forget how against human nature we have been forced to live.  Trying to embrace a normal that will never feel normal.  Even kids are displaying erratic behavior and they don’t have the decades we have of normality.  

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sneaky-ways-coronavirus-anxiety-coming-out_l_5ec2feadc5b6cb36f3f2f05a

[nashreed]

I understand, Gwen. I like waking up at 7, and it's just getting light. I like the quiet. I need it to start my "day", whatever that is.

More and more, I have to just try to focus on things like right now (because my Biden money is coming on Wed.), I'm looking for new speakers online. Music, listening to my stereo, is the only thing that interests me. And when I'm not listening to the big system, I am listening to Spotify- trying to block out all the noise around here (even on Sunday, people are always building around here, adding on to their stupid mobile homes, kids screaming, dogs barking). 

I was watching bowling on TV yesterday. If it's ever safe to do so, and if it actually opens, I would love to bowl again- join a league maybe. It would be social. I used to be good at it when I was a pre-teen. I want to try to have a life, but I just have so little motivation, and honestly don't have the opportunity. I have a friend here in town and maybe when I get vaccinated finally, we can get together again. 

I'm so torn between not wanting to waste the life that I have, because Annette can't enjoy living, and not wanting to do anything because of the tremendous Survivor's Guilt I have. We were a team- what am I doing still here? It's like I should have "leaped"  by now (if you get the reference). 

All I see is a future full of loneliness. When my Mom is gone, I'll be stuck with my brother. I just don't understand him. (Could we really be related? Although I do have annoying traits that tell me I am) He drives me nuts. Example: He literally (gross alert!) never blows his nose. He is constantly snorting it back up every 20 seconds. I have no filter anymore. and I bug him about it (the noise bugs the living crap outta me), but there's no changing him. I am just so mad at myself. I feel like I caused her passing, and this is my punishment. If you believe in Purgatory- this is custom designed to be my ideal Annoying Place. It is literally everything that bugs me, right here. And I miss her so much, and I can't even think of her too much, because it makes me too sad.

[Gwenivere]

I’d like to not think about Steve so much.  Certainly not because my love is any less, but for some respite from the pain and loneliness.  Can’t stop doing it tho.  Only when I am engaged in something, but when it ends...there he is.  I don’t have the annoyances you have.  I have too much silence where I had ongoing life sounds before.  I’ll do something in his bathroom and hearing that door close reminds me of that happening all day.  Or noises in the kitchen from him snacking or grabbing some water.  We have a small chime on the fridge that tinkles when the door is opened.  He used to get busted by that when trying to sneak things.  It was an on running joke/tease we had.  Now it’s only me.  So many sounds gone.  He sang a lot too.  Silly stuff.  He was such a happy guy.  He’d leave the doors to his studio open when warm so lots of music playing.   Now sounds startle me.  Everyday stuff that I’m not used to anymore.  My neighbors will do things that make me jump.  Things I would have just looked out the window to see what was going on calmly.  I used to be deaf to our parakeets, now I hear everything they do.  I really know the sounds of silence now.  It’s eerie at times.

[nashreed]

I've certainly gotten way more sound sensetive lately. 

It would be really hard for me to live in our house. I don't want to not think of her- a lot of random things trigger a happy thought of her. But there's so many memories of her in pain and her struggles and those memories are hard to live with. 

My main problem is: I just don't know who I am. My identity of husband and caregiver is gone. My personality that I had with her is gone- that person is gone. I can't be myself with my family. I miss who I was. 

[kayc]

Good pertinent subject, Gwen, we're all going through this.  I saved the article in written form as I can't watch an hour long video with my data limits.  I found much of it pertinent to me except I don't feel interest in hobbies and haven't for at least a couple of years, unfortunately.  Of course my hands won't allow for that this last year anyway and may never.  I barely get done what I absolutely have to.  The highlight of my day is Kodie.  It would be horrid without him in it.  He never fails to bring a smile and adds so much love in my life.  Loneliness is something we battle, the isolation is taking its toll.  I just posted elsewhere, no one calls anymore (except spammers and with so many companies calling from home so they don't identify themselves, I feel I have to answer unrecognized phone numbers now).  Grr!  At least hanging up only takes a second.

@nashreed, ahh, I remember that loss of identity well, I was no longer someone's wife, had another person to consider.  I was no longer someone's best friend, lover, confidant, I was nothing to anyone anymore.  My kids don't even call anymore.  I thank God for my neighbors and Kodie.  No one wears masks here when outside so at least I can see a smile and wave or greeting from a distance!  At least it makes me feel somewhat human.  If a person has a spouse/family living with them, they have no clue what this is like!

[nashreed]

Kay, it is possible to still feel completely alone- even with family. My mother and brother know me as the person I was with them, when I still lived here. I moved out when I was 20. I'm 51 now. I'm not that person anymore- Annette showed me what love is. Now that she's gone, it's like 30 years were a dream- like I was in a coma and now I wake up and here I am, and they know me as I was, and I can't be who I was with Annette, and so I'm just like a non-entity. They're fine and they're actually very understanding for even letting me stay here, rent free- but I don't really like or understand their world and I can't share mine. None of us are happy- that we have in common. We all are broken in different ways. We 3 have someone we didn't get over or lost. My Mom has so much family, long gone... she's the only one left. 

It's just hard because Annette and I were so open with our love and feelings and so honest, brutally honest. My family is repressed and never says "I love you", but I can't express that part of me now anyway, so...

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

The highlight of my day is Kodie.  It would be horrid without him in it.  He never fails to bring a smile and adds so much love in my life.  Loneliness is something we battle, the isolation is taking its toll. 

The past couple of days Melody has been upsetting me.  She has found a place to roll and get pine needles and mud on her neck.  They wind up all over the floor and rugs.  Not good for a bad back.  She’s doing this repeatedly.  Yes, it would be horrid without her, but I just don’t need more clean up to do.  It’s when she goes out by herself, not when we play ball.  Finally caught her.  She’s skittish about odd things so I put some branches and a broken broomstick on it.  She looked at it when she thought I was gone and didn’t do anything.  Hope this solves it.

My hands bother me from a neurological perspective.  Don’t know if it’s from my already mangled spine and nerves or something else.  All I know is I miss being able to be nimble.  It’s always a balancing act trying to put stuff away in the back of the house in one trip with stuff in various rooms.

the loneliness persists.  Have to get on the phone for more probs, do a couple errands, shower and try to sit thru a Zoom grief group if my back cooperates.  People around me are taking their dogs out, working on fulfilling projects, just busy and the usual stress of the pandemic.  More are getting vaccinated so will have less restrictions.  I get my first Friday and am apprehensive.  It’s the walking and that it’s medical, those are my triggers.  

Not sleeping well from the added loneliness I’ve been feeling.  Having to miss counseling tomorrow for a med doc appointment doesn’t help.  

Supposed to get a new iPad this week.  Wish I could be excited about it.  I don’t think I can transfer the data myself so that will mean waiting possibly all day Saturday for a tech.  Hate being captive.  This steals so much energy and perspective.

[kevin]

Karen, Harry and Meagan got $7 million for that garbage interview....this is first of a few scams these two will pull.....Left UK because of Racism ?? really

[kayc]

23 hours ago, nashreed said:

Kay, it is possible to still feel completely alone- even with family.

I know that.  (((hugs)))

20 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I put some branches and a broken broomstick on it.

Smart thinking!  We have to keep one step ahead of them it seems!

20 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Wish I could be excited about it.

I wish that too, but soon you'll have it up and running and hopefully enjoy it then.

Maybe I should post this is the HELL thread but VENTING will suffice....

Yesterday we were walking back from Kodie's play date and someone let their dog loose (Joe's dad) and he made a beeline right for Kodie!  He had menacing in his eyes and had one mission, to attack Kodie.  He swooped him up in his mouth and shook him violently, over and over and over and over again!  It felt like an eternity!  He knocked me down, injuring my arm in the process. I hit him in the nose and he lost grip a bit and I got Kodie from him and threw my body over him and yelled for HELP!  The owner came over (took his time it seemed!) and checked Kodie over, didn't think anything was broken, no blood, he cried and cried and cried!  THIS IS MY BABY!!!  He wouldn't let me touch his left side, tummy, or his back.  When my pastor mentioned I need to get him in to check for internal bleeding, I called the ER and the dog's owner for a ride (I can't drive at night) and we made the long trek in, we left at 6:15 and got home at almost 1 am!  Our usual bedtime is 8 pm.  They took x-rays and an ultrasound, he let them pick him up but he cried the last time they touched or lifted him, they figure he was more dramatic with me, his mom, and stoic with them, but they took it seriously and said to keep him on pain meds (with food) and rest for the week.  He cried and carried on all the way home, I think it was just a hard night for him.  Turns out he had to poop the whole time, he usually doesn't poop at night.  Poor baby!  

The owner is taking measures to assure it won't happen again, they trusted their dog and now realize they cannot.  They also paid for it.  Everyone on FB is clamoring to know whose dog but I didn't want to put it on there, if they weren't taking this seriously it'd be necessary to warn people but I think they've learned from this.

I'm hoping and praying this doesn't scar Kodie psychologically...second attack by their dogs on him.  I don't understand, he's just the sweetest little puppy!  This was a very traumatic event for us both.