My Sanity Needed Vents

[KarenK]

Dee,

I'm a real wuss when it comes to the extreme heat. Don't know how you guys stood it without AC. Hope the worst of it is over for you. It was pretty unbearable in here, but the AC guy showed up about 1:00. He changed out several parts. The blower motor alone cost $700. Ended up costing me $1246. This is the first repair on the unit in 37 years so I guess it was due. One part that is corroded, but still functioning is no longer available. If that quits, it means a new unit to the tune of $9000 which I sure don't have.

Finally starting to cool down so I'm going to bed.

[widow'15]

5 hours ago, KarenK said:

AC quit at 4 AM. Was 90 at 7:30 with 3 fans running. Called Sears. Waste of time. Was told they are upgrading their system and couldn't make appt. Someone would email me within 24-48 hours with appt. time and day.

Oh Karen, somehow I missed your note your A/C quit.  But, still keeping fingers crossed Sears will contact you soon with info on repairing your A/C.  Dee

27 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

All my really cool clothes have been worn and sweated in for days but I don’t want to dig out others.  Worst is my nightshirt I sit in, have no backup for that.  Never needed it. I’m just to worn out for extra tasks.  I do and don’t feel gross, but just no energy with the added pain to do more as it’s been days of doing things to survive.

Gwen:  In my poor planning for this move, I stupidly packed up and moved all my lightweight clothes to my new place last month when the furnace was still running here thinking by the time the weather warms up, (which as you know living in the PNW is usually after July 4th) I'd be totally moved.  NOT!  I was able to find a couple of my tank tops in the pile of clothes to donate and last time as I was leaving my new place I did grab one pair of shorts and a pair of peddle pushers, or whatever they are called now.  I have been sleeping in Bob's tank tops that I hadn't donated yet.  Heaven forbid my house catches on fire and I have to escape the flames quickly.  And to add to my brainless plan, my washer and dryer are already moved to new place.  I repeat, "MY Poor Planning" has done me in.  I can feel Bob looking down and shaking his head while smiling at me.

On a positive note since it was somewhat cooler today I ventured out to bank, post office and Kinkos to FAX paperwork to the hospital where Bob passed away requesting records to proceed with this VA claim.  Small klitch there, Kinkos moved to another location.  I almost gave up and came home, but I kept thinking about a saying our Marg once shared ......  "Do one thing everyday that scares you".  I think it was attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, but not sure.  Since I am not comfortable driving in unfamiliar places, with my vision issue, I tend to give up and come home...... unlike so many of you strong minded folks here.  So, thank you all for teaching me how to be stronger.

Just checked outside temp and it is 82 degrees here.....I can live with that. Dee

[widow'15]

44 minutes ago, KarenK said:

Finally starting to cool down so I'm going to bed.

Karen:  So glad your A/C is up and running.  I don't know how anyone can live in 110 degrees of heat without A/C.  I don't think I could have lasted anymore days like the past days.  My son was determined he was going to come pick me up after work last night (he has an hour long drive home every night and an hour drive to me)  and I told him "No" the weather predictions were promising cooling today.  And, it did.  It is only in 80's here in Tacoma.  Gwen, in Seattle, probably is experiencing higher temps.  Have a cool sleep.  Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

We only had 91 today.  Sounds awful, but a 25 degree drop was a gift!  I took a showering despite the pain so feel a bit more human.  Thank gawd for Vicodin!  Still sweltering a bit in the living room but I opened the blinds today.  This happened the last time I took a shower.  It’s hard to find the right temp to not muck with your core temp.  I’ve learned more about stuff that never mattered from this hell.  
 

I hope your AC holds up, Karen.  I had no idea the cost of central AC.  Most people have window units if they have it.  When I lived in Phoenix, we lost ours and had to book a hotel.  Motivated the landlord to fix it fast as we were deducting it from the rent.

[kayc]

I'm glad you got your A/C fixed, Karen but was Sears supposed to fix it free?  Seems they should cough up on it if so.  Maybe tell them there's a corroded part they need to replace, who knows but maybe they'll have one.  My son would make one, it's how he is.  Doesn't do me any good anymore, he lives too far away and is always busy.

I'm relieved my daughter has A/C for the first time in her life!  We made it through the worst of this but I'm worried about what more's to come this summer...this is highly unseasonal for June, even for August!

Gwen, you gave me a chuckle about the water all catching up with you in the night!  Isn't that how it goes!  My edema cleared up when the heat dropped.

Dee, it's sweet your son was thinking about you!  And I'm glad the heat dropped for you.

I posted an update about my sister in Loss of Parent, "Mom" thread as Tachi and I have a running thread going about his dad & my sister with dementia.  I'm bringing her home tomorrow.  I have quite a challenge ahead of me with her, if you care to see the list.

[KarenK]

Sears would have fixed it for free if they ever bothered to show up. I have yet to receive their email telling me when they are scheduled to arrive. It is just too hot to wait for them. Our heat is 24/7 until Oct.  It took 10 hours to cool the house back down. It was way more expensive than I thought it would be. I'm sure I was scammed on some of the stuff the guy did, but not being mechanically inclined at all, I didn't know. If Robert had been awake, he would have declined some stuff, I'm sure. AC companies kind of have us by "the short hairs" during summer. When Sears finally shows up, I'll have them check the unit and see if the corroded part can be replaced. Plus, I'll ask about reimbursement.They're supposed to replace products that can't be fixed, but I expect a real fight on an AC unit. Because I live by "Murphy's Law", I'll keep their almost useless contract. I figure the next thing to go will be my almost 30 yr. old fridge.

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, KarenK said:

AC companies kind of have us by "the short hairs" during summer. When Sears finally shows up, I'll have them check the unit and see if the corroded part can be replaced. Plus, I'll ask about reimbursement.They're supposed to replace products that can't be fixed, but I expect a real fight on an AC unit. Because I live by "Murphy's Law", I'll keep their almost useless contract. I figure the next thing to go will be my almost 30 yr. old fridge.

Karen:  Yes, sounds like the A/C repair companies have you in a tough place.  Sometimes being without our husband's mechanical and financial decisions leave us in a bad spot.  Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and do what you have to do to get to the next day.  Good you got it fixed.  Take care.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

That’s the problem with Sears.   My repair needs to be redone for free so of course I’m at the bottom of the totem pole.  Once they get your money, you have no leverage.  It’s really sad how some places take advantages of others misery for profit.  There’s a fair price for everything.   I never know how people can do that.  Something lacking in their emotional makeup.  I can’t imagine basically stealing from anyone.  And that’s what it is.  I’ve had things in my cart at the store that I hit skip scale that no one would ever know weren’t paid for, but I would.  I’ve heard from clerks they see people do it all the time, but store policies don’t are not to confront people because they might get violent.   Gawd, what a mess regarding representatives of our species!  
 

My edema is sticking with me.  I think I have vascular issues and am not all that healthy as far as diet anymore.  Being so inactive isn’t good for my heart so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I realized it was a good day for shopping, if I needed anything.  Part of me says try going in just to see if you still can handle it.   Last I was in was Friday and it was very brief.  I even passed on something I did need because it was located at the far back of the store.  Depressing that I felt some limited.  I’m supposed to accept these things, but it’s easier said than done.  Even checking with my docs on things often leads to going for tests.  Hell, getting the mail does me in.  Today I need to bring in distilled water and cans of chicken for Mel.  The thought is daunting.  After gettIng in a shower yesterday, I have the day after pain and a clean top I dug out felt too hot. Had to find another.  This is simple stuff but killed me!  Well, not that lucky, made things worse.  I don’t know how one is supposed to have even a sliver of positive outlook when everything sucks.  
 

Karen, I hope you find a way to repay Sears for how they’ve treated you.  This isn’t a turn the other cheek situation.  It’s business and ethics.  How can they justify not getting you a repair pronto living where you do?  I know there are limited techs available, but but no AC has to take priority over calls that are maybe wired sounds or not as serious.  And if so many lost theirs, then rally people off or subcontract to other companies.

[Gwenivere]

7 minutes ago, widow'15 said:

Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and do what you have to do to get to the next day. 

Doesn’t mean we can’t scream, bitch and moan tho!  🙂

[widow'15]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

I posted an update about my sister in Loss of Parent, "Mom" thread as Tachi and I have a running thread going about his dad & my sister with dementia.  I'm bringing her home tomorrow.  I have quite a challenge ahead of me with her, if you care to see the list.

kayc:  I read the thread in "Mom" and my heart breaks for your sister and of course for you.  You have more than your hands full as you step up to this task.  Keeping you in my thoughts as you face each day.  Your sweet Kodie will continue to be a comfort for you as you snuggle together.  Do take care.  Hugs, Dee 

[kayc]

Karen, I understand completely.  I am totally UN-mechanical!  If it has two part or more, I am in trouble!  When people try to explain anything mechanical my eyes glaze over!  I think it's a brain malfunction!  LOL  On the refrigerator, I'd recommend repairing rather than replacing as they do NOT make them like they used to!  They make them to throw away.  I had one for 36 years and bought a new one, it lasted 5 1/2.  I figure they time them to go out when the warranty expires.  I've now had this one for three years.  I figure it's got 2-3 good years left.   I'm just glad you have your A/C fixed!  Our weather dropped into 80s and I am so thankful for it!  I always hated 80s, now I'm thankful for them, shows what perspective can do. 

Dee, thank you.  I talked to Peggy last night, she said Max (social worker) was getting reports so he could write his, doesn't sound like a done deal yet, I hope for their sake they let her go today!!  I've had enough.  My sister Polly doesn't want her home, I understand, her brain leaves much to be desired, but she should NOT be in this place, it's horrible!  I see this as temporary, how temporary depends on how much she cooperates, uses judgment, otherwise she'll need to be in a group home.  She can't keep going as she has, letting elec. go unpaid, not dealing with necessary repairs or cleaning, not ordering checks, avoiding doctor, etc.

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Gawd, I don’t want to think of another thing going wrong around here!

What a mess with your sisters,  Kay. That you got put into this position was the last thing you needed.  Or wanted.  I wish there were some way they would step up and make this equatable.  Are you the eldest and them looking at this in some old fashioned manner that you are the matriarch?  They don’t have to be physically closer to help more.  At least offering you support would be a start.  Some recognition of how hard this is on you.  
 

Family dynamics are tough.  Went thru it when my dad died and gratefully had a cousin handle things between my estranged sister and me.  Even if we had been closer, I really liked having a mediator for all the legal stuff.  It was tough enough with Steve.  I had no idea the work my cousin did.  I’m glad she and I sold him his house for a very low rate as compensation.  
 

this is an example of having family guarantees nothing.  For all the do have supportive ones, i know you feel the appreciation.  

[widow'15]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

I talked to Peggy last night, she said Max (social worker) was getting reports so he could write his, doesn't sound like a done deal yet, I hope for their sake they let her go today!!  I've had enough.  My sister Polly doesn't want her home, I understand, her brain leaves much to be desired, but she should NOT be in this place, it's horrible!  I see this as temporary, how temporary depends on how much she cooperates, uses judgment, otherwise she'll need to be in a group home.  She can't keep going as she has, letting elec. go unpaid, not dealing with necessary repairs or cleaning, not ordering checks, avoiding doctor, etc.

I feel for you having to make this decision.  When I was having to deal with my Mother's placement, I had attended a meeting with a support group of dementia caretakers and was bemoaning being the only one to make the decision in my Mother's care.  The leader of the group shared how in some way I was fortunate to be the only one deciding.  I did not have to be facing other's ideas that might conflict with my life and my choices.  There is always another side of the coin, I guess.

Prior to deciding I had looked at a Group Home and have often wondered if I had made the wrong choice.  I placed her in a memory impaired care home that was close enough that I could drop in at unexpected times and since I was still working it had to be convenient to my home and my work.  It was not cheap, and there were times when I visited I was not happy with the staff.  As her illness progressed she wouldn't eat in the dining room so I would keep canned Ensure in her fridge and bring her meals.  Eventually, at a social gathering for the patients, she fell and had to have hip surgery.  Her physician told us the anesthesia would hasten her illness.  After she recovered we moved her into a duplex we owned and my daughter would stay with her during week and I would stay with her on weekends.  She passed within 8 months.  Like everything in this life, we can only do what we feel is the best at the time.  Good thoughts going your way.  Dee   

[kayc]

It was a long day, had to wait on oxygen for hours, got her home and settled but need to go back and help her out as her bills need paid, her pills need done for the week, she'll need more food.  I brought her homemade soup for last night but talked to her at 7 and she hadn't gotten to eat yet, neighbor came and stayed for two hours, oxygen supplier came and was there two hours, she has phone calls to make, she couldn't get the messages out of her answering machine, there were about 20 of them!  I'll bring Kodie to visit with her.  I'm going to make another batch of soup this morning so I can take her enough for a few meals.  She can also have grilled cheese sandwiches, her bread is stale but not moldy, amazing, I'd put it in the refrigerator or it never would have lasted.  I hung up her nightgowns for her but something needs done about her clothes/closet.  I told her if she wants to remain in her home, she needs to cooperate and do certain things.  

Other sisters pushing to come either today through the 6th or a week later.  Today's not good.  They wanted to come when "I'd be available to let them in."  I told them I don't need to be there for them to come.  So frustrated with them, do I have to do EVERYTHING!

Anyway, I made a big pot of homemade soup chock full of nutrition & flavor and will take it to her this afternoon, she can visit with Kodie while I pay her bills and get her pills ready for the week.

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Are you the eldest and them looking at this in some old fashioned manner that you are the matriarch?

No I'm the 4th down, Julie's the 5th, Mick the 6th.  Don't even hear from him.  It's been Polly and I making calls but Julie thinks Polly is also getting dementia and I'm afraid she may be right.  She doesn't get things right anymore and doesn't understand things.  She can't even find anything in her email because she has so much spam and won't listen to me tell her how to get rid of it.  One of those people who never listens and gets extremely upset/angry 0>1000 in one second!

18 hours ago, widow'15 said:

was bemoaning being the only one to make the decision in my Mother's care.  The leader of the group shared how in some way I was fortunate to be the only one deciding.

True.  Peggy has listed me as her only contact so Marquis could not talk to my siblings.  I think she chose me for many reasons.  Polly can be overbearing and Julie's life is so remote from ours, always traveling, beautiful home/yard, husband still, plenty of $, etc.  Mick is absentee.  Donna died three years ago.  Again it was me trying to go to bat for her against caseworkers, I feel I failed her although God knows I tried.  They refused to hospitalize her the last time she had Pneumonia.  Personally I think they felt her life was worthless and she was a drain on the system so they didn't care (she was quadriplegic).  A society should be judged by how they treat their most helpless, IMO.  We are not as progressive as we infer.

I want a POA on Peggy.  Polly said she'd send me a form but now she says I need to go on line and do it.  I haven't had time.  I'm going in every direction and exhausted.  I need to go walk Kodie.  This is my only outlet.  No one calls and checks on me except George sometimes.  Where did my friends disappear to?

[kayc]

18 hours ago, widow'15 said:

As her illness progressed she wouldn't eat in the dining room so I would keep canned Ensure in her fridge

I did the same for my mom, they wouldn't supply it even though she wouldn't eat their food so it was a waste.  It was $5,200/month and that was years ago!  She was happy there and wouldn't have known the difference between there and a group home as she was stage IV.  I think Peggy would be happier in a group home than Marquis, it may be the next step if she doesn't start listening/cooperating.  I know she doesn't have common sense but if she'd just listen to me it'd help!  I won't keep bucking her the rest of her life.  I can't.

[kayc]

18 hours ago, widow'15 said:

we can only do what we feel is the best at the time.

True.  And I've no doubt you did the best for your mom, same as I did.i

 

[Gin]

Kay, thinking of you today.  Having a lot of hand problems.  Bad pain and swelling on top of hand.  Wearing a brace but it doesn’t seem to help.  Finally made a doc appointment for next Tuesday.    Hope I can drive.  I had thumb issues but .I thought that was gone.  Silly me.  Very hard using the cane in the other hand.  I cannot write, so no checks.  Guess I have to learn to be a lefty.  No fun.  Gin

[kayc]

No idea what's going on with your hand?  I'm so sorry!  Yes, I know how it feels, I hope the doctor can do something for you that will help.  People don't realize how incapacitating painful/lost strength in right hand can be!  In my case it's both hands but the right one is worst because of the surgery.  Glad I didn't let them do it on my left one as they wanted to.  VERY hard to get wood in and clean the house, have let my craft room go and after 1 1/2 years, oh my goodness, it shows!  Wish my daughter had an opening so I could hire her!

Typing is easier than writing but my hand stutters now, which it never did before, I have to find and correct the stutters.

Let us know what the doctor says!

[widow'15]

23 hours ago, Gin said:

Having a lot of hand problems.  Bad pain and swelling on top of hand.

Gin: So sorry to read you are having hand problems.  There is so much we need our hands for just to function daily on our own.  I hope your appointment on Tuesday will give you some answers that won't mean surgery........that dreaded word we all here shudder to say.  Will be thinking good thoughts for you.  Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

I’ve noticed I’m get much more limited with my hands. Fine motor skills are fleeing rapidly.  Drop small stuff all the time and have a hard time picking up little things.  Bad combo when you drop your pills.  I’m starting to see changes in my once cool handwriting.  I’ve been switching letters around for a year or so now.  Really annoying and it’s all coming from my brain.  I can’t even fathom a hand written letter anymore.  Used to love doing them.  I’ll sometimes have to do notes to people a couple times.  Like everything I took for granted, age just brings it to light now.  I,too, wish you a good doctors visit Tuesday, Gin. 

[Gwenivere]

Thursday I rear ended a car.  Couldn’t believe I was that stupid.  My insurance is doing it’s thing, but the guy is making things more complicated as he is an Uber driver and wants compensation for lost wages.  Balking at the rental offered by my insurance as they reimburse, not set up a paid one.  None do except for the policy holders.  I don’t think he can legally come after me for anything as I am complying with the law and I’ve never heard of being penalized for lost wages.  That’s Ubers policy regarding rentals.  Anyway, I’ve been advised by my insurance to let them handle it.  My biggest concern is another stress hit.  And that I did something so stupid by getting distracted a couple seconds.   I’m not all there lately anyway from fatigue and depression.  I almost took another street and this wouldn’t have happened.  How many more times am I going to feel like a loser and incompetent?  
 

have to clean the birdcage.  That’s my biggie for the day.  With their frigging nesting crap it’s extra hard not spilling stuff on the floor that my housekeeper just cleaned yesterday.  Plus pain.  Still have laundry to put away she did I had her air dry. Nervous driving now.  I have to make myself wait to do things that were not dangerous as I have a hard time staying focused.  Too stressed out all the time.  
 

 I so miss feeling sharp.  I want Steve.  That’s what I feel all the time lately.  A huge burning desire with all the crap going on.

[Gwenivere]

Stopped at a park and sat in the parking lot crying.  Watching all the kids and people so freely moving around.  Some walking dogs.  Turned out it was a couple blocks from the facility Steve died in.  All the sitting made things worse physically so getting me and Mel situated when I got home just added to the bad feeling.  Haven’t had any interaction beyond the driver I hit and the insurance company.  Tried to be glad I had Mel to come to, and I am, but I felt how alone I really am.  Another Saturday night and after 6 years I still miss our dinner dates.  It’s another fast food night with his empty chair.  Hobbling around so ancient since he left.

[widow'15]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Nervous driving now.  I have to make myself wait to do things that were not dangerous as I have a hard time staying focused.  Too stressed out all the time.  

Gwen:  So sorry to see you had a fender bender.  I so understand your feeling nervous about driving now.  Each time I have to get in my car I am really nervous about driving.  All of the trips to my new place, an hour drive, I have to schedule the drive depending on the time of time.  Can't leave my old place, heading east,  before noon or the sun will be in my eyes.  When I return from the new place, heading west, I have to leave before the sun starts moving towards the west.  Even with sun glasses on and the tinted windshield, the sun blinds me.  And, I never drive in the dark.  I don't want to stop driving cause I will become more helpless but I know the time is coming when I probably will.  On one of my trips out to my new place as I stopped at a red light I inched out and thought I didn't see anyone coming from the left.  Well, evidently I goofed caused next thing I knew I heard this fast little grey car without lights on,  blaring his horn, zooming past me and probably giving me the "finger wave".  I felt so very stupid and was so thankful I didn't cause an accident.  So, don't feel like you are singled out .... these things happen.  So, I told my self next time I am not going to take that free right turn, I was going to wait for light to turn green.  So, following my thought process, the next time I'm sitting at the red light waiting for the green light and the yahoo behind me honks at me for not turning on red light.  I'm sure he was in a big hurry and couldn't wait the minute and half for the light to turn green.  Grrrr.  Dee

 

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

How many more times am I going to feel like a loser and incompetent?  

Oh Gwen, this broke my heart to hear you say!  Accidents happen to all of us in some form or another, none of us are perfect.  But as anyone can attest that calls and gets a voice machine that can't decipher much of anything, we get frustrated dealing with them and long for the days we used to get a human being at the other end of a phone...you are neither a loser, nor are you incompetent.  I'm so sorry you went through this and am glad your insurance told you they will handle it!  I think I remember hearing of someone else charging lost wages, but if he chooses not to drive the rental for uber, that's on him and he won't be able to take a month off from driving and claim that time, I'm sure.  Best leave the legalities to them, that's what they're there for!  Try not to worry about it.