Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

My Sanity Needed Vents


Recommended Posts

My sister fell again yesterday, she wasn't using her walker nor was she when I got there.  I see her time at home is limited.  Her judgment is her biggest handicap.  :(

Gwen, I hope you have something good happen today, something/anything.  You could use it.

Dee, you are plugging away...what I should be doing and am not...I am daunted by all of this "stuff," no one to help me and no place locally to donate to.  I have my hands full with my sister right now.  My hands give me no cooperation.  My sisters expect me to "help them clean out my sister's place...the one who is pushing it has no clue about my life/pain/strength/situation.  Talking to her does no good.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My oxygen never showed yesterday.  The tech called saying I was on his Friday schedule.  The office said it was an exception but he didn’t get it.  I was furious and said the least they could do is have it delivered AT a particular time, they owed me that.  We’ll see if it happens.  They wanted to send another tech at almost 5 but I wanted to get out and then shower.  My day had already been messed up to drag it out.  
 

Kay,  you are in such a tough situation.  There’s the emotions and then what is expected of you that was thrust on you.  You’re right, others overlook our own limitations.  That it takes all we have to maintain ourselves gets mistaken often that we have boundless resources.  It seems in your circumstance you have the limits and what feels like others trying to take advantage of you in what should be a shared family matter of which there are parts you just cannot do.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gwen, I hope you do not run out of oxygen waiting on yours to be delivered!  Some things should never happen, failure to deliver oxygen being one of them.

I'm going to the dermatologist today & get groceries, another long trip to the valley.  I woke up at 1 am and never got back to sleep, finally gave up and got up.

So a local pastor made the news about a boy waving his flag.  He apologized profusely but the news has blown it out of proportion.  Sigh.  I hate that is what Oakridge will be known by.  To me, I see lessons to be learned from the incident, which should not have happened.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had to look up the story as I didn’t understand about the flag.  Seems he was sending a message about police lives by the blue.  Concerns about another flag for the far right.  Kid is autistic and the core seems to be the pastor involving this in a sermon.  
 

every city snd town has some controversy.  I know it’s upsetting, but it’s just a given in communities, tho some fare better than others.  Not to get political it just seems emotions are running high everywhere for so many different reasons.  I feel it all the time.  It’s why the news gets me tense.  Even skimming thru Time magazine can stress me out.  I used to watch the news, but now it’s just background noise til the weather or trying to find who is throwing rocks into freeway traffic.  Wildfires are distressing, politics absolutely crazy and protests are now commonplace.  I just see a crazy world.  
 

oxygen is for the car.  I have spare bottles.  I do want my generator tested inside as it got stuck a couple times putting out out too much air which causes side effects if you don’t need that much.  I hope they do as promised at get someone here at about 3 for making me wait all day Weds for a no show.  I had said they offered to send someone after 5, but my day was messed up anyway and I needed to do other things while I had some time.  If I didn’t want the generator looked at I’d just leave my signature on paper for the delivery as I’m sick of this policy of having to sign.  It’s just switching empty for full tanks!  All I have found out so far is he’s coming today.  Not gonna make it til between 4 and 5.  So I’m stuck, again.  

For some reason my mind is going back to Steve’s final 2 weeks which is the last thing I want to see right now.  Guess it’s just the depression and how his being here would make all these kind of days not a huge problem.  I so miss we could cover for each other so no one felt trapped.  But it brings me the images of the strong, vital, somewhat egocentric man turned into a ravaged shell of a person by cancer and dementia.  Images I can’t even bring myself to write that I experienced and can never unsee.  I see how I’m changing and now fear for myself.  I was once strong too.  I see how I need help and would have to hire strangers adding to the loneliness.  The repercussions of his loss just mount day after day.  A few days of no problems would really help.  But that wouldn’t change my physical pain.  I’m so tired of being a downer.   I have to act differently out there, so it gets put here.  No replies expected, just have to get it out.

My housekeeper is going on vacation so next visit will be someone I don’t know.  At least it won’t involve oxygen.  Will another problem arise?  I almost expect it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The child doesn't even understand about politics, but it does NOT belong in a sermon!  What a mess.  Protest or display, it's going to take place on Sunday morning here in our sleepy little town.  Wish they'd keep the drama in Portland but I guess no place is exempt from it.  Glad I live out in the country.

I'm sorry you'll have a sub for your reg. housekeeper, any little change can feel unsettling.

I just spent over an hour of my life on the phone with my ins. co. because they wouldn't let me sign in to get my EOB, ugh, I told them they are getting paid for this, I am not, I feel like sending them a bill for my time!  They'd say they didn't have a record of me then tell me I couldn't reuse an old pw, which is it, they have record of me or not?  1 1/2 hours gone, like Dr. Phil says, that's time I'll never get back!

I hope your oxygen delivers early so you can get on with your day!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My delivery happened at almost 5.  Did get out for a bit.  I keep getting hit with digestive issues.  Don’t know if they are physical or unrelenting stress.  All I know is I hate having to add that on top of how hard it is to get around. 
 

got woke up today by a guy I hired to mow the lawn.  I told him not til about 1, but English isn’t his first language.  He was going to leave, I was still in bed, and I said no, get started and I’ll be up by the time your done.  Hope he got that I’ll call the next time I need him.  He was going to come every 2 weeks and I nixed once a month for mostly weeds.  No one is cheap so I want it to be really overgrown when I pay.  
 

Today was our date night and every week it is the longest day from the emotions to losing volunteering to nothing to fill any of it in.  I have a couple tasks to do but they are so very short, not required, will hurt but they get me out. Then I see the shower looming at me.  Then another long night sitting doing essentially nothing.  I always want to go to bed tho I know it just leads to the same thing.  I love that world because I am free.  Even in uncomfortable dreams I’m engaged.  It’s like my mind works better there than when I am conscious.  I’m not weighted down by my reality.  I’m not missing Steve with every breath.  I feel myself so somewhere in my mind he’s still present if I don’t see him.  Like t was in real life once.  
 

Now that I’m on the surgery schedule I have ahuge choice to make in a month.  There’s always the chance I won’t be cleared for it.  It could leave me not much better.  Either way, going without will inevitably lead to my being unable to manage on my own.  Having to move somewhere for assistance is a death sentence to me.  One with a hitch, they’ll take over my meds and my choice of ending this.  I don’t want to do that, but I want all my options.  I visited people there and they had something I don’t, wanting to live because they had some reason to.  This makes me see I do have some, one being with me being with Melody.  It would kill me to know she had another home with a friend of mine.  She’s MY baby.  I’m tired of losing more and more.  
 

guess I’ll go think up weird questions in google.  I try and avoid looking at my maladies as that’s been done so many times.  Today I want to know why dogs like milkbones.  They seem so drab.
 

I write these and get dragged down.  I question why I do this.  Habit.  Loneliness.  Fear.  Inability to do much of anything else.  
 

We did see a rabbit in the yard the other day.  That was something never seen here.  Fortunately Mel isn’t a hunter, just a chaser.  

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand about your enjoying your dreams, I don't usually remember mine so no idea what I dream about, it's not a reprieve for me, but sleep is something I need, for sure.  

I love your 

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

guess I’ll go think up weird questions in google.  I try and avoid looking at my maladies as that’s been done so many times.  Today I want to know why dogs like milkbones.  They seem so drab.

That is funny!  I never thought of trying to think up a question for the fun of it, rather as a thought occurs I'll look it up.  Now you've made ME curious about why the milkbones!  :D

 

My sisters come today, it's going to be a long day because after I walk Kodie, I have music practice, then sunday school, church, potluck, then business meeting, then have to check in on Peggy, then come home and take Kodie to his play date, after that it'll be time to fix dinner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is what came up...:D

dogs like milkbones.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You found a lot of the same stuff I did.  I guess I shouldn’t have said make up questions.   They just come to me.  I happened to remember that I heard someone tried a milkbone and wondered why dogs got so excited.  One thing I learned about dogs, if it’s edible, they want it (for the most part). Saw a huge mosquito everyone called a 'squito eater' and found its actually a crane fly.  Why they look the same I don’t know.  One of my birds insists on shedding the cage liners, annoys me like crazy, but she’s an egg layer so it just be tied to that even tho parakeets don’t make nests.  They use existing hollows for their eggs in the wild.  
 

back before the internet I know things would come up.  How to get info was really complicated.  If it was to be found.  Back then, how could you find out anything about milkbones?  🙂

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, kayc said:

My sisters come today, it's going to be a long day because after I walk Kodie, I have music practice, then sunday school, church, potluck, then business meeting, then have to check in on Peggy, then come home and take Kodie to his play date, after that it'll be time to fix dinner.

My gawd!  How do you do it?  I just filled a pill box of many, tossed a ball for Mel, have a Zoom call, hobble to the church for a meal and come home dying to get changed to sit.  I know your wrists hurt.  My back affects everything.  All I ever want to do after standing up is sit down.  Going to my garage stash is as intense as a big grocery trip. I keep trying to stay ahead on having meds ready and found a bottle of thyroid ones that need to be split.  I’m so tired of meds that aren’t the right dose.  I have 4 that I have to do.  Someday 3 when I get thru a couple more bottles of the old.  Actually I think back on years ago and this wasn’t as big a deal.  Just sat down once and did them all pretty quickly.  Now this takes several days unless I want to devote a long time sitting and aggravating my back more.  
 

I know it’s a lot you do in a day, and sometimes has to feel like too much now adding in your sister.  I forget what it’s like to be scurrying for time.  I’m just trying to kill it.  I’m glad you have some enjoyable things like a meal and play date for Kodie.  I threw Mel’s ball til she decided it was enough.  The zoom call will be just OK as the gal is very strict on how long she will converse. The church meal is talking to the women I met til they take off for other things.  I’ll just come home to the silence after Mel gets her green beans.  TV in the background and repeat of every night.  As much as my routine keeps me sane it drives me crazy.  I try snd think of things to change it but all I’m doing is rearranging hours of nothing.  While I was out with Mel I remembered I used to have a bread maker and would start that in the afternoon for Steve’s BBQ dinner.  Would toss a salad and we would be talking thru the kitchen window.  It just felt good and normal.  Now it’s what’s the easiest thing I can drag out.  I realized I haven’t checked his car if it needs an oil change.  Wasn’t a big deal til I had to move oxygen tanks.  I know what would help immensely, the back stenosis gone.  Then I start down the road of accomplishing that, if I’m eligible and it gets into rehab and risk.  Nothing is straight forward.  I think some of my leg pain isn’t from that.  So more to do there which bums me out.  I need a reason beyond pain.  A reason to look forward to and they can’t give me that til they slice me open and then it’s too late if the odds look disfavor-able.  Grief and regular old age wasn’t enough?  All docs have told me I’m over a decade ahead needing this stuff.  The book When Bad Things Happen to Good People always springs to mind.

😰

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I stopped by Peggy's on the way home.  Julie was dusting, Polly wasn't doing anything.  Polly vehemently told me NOT TO BRING KODIE TODAY!  She said she couldn't have a hyper dog around or she'd trip over it.  She's never met Kodie, where did she get he is hyper?  He's not!  He does get excited when he first sees someone, but does she not think I know how to control my own dog?  Kind of pisses me off.  So I'll go down there today for a few hours but then I'll leave, telling them I have to go take care of Kodie.  Her loss, he's a sweetheart.

I read When Bad Things Happen to Good People (Kushner), it was written theologically, I understood what he was saying but not sure it was comforting if that makes any sense, it's been a long time since I read it, before losing George.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never read the book, just knew of it and the title always stuck with me.  I just read a summary of it and like what this rabbi has to say.  I was struck by his saying it wasn’t the event that causes the trauma, but the effect of it.  We know that, but how often do we forget reliving those horrible last moments or days?   It does question god, but I always have anyway from my upbringing.  I guess it was just a way to indulge some self pity and really wishing there were an answer as to why I have to have so many med conditions that totally overwhelm me.  That have so changed me like the grief.  When I was purely dealing with the grief that was hard,  but I could do other things, and I did.  The med stuff has cut me off.  Made me more of a prisoner.  Makes every day a struggle.  A dread.  Things I want to do I know will be extremely hard or maybe not possible.  Add on living a schedule that if varied too much creates intense anxiety.  The topper is being alone.  I was adapting to that years ago.  Now I see how we need people in our lives.   Those I had are gone. A very few I connect with occasionally.  It’s bad when a friend in a nursing home has more socialization than you do.  
 

I just checked Steve’s van.  It should have a oil change.  It’s been over a year.   It’s never driven, but I try and keep it up.  Such a hassle to drive now that I have to move so much from my car to his.  Used to just jump in and go.  Now it gets moss on one side from sitting so much.  The back is a mess with the spare from a time I hit a curb and blew out a tire.  Didn’t see any reason to put it back as it was so difficult to get out from under the floor panels.  I was so good at having things in order.  Now it’s all a hassle.  
 

Everything is a hassle.  Guess that is obvious by my daily word salads.  I’m so quiet in real life with no one but docs or other strangers I have to call about problems.  Even losing my ability to chat with people in the world because I can’t stand long or am too anxious.  Off to talk to another doc who will want some tests I’m sure.  Tests I don’t want to do as everything requires walking to them.  Plus, I’m tired of those being my options for once doing fun things.  Maybe just a couple?  I don’t even enjoy eating anymore.  
 

Just talked to my pulmonologist and he’s sending me info on a palliative care doctor to talk about my fears if anything goes wrong and I would have to give up my home.  He also suggested breathing rehab before surgery but understood I’m too overwhelmed with depression to commit.  We talked about if I wasn’t cleared for surgery snd what that would mean. I told him I absolutely would not live in a nursing home and he understood.  He talked about accepting help like wheelchairs to get in  places. Gratefully he said I wasn’t resistant, that this happens to many people facing the many obstacles I do.  It all comes down to quality of life and mine Is pretty nil right now.  All I have is Melody.  If I had to give her up, I’m done with life.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't drive my truck either, costs me a fortune in insurance, I too need to get the oil changed but will wait until just before winter & hope it makes it down there.  It leaks oils so will need to check it first, even though they'll discard it all.  I did put some stuff in the gas to help it's life.  If it got better than 14 mpg I might drive it.  I used to drive it down into Oakridge then switch to my car for the rest of the commute in winter until a cop hassled me because of where I parked it, never had a problem all these years and it was legally parked there but he threatened to tow it and you don't want to get on a bad cop's radar, so I just quit driving it altogether.  You can't fight cops even when they're wrong and illegal.

Gwen, this last paragraph sums it up clearly, I'm glad the pulmonologist understands and seems willing to work with you rather than run rampant over you, I don't appreciate doctors or anyone that does that.

I spent the day working at Peggy's while Kodie was home alone in the house.  Got home & took him to his play date, then came home and heated my dinner and returned phone calls.  Funny, my sister Julie felt overwhelmed, tired before she started.  She ought to try adding on nine years and getting a steady diet of this and throw in my hand injuries/pain/loss of strength.  Oh and living here and getting Peggy full time.  THEN she might understand a glimpse of my world.  Oh and don't forget not having her husband by her side AND his income!   Not saying she lives a charmed life but it's a far cry from my world.
We succeeded in doing some cleaning, and making her closet more livable, it's a dent, a drop in the bucket.  I'm exhausted and my back hurts today, I got all of the heavy lifting/carrying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People like your younger sister have no idea of what they have.  I guess we didn’t either in many ways. It was why we knew to have our partners, whatever income, more years ahead and life revolving around a normal life.  Now it’s all changed and they can’t understand the impact of it.  I’m not trying to justify her complaining, I just get it.  I have that around me in the same and different ways.  No one relates to my circumstance.  They either have nothing to lose or it hasn’t happened yet.  I get disappointed that they can’t be a bit more sympathetic.  At least grant me that validity even if they don’t understand fully.  I feel more a symbol of 'so glad it’s not me' than anything else.  I’ve felt that way since Steve was diagnosed in 2009.  I remember being deluged with stories about how people they knew beat it and shooting back it was too late.  So much anger.  Even Steve let me believe there was a chance for a couple of years tho he knew from the start.  It was after the initial surgery leading to bladder removal that he couldn’t protect me any more. I know that is what he was doing and why he had the 2nd surgery.  If he were alone, he wouldn’t have gone thru that horror.  He got all his buddies to get tested and saved ones life.  It so happened to be the one that abused him so much and only person I truly hate, but Steve was all about hoping he could find the good in someone.  Even after his death this guy found ways to hurt me with his selfishness and ego.  He destroyed Steve’s foundation for prostate cancer without a thought.  He was a cofounder and I doubt he donated the money in the account to the research facility. I’m sure he used it for his own bands expenses.  Ugh, this is why I’m glad I’ve never hated anyone before.  This kind is unforgivable.

Last night was my last virtual grief meeting.  I’m so used to that on Monday nights and will take some adjusting.  There is a full contact list and some want to organize a Facebook set up.  I hate Facebook, so don’t know if I’ll do it.  We are all waiting on The Healing Center to see if the new facilitator may start up another group like we had.  Everyone was pretty sad at the end.  The woman who did it is back east now, has another job and was seeing this thru as she started it.  Will miss her a lot.  But mostly seeing the people I got to know intimately.  Just like people here, but it was nice to actively talk and see the face.  It required having to focus on the loss when maybe we were having a decent day, but I always felt better for it.  
 

Then I shake my head.  Another loss.  They just keep on coming.  I really think some people around me think I must be making these up, there are so many.  I, myself, am baffled as to the amount ramping up so quickly.  Eons ago we’d lose an A&W, for example, and that would be it for years.  Now everywhere I turn something slips away.  Or possibilities of it like after talking to the pulmonologist that if I wasn’t cleared for surgery, I’d have to think about giving up my home life here.  I’d rather die than be relegated to a box somewhere.  It’s hard enough being alone here but I have freedom in my choices.  Surrendering that is deal breaker.  


 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you don't want to deal with the rest of FB, don't...set it up in a different name and just go to the group, ignore your wall/friends/family that try to draw you in.  I have no problem with family/friends on FB, but sometimes the public groups can run amuck.  I feel safer sticking to my diabetic group, any group with a purpose, there's a reason there's moderators, without them they can go wild.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don’t even like going to Facebook.  I understand so little of it.  Don’t have the motivation to figure it out.  I set up my page over a decade ago and it sits.  I don’t know how to get to groups others have set up.  I’m not concerned about anonymity.  There’s nothing there that would compromise anything.  Last messages on my page were from my birthday the year I set it up.  I can go to others pages I 'friended'.  I’ve tried a few times and got bored.  I’m amazed the amount of time people spend there.  It’s all too massive for me.  One of the last things I need is more computer time for that.  Vid games are better time killers for me.  I can see if I had strong ties with people there, but I don’t.  Steve used it only to promote his charity band.  Maybe if I wasn’t so depressed.  I could write the same disinterest about anything at this point.  My biggest wonder of the day is if I can do some grocery shopping as the last time I barely made it.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

FB is like a t.v., it's a tool and whether it's good or bad depends upon how one uses it.  Varies greatly depending on your friends and what groups you go to.  Usually people recommend groups or FB does depending on what pages you view or what you look at.  Trackers everywhere we go, FB is no different!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I get that, I’m just saying I don’t even know how to navigate it and I’ve tried!  Only because there is a widow group there and all I can find is a couple posts and then it disappears into other groups that have nothing to do with it.  Maybe it’s just me.  I find it impossible to get around.  I know I can post to friends pages and look at them.  I guess to for the best.  Most of the people are so relegated to my past now and the couple I do have I mail with privately.  I need the back and forth and reading posts people put up they may respond to, but have usually moved on to something else.  
 

here I know I am talking to people easily.  I got kinda sucked back into Facebook by someone I met.  I shouldn’t slam it, I know it fun for a lot of people and helpful too.  I’m just crabby so I apologize those that use it and it works for them.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you enter a group you stay there on their site unless you leave by clicking on a notification or other way of leaving it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/22/2021 at 6:40 AM, kayc said:

FB is like a t.v., it's a tool and whether it's good or bad depends upon how one uses it.  Varies greatly depending on your friends and what groups you go to. 

Hi all:  I agree with kayc and her definition of FB.  When I opened a FB account back in the year 2000, it was fun to see how friends and family spent their vacations and got to see those I didn't always see, especially a few high school friends many years ago.  But, now, since so many were voicing their political beliefs, I gradually stopped following some.  Now the few left I'm "friends" with, makes me feel so sad to see all of them having a life, it magnifies what I don't have any longer.  I am a member of a macular degeneration group that offers interesting information I'm still learning about this disease.  Also, the little community I live in has an informational site that alerts of activities as well as alerts of break ins, coyote sightings, wandering pets, etc.   I will miss that neighborly feeling once I get moved.

Today, had a "handyman" person come and take care of a few items that the realtor felt should be done in preparation for listing my home.  This emptying of the house is taking much too long in my opinion, I'm feeling like I don't want to do this anymore, but I know I can't give up yet.  My car is loaded with boxes ready to drive out and my son came last night after work and hauled away a load of "stuff" that I will have to find places in my "little" gramma house this weekend.  The tears keep streaming each time I open a cupboard and find more memories.  Even after Bob being gone 6 years, it feels like he just left.  I have to let the tears flow, wipe them away and continue on because I know I can't reverse my decision.  Dee 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Now the few left I'm "friends" with, makes me feel so sad to see all of them having a life, it magnifies what I don't have any longer. 

That is true. No one to do anything with, alone, always alone.  

Dee, I can't imagine.  I know someday I'll likely have to do this, hoping I die first. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You and me both, Kay.  I can’t remember what started this move for you, Dee.  But I know it’s taken a big toll physically and more importantly mentally.  I just can’t imagine doing what you are doing.  Everything here is connected to my old life and used or not, it has its place.  But who knows, I may be overlooking that cutting down on some might help.  Having to change doctors is tough too.  These aren’t the moves of our youth.  When I left NM to be with Steve here, I left behind a lot of stuff for years.  Got most back when we settled, but it was the being together that was forefront.  That was life without roots.  The memories are making those roots.  Severing them is painful.  We tending them so well over the years.  Guarded them.  That we intentionally cut them is so very hard.  I may not be moving, but I’ve had to do that in some areas.  Nothing compared to what you are doing.  He and I never looked passed this home.  It was forever.  So we thought.  Didn’t get to be really old here.  Even during most of his cancer things were hopping around here.  

Marg did this too, tho she said they were rambling people to begin with.  She’s adjusting to being settled.  These roads are all so different.  The commonality is we all lost the most important part.  Our completion that we chose to meld our lives to.  We’re all capable people.  That’s been proven by things we’ve done.  But unlike those that chose not to have a relationship or a deep one, we’ll never be the same.  

I know what you mean watching others and being reminded, Dee.  Happens every single day now.  I even wonder what it’s like to have someone to talk to on the phone when I watch people walking by and doing that.  Hear bits of their conversation.  Connected. Laughing.  Saying I’m almost there.  Never being far from those they share their life with.  

My buddy is coming this afternoon, but it’s not for long and always weeks in between.  So it’s not a part of my life consistently.  I’m glad you will at least be by your son.  But I know this isn’t in any way easy.  
 

Hugs to you, Dee.  ❤️
 


 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, kayc said:

Dee, I can't imagine.  I know someday I'll likely have to do this, hoping I die first. 

kayc:  I hope you will not have to ever move from your home that you love so much.  I wished I didn't have to make this move, but the reality is the worry and expense of maintaining my home does not make sense.  I have a few more years on you and am dealing with vision problems and bones that hurt in the winter months .......plus my son was worried about me being so far away, etc.    Making the decision to do this move right at the covid shutdown didn't help either.  I'm stubborn enough, I will get this done in spite of myself. LOL.

 

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

You and me both, Kay.  I can’t remember what started this move for you, Dee.  But I know it’s taken a big toll physically and more importantly mentally.  I just can’t imagine doing what you are doing.  Everything here is connected to my old life and used or not, it has its place.  But who knows, I may be overlooking that cutting down on some might help.  Having to change doctors is tough too.

Gwen:  As stated above from kayc's statement, is what started this plan.  Another motivation was not wanting to leave 51 years of stuff for my kids to have to sort through......it just began to feel like it was time to take my memories of my dear husband and move to a more manageable home.   My grand kids are growing up and I need to try to spend some time with them before I become that cranky old woman.  Their generation already has Gramma asking, "what, who, what do you mean, explain that to Gramma, please." 

Like walking our grief pathway, we each have to walk it in our own way.  I hope you won't ever have to leave your home that Steve and you shared since it gives you peace and comfort.

When Bob and I moved into our last home in 1997, we both laughing agreed that moving was not fun and that the next move would be with only our toothbrush as we moved into a nursing home together.  Well, that plan didn't work as we planned.   Dee

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Having to change doctors is tough too.

I did that this year, insurance too, it was way more work than I'd imagined!  I spent about a month at this, full time, unbelievable!

It also meant change of pharmacies.

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

My buddy is coming this afternoon, but it’s not for long and always weeks in between.

I'm glad you get to see him even if only for a bit.  I got to talk to my son on the phone for an hour the other night, it was an extremely rare treat, hadn't done that since Covid hit.  Yesterday I got the laugh of my life...I'd told him I'd lost so much strength that I couldn't plunge my toilet.  He laughed and said, "And that's not something you want to ask of your neighbors!" :D  Yesterday I got a new plunger in the mail....accordian style, easy...I didn't wonder where it came from. ;)  Small interactions like this make our day, more than they could realize.

Dee, I just think you're one strong cookie!  And I understand vision problems, my eyes are complicated...STILL waiting on my glasses that I ordered June 18, the lab keeps screwing them up.  I was NOT happy the third time!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...